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Sex Amma on NEP and College Romance

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Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating, and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

Question: NEP has made it tough to juggle academic responsibilities and romantic needs. Is college romance
dead?

My dear kanna,

Amma remembers a time when college meant cutting chai, stolen glances in the library, and bunking lectures for “group projects” that had only two members, you and your crush. But now? Under this shiny new National Education Policy (NEP), you children look more like overworked interns in an unpaid startup called “Higher Education Pvt Ltd” than carefree students! Even your romance now needs a timetable slot!

But don’t give up, my dear. Amma wants you to know that college love is not a flower that wilts when things get hard. It’s an idli that was made in a pressure cooker. It’s strong, warm, and ready to surprise you at any moment. Yes, romance is now hiding in the quick texts sent between classes, the secret five-minute chai meetings, and the late-night Spotify playlists!

Pyaar doesn’t disappear—it just adapts. Maybe your “dates” are now shared study sessions, your “I miss yous” replaced with “Have you uploaded the file?” That’s fine. In this academic jungle, affection survives in small acts like sharing notes, saving a library seat and reminding someone to eat lunch before their AEC lecture.

Amma knows that not everyone is lucky in this NEP-era romance. Some of you are so exhausted by deadlines that you forget to reply even to a simple “wyd?” text. Some think relationships are distractions, something to “fit in later”. But kanna, don’t turn your heart into a waiting room. Love isn’t the enemy of ambition; it’s the fuel that keeps you human amidst the chaos. You need to plan ahead, pay more attention to the quality of your time than the quantity, and value emotional check-ins more than big gestures.

Don’t give in to the hustle culture; your feelings are not an optional elective. Education can train your mind, but love keeps you human. Balancing both is the real skill enhancement. Sometimes, going through hard times together can bring you even closer together. 

So, to my dear jalebis, juggling between books and hearts, remember: college romance isn’t gone. It’s changed, grown sneakier and smarter. It’s tougher to navigate, yes, but who said love was supposed to be easy? It’s tough, unpredictable, and sometimes messy—just like those chaotic exam days. Now listen carefully, my dear NEP warriors. For your overworked, unromantic hearts, Amma has some pearls of wisdom: First, schedule your tenderness, beta! You make elaborate Excel sheets for assignments, but not even one slot for your dil? Arre, fifteen minutes of chai and chitchat won’t destroy your CGPA.

Next, Amma says that you should respect other people’s boundaries and consent. Just because you’re doing “multidisciplinary studies” doesn’t mean you experiment without permission! Ask, listen, and respect. And finally, stop grading love like it’s an internal assessment. Not every emotion needs validation. Sometimes love just is messy, chaotic, and gloriously unproductive. Life isn’t a CGPA; it’s more like a viva—spontaneous, nerve-wracking, but occasionally full of surprise compliments.

Even in this NEP maze, where deadlines come up faster than DU pigeons, love still finds a place to sit under a tree or a smile in the seminar hall. And who knows? Maybe in the middle of a crowded fest, while chasing that extra credit, you’ll bump into someone whose timetable magically matches yours. Remember: while the policy keeps changing your syllabus, Amma’s curriculum stays the same— thoda pyaar, thoda laughter, aur ek garam cup chai. Now go, finish that assignment and text that cutie from your minor subject. Both deadlines matter.

 

Want to ask Amma a query? Mail it to [email protected] 

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Sex Amma on Voting Apathy

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Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating, and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

My partner does not vote. They think it makes no difference. Should I be okay with this?

 

My dear Chikki, 

 

It is not just your partner—many people still believe that their vote makes no difference. This voter apathy, more common in the urban and educated sections of society, hurts democracy. Beta, while I do understand why many, like your partner, choose to abstain from voting, it is necessary for them to realise that voting is not just a fundamental right enshrined within the Constitution, but also a civic duty.

 

Look beta, voters often hold a cynical view of the political parties and the candidates, and are disillusioned with the electoral processes and the choices available to them. Adding to this is a general indifference to politics, and the “I don’t think I know enough about politics to vote—waise bhi mere ek vote se kya hi farq padega!” wala outlook. Feeling this way towards elections and voting is not totally wrong—citizens have often been let down by the lack of accountability, corruption, the lack of public infrastructure, rising economic inequality, failures in law and order, political polarisation, and much more. Why would anyone want to vote when almost always nothing changes? Mehengayi, berozgaari aur pradushan—kabhi koi sudhaar aaya?

 

Despite this, one must vote. While that ek vote may seem insignificant, it is emblematic of the power vested in the hands of a common citizen to shape the government, society and the trajectory of public policy. The constitutional right to vote must not be taken for granted. Ideally, this right is what gives democracy its legitimacy and reflects the collective will of its citizens. While many may argue that the system is a “flawed democracy”, it is still a democracy. When a large number of voters abstain, the democratic institutions weaken and become more vulnerable to manipulation. Not voting not only signifies disengagement from civic life and politics, but also undermines the spirit of “rule by, of and for the people”.

Not voting is actually equivalent to voting for the status quo. It attenuates the voices calling for change, reinforcing the already-established interests and allowing the dominant voices to continue unchallenged. When more and more people opt out, it conveys that there is no demand for reform. Consequently, the result of the election is decided by a smaller and often homogeneous group of voters who favour the incumbent leaders and their governance. This further marginalises the already marginalised—intensifying systemic inequalities. Thus, voting is not for the benefit of the individual, but for the greater good of the society—especially those who are directly affected by the satta. You know what, Chikki? It is actually ironic how some citizens who do not participate in the voting process and choose to opt out, despite having the right and means to do so, often complain about how inefficient the government is and lament the lack of development. Funnily enough, these are often the educated, politically and socially informed youth. Therefore, abstaining becomes a loss of voice, a loss of representation.

Coming back to your question of whether or not you should be okay with your partner choosing not to vote, Chikki, I’d say that this question is more about whether this difference clashes with your core values. I said it earlier and I’ll say it again—voting is not just a right but a duty. One’s views on politics are much more than their views on parties and the candidates who represent them. When a person votes, they vote for an ideology, for principles and for the kind of future they envision for themselves and others—all of which is also tied to their morality. While political opinion says a lot about them as human beings, choosing to entirely opt out shows their lack of concern not just for the country but also for fellow human beings. Dear Chikki, these shared values matter in a relationship. If voting is essential for you (as it should be), it is worth discussing.

Want to ask Amma a query? Mail it to [email protected]

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Sex Amma on Morality and Difference in Values

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Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating, and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

My partner does not care about global politics and conflicts. They believe thinking and caring are a luxury. How should I cope with this?

 

My dear Idli,

 

Understandably, you wish your partner cared about things that you care about. I see why they feel that caring about politics is a luxury—being able to actively think and debate about politics requires not just a level of education and access to information, but also stability in one’s basic needs. Many believe it doesn’t matter anyway, and that worrying about issues beyond their control is a wild goose chase, since they cannot change the circumstances in the world around them. Today, politics has become so polarised that these debates often only dissolve into empty rhetoric, personal attacks and acrimony between individuals. This lack of tolerance of opposing views is what makes these discussions seem futile, making people turn away and focus instead on more important things in their life, like family, friends and career, or just keeping themselves happy, and enjoying life. Well, added to this is a sense of disillusionment, that no matter who the sattadhaari is, their promises will always flop.

 

But my dear appam, what you must also know is that the opposite is quite true as well—truer still. Not caring about politics and conflicts around the world is itself a luxury. For many, politics is not a choice; it governs their lives, their rights, their well-being or even something as fundamental as their rights over their own bodies. We can choose to ignore the suffering of others, because of our privileged position in the society, where issues of poverty, sexism, casteism, climate change and other injustices don’t directly affect us; where we are not at the receiving end of oppression and marginalisation. In reality, everything is political—from the food you eat to the clothes you wear and to the media that you consume. So, one cannot be truly detached from politics, only blissfully oblivious. Political apathy is also dangerous. When you deliberately opt out of politics, let’s say, by choosing not to vote because you believe that your single vote does not matter at the end of the day, even while acknowledging that the system is flawed, you are actually turning your back on vulnerable groups, thereby reinforcing the status quo and pushing them towards a position of even greater disadvantage. Why let your voice go to waste when democracy and your position in society have given you both the right and privilege to speak and to create a more just, equitable and kind future? And Chikki, once you start paying attention, there’s no going back—your partner, too, would eventually realise that.

 

See, politics is important—even in a romantic relationship. A person’s political stance reveals a lot about them as a human being. Simply put, it is a mirror of their values, which will ultimately shape how they treat you in the relationship as well. Therefore, in my opinion, it is essential that you agree upon certain non-negotiable values. You cannot force your partner to think exactly like you or hold the same views as you, so respect differences. Communicate openly, give each other space and agree to disagree. However, you cannot agree to disagree on the non-negotiables—your core values. Protecting your peace and preserving your relationship should not come at the cost of giving up your values, for that will eventually only breed rancour between the two of you. Instead, hold on to what has shaped your identity, guided your decisions, and given your life meaning over these years. Staying true to these values will not only strengthen you, but also your relationship by bringing honesty and creating a space for deeper respect and understanding between the two of you.

 

Want to ask Amma a query? Mail it to [email protected]

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Sex Amma on Feeling or Not Feeling

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Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

Question: Amma, I haven’t caught feelings for anyone romantically in my life. Am I a bad person for not feeling love? Does it stem from my own incapability to love people?

My Dearest Idli,

Ah, Amma sees your conundrum, I remember my youthful days all too well. Our favourite Bollywood RomComs have successfully played with all our minds. Let me tell you that they all lie to you kanna.

There is no one way to live the “ideal life.” It does not necessarily come with a romantic paper. You are exploring your identity, and that is a beautiful thing. Gender, love, and identity exist on a vast spectrum-there is no single path to follow.

You may be aromantic or asexual, or maybe the person meant to be your vada just hasn’t arrived yet. There is no need to place yourself in a box. So no, you are not incapable of love. You’re simply learning to name the kind of love you carry.

Your heart may bloom differently. Maybe with friendship. Maybe with creative fire. Maybe with solitude. All are worthy. All are real.

My dearest idli, never ever undermine yourself – take some time, kanna, to sit with yourself, to reflect, to just be. The right things will come along, and you shall be okay. Sending you all the love and payasam, hoping to see you soon.

 

Love,

Amma. 

 

Want to ask Amma a query? Mail it to [email protected].

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Sex Amma on Loving a Friend

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Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

Question: Amma, I seem to have caught feelings for my best friend, however it appears to be largely platonic from their end, how do I proceed with it?

My Dearest Baccha,
Ah, Amma sees the tempest in your soul, not every dynamic fulfils the stereotypical bollywood formula of pyaar dosti hai, however worry not, for every twist has a way to untangle.

As of right now, Kanna, you stand at a crossroad of emotional resolve, any path that you choose to walk upon yields an uncertainty.

One path leads to divulging the knots of your heart, while the other has you hoping that your fervors will eventually find a way to move on.

However before you choose the route, steadfast over the inklings, like making the perfect Pongal, you just need a right balance of mind and heart.

My doting loli, in this web of perplexity, remember to prioritize your own mental and physical health over all the questions badgering you.

Here’s the sunny side up to the situation; with the wisdom and maturity I know my Kanna has, matter what happens, you’ll still have a friend at the end of it all.

In the weighing scale of platonic and romantic, it’s care and love that outweighs it all. Sending you all the pyaar and payasam, hoping to see you soon.

Love,

Amma. 

 

Want to ask Amma a query? Mail it to [email protected].

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Sex Amma on Emotional (Un)availability

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Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

 

Question: I am physically attracted to someone but he is emotionally attached. What to do?

My dearest Kanna,

Isn’t this the ultimate conundrum of life? You fall for people who aren’t even available to fall for you. And no, it isn’t your fault. As they say, “pyaar soch samajh kar nhi kiya jaata… bas ho jata h.” The silver lining to your misery? That it is only physical attraction. Trust amma, you don’t want to find yourself in the raita that is love.

Well, amma also has her teaching moments. You know how they say “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,” right? Well, that’s true kanna, but if their beauty is the only thing that has you attracted to them, it can’t go further than your regular short-term fling (obviously with a side of emotional baggage that you would be left with).

Imagine this person and take away their sundarta and all that physical beauty that has you attracted to them. What are you left with? Just an emotionally unavailable person, my dearest. Even if you could have them, they can’t give you the love that you deserve. And let me tell you dhono, you deserve so much more love than this world can even hold.

So if you listen to your amma, don’t wait around for them. They are pining over someone else and you deserve to not pine over them. Regardless of what you are looking for—a short winter fling, a one-night stand, or just someone to share a cup of chai with in this dilli ki sardi, this person is probably not going to be that for you anytime soon.

Go on out and download those dating apps, or talk to new people if you want that old romance, but don’t wait around for a story that might not even happen. Put yourself out there, be clear about what you want, communicate, and find someone who wants you in the same way that you want them. And kutty, save yourself from the raita just waiting to be spilled.

 

Love, 

Amma. 

 

Want to ask Amma a query? Mail it to [email protected].

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Sex Amma on Labelling Your Sexuality

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Amma, it has been sometime since I began questioning my sexuality. Despite being open to non-heterosexual relationships, I do not feel comfortable attaching a label to myself. What do I do about it?

Oh, my dear Idli! Your Amma understands the dilemma you are in. We are all brought up in such a heteronormative and monogamous society that most of us are conditioned to think about our sexuality in a certain way. When we get out of institutions such as schools (yes, darling, school was not too fond of your Amma’s thoughts and questions either), we tend to feel more free and liberated, and people tend to feel comfortable exploring their sexuality.

Labels may be empowering for some people, but of course they do not work for everybody. We are all humans, naa? We are all different. We cannot always fit into boxes and categories. I know that the labels available to define sexuality are very accommodating and fluid. But the very act of choosing a label for yourself and having to stick to it may be very disconcerting for many. Sexualities are not static. Your understanding of your sexuality can change over time, and claiming a label should not have to be a lifelong commitment.

Your sexual orientation is indeed a part of your identity. But your identity does not need to be defined. University spaces tend to be free, yet they are not entirely devoid of queerphobia. Labelling yourself is a brave act. Choosing not to label yourself is brave as well. None the less, labelling is a choice, my dear. There is no one way to be queer. I once had a child of about your age tell me, “Being queer is just choosing to go beyond the norm”. You may be conscious of it and want to find a label that best describes you in order to associate yourself with a community of people. Or you may want to not call yourself anything and still consciously associate yourself with a community.

Amma needs you to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Think about what you like and are comfortable with. I hope you prioritise yourself. I am happy that my dear idli came to me to express their concern. Asking for help is brave, darling. Amma is always one question away from you!

Sex Amma 

[email protected] 

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Sex Amma on Starting Conversations

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Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

 

Question: How to start a conversation with a random girl you like?

My dearest,

“Man is by nature a social animal,” said some great man (pardon my memory with names kanna) but I believe they forgot to package us with an instruction manual on how to actually be social. I see you kids tick-ticking on those phones of yours while you sit in the same rooms and at the same tables. I see you not talking and then crying over how you have no one to talk to. But that isn’t it, is it? Back when I was young, then also these people had no idea how to approach someone. Well, what are you to expect from a generation whose movies tabooed even kissing (oh, those poor violated flowers).

But you young kids of the new generation have it so much better. Things are so much more open and talked about now. So frankly, the only thing I can tell you is that the only way to have a conversation is to just have one. Although kutty, don’t be one of those creeps who just won’t take a no for an answer or leave. When you do approach someone, remember the three Rs: Respect, Realize, and Retreat (if required)— respect their space, their time, and most importantly, their response; realize if the conversation is not going in the direction you wanted it to or if you’re making them uncomfortable; and please, please don’t come off as a hyperactive serial killer but just retreat if they don’t seem okay with the conversation. 

I know these Bollywood movies taught you uski na mein bhi haan hai but trust me when I say that’s not the case. Everyone appreciates a compliment. Everyone appreciates respect. Lead with that. Know your limits and theirs. Don’t do anything amma won’t approve of. I know it takes a lot of guts to talk to your one true love (of the moment) but you don’t want to leave them emotionally scarred for life. 

So live, laugh, love, do whatever you want, but just don’t do it at the expense of others. Remember kanna, life is short but you aren’t going to find the love of your life by being chep.

Love, 

Amma. 

 

Want to ask Amma a query? Mail it to [email protected].

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Sex Amma on Friendships and Toxic “Love”

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Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

 

Question: My best friend is getting into a very toxic relationship and somehow she can’t see it. Do I make peace with it or should I go beyond my way to stop her, because it is affecting our friendship?

My dearest idli,

Maturity comes both with age and experience, but in relationships there is no real expertise and you might make new mistakes every time. For starters, give your bestie, a suitable space to have her own opinions. There is no problem between two friends that cannot be solved without talking, so have a serious chit-chat session over chai or hot chocolate. Be open towards hearing her opinion and also try to understand her stance as to why this relationship is so important to her. Instead of focusing on your perspective of the relationship, try to see how she perceives it.

Your Amma would always tell you to let out the feelings. Keeping things bottled up would only make you feel nauseous and uncomfortable. So, try to confront her about your feelings and understand her point of view. I know, it is often difficult to directly express your feelings, but believe me kanna, it’s the best solution to get out of any mess. There is no mess that can’t be cleared with a heartfelt conversation along with good food and coke. Don’t make the same mistake as me of creating an ego wall and acting all cool with a no-fucks-given attitude. Take my word, it only makes things worse.

If even after this serious conversation, she can’t see the “toxic” side, it is for you to understand, my dear macchi, that you can’t take over the decisions of her life. It is ultimately on her to understand the dynamics of her relationship. You can simply be there for her. But being there is very different from being a “nosy” friend. I know, my kutty, that you are worried about her but we can’t impose our opinions on others. I think this is the best thing I have learnt from Gen Z, the concept of giving space, to realise and to learn. So don’t stress yourself out, you won’t lose your friend with your words. Trust the process and trust your friend (even if that means trusting things you don’t approve of).

Love,

Amma. 

 

Want to ask Amma a query? Mail it to [email protected].

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Sex Amma: Busting Top Sex Myths

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Hello readers! Amma has been noticing that you are resorting to unsolicited sex advice from the books you read, shows you watch and your friends sharing their one night stand horror stories. You do know that regardless of your sexual experience, only awareness and knowledge will allow you to take control and feel empowered, right? My dear machhas and machhis, allow Amma to help you sail your boat. 

The first-time 

If you feel that your first time is going to be painful and hurt like hell especially my little idlis, you need to calm down and stop overthinking. The right amount of foreplay can lessen the potential pain. Relax, communicate and use lots of lube for a good time.

Also Amma believes that your first-time can be just a taster and take the awkwardness out, so you know what you’re doing when the right one comes along. After all you need to try the different mirchis to find what suits you best. While there’s nothing wrong with waiting for the right spice, if you want to have sex with someone you’re not head over heels for, it’s perfectly fine. Just always remember that consent is the key to your uttapam’s heart.

Pleasure beyond penetration

Amma feels penetration is overrated, mainly because it doesn’t include the experiences of my gay and queer chutneys. Oral sex, erotic massage, sexting, hand jobs, mutual masturbation, petting and tribbing are a few non-penetrative options for you and your uttapam to consider. Amma advocates that you define your own pleasure.

Oral Sex

While one cannot get pregnant from oral sex, diseases like herpes, HPV, syphilis, HIV and gonorrhea can be commonly acquired via mouth. Because it’s easier to prevent the sambhar from spilling than to clean it later, Amma advises you all to use condoms even while indulging in oral sex. For all the unaware dosas and vadas, condoms are flavored for this very reason. 

Like the movies

Sex in movies is actually opposite of what might happen in real life. Get it straight – no one rolls around the bed with such grace and smoothness. Those scenes are staged and hopefully yours aren’t. Amma loves playing through moaning and foreplay, you should try it too! Don’t be bummed out if you are unable to switch positions that effortlessly. 

At the end of day all that matters to Amma is that her lovelies are safe and having fun. Make sure you’re communicating with your uttapams and educating yourself about sexual health for better consensual experiences! 

Write to me your sex related queries and Amma will sort them for you!

Sex Amma

[email protected]

 

 

 

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