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Sex Amma: Spicing Up Sex Life

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Dear Amma, I have been in a committed relationship for years, and want to spice things up in bed. What can I do to improve my boring, vanilla sex life?

Ah, my little dosa,
You have come to the right person searching for the right answers. If you want to spice things up and improve your vanilla sex life, why not put some tadka and vanilla in it, literally?

A hungry mind seeks pleasure in everything. Why not combine hungerwith pleasure? A tinge bit of Nutella, a drop of honey, a lick of whipped cream, or a scoop of ice-cream. Macchi, it is essential to understand that experimenting and eating involves a lot of conversations, deliberations, and consent.

A flavoured popsicle, and a flavoured condom should go hand in hand. Amma remembers her teenage movies which used cherries, strawberries, and grapes to heat things up. As the act of coitus involves a lot of fluids, don’t bring in much of fluidity into bed. However, a dripping and melting ice cube surely soothes the raging body temperature.

For Amma, the way to her heart is through her tummy, thus, combining both the intrinsic survival instincts is a heaven’s paradise.

However, to each its own, it is essential to keep some edibles out of your private parts. Look idli, vaginas maintain their own pH balance and certain foods mess them up. Sticky pubic hair, irritation, rashes might kill the mood, and it is best to keep the edibles above your waist.

The thought of dripping chocolate, sensuous eyes, and goosebumps with sliding ice cubes is 50 Shades of Grey in one frame. However, don’t be disappointed the first time, no sambhar is perfect the first time. Some people don’t like sambhar at all, you might just be into chutney or rasam.

(For more sex related queries, write to Sex Amma at [email protected].)

Sex Amma

[email protected]

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Sex Amma: Decoding Monogamy and Polyamory

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Dear Amma,

I believe I am not made for monogamy as I have a tendency to always look for companionship outside of my relationship. Is there something wrong with me? What do I do? 

Oh, dear Idli, 

Relationships, loyalty and boundaries are always better when well-established. Exactly how there is no perfect recipe to the exotic Sambhar, there is no one perfect recipe to relationships. My Uttapam, who said monogamy is the sole gold standard of relationships? 

Amma doesn’t approve of breaking someone’s heart or infidelity. If monogamy is not who you are, why not talk to your partner? Like the idli batter has to be of the right proportion, you too must establish the appropriate base. Communicate with them and express your dilemma, if polyamory or open relationship seems like an ideal dish to them, why not try it out? Historically, like masala dosa being a total favourite, monogamy has never been one. 

Macchi, like every well-made dosa-sambhar, every relationship should establish their boundaries. If your partner approves of your new dish of open relationship, devour it together. If not, re-think your choices, either learn to control the urge or establish a consensual common ground. Amma believes that all acts of love should be consensual. Ensure that your partner doesn’t lose trust and belongingness towards you. 

Unlike science, no one law fits all love. It takes years of understanding, compatibility and love to bring a new change, to make a new start. Amma would be disappointed if my little idli broke someone’s heart.

However, do not self-question yourself, you might feel that you are wrong, insufficient or morally incorrect. Believe when Amma says, you are not. Monogamy or Polyamory, it should always be consensual and pre-established.

(Write to Sex Amma at [email protected] to get all your queries about sex answered.)

Sex Amma
[email protected]

 

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Arts & Culture

Decoding Hickeys and Love Bites

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Amma, yesterday my boyfriend and I had a cosy time together, all was good, but today when I woke up I saw a big blue coloured bruise on the side of my neck. I don’t know what to do about it. Help me out!

My dearest idli,

Calm down, it is nothing to worry about, you have just got your first love bite! Yes, you read it right. Love bites, commonly know as, hickeys are very common in spicy sexual activities and arise due to the continuous tugging of epidermal skin, lasting more than 20 to 30 seconds, such as from a violent kiss or a bite. These passionate and prolonged manoeuvres appear as something unbearable to the tender and tiny blood vessels present just below our skin, known as capillaries, making them burst and causing the small blueish bruise.

The kind of a reaction one has to them is variable, some vadas and idlis really admire the reddish blue mark and consider it as a symbol of memory, recalling the steamy moments they spent with their partners. However, there are others who owing to the difficulties of hiding it or the uncomfort they feel while or after getting it make them detest love bites, hence the consent of your partner before planting him or her with one is very important. Amma, also in her days of youth often covered her neck with a blue scarf, which she bought specifically for this purpose.

However, it’s not always the sides of the neck which can be chosen, a hickey can be given anywhere on the collar bone, chest or for that matter any part of the skin which has exposed blood capillaries, close to the surface. Coming back to your question, Amma recalls of your vada not informing or asking you about his plan of embedding your neck with a mark, this action makes Amma doubt his crispness. So, make sure you talk about this the next time you meet him. Also, since till now Amma is aware of your innocence sweetness like Rawa Kesari, I feel its important to tell you that the reddish blue spot is not permanent and will vanish max in a week. So, if you have traditional Indian parents or irritating high school friends, rock this week with high necks or scarfs.

With love 

From,
Amma

 

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Sex Amma on Grooming down there

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Dear Amma,

My boyfriend tells me to shave down there because he does not like the ‘mess’ but I, on the other hand, hate shaving because it is uncomfortable and painful. How do I tell him this?

Dear chutney,

I sympathize with the problems you are facing with your partner, but the best way to deal with this is to communicate with him about the downsides of shaving your pubic hair. It is extremely irritable and leaves you exposed to different types of bacteria. Those tiny, red bumps eliminate the fun out of the action. You must enlighten him about the fact that the hair down below is like leaves surrounding a flower, or a lawn surrounding the house. 

My little jalebi, your Amma in her days also came across such men. They always asked me to shave, however, I am my own boss and I never listened to them. My dear dosa, you must not change yourself for others, and if he continues to have a problem with your hair, then you clearly deserve a better boy. 

Pubic hair, my idli, must only be removed when you feel comfortable doing so, and not because some boy asked you to keep yourself ‘clean’. His remark may be suggestive of the fact that he would not be comfortable engaging with you sexually unless the pubic hair is not removed. This remark in itself is indicative of his misogynistic views in one way or another, and my little macchi, you must confront him about the same. 

So you see, my little chutney, nobody gets to tell you what to do with your body. You must always remember that the person you are with must love all of you and not just the parts they find sexually appealing. Amma, from her past experiences, can recall that shaving off pubic hair is not necessary for you and it is a personal choice. My dear macchi, you must follow Amma’s advice and confront that boy and do not forget to have fun. 

(For more sex related queries, write to [email protected])

Sex Amma

[email protected]

 

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Sex Amma: Sexting 101

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Dear Amma,

I have just started sexting my partner and we have been enjoying it a lot together. However, I can’t help but feel a little clueless at times. What are some basic things I should keep in mind?

Macchi,

Firstly, Amma is very happy you all are getting the opportunity to explore attraction and sex online; You can enjoy the person even when they are not near you. In amma’s days, she had to wait for her lovers to return from wherever they had gone to do some chutney-making.

Secondly, over the years, with the help of some young idlis like you, Amma also learnt technology and perfected the art of sexting. Amma has eagerly learnt the secret tips and needless to say, enjoys sexting a lot. Here are some of the things that you should not be doing.

Never show your face in the explicit images you send your partner to get in a steamy mood. No matter how trustworthy you think they are, it might go on to cause problems in the future. It’s easier to prevent the sambhar from spilling than it is to clean it later. Don’t send your messages on a platform which leaves imprints or where your data isn’t safe. While naughty texts are fun, you wouldn’t want to be caught in an uncomfortable situation where someone else accidentally reads them. You wouldn’t want to spill your idli– making recipe to the public, right? Don’t be afraid to get creative. Sexting is a space where you can explore kinks and fantasies without actually doing them, so you get a taste of what it would feel in real life without actually doing it. Through sexting, you get a taste of what you would like and not. Don’t give without receiving. It goes without saying, no one likes a partner (be it sexting or in real life) who only takes but never gives the same.

While keeping in mind the things you shouldn’t be doing, here are the things that you should be doing in their place. Do take your time to discover what angles and lighting work best and makes you look your best erotic self. Do check twice before sending to ensure you are sending it to the right person.

Here are some basic guidelines and what Amma has learnt from her experience. Keep these and your general safety and happiness in mind and you’ll be good to go! Happy sexting, my child!

(Write to Sex Amma at [email protected] to get all your queries about sex answered.)

Sex Amma

[email protected]

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Sex Amma Talks about Female Masturbation

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Masturbaration is something which Amma believes to be an act of providing a proof for self sufficiency and comfort within yourself, is often equivalent to a mystery for many lovely idlis out there, if you’re one of them don’t worry, Amma is here to spice up your curry.

So, my Idli before diving into details, let me tell you that the myths and taboos attached to female masturbaration hold no relevance in real life. Therefore, have nothing to fear and get ready to explore a new world residing amidst your own body. Just like before the preparation of a dosa, knowing the proper recipe is crucial, in a similar way a proper knowledge about your pleasure parts before you interact with them is very important. So, my idli there are majorly two parts – A) Clitoris, a bean shaped part with the sole purpose of providing erotic pleasure, and B) Vagina, a muscular opening and closing between the cervix and the external opening.

Since now you are well versed with the hidden wonders of your body, it’s time for you to understand their utilisation for seeking the ultimate sensual experience. So, my lovely idli when it’s masturbaration, consider your lady fingers your best friends, trust me they can do some really amazing stuff. Using the tips of your fingers to rub and gently circle around your clit, or using your fingers like a scissor putting each one on the outer side of your labia, increasing and decreasing its pressure works wonderfully for some. The understanding of the technique that works the best for you comes with experimentation and experience.

There are some who like their sambhar spicy for them, amma suggests of using sex toys. There are a variety of sex toys available in the market ranging from dildos to fluorescent colored vibrators, detailed information of which Amma has already provided in one of her previous articles. However, if you are a beginner, it’s better to be organic and use your fingers. One of the very important reasons behind Amma’s infinite love for masturbaration is the complete control one gets to experience in it and since, it’s your own body you know how long and what exactly will make you perceive what you are dying to experience.

So, my beloved idlis it’s time to shift the control in your hands and experience your world of fantasy.
 

(For more sex related queries, write to [email protected])

Sex Amma 

[email protected]

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Sex Amma : Pros and Cons of Ipill

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Sex Amma

Dear Amma, 

I’ve heard about how sex is much better without using condoms, and how pregnancy can be prevented using Ipill? Could you help me out regarding whether I should be on Ipill or not? 

Dear Idli,

Before describing the pros and cons, Amma would like to make you aware about the basic method by which an Ipill works.

Ipill commonly known as ‘the pill’ prevents ovulation in the Idli’s body leaving the spermatozoa of the vada with nothing to interact with. It falls in the category of hormonal birth control as it regulates the release of the hormones governing the release of an egg.
My special Rava Idli, if you haven’t tried it ever before, then let your Amma tell you that the pill has to be taken within 72 hours that is 3 days of unprotected coitus with your partner.

Taking it after that increases the risk of failure so, make sure you keep this in mind. Another thing which one should be aware of is the different types of pills available.

There are basically 2 types of pills available in the market. One of them contains synthetically prepared estrogen, and the other contains synthetically prepared progesterone while the other type contains a combination of both, called as combination pills. The commonly sold, under a title of Ipill belongs to the first category. Now, since you are clear with the bascities its time for you to dive in the details of the pros and cons.

Pros:
• One can experience dosa making without any cover and hindrance along with a mind deprived of any stress of having a little Idli or vada in return.
• It is one of the most easily available and conveniently usable methods of contraception.
• There are combination pills which can be used as a contraceptive as well as a method to regulate or skip your period flow.
• Since, the combination pills result in skipping your periods the menstrual cramps and pre menstrual easiness can be avoided.
• As there is no ovulation, when you consume an Ipill your endometrial lining remains flat and deprived of any swelling, thus avoiding the risk of endometrial cancer.

Cons:
• There is a high possibility of the Idli feeling a strong feeling of nausea and headache after its consumption
• Often there is a possibility of a disturbance in one’s menstrual cycle.
• Acne and pimples are common when you consume an Ipill
• Since, there is an alteration in the release of the hormones governing your menstrual cycle the idli might go through mood swings, making her feel cranky at one moment and extremely excited and happy on the other.
• There is possibility of breakthrough vaginal bleeding between expected periods, if that happens one should immediately contact a gynaecologist.
Having listed all the necessary pros and cons its completely on you Idli that whether you want to try it or not because after all it’s your body, which makes your approval a must. Another significant point that the Amma would like to make is that the above mentioned pros and cons are not a necessity, just like the taste of the sambhar varies with a variation in the chef similarly, the effect an I-pill will have on the health varies with the variation a in idlis. So, take care, think and then decide.

Sex Amma 

[email protected] 

 

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Sex Amma: The Myth about Casual Dating

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Dear Amma, if I indulge in casual dating, does it give me the tag of a ‘fuck boy’?

Casual dating! Ahhh you know, this is one of Amma’s favourite term when it comes to a conversation about intimacy and stuff related to it. My lovely medu vada, let me tell you one thing when it comes to casual dating, consent and a mutual approval is of utmost importance.
Having a Rava idli just to have its top garnishes of tomato and Kaju without informing her about your plans and intentions in the very beginning is what makes a low quality vada. But, having an idli who approves of your plans and herself wants to be had without sambhar or chutney is absolutely fine.

My dear dosa, the terms and conditions of a casual relationship vary from couple to couple. Owing to the complexity and a variety of flavors to be explored in the sambhar of sexual pleasure, some people desire to experience something else and others, something different. It entirely depends upon you and your idli’s mutual desires of pleasure that what you as couple wishes to experience and what not. Thinking and properly deciding everything beforehand is what Amma would suggest you if you are planning to have a casual bond with your idli.

The youth, often frustrated with the many commitments that the society makes them to have with themselves and their families, gets easily intrigued by casual dating and relationships, something which is not wrong. But, at the same time one should not forget that even casual dating comes with some basic human expectations and doesn’t provide any idli or vada with a liberty to spoil the flavour of cheer and contentment of their partners. So, my special medu be careful of never making your idli feel unworthy or gloomy in any respect, make sure the amount of satisfaction and joy that you get from your connection should be the same for your idli.
Amma recalls of you using the term ‘fuck boy’ in your question. My medu vada, a fuck boy is a vada in which the hole required for fitting a heart is absent and he continues breaking idlis just for the sake of his own pleasure, paying no regard to other’s emotions or feelings. But, if you follow Amma’s advice and properly converse about all your desires and pleasures you wish to seek, then you won’t fall in that category for sure. Often, people see getting casually involved as a crime or sin but trust your amma, anything that makes you happy, without stealing somebody else’s smile will not be falling in that critical category. So go ahead and turn your fantasies into reality.

(For more sex related queries, write to [email protected])

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Sex Amma: Pleasure of Erotic Spanking

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Dear Amma, I have been in a relationship with my man roughly for two years now and I really want to try erotic spanking with him but, I just do not know how to convey it to him. I have a fear of making him feel grossed out or getting judged as a masochist. What shall I do Amma?

Oh my dear idli,

Amma also in her days of youth with her hormones raging like boiling sambhar felt an urge to try everything. Coming out from the chachh of nostalgia, my little macchhi, first of all, calm down.I want to assure you that there is nothing to feel grossed out regarding your desire. My spicy idli, spanking can range from being something fun and flirty to being severe and painful. Your choice completely depends on what fits best for you and your Vada.

Now, coming to your issue of conveying it to your vada, see idli just like in every other sexual activity, consent of both the partners is the most important. Do not be afraid to open up to your lover, remind yourself it’s just him, be honest and open about everything you have in your mind. Try creatinga spicy mood and then proceed by asking about his wildest fantasies, and then slowly and gradually reveal yours. Who knows, he might replace the common coconut chutney with the same tangy tamarind. But keep one thing in mind, if he snorts his nose or wrinkles his forehead or you smell any kind of judgmental vibe after revealing your true self, then let me tell you idli, your Vada is not as crisp as you think it is.

Another thing you should keep in mind is machhi, that if anywhere in between you think the pain, instead of giving you pleasure is inflicting tension and depriving you of your comfort, don’t shy away from stopping your partner then and there. So, enough of information, now go ahead and let the spanks add spices to your sambhar making it taste the Heaven and don’t forget to tell the entire tale to your Amma.

(Write to Sex Amma at sexamma@ dubeat.com to get all your queries about sex answered.)

Sex Amma

[email protected]

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Sex Amma Talks about Pansexuality

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My dear munchkins, I present to you some tangy, ready-to-eat advice for this week. If you are confused about the concept of pansexuality, fret not, because Amma is here to help!

Firstly, what I want to tell you all idlis is that gender identity is one such topic that must not be overlooked, because after all, it tells you more about your own self and whether you like dosas, idlis, chutneys or machis.

Secondly, in simple terms, pansexuality or omnisexuality means an attraction to people regardless of their gender. While the concept of gender is not taken into account when a pansexual person is attracted to someone, you could fall for machas and machis both. Now is the time to get out there and explore your identity, my sweet dosa. This may seem confusing but there is only one difference between pansexuality and bisexuality, munchkin. Bisexuality means you are attracted to him or her, whereas pansexuality means you only fall for the personalities of chutneys, machis and sambhars alike.

My beloved dosa, Amma in her days experimented with so many different idlis and loved the experiences. If you somehow believe you are pansexual, fret not, because it is always better to add more to your pool of chutneys. While it is absolutely up to my lovely munchkin whether you want to identify yourself as bisexual or pansexual, however, this identity will only give you clarity about your preferences of sambhars and dosas.

You may drown yourself in the eyes of your chutney, but make sure you use protection and control birth at all costs. You may also feel the ‘need’ to engage in sexual activities, but my dearest idli, do it whenever you are completely ready and comfortable.

Now go out there and explore according to your needs. Amma will be right here to help!

Sex Amma

[email protected]

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