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Sex Amma: Experimenting and Shedding Inhibitions

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Ques. Dear Amma, my boyfriend is very keen on experimenting while ‘doing it’! He has been involved in physical relationships before me, however he is my first time. And because of this reason, I’m very apprehensive about experimenting. Is it worthwhile?  Should I shed my inhibitions and go ahead with it?

Ans. My little, little, oblivious idli! Trust Amma on this, experimentation is beautiful (and not to mention, fun)! Amma has been a particular fan of experimenting while, what you like to call, ‘doing it’. That been said, it’s okay if you are apprehensive about the idea. It’s okay to be not as keen as him about spicing it up. And if you are sure that you don’t want to go ahead with it, don’t. Meanwhile, it’s also important to tell your partner about what you’re comfortable and uncomfortable with.

As for your question about it being worthwhile, well, Amma can swear on her favourite Rava Idli that it definitely is worthwhile. It is worth shedding all your inhibitions and letting your wind blow (yes, quite literally!) Not only does it spice up your relationship, it adds to the connection and trust you both share. As you mentioned, your partner is more experienced than you, so trust him with this. You will not want to look back at the conventional ‘mission’ ever again!

Read up a little, research more, talk. Share your fetishes, what you’d want in bed. Communication is the key. And be sure about making complete peace with the idea. Make sure you’re comfortable with what you’re getting into; it can be a not-so-pleasant experience otherwise. And if things work out (which they will, if you do it right!) you can go further in exploring what you both enjoy. Just like a little more spice makes Rasam a delight, a little role-play will of course make it a treat!

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Sex Amma: Joys of personal pleasure and guilt

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Q. Amma, I have recently discovered the joys of personal pleasuring and some visual aid. It feels wonderful but the guilt or the inhibition doesn’t go away. I’ve been reading and talking to people and experimenting about the idea but the awkwardness seems to get the better of me. 

Will I ever stop judging myself? How do I? Please help!

My self-doubting little macchi, you simply need to understand that this is completely normal. Amma understands where this awkwardness stems from: it’s only because masturbating Inflatable water slide is considered a taboo in this country. But understand, that it’s as natural a phenomenon as breathing (yes, Amma doesn’t exaggerate when it comes to sex!) If you feel good, then you shouldn’t question your choice of doing it.

Your guilt, or inhibition, shall go away only when you remove the idea of masturbation being something ‘unnatural’ from your mind. All you little dosas and idlis like to experiment with things, use the ‘visual aid’, as you term it, to fuel your imagination. This is just a part of exploring your sexuality and gaining confidence about the same.

Here’s a tiny tip: Don’t listen to what the world says about masturbation. It’s not unnatural and it’s always healthy to talk about it. Don’t let awkwardness shy you away. And just on a side-note, know that almost everyone does it! What’s the harm in a pinch of salt if it adds taste to your meal, after all?

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Sex Amma: I am overweight and insecure

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Ques: Amma, I am a really fat/overweight girl, and I am expectedly insecure about it. I met this guy on Facebook and we have become close. He doesn’t mind my weight and he still wants to go out with me and wishes to get into a physical relationship too. I don’t mind the latter but I don’t want to be romantic with him. What do I do?

Ans: Aiyyo, my dear idli; first things first. If you’re slightly on the healthier side, it’s nothing you should be insecure Mechanical bull for sale about. Having a confident opinion about your body structure is the most important for a healthy body image. And between you and me, everyone is fond of fluffier idlis (if you know what I mean)!

As for your concerns, Amma is glad that you are aware of what you want. But as good as this is, it is important that you make it clear to him as well that you would not like to get carried away in romance. Because if it isn’t, eventually things between you may become unpleasant just like a bad meal when the chutney doesn’t go well with the dosa! It’s very important that both of you are on the same page so that no one has higher expectations and lands up getting hurt eventually.

With this, it’s also important that you get to know this person in reality. Virtual connections do not always turn out to be a happy affair. And if it works out fine for you, well then, go ahead with the business you want to invest in! And Amma recommends you to share what you both like and spice it up! Rest assured, the experience shall be better than the best rasam you’ve ever tried in your life!

Have a question for Sex Amma? Mail her at [email protected]!

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Sex Amma: He likes to do it on the floor!

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Q. He likes to do it on the floor when we are together, but I prefer the bed. How can we resolve this?

A. Aiyoo! You naughty idlis remind Amma of her maiden days when the floor of the paddy fields used to be her mattress. But that is a story for another time *winks*

There is nothing wrong with having different preferences when it comes to the art of dosa making. Your boyfriend might have dissimilar tastes than yours, but there is no harm in indulging him once in a while. You never know when you start enjoying it on the floor too. It is normal to try to introduce some spice into your otherwise plain dosa batter, it might jazz things up a little and might end up enjoying yourself.

Finally my puttu, don’t be afraid to try out something new. But if you are not comfortable then talk to your boyfriend and let him know. You idlis can try out something else where both of you are comfortable. Lastly, don’t think too much and just have fun my naughty idlis!

 

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Sex Amma: Is something wrong with either of us?

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Q. My girlfriend and I do it regularly but she has not been able to orgasm yet. What can we do to make her orgasm? Is there something wrong either of us?

A. My steamed little pattu, your question is not uncommon. In fact, it is one of the most pressing problems for almost all idlis who like to get down and dirty.

In Amma’s experience a majority of vadas can’t orgasm without some added spice! So no, it does not mean that something is wrong with either of you. Instead, your lady might be a stressed or feeling a bit anxious (or perhaps ticked off?). Even if this is not the case, getting dirtier and spicier with your dosa making might help your cause. Make sure she is aroused, tease her and make her want you more, try to be kinkier, perhaps using a blindfold and hand ties might accentuate her feelings.

Most vadas can’t climax just by simply doing the deed, they need more and they need variety. So little idli, jazz up your dosa making and don’t be afraid to be a little imaginative, put your freak on from time to time.

Be sure to make your lady happy in your bed, and she will reward you with her own secret moves too!

 

To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. We respect your confidentiality as much as you do.

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Sex Amma: Can exams get in the way of intimacy?

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Q. Dear Amma I have been seeing this guy for a few months now, but due to exams our dates have reduced. I am afraid that due to spending less time together he might end up losing interest in me. How can I prevent that?

A. Aiyyo my troubled idli! Do not let your inner insecurity lead you astray.

Foremost, there is no guarantee that you might suffer a dry phase in your relationship due to exams and reduced date time. So little idli shun away your inhibitions and let technology come to your rescue. Sexting can keep the fire burning even if you can’t meet that often. Secondly, with exams just a fortnight away it is imperative for you to focus on completing your syllabus and urge him to do the same or atleast reach an understanding that this is just a phase and will last for a few weeks!

The trick is to strike a balance, without letting your focus slip you can manage to maintain a healthy relationship. But it is also important for you to understand this little idli; exams do require a little sacrifice and that it never goes in vain. Do not fret, reduced dates will not harm your relationship especially due to exams, Amma suggests you pull out the big guns and go all in for your exam prep because the time nigh!

Amma wishes all her hardworking macchis best of luck for exams!

To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. We respect your confidentiality as much as you do.

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Sex Amma: Does end of college mean end of relationship?

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Q. Dear Amma, my boyfriend and I have been going out for over a year now and things have been great. But being in my final year, I’m planning to leave the city soon and I am not interested in a long distance relationship. Though there is still 6 month’s time before I go, I am faced with the dilemma of leaving him now. What should I do?

My over boiled idli, take a deep relaxing breath and calm yourself. Such matters of heart cannot be mulled over in haste!

Amma always advices young macchis, such as you, caution in matters of the heart. Lovely macchi, the solution to your problem can’t come from anywhere else but your own heart. You need to think with a calm mind about what you want in your life, and no matter the decision you make, you should always be prepared to face the consequences.

If it is in your heart to leave, then you do not have any obligation to stay. But if after reflection, you think that this is not the right time and you don’t want to spend time apart till the time you have to ultimately leave, then you have Amma’s blessing.

Ultimately, it needs to be your decision and you need to think it through. Don’t take a lot of pressure and just follow your heart.

 

To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. We respect your confidentiality as much as you do.

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Sex Amma: Does smoking affect sexual drive?

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Q. Amma I have been a regular smoker since my first year in college, smoking almost a pack everyday! Recently (a month or two) I have noticed a reduction in my sex drive and also encountering problems while self pleasuring. Can these two be related? Please help!

A. Dear troubled macchi, in Amma’s experience smoking can cause problems some times as severe as Erectile Dysfunction.

But my macchi, do not panic. It is possible that this is just temporary or simply a hormonal phase. Smoking can sometimes adversely affect the blood circulatory system, which is imperative for sexual pleasure and hence lead to a reduction in sexual activities. What many people do not understand is that having a healthy sex life also means having a healthy heart.

If you think that you are having trouble with yourself and it’s due to smoking then it is advisable to kick the habit and lead a healthier life style. Smoking of course is a personal choice, but Amma would like to caution you about the ill-effects of addiction.commercial obstacle course

Finally, little idli, it is strongly advisable to consult a specialist right away, even though it might not be serious, it is always better to be safe than sorry!

To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. We respect your confidentiality as much as you do.

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Sex Amma: Amma, my long distance relationship is losing spice!

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Q. Dear Amma, I am in a long distance relationship with the man of my dreams, both of us really want to work it out but unfortunately, being unable to meet is causing a lot of troubles. We have a very strong emotional bond, but it can’t make up for the physical longing. What do we do?

 

A. Aiyo, my little machhi, what a predicament you’re in! Amma has always practiced the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ method when it comes to making sure her rasam remains stirring with a variety of spices. But I am also well aware that in the matters of true love, distance can only make the heart grow fonder and the dosa more eager to be dipped in delicious chutney.
Perseverance and creativity are the key elements to making an LDR work. Don’t be afraid of letting late night conversations steam your idli batter or giving him a digital taste of you. When Amma was young, exchanging spicy letters would take so long that our batters would go sour, but you young ones have all the technology at your disposal to rumble a royal rasam from miles apart. You can start by exchanging naughty messages and end with a simulating Skype conversation. Time spent apart can work as a wonderful foreplay to when you finally meet.
Be careful, though! Like in real life, online sexy time requires caution and protection too. Even if you completely trust each other, trolls on the interwebs have no respect for the privacy of young macchhis minding their own business. At the end of the day, you are in complete control of your own body and can take legal action against anyone using it without your permission. Remember, you have nothing to be ashamed of, your body and your sexuality are beautifully complementary and completely natural!

 

Ask Amma your queries at [email protected]!

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Sex Amma: I feel horrible about what my boyfriend said

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Dear Amma,

My boyfriend frequently asked me if he could taste me down there. I was apprehensive at first, but few days back things got heated up and I let him. His reaction was horrible and he said it was too soon. I was torn to bits; I feel horrible about what he said. I have a lot of health problems and he knows about all of them and I feel he should have been a little sensitive towards the situation. Should I stop blaming myself? Please help.

My troubled macchi, yes you should STOP blaming yourself.

For any person to open up to another in an intimate situation and to expose themselves for the first time is a sensitive moment. To reveal you inhibition to someone else is a brave task and should be treated with respect and understanding. Amma can empathize with your feeling of being torn after not getting the right response from your partner.

However macchi, Amma has had many encounters with people who do not know the intricacies of dosa making, and she can say from experience that often the “nice guys” can disrespect you in the most unlikely of moments. They are not aware of the fact that they are being insensitive to our feelings and say things out of impulse. Amma can understand that an attempt towards a conversation revolving around the issue at hand can lead to many embarrassing outcomes; but little idli, like Amma takes risks with spices in her chutneys, you need to take a risk here too. You need to communicate with him and soon! Since this matter is troubling your heart greatly and soon will start to affect your relationship, it is imperative that you talk to him and clearly express that you think he is being insensitive.

Dear macchi, if you care about him enough to make this work, then you need to be completely honest with him. Also if, at any time, you feel that it is not worth the effort and you are not getting the respect you deserve, then Amma suggests you walk away before the batter turns bitter. Communication is the key, but it is not worth the effort if you and your partner are not on the same page as each other.

 

To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. We respect your confidentiality as much as you do.

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