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Sex Amma on Breakups and its After Effects

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Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

Question: Amma, I want to break up with my partner due to certain circumstantial reasons. I do not want to hurt them, but we cannot be together. How should I go ahead with this?

Dearest Payasam,

‘Ends can be painful’, but they can be more tolerable with acceptance and clarity of your emotions in your head. Sadly, we are all aware that rarely does falling in love get us far, but in the moment, everything looks so flowery that we forget about the bitter end, which was perhaps looming there all along.

So, dearest Kanna, now listen carefully to your Amma. No matter how hard you try, breaking up involves inevitable pain. Firstly, be clear about the reasons why you want to break up with them. Have that

clarity in your head before you sit down to communicate about your feelings.

Deciding when and where to end things is very important. Choose the right time when you both feel comfortable and select an indoor, private space to talk. During the conversation, if things get heated and an argument starts, try your best to not lose your calm, even if the person reacts poorly.

Careful! Don’t commit the mistake of breaking up over a text message. Preferably, have this conversation in person. This will ensure a better way for both of you to have this difficult conversation. Remember, Kanna, you are not superior for initiating the breakup. Respect is integral; do not badmouth your ex-partner and avoid letting your emotions run rampant.

Amma knows that the most difficult part is the aftermath. Give each other ample space to think and reflect. You may cut off communication, by all means, to truly realize and come to peace with your emotions for them. Take care of your mental health. Remember to share your feelings with someone you trust, maybe a friend, a family member, or your therapist.

Kanna, you must understand that if you have decided to take this step, you must hold your ground, even if they try to blame you for certain things. It is not your responsibility to make the other person feel better once it’s done. Accepting and moving on is the final step. You have done your part; now it is destiny that will play its role, Good luck with your life ahead!

Lots of love,

Amma

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Sex Amma on Dependency in Relationship

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Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

Question: Amma, whenever I’m with my partner, I completely lose track of time and get so caught up in the moment that I end up neglecting my schedule and feeling anxious about it afterward. I really enjoy spending time with them, but I’m worried that if I suggest spending less time together, it might affect our relationship. How do I balance enjoying my relationship while still prioritizing my own life and responsibilities?

Dearest baccha,

Ah, lost in love, are you? Well, don’t you worry, amma is here to listen and offer a bit of her own wisdom.

Now, it sounds like you’re having a bit of a dilemma. Losing track of time when you’re with your partner can feel like floating in a dream. But when reality comes knocking, it’s easy to feel a little anxious, isn’t it? Being young and in love, as beautiful as it is, can be all-consuming,

Communication, my dear, that’s the key. Sit down with your partner and pour out your heart. Let them know how you’re feeling. why you’re feeling it, and what you need to find that balance again. Relationships are built on trust and understanding, and as difficult as they might be, honest conversations can work wonders. It’s okay to prioritize yourself and your own well-being. Your partner should understand and respect your needs. However scary it may be, if the conversation does not end up working out, well, it may be time to reevaluate some things.

But fret not, my dear, you are not alone in this journey. Many young souls like yourself have found themselves trying to manage both love and responsibilities. It’s a delicate balance, isn’t it? Wanting to spend every moment with your loved one,

Remember, kanna, setting boundaries is important too. Find a rhythm that works. for the both of you, planning your time together and leaving enough to have a life of your own. Leaving some space for yourself to nurture your passions and dreams can do wonders for your own. mental health.

Mindfulness, my baccha, that’s another secret I’ll let you in on. Take a moment each day to just breathe and be present in the here and now. Whether it’s through yoga, enjoying a quiet cup of chai, or indulging in your favorite book, mindfulness can help you stay in the present moment. And if you find yourself struggling to find that balance, don’t hesitate to seek guidance. Talk to a trusted friend, a wise elder (amma is always here!), or even a professional counselor. There is no shame in asking for help when you need it, my dear.

But above all else, remember to be kind to yourself. Love is a journey, and we all stumble along the way. And before loving someone else, take a moment to love yourself. So take a deep breath, and know that you are not alone. Your amma is here for you, with an open heart and a listening ear. And together, we’ll navigate this. journey called love. Take it from me, it’s all worth it in the end.

With Love,

Amma.

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Sex Amma on Monogamy and Open Relationships

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Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

Question: Amma, My partner and I are both non-monogamous and have been discussing the idea of an open relationship as we become more serious about each other, but everyone says that this is just an excuse for cheating. I like the idea of non-monogamy, but am I wrong?

My dear bachcha,

Firstly, it’s important to understand that what anyone else has to say about your relationship does not define it, what comes first are the priorities of you and your partner. I’d say it’s an oversimplification to think of non-monogamy as just an “excuse for cheating.” It is in fact so much more, as it is based on consent, communication, and mutual agreement by everyone involved.

While in your Amma‘s time, it was believed that our one true soulmate fulfills all our needs, which often meant some degree of compromise and sacrifice, it’s also not wrong to want to see other people who may satisfy certain different needs of ours, while being in a relationship with someone. It is unrealistic to expect Amma someone to fulfill all our desires and needs. Such unhealthy expectations may

However, this is easier said than done. The foundation to sustain a non-monogamous relationship must be strong. Remember, you must be secure in your bond and trust your partner, otherwise, you’ll always be filled with jealousy and resentment. This is a cliche, but communication is the key. Set boundaries with your partner about who you two can see and how aware you want to be of your partner’s other romantic relationships. These are a few choices you’d have to make. Make it a point to discuss any feelings of jealousy and resentment when they arise, so that you can work through them together, without falling into the trap of latent anger or passive-aggression.

in the end, kanna, non-monogamy done. ethically is a matter of consent from all parties involved, while cheating is a matter of deceit and betrayal. The former is a way to have the freedom to explore other joyful connections that bring us love while also having one that satisfies, whilst providing comfort and security. If you think your relationship is strong enough, then go ahead despite what anyone says. Remember, baccha, matters of the heart must only make sense to us and the one(s) we love; what works for most, may not make you happy. Love is complicated and has no rules. Love honestly, truthfully, and the more you shall receive.

Dher saara pyaar,

Amma.

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Sex Amma on Modern Day Dating.

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Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

Question: Amma, can I find a true friend who can at least be with me in my bad times on the dating apps?

Oh dear kanna!

Your amma sends you the tightest jhappis to let you know that this bad phase is not only completely normal, but will also be over before you know it. I have had my fair share of situationships as you call them, so trust me when I say this kutty, bumping into your perfect other half is nothing like those 2-hour rom-coms your generation loves. I can only imagine the dating app fatigue you bachhas encounter from constantly swiping idhar-udhar to choose from so many sweet potatoes.

While a little break from these apps won’t hurt, a good friend could also be exactly what you need right now. Don’t forget what the savants have said my macchi, a problem shared is a problem halved. A failed romantic period is inevitable, but having somebody by your side might help you find a break in the clouds amidst the evident darkness. Complaining (ranting, as you call it?) about your broken heart to a friend over an hour-long call or watching your best-loved movie with them instead of asking 10 other people theirs is only going to bring you kids closer together. In my day, a failed romance meant your friends treating you to the most heavenly kebabs at Karim’s. Maybe this is what you need, my precious. And aren’t the worst problems easier to swallow with a spoonful of gajar ka halwa?

But while their presence will certainly bring a difference, you also need to be mindful of their boundaries, my love. As frustrating as this period is for you, your friend might also be feeling emotionally spent by the whole ordeal. With you spending so much time on these boxes on your phone, could it be possible that you started neglecting them a little bit? Maybe they miss the time. when you danced to clichéd songs or went eating steaming momos together.

You know, amma has learned that we humans are not as good at intuiting others’ feelings as we boast of, so why not talk to them? Your friendships won’t be reciprocal always, so it is okay to want and give some space my kanna, but keep the ones you love around. They might not be able to make your frustration disappear, but presence does matter, haina baccha? So keep being your perfect pumpkin pie-self and you will find what you are looking for!

Lots of love,

Amma

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Sex Amma on Labelling Your Sexuality

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Amma, it has been sometime since I began questioning my sexuality. Despite being open to non-heterosexual relationships, I do not feel comfortable attaching a label to myself. What do I do about it?

Oh, my dear Idli! Your Amma understands the dilemma you are in. We are all brought up in such a heteronormative and monogamous society that most of us are conditioned to think about our sexuality in a certain way. When we get out of institutions such as schools (yes, darling, school was not too fond of your Amma’s thoughts and questions either), we tend to feel more free and liberated, and people tend to feel comfortable exploring their sexuality.

Labels may be empowering for some people, but of course they do not work for everybody. We are all humans, naa? We are all different. We cannot always fit into boxes and categories. I know that the labels available to define sexuality are very accommodating and fluid. But the very act of choosing a label for yourself and having to stick to it may be very disconcerting for many. Sexualities are not static. Your understanding of your sexuality can change over time, and claiming a label should not have to be a lifelong commitment.

Your sexual orientation is indeed a part of your identity. But your identity does not need to be defined. University spaces tend to be free, yet they are not entirely devoid of queerphobia. Labelling yourself is a brave act. Choosing not to label yourself is brave as well. None the less, labelling is a choice, my dear. There is no one way to be queer. I once had a child of about your age tell me, “Being queer is just choosing to go beyond the norm”. You may be conscious of it and want to find a label that best describes you in order to associate yourself with a community of people. Or you may want to not call yourself anything and still consciously associate yourself with a community.

Amma needs you to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Think about what you like and are comfortable with. I hope you prioritise yourself. I am happy that my dear idli came to me to express their concern. Asking for help is brave, darling. Amma is always one question away from you!

Sex Amma 

[email protected] 

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Sex Amma: On Understanding Sexuality

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Dear Amma,

Over the past couple of years, I have made out with a bunch of guys but I have never really enjoyed the experience. I also know for a fact that I’m not attracted to girls. Does this mean I’m asexual?

Dear Macchi,

I understand your troubles of not enjoying the experience of kissing someone, but that alone is not sufficient to coin yourself as “asexual”. It is perfectly normal to feel this way and it does not amount as an argument to any conclusion. I myself have had my fair share of lousy kisses, but you don’t think I’m at all asexual, do you?

Little idli, very often it is possible that the reason one doesn’t enjoy kissing someone is due to lack of an emotional connect. Kissing, sometimes, may be the onset of a very romantic relationship between two people, which is why without such romance, kissing becomes less enjoyable. This is often seen among demisexuals. You must think about how you feel about these guys emotionally, romantically, and my dear dosa, physically. But remember, my chutney, love doesn’t necessarily involve physical proximity. Many couples share perfectly healthy, romantic relationships without any physical involvement.

Kissing, in Amma‘s opinion, is very subjective to the person you’re with. The guy may be highly attractive and charming and yet be a sloppy kisser, which, my jalebi, can be a huge turn off! You need to figure out how you wish to be kissed.

Asexuality, my chutney, is the lack of sexual attraction towards anyone. It does not, however, indicate a lack of romantic attraction, for instance in the case of a biromantic asexual. There are many elements that make up one’s sexual identity. Asexuality or sexuality isn’t black and white. It’s an entire grey area; there aren’t only 50 Shades of Grey, you know? One may feel closer towards being asexual than most sexual people. They are often called grey-sexual.

So you see, my uttapam, it is not easy, or even necessary, I feel, to box yourself under one identity. You may be a biromantic or demisexual, but at the end of the day, you need to decide how a person makes you feel and just go with your instincts. How we are physically or romantically attracted to someone may be understood over time through experience. Try to step out of the bubble of a single identity and allow your mind to be free. Do what makes you feel right. Even if there is no sexual attraction, there is nothing wrong with it, as I mentioned before. If you don’t enjoy kissing someone, then you don’t kiss that someone. It’s your choice what you decide your sexuality to be. Just respect your attraction or lack thereof. All the best in your future encounters of spilling some hot sambhar, or not spilling it.

 

 

 

 

 

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Sex Amma: On Dating Younger Men

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“I am in the final-year of college, and there is a junior (first-year) whom I’ve liked for a while. A few days ago at a party, he also came up to me and said he liked me and we made out. He is very interested and has asked me out on a date, but I have my doubts of being in a relationship with a boy younger than me. What should I do?”

Amma can understand what your troubles are, my little idli. People create this unnecessary stereotype that, in a relationship, the man has to be older and dominant while the girl should always be younger and submissive, which doesn’t make any sense.

I feel that a healthy relationship where both are equals. First, my macchi, you need to ask yourself what your stand is. If you really like this person and want to be with him exclusively, ensure that you have a good physical and emotional connection with him. If your inhibitions are just restricted to societal demands of girls always dating or being with boys older than them, then my dear macchi, have no doubts and go for it. But if, in any way, your inhibitions are regarding your attraction towards this boy, then you should give it another thought.

Amma tells you with a lot of experience that every relationship holds an emotional commitment between two individuals, and you just have to make sure that you are clear with your partner about your interests in the relationship, or else it can create a khatta sambhar in your lives. Once you are clear about what you want, go out on lovely dates, and have a great time, disregarding the age factor in the relationship, and treat him like an equal.

Only then will you both be able to fight the societal norms of an ‘older girl dating younger boy’ stereotype and make this thing work. Amma wishes you all the best, and don’t forget to spend some naughty time to add masala in your life with this new boy of yours!

 

Sex Amma

[email protected]

(Write to sex amma at sexamma@ dubeat.com to get all your queries about sex answered.)

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Sex Amma: On Being a Dominatrix

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“Dear Sex Amma, my boyfriend and I enjoy light role playing, him being the dominant one often. But I want to crank it up a notch, help me become the Dominatrix for a night?”

Ah, Submission and Domination, one of Amma’s favourite recipes to spice up any dosa, idli or vada! Along with the playfulness, it needs to be a perfect mix of control and seduction, my delightful rasam! In order to control your man, you need to be totally in character.

First off, in order to play the part, you need to look the part! Putting together a steaming attire to accentuate your best assets will give your confidence a boost as well as drive him crazy. Think of powerful and hard fabric like latex or leather. Next on the list is your vocabulary! You need to talk in a way that directly puts you in charge and lets him know that you are the boss tonight. You need to be assertive and as firm as a coconut. Amma suggests that you should put in some effort and write down what you want to say and how you want to say it beforehand, so the steam coming out of your sambhar never stops, and the flow is not disrupted.

Remember, confidence is the key. If you don’t like the way you look or talk, then you can never be comfortable playing the role. In Amma’s experience, all of us have a hidden dominant side, and all you need to do is unleash it along with your awesome powers of seduction. Pull his hair, bite his neck, unleash your inner lioness. The hickeys on his body should be your badges of honour!

As a final advice, keep him hanging at the edge, giving him very little each time, so that he craves for you even more!

Have fun my dirty macchis!

Sex Amma

[email protected]

 

(To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. We respect your confidentiality as much as you do.)

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Sex Amma: Dealing with low sex drive?

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Sex Amma

Ques: Hey Amma! Me and boyfriend have been together for a long time now, but lately I don’t enjoy the sex as much as I used to, and I don’t feel like doing it but I don’t know how to tell my boyfriend.

Hey, you little macchi, don’t you fret about this too much; Amma is here to help you out! Having a low sex drive is completely normal and can happen to anyone, due to various reasons. Depression, anxiety (or other mental illnesses), low self esteem and stress can be some of the reasons a person feels this way. Other serious reason could be a history of physical abuse.Bouncy castle for sale

Whatever the reason might be, talking to your partner about it is the best solution. Amma knows it is very tough for you idlis and dosas to talk about sex, and especially when it is not going well, but it is important that you and your partner are on the same page. If you are not comfortable talking to your partner at first, then you can talk to a friend or a counsellor. A third person’s perspective may help you realise where the problem lies, and you can start working on it. But, make sure that you don’t hide it from your partner for too long because he needs to know too, right macchi? Don’t be shy about talking about your likes and dislikes with your partner. Amma knows that only communication will help you two little macchis get clarity about what you want (or not want) in bed.

Aiyyo my dear, other than talking about it, leading a healthy life will result in a healthy sex life. Amma will suggest that eating right and exercising regularly can help you to get your libido back and let huge amounts of endorphin into your system. Taking some time off from your packed schedule of classes and internships for a mini vacation or a fancy date can also help you idlis bring the spark back, as well. You macchis can also try spicing up the curry with some help from role-play and dirty-talk!

Whatever you do my darling puttu, don’t beat yourself over this and remember: it is normal to feel this way!

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Sex Amma: How to convince my boyfriend for a three-way?

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Sex Amma

Dear Amma, my boyfriend and I have been together for the past 3 years. From the past few months there seems to be a tension between us which has affected our sex lives. I had confided in him my desire of having a three-way some months ago and he had reacted very violently to it. I feel bad but even after all these months I haven’t been able to curb that desire. What do I do?

My little idli, you transported Amma back to the days where she herself had been in a similar situation!
Amma had been keen on experimenting in the bedroom and trying out new stuff and the reactions to it had been pretty similar!

Amma is a staunch supporter of having wild desires, and honest to my favourite rava idli, your desire isn’t even that wild! A three-way is the most common desire that people have and confess about. It is after all these desires that get the heat rising. So there is absolutely no need to feel bad or guilty. At the same time, Amma has to say that not everyone has the same kind of desires. Different people get turned on by different things.Inflatable water park

Here’s a tip: Wait a little, bring out the candles and try bringing up the topic again. Not suddenly, get him in the mood and get him talking of his weird fetishes that he may have or some wild desires that he’s always wanted to fulfill. He might agree to consider your idea of he’s in a setting which gets his juices flowing (creative and otherwise 😉 ) It might just be that you two find some common ones too!

To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. Amma respects your confidentiality as much as you do.

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