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Sex Amma on Labelling Your Sexuality

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Amma, it has been sometime since I began questioning my sexuality. Despite being open to non-heterosexual relationships, I do not feel comfortable attaching a label to myself. What do I do about it?

Oh, my dear Idli! Your Amma understands the dilemma you are in. We are all brought up in such a heteronormative and monogamous society that most of us are conditioned to think about our sexuality in a certain way. When we get out of institutions such as schools (yes, darling, school was not too fond of your Amma’s thoughts and questions either), we tend to feel more free and liberated, and people tend to feel comfortable exploring their sexuality.

Labels may be empowering for some people, but of course they do not work for everybody. We are all humans, naa? We are all different. We cannot always fit into boxes and categories. I know that the labels available to define sexuality are very accommodating and fluid. But the very act of choosing a label for yourself and having to stick to it may be very disconcerting for many. Sexualities are not static. Your understanding of your sexuality can change over time, and claiming a label should not have to be a lifelong commitment.

Your sexual orientation is indeed a part of your identity. But your identity does not need to be defined. University spaces tend to be free, yet they are not entirely devoid of queerphobia. Labelling yourself is a brave act. Choosing not to label yourself is brave as well. None the less, labelling is a choice, my dear. There is no one way to be queer. I once had a child of about your age tell me, “Being queer is just choosing to go beyond the norm”. You may be conscious of it and want to find a label that best describes you in order to associate yourself with a community of people. Or you may want to not call yourself anything and still consciously associate yourself with a community.

Amma needs you to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Think about what you like and are comfortable with. I hope you prioritise yourself. I am happy that my dear idli came to me to express their concern. Asking for help is brave, darling. Amma is always one question away from you!

Sex Amma 

[email protected] 

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Sex Amma: On Understanding Sexuality

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Dear Amma,

Over the past couple of years, I have made out with a bunch of guys but I have never really enjoyed the experience. I also know for a fact that I’m not attracted to girls. Does this mean I’m asexual?

Dear Macchi,

I understand your troubles of not enjoying the experience of kissing someone, but that alone is not sufficient to coin yourself as “asexual”. It is perfectly normal to feel this way and it does not amount as an argument to any conclusion. I myself have had my fair share of lousy kisses, but you don’t think I’m at all asexual, do you?

Little idli, very often it is possible that the reason one doesn’t enjoy kissing someone is due to lack of an emotional connect. Kissing, sometimes, may be the onset of a very romantic relationship between two people, which is why without such romance, kissing becomes less enjoyable. This is often seen among demisexuals. You must think about how you feel about these guys emotionally, romantically, and my dear dosa, physically. But remember, my chutney, love doesn’t necessarily involve physical proximity. Many couples share perfectly healthy, romantic relationships without any physical involvement.

Kissing, in Amma‘s opinion, is very subjective to the person you’re with. The guy may be highly attractive and charming and yet be a sloppy kisser, which, my jalebi, can be a huge turn off! You need to figure out how you wish to be kissed.

Asexuality, my chutney, is the lack of sexual attraction towards anyone. It does not, however, indicate a lack of romantic attraction, for instance in the case of a biromantic asexual. There are many elements that make up one’s sexual identity. Asexuality or sexuality isn’t black and white. It’s an entire grey area; there aren’t only 50 Shades of Grey, you know? One may feel closer towards being asexual than most sexual people. They are often called grey-sexual.

So you see, my uttapam, it is not easy, or even necessary, I feel, to box yourself under one identity. You may be a biromantic or demisexual, but at the end of the day, you need to decide how a person makes you feel and just go with your instincts. How we are physically or romantically attracted to someone may be understood over time through experience. Try to step out of the bubble of a single identity and allow your mind to be free. Do what makes you feel right. Even if there is no sexual attraction, there is nothing wrong with it, as I mentioned before. If you don’t enjoy kissing someone, then you don’t kiss that someone. It’s your choice what you decide your sexuality to be. Just respect your attraction or lack thereof. All the best in your future encounters of spilling some hot sambhar, or not spilling it.

 

 

 

 

 

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Sex Amma

Sex Amma: On Dating Younger Men

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“I am in the final-year of college, and there is a junior (first-year) whom I’ve liked for a while. A few days ago at a party, he also came up to me and said he liked me and we made out. He is very interested and has asked me out on a date, but I have my doubts of being in a relationship with a boy younger than me. What should I do?”

Amma can understand what your troubles are, my little idli. People create this unnecessary stereotype that, in a relationship, the man has to be older and dominant while the girl should always be younger and submissive, which doesn’t make any sense.

I feel that a healthy relationship where both are equals. First, my macchi, you need to ask yourself what your stand is. If you really like this person and want to be with him exclusively, ensure that you have a good physical and emotional connection with him. If your inhibitions are just restricted to societal demands of girls always dating or being with boys older than them, then my dear macchi, have no doubts and go for it. But if, in any way, your inhibitions are regarding your attraction towards this boy, then you should give it another thought.

Amma tells you with a lot of experience that every relationship holds an emotional commitment between two individuals, and you just have to make sure that you are clear with your partner about your interests in the relationship, or else it can create a khatta sambhar in your lives. Once you are clear about what you want, go out on lovely dates, and have a great time, disregarding the age factor in the relationship, and treat him like an equal.

Only then will you both be able to fight the societal norms of an ‘older girl dating younger boy’ stereotype and make this thing work. Amma wishes you all the best, and don’t forget to spend some naughty time to add masala in your life with this new boy of yours!

 

Sex Amma

[email protected]

(Write to sex amma at sexamma@ dubeat.com to get all your queries about sex answered.)

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Sex Amma: On Being a Dominatrix

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“Dear Sex Amma, my boyfriend and I enjoy light role playing, him being the dominant one often. But I want to crank it up a notch, help me become the Dominatrix for a night?”

Ah, Submission and Domination, one of Amma’s favourite recipes to spice up any dosa, idli or vada! Along with the playfulness, it needs to be a perfect mix of control and seduction, my delightful rasam! In order to control your man, you need to be totally in character.

First off, in order to play the part, you need to look the part! Putting together a steaming attire to accentuate your best assets will give your confidence a boost as well as drive him crazy. Think of powerful and hard fabric like latex or leather. Next on the list is your vocabulary! You need to talk in a way that directly puts you in charge and lets him know that you are the boss tonight. You need to be assertive and as firm as a coconut. Amma suggests that you should put in some effort and write down what you want to say and how you want to say it beforehand, so the steam coming out of your sambhar never stops, and the flow is not disrupted.

Remember, confidence is the key. If you don’t like the way you look or talk, then you can never be comfortable playing the role. In Amma’s experience, all of us have a hidden dominant side, and all you need to do is unleash it along with your awesome powers of seduction. Pull his hair, bite his neck, unleash your inner lioness. The hickeys on his body should be your badges of honour!

As a final advice, keep him hanging at the edge, giving him very little each time, so that he craves for you even more!

Have fun my dirty macchis!

Sex Amma

[email protected]

 

(To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. We respect your confidentiality as much as you do.)

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Sex Amma: Dealing with low sex drive?

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Sex Amma

Ques: Hey Amma! Me and boyfriend have been together for a long time now, but lately I don’t enjoy the sex as much as I used to, and I don’t feel like doing it but I don’t know how to tell my boyfriend.

Hey, you little macchi, don’t you fret about this too much; Amma is here to help you out! Having a low sex drive is completely normal and can happen to anyone, due to various reasons. Depression, anxiety (or other mental illnesses), low self esteem and stress can be some of the reasons a person feels this way. Other serious reason could be a history of physical abuse.Bouncy castle for sale

Whatever the reason might be, talking to your partner about it is the best solution. Amma knows it is very tough for you idlis and dosas to talk about sex, and especially when it is not going well, but it is important that you and your partner are on the same page. If you are not comfortable talking to your partner at first, then you can talk to a friend or a counsellor. A third person’s perspective may help you realise where the problem lies, and you can start working on it. But, make sure that you don’t hide it from your partner for too long because he needs to know too, right macchi? Don’t be shy about talking about your likes and dislikes with your partner. Amma knows that only communication will help you two little macchis get clarity about what you want (or not want) in bed.

Aiyyo my dear, other than talking about it, leading a healthy life will result in a healthy sex life. Amma will suggest that eating right and exercising regularly can help you to get your libido back and let huge amounts of endorphin into your system. Taking some time off from your packed schedule of classes and internships for a mini vacation or a fancy date can also help you idlis bring the spark back, as well. You macchis can also try spicing up the curry with some help from role-play and dirty-talk!

Whatever you do my darling puttu, don’t beat yourself over this and remember: it is normal to feel this way!

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Sex Amma: How to convince my boyfriend for a three-way?

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Sex Amma

Dear Amma, my boyfriend and I have been together for the past 3 years. From the past few months there seems to be a tension between us which has affected our sex lives. I had confided in him my desire of having a three-way some months ago and he had reacted very violently to it. I feel bad but even after all these months I haven’t been able to curb that desire. What do I do?

My little idli, you transported Amma back to the days where she herself had been in a similar situation!
Amma had been keen on experimenting in the bedroom and trying out new stuff and the reactions to it had been pretty similar!

Amma is a staunch supporter of having wild desires, and honest to my favourite rava idli, your desire isn’t even that wild! A three-way is the most common desire that people have and confess about. It is after all these desires that get the heat rising. So there is absolutely no need to feel bad or guilty. At the same time, Amma has to say that not everyone has the same kind of desires. Different people get turned on by different things.Inflatable water park

Here’s a tip: Wait a little, bring out the candles and try bringing up the topic again. Not suddenly, get him in the mood and get him talking of his weird fetishes that he may have or some wild desires that he’s always wanted to fulfill. He might agree to consider your idea of he’s in a setting which gets his juices flowing (creative and otherwise 😉 ) It might just be that you two find some common ones too!

To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. Amma respects your confidentiality as much as you do.

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Sex Amma: All your myths about STDs busted!

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Sex Amma

My macchis and appams I know you missed Amma last week. Amma missed writing to you too, but was too tired to do anything! After the last time Amma’s mail has been flooded with a lot of myths and doubts about STDs.
Amma is so happy to see all her idlis and dosas concerned about STDs and willing to ask questions about it. Reading through your questions and worries Amma saw that there was a lot of Inflatable water park confusion and ambiguity regarding them. Push everything aside and read on to get a clearer picture!

There are high chances of getting an STD after spilling your rasam if you have unprotected sex. It is not just sex which might lead to getting infected. STDs can Inflatable obstacle course for sale be contacted through exchange of bodily fluids.

Coming to the most common enquiry by you all, yes STDs can even be contacted after having had oral sex. It is not necessary to indulge in an intercourse. Oral sex will not lead to pregnancy in any which way but the chances of STD’s are high. Amma advises you all to use condoms even while indulging in oral sex. For all those unaware dosas and vadas, the condoms are flavoured for this very reason!

Amma fiercely believes in trying out new things in the bedroom with new flavours every time! (Because, with all the fun, protection is a must.)

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Sex Amma: Myths about Masturbation

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Sex Amma

Hello my lovely idlis and dosas! Amma knows that after last week, your doubts about sex and the hype around it have lessened. A lot of you also wrote to me about your concerns regarding masturbation.
Don’t worry my lovely macchis, Amma is here to guide you!

Amma knows that masturbation seems like a taboo topic to talk about, let alone raise questions about it. I know you’re shy. Fret not! There was a time when yours truly was shy about it too; but not anymore. Amma has decided to address these concerns of yours this time.

First and foremost, don’t shy away from talking about it. This doesn’t mean that you go on announcing to your whole circle about how good it feels to spill your batter but when the topic comes up, don’t be afraid to admit your indulgence in a little pleasure. It’s nothing to be ashamed about! And you should definitely not deny it.

Coming to your fears about masturbating, it’s nothing harmful and won’t cause any impairment or damage. It won’t lead to an outbreak of pimples on your face, or an increased body hair growth and it certainly will not make you impotent babas. All these ‘reactions’ do not happen because you start masturbating, but because you strike puberty.
Moving on, masturbation is not something only the men have gained monopoly on. I don’t want you to go into shock but women too, indulge in a little pleasure seeking activity every now and then, just like you dudes. So, next time someone talks about it or tells you about them, try not to judge them, but accept and understand their sexual autonomy.

Amma believes that her lovely macchis will not indulge in any self loathing or think too much after getting playful with themselves. There is absolutely no harm in it and no guilt must be felt in seeking pleasure.
Amma has been there, and done it all.

 

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Sex Amma: Looking to spice it up with a little role-play!

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Sex Amma's

Dear Sex Amma, my boyfriend and I enjoy light role playing, him being the dominant one often. But I want to crank it up a notch, help me become the Dominatrix for a night?

 

Aaah, Submission and Domination, one of Amma’s favourite recipes for a Buy commercial bounce house perfect night! Along with the playfulness, it needs to be a perfect mix of control and seduction, my delightful rasam! In order to control your man, you need to be totally in character.

 

First off, in order to play the part, you need to look the part! Putting together a steaming attire to accentuate your best assets will give your confidence a boost as well as drive him crazy. Next on the list is your vocabulary! You need to talk in a way that directly puts you in charge and lets him know that you are the boss tonight. Amma suggests that you should put in some effort and write down what you want to say and how you want to say it beforehand.

Remember, confidence is the key. If you don’t like the way you look or talk, then you can never be comfortable playing the role. In Amma’s experience, all of us have a hidden dominant side, and all you need to do is unleash it along with your awesome powers of seduction.

As a final advice, keep him hanging at the edge, giving him very little each time, so that he craves for you even more!

Have fun my dirty macchis!

 

To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. We respect your confidentiality as much as you do.

 

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Sex Amma: Joys of personal pleasure and guilt

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Sex Amma's

Q. Amma, I have recently discovered the joys of personal pleasuring and some visual aid. It feels wonderful but the guilt or the inhibition doesn’t go away. I’ve been reading and talking to people and experimenting about the idea but the awkwardness seems to get the better of me. 

Will I ever stop judging myself? How do I? Please help!

My self-doubting little macchi, you simply need to understand that this is completely normal. Amma understands where this awkwardness stems from: it’s only because masturbating Inflatable water slide is considered a taboo in this country. But understand, that it’s as natural a phenomenon as breathing (yes, Amma doesn’t exaggerate when it comes to sex!) If you feel good, then you shouldn’t question your choice of doing it.

Your guilt, or inhibition, shall go away only when you remove the idea of masturbation being something ‘unnatural’ from your mind. All you little dosas and idlis like to experiment with things, use the ‘visual aid’, as you term it, to fuel your imagination. This is just a part of exploring your sexuality and gaining confidence about the same.

Here’s a tiny tip: Don’t listen to what the world says about masturbation. It’s not unnatural and it’s always healthy to talk about it. Don’t let awkwardness shy you away. And just on a side-note, know that almost everyone does it! What’s the harm in a pinch of salt if it adds taste to your meal, after all?

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