Dear Amma,

My boyfriend frequently asked me if he could taste me down there. I was apprehensive at first, but few days back things got heated up and I let him. His reaction was horrible and he said it was too soon. I was torn to bits; I feel horrible about what he said. I have a lot of health problems and he knows about all of them and I feel he should have been a little sensitive towards the situation. Should I stop blaming myself? Please help.

My troubled macchi, yes you should STOP blaming yourself.

For any person to open up to another in an intimate situation and to expose themselves for the first time is a sensitive moment. To reveal you inhibition to someone else is a brave task and should be treated with respect and understanding. Amma can empathize with your feeling of being torn after not getting the right response from your partner.

However macchi, Amma has had many encounters with people who do not know the intricacies of dosa making, and she can say from experience that often the “nice guys” can disrespect you in the most unlikely of moments. They are not aware of the fact that they are being insensitive to our feelings and say things out of impulse. Amma can understand that an attempt towards a conversation revolving around the issue at hand can lead to many embarrassing outcomes; but little idli, like Amma takes risks with spices in her chutneys, you need to take a risk here too. You need to communicate with him and soon! Since this matter is troubling your heart greatly and soon will start to affect your relationship, it is imperative that you talk to him and clearly express that you think he is being insensitive.

Dear macchi, if you care about him enough to make this work, then you need to be completely honest with him. Also if, at any time, you feel that it is not worth the effort and you are not getting the respect you deserve, then Amma suggests you walk away before the batter turns bitter. Communication is the key, but it is not worth the effort if you and your partner are not on the same page as each other.

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Dear Sex Amma!

I met my best friend’s boyfriend at a party and we seemed to hit it off. One thing led to another and we did it that night. It was amazing and both of us agreed that it was the best we ever had. We have this incredible chemistry in bed, what do I do?

Ohh my sweet machhi! Your question has truly upset Amma. The only two things Amma always advises against are breaking someone’s heart and letting go of a dosa that fully satiates your idli.

It is great for you to meet someone you really connect and have a blazing chemistry with. But you have to realise that what you have done is essentially wrong on your part for your best friend. Cheating is one ingredient that turns the whole mixture bad. This also means that the boyfriend has wronged your friend, proving his infidelity. Macchi, always remember, good friends are scarce in life and a ruined friendship is always almost irredeemable. This is why Amma advises you to come clean to your friend and tell her the truth, even if it breaks her heart.

It’s okay to get involved and have fun with someone, but it’s wrong when that someone is already with another person. Please tell your friend the truth and talk to her boyfriend as well. Decide what both of you want, whether it was just a fun night or you both want to continue seeing each other. It will get awkward, but it’s a necessary task to clean up the mess that has been created.

Finally little machhi, it’s a valuable lesson learnt. Don’t ever push away your friends or ruin friendships over boys, because lovers might be fleeting but friends are for life!