Latest
DU Beat – Delhi University's Independent Student Newspaper
Author

Sex Amma

Browsing
Sex Amma

Sex Amma on NEP and College Romance

By
Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating, and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

Question: NEP has made it tough to juggle academic responsibilities and romantic needs. Is college romance
dead?

My dear kanna,

Amma remembers a time when college meant cutting chai, stolen glances in the library, and bunking lectures for “group projects” that had only two members, you and your crush. But now? Under this shiny new National Education Policy (NEP), you children look more like overworked interns in an unpaid startup called “Higher Education Pvt Ltd” than carefree students! Even your romance now needs a timetable slot!

But don’t give up, my dear. Amma wants you to know that college love is not a flower that wilts when things get hard. It’s an idli that was made in a pressure cooker. It’s strong, warm, and ready to surprise you at any moment. Yes, romance is now hiding in the quick texts sent between classes, the secret five-minute chai meetings, and the late-night Spotify playlists!

Pyaar doesn’t disappear—it just adapts. Maybe your “dates” are now shared study sessions, your “I miss yous” replaced with “Have you uploaded the file?” That’s fine. In this academic jungle, affection survives in small acts like sharing notes, saving a library seat and reminding someone to eat lunch before their AEC lecture.

Amma knows that not everyone is lucky in this NEP-era romance. Some of you are so exhausted by deadlines that you forget to reply even to a simple “wyd?” text. Some think relationships are distractions, something to “fit in later”. But kanna, don’t turn your heart into a waiting room. Love isn’t the enemy of ambition; it’s the fuel that keeps you human amidst the chaos. You need to plan ahead, pay more attention to the quality of your time than the quantity, and value emotional check-ins more than big gestures.

Don’t give in to the hustle culture; your feelings are not an optional elective. Education can train your mind, but love keeps you human. Balancing both is the real skill enhancement. Sometimes, going through hard times together can bring you even closer together. 

So, to my dear jalebis, juggling between books and hearts, remember: college romance isn’t gone. It’s changed, grown sneakier and smarter. It’s tougher to navigate, yes, but who said love was supposed to be easy? It’s tough, unpredictable, and sometimes messy—just like those chaotic exam days. Now listen carefully, my dear NEP warriors. For your overworked, unromantic hearts, Amma has some pearls of wisdom: First, schedule your tenderness, beta! You make elaborate Excel sheets for assignments, but not even one slot for your dil? Arre, fifteen minutes of chai and chitchat won’t destroy your CGPA.

Next, Amma says that you should respect other people’s boundaries and consent. Just because you’re doing “multidisciplinary studies” doesn’t mean you experiment without permission! Ask, listen, and respect. And finally, stop grading love like it’s an internal assessment. Not every emotion needs validation. Sometimes love just is messy, chaotic, and gloriously unproductive. Life isn’t a CGPA; it’s more like a viva—spontaneous, nerve-wracking, but occasionally full of surprise compliments.

Even in this NEP maze, where deadlines come up faster than DU pigeons, love still finds a place to sit under a tree or a smile in the seminar hall. And who knows? Maybe in the middle of a crowded fest, while chasing that extra credit, you’ll bump into someone whose timetable magically matches yours. Remember: while the policy keeps changing your syllabus, Amma’s curriculum stays the same— thoda pyaar, thoda laughter, aur ek garam cup chai. Now go, finish that assignment and text that cutie from your minor subject. Both deadlines matter.

 

Want to ask Amma a query? Mail it to [email protected] 

Keep Reading
By
Sex Amma

Sex Amma on Voting Apathy

By
Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating, and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

My partner does not vote. They think it makes no difference. Should I be okay with this?

 

My dear Chikki, 

 

It is not just your partner—many people still believe that their vote makes no difference. This voter apathy, more common in the urban and educated sections of society, hurts democracy. Beta, while I do understand why many, like your partner, choose to abstain from voting, it is necessary for them to realise that voting is not just a fundamental right enshrined within the Constitution, but also a civic duty.

 

Look beta, voters often hold a cynical view of the political parties and the candidates, and are disillusioned with the electoral processes and the choices available to them. Adding to this is a general indifference to politics, and the “I don’t think I know enough about politics to vote—waise bhi mere ek vote se kya hi farq padega!” wala outlook. Feeling this way towards elections and voting is not totally wrong—citizens have often been let down by the lack of accountability, corruption, the lack of public infrastructure, rising economic inequality, failures in law and order, political polarisation, and much more. Why would anyone want to vote when almost always nothing changes? Mehengayi, berozgaari aur pradushan—kabhi koi sudhaar aaya?

 

Despite this, one must vote. While that ek vote may seem insignificant, it is emblematic of the power vested in the hands of a common citizen to shape the government, society and the trajectory of public policy. The constitutional right to vote must not be taken for granted. Ideally, this right is what gives democracy its legitimacy and reflects the collective will of its citizens. While many may argue that the system is a “flawed democracy”, it is still a democracy. When a large number of voters abstain, the democratic institutions weaken and become more vulnerable to manipulation. Not voting not only signifies disengagement from civic life and politics, but also undermines the spirit of “rule by, of and for the people”.

Not voting is actually equivalent to voting for the status quo. It attenuates the voices calling for change, reinforcing the already-established interests and allowing the dominant voices to continue unchallenged. When more and more people opt out, it conveys that there is no demand for reform. Consequently, the result of the election is decided by a smaller and often homogeneous group of voters who favour the incumbent leaders and their governance. This further marginalises the already marginalised—intensifying systemic inequalities. Thus, voting is not for the benefit of the individual, but for the greater good of the society—especially those who are directly affected by the satta. You know what, Chikki? It is actually ironic how some citizens who do not participate in the voting process and choose to opt out, despite having the right and means to do so, often complain about how inefficient the government is and lament the lack of development. Funnily enough, these are often the educated, politically and socially informed youth. Therefore, abstaining becomes a loss of voice, a loss of representation.

Coming back to your question of whether or not you should be okay with your partner choosing not to vote, Chikki, I’d say that this question is more about whether this difference clashes with your core values. I said it earlier and I’ll say it again—voting is not just a right but a duty. One’s views on politics are much more than their views on parties and the candidates who represent them. When a person votes, they vote for an ideology, for principles and for the kind of future they envision for themselves and others—all of which is also tied to their morality. While political opinion says a lot about them as human beings, choosing to entirely opt out shows their lack of concern not just for the country but also for fellow human beings. Dear Chikki, these shared values matter in a relationship. If voting is essential for you (as it should be), it is worth discussing.

Want to ask Amma a query? Mail it to [email protected]

Keep Reading
By
Sex Amma

Sex Amma on Morality and Difference in Values

By
Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating, and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

My partner does not care about global politics and conflicts. They believe thinking and caring are a luxury. How should I cope with this?

 

My dear Idli,

 

Understandably, you wish your partner cared about things that you care about. I see why they feel that caring about politics is a luxury—being able to actively think and debate about politics requires not just a level of education and access to information, but also stability in one’s basic needs. Many believe it doesn’t matter anyway, and that worrying about issues beyond their control is a wild goose chase, since they cannot change the circumstances in the world around them. Today, politics has become so polarised that these debates often only dissolve into empty rhetoric, personal attacks and acrimony between individuals. This lack of tolerance of opposing views is what makes these discussions seem futile, making people turn away and focus instead on more important things in their life, like family, friends and career, or just keeping themselves happy, and enjoying life. Well, added to this is a sense of disillusionment, that no matter who the sattadhaari is, their promises will always flop.

 

But my dear appam, what you must also know is that the opposite is quite true as well—truer still. Not caring about politics and conflicts around the world is itself a luxury. For many, politics is not a choice; it governs their lives, their rights, their well-being or even something as fundamental as their rights over their own bodies. We can choose to ignore the suffering of others, because of our privileged position in the society, where issues of poverty, sexism, casteism, climate change and other injustices don’t directly affect us; where we are not at the receiving end of oppression and marginalisation. In reality, everything is political—from the food you eat to the clothes you wear and to the media that you consume. So, one cannot be truly detached from politics, only blissfully oblivious. Political apathy is also dangerous. When you deliberately opt out of politics, let’s say, by choosing not to vote because you believe that your single vote does not matter at the end of the day, even while acknowledging that the system is flawed, you are actually turning your back on vulnerable groups, thereby reinforcing the status quo and pushing them towards a position of even greater disadvantage. Why let your voice go to waste when democracy and your position in society have given you both the right and privilege to speak and to create a more just, equitable and kind future? And Chikki, once you start paying attention, there’s no going back—your partner, too, would eventually realise that.

 

See, politics is important—even in a romantic relationship. A person’s political stance reveals a lot about them as a human being. Simply put, it is a mirror of their values, which will ultimately shape how they treat you in the relationship as well. Therefore, in my opinion, it is essential that you agree upon certain non-negotiable values. You cannot force your partner to think exactly like you or hold the same views as you, so respect differences. Communicate openly, give each other space and agree to disagree. However, you cannot agree to disagree on the non-negotiables—your core values. Protecting your peace and preserving your relationship should not come at the cost of giving up your values, for that will eventually only breed rancour between the two of you. Instead, hold on to what has shaped your identity, guided your decisions, and given your life meaning over these years. Staying true to these values will not only strengthen you, but also your relationship by bringing honesty and creating a space for deeper respect and understanding between the two of you.

 

Want to ask Amma a query? Mail it to [email protected]

Keep Reading
By
Sex Amma

Sex Amma on Breakups and its After Effects

By
Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

Question: Amma, I want to break up with my partner due to certain circumstantial reasons. I do not want to hurt them, but we cannot be together. How should I go ahead with this?

Dearest Payasam,

‘Ends can be painful’, but they can be more tolerable with acceptance and clarity of your emotions in your head. Sadly, we are all aware that rarely does falling in love get us far, but in the moment, everything looks so flowery that we forget about the bitter end, which was perhaps looming there all along.

So, dearest Kanna, now listen carefully to your Amma. No matter how hard you try, breaking up involves inevitable pain. Firstly, be clear about the reasons why you want to break up with them. Have that

clarity in your head before you sit down to communicate about your feelings.

Deciding when and where to end things is very important. Choose the right time when you both feel comfortable and select an indoor, private space to talk. During the conversation, if things get heated and an argument starts, try your best to not lose your calm, even if the person reacts poorly.

Careful! Don’t commit the mistake of breaking up over a text message. Preferably, have this conversation in person. This will ensure a better way for both of you to have this difficult conversation. Remember, Kanna, you are not superior for initiating the breakup. Respect is integral; do not badmouth your ex-partner and avoid letting your emotions run rampant.

Amma knows that the most difficult part is the aftermath. Give each other ample space to think and reflect. You may cut off communication, by all means, to truly realize and come to peace with your emotions for them. Take care of your mental health. Remember to share your feelings with someone you trust, maybe a friend, a family member, or your therapist.

Kanna, you must understand that if you have decided to take this step, you must hold your ground, even if they try to blame you for certain things. It is not your responsibility to make the other person feel better once it’s done. Accepting and moving on is the final step. You have done your part; now it is destiny that will play its role, Good luck with your life ahead!

Lots of love,

Amma

Keep Reading
By
Sex Amma

Sex Amma on Dependency in Relationship

By
Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

Question: Amma, whenever I’m with my partner, I completely lose track of time and get so caught up in the moment that I end up neglecting my schedule and feeling anxious about it afterward. I really enjoy spending time with them, but I’m worried that if I suggest spending less time together, it might affect our relationship. How do I balance enjoying my relationship while still prioritizing my own life and responsibilities?

Dearest baccha,

Ah, lost in love, are you? Well, don’t you worry, amma is here to listen and offer a bit of her own wisdom.

Now, it sounds like you’re having a bit of a dilemma. Losing track of time when you’re with your partner can feel like floating in a dream. But when reality comes knocking, it’s easy to feel a little anxious, isn’t it? Being young and in love, as beautiful as it is, can be all-consuming,

Communication, my dear, that’s the key. Sit down with your partner and pour out your heart. Let them know how you’re feeling. why you’re feeling it, and what you need to find that balance again. Relationships are built on trust and understanding, and as difficult as they might be, honest conversations can work wonders. It’s okay to prioritize yourself and your own well-being. Your partner should understand and respect your needs. However scary it may be, if the conversation does not end up working out, well, it may be time to reevaluate some things.

But fret not, my dear, you are not alone in this journey. Many young souls like yourself have found themselves trying to manage both love and responsibilities. It’s a delicate balance, isn’t it? Wanting to spend every moment with your loved one,

Remember, kanna, setting boundaries is important too. Find a rhythm that works. for the both of you, planning your time together and leaving enough to have a life of your own. Leaving some space for yourself to nurture your passions and dreams can do wonders for your own. mental health.

Mindfulness, my baccha, that’s another secret I’ll let you in on. Take a moment each day to just breathe and be present in the here and now. Whether it’s through yoga, enjoying a quiet cup of chai, or indulging in your favorite book, mindfulness can help you stay in the present moment. And if you find yourself struggling to find that balance, don’t hesitate to seek guidance. Talk to a trusted friend, a wise elder (amma is always here!), or even a professional counselor. There is no shame in asking for help when you need it, my dear.

But above all else, remember to be kind to yourself. Love is a journey, and we all stumble along the way. And before loving someone else, take a moment to love yourself. So take a deep breath, and know that you are not alone. Your amma is here for you, with an open heart and a listening ear. And together, we’ll navigate this. journey called love. Take it from me, it’s all worth it in the end.

With Love,

Amma.

Keep Reading
By
sex amma

Sex Amma on Feeling or Not Feeling

By
Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

Question: Amma, I haven’t caught feelings for anyone romantically in my life. Am I a bad person for not feeling love? Does it stem from my own incapability to love people?

My Dearest Idli,

Ah, Amma sees your conundrum, I remember my youthful days all too well. Our favourite Bollywood RomComs have successfully played with all our minds. Let me tell you that they all lie to you kanna.

There is no one way to live the “ideal life.” It does not necessarily come with a romantic paper. You are exploring your identity, and that is a beautiful thing. Gender, love, and identity exist on a vast spectrum-there is no single path to follow.

You may be aromantic or asexual, or maybe the person meant to be your vada just hasn’t arrived yet. There is no need to place yourself in a box. So no, you are not incapable of love. You’re simply learning to name the kind of love you carry.

Your heart may bloom differently. Maybe with friendship. Maybe with creative fire. Maybe with solitude. All are worthy. All are real.

My dearest idli, never ever undermine yourself – take some time, kanna, to sit with yourself, to reflect, to just be. The right things will come along, and you shall be okay. Sending you all the love and payasam, hoping to see you soon.

 

Love,

Amma. 

 

Want to ask Amma a query? Mail it to [email protected].

Keep Reading
By
Sex Amma

Sex Amma on Loving a Friend

By
Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

Question: Amma, I seem to have caught feelings for my best friend, however it appears to be largely platonic from their end, how do I proceed with it?

My Dearest Baccha,
Ah, Amma sees the tempest in your soul, not every dynamic fulfils the stereotypical bollywood formula of pyaar dosti hai, however worry not, for every twist has a way to untangle.

As of right now, Kanna, you stand at a crossroad of emotional resolve, any path that you choose to walk upon yields an uncertainty.

One path leads to divulging the knots of your heart, while the other has you hoping that your fervors will eventually find a way to move on.

However before you choose the route, steadfast over the inklings, like making the perfect Pongal, you just need a right balance of mind and heart.

My doting loli, in this web of perplexity, remember to prioritize your own mental and physical health over all the questions badgering you.

Here’s the sunny side up to the situation; with the wisdom and maturity I know my Kanna has, matter what happens, you’ll still have a friend at the end of it all.

In the weighing scale of platonic and romantic, it’s care and love that outweighs it all. Sending you all the pyaar and payasam, hoping to see you soon.

Love,

Amma. 

 

Want to ask Amma a query? Mail it to [email protected].

Keep Reading
By
Sex Amma

Sex Amma on Monogamy and Open Relationships

By
Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

Question: Amma, My partner and I are both non-monogamous and have been discussing the idea of an open relationship as we become more serious about each other, but everyone says that this is just an excuse for cheating. I like the idea of non-monogamy, but am I wrong?

My dear bachcha,

Firstly, it’s important to understand that what anyone else has to say about your relationship does not define it, what comes first are the priorities of you and your partner. I’d say it’s an oversimplification to think of non-monogamy as just an “excuse for cheating.” It is in fact so much more, as it is based on consent, communication, and mutual agreement by everyone involved.

While in your Amma‘s time, it was believed that our one true soulmate fulfills all our needs, which often meant some degree of compromise and sacrifice, it’s also not wrong to want to see other people who may satisfy certain different needs of ours, while being in a relationship with someone. It is unrealistic to expect Amma someone to fulfill all our desires and needs. Such unhealthy expectations may

However, this is easier said than done. The foundation to sustain a non-monogamous relationship must be strong. Remember, you must be secure in your bond and trust your partner, otherwise, you’ll always be filled with jealousy and resentment. This is a cliche, but communication is the key. Set boundaries with your partner about who you two can see and how aware you want to be of your partner’s other romantic relationships. These are a few choices you’d have to make. Make it a point to discuss any feelings of jealousy and resentment when they arise, so that you can work through them together, without falling into the trap of latent anger or passive-aggression.

in the end, kanna, non-monogamy done. ethically is a matter of consent from all parties involved, while cheating is a matter of deceit and betrayal. The former is a way to have the freedom to explore other joyful connections that bring us love while also having one that satisfies, whilst providing comfort and security. If you think your relationship is strong enough, then go ahead despite what anyone says. Remember, baccha, matters of the heart must only make sense to us and the one(s) we love; what works for most, may not make you happy. Love is complicated and has no rules. Love honestly, truthfully, and the more you shall receive.

Dher saara pyaar,

Amma.

Keep Reading
By
Sex Amma

Sex Amma on Modern Day Dating.

By
Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

Question: Amma, can I find a true friend who can at least be with me in my bad times on the dating apps?

Oh dear kanna!

Your amma sends you the tightest jhappis to let you know that this bad phase is not only completely normal, but will also be over before you know it. I have had my fair share of situationships as you call them, so trust me when I say this kutty, bumping into your perfect other half is nothing like those 2-hour rom-coms your generation loves. I can only imagine the dating app fatigue you bachhas encounter from constantly swiping idhar-udhar to choose from so many sweet potatoes.

While a little break from these apps won’t hurt, a good friend could also be exactly what you need right now. Don’t forget what the savants have said my macchi, a problem shared is a problem halved. A failed romantic period is inevitable, but having somebody by your side might help you find a break in the clouds amidst the evident darkness. Complaining (ranting, as you call it?) about your broken heart to a friend over an hour-long call or watching your best-loved movie with them instead of asking 10 other people theirs is only going to bring you kids closer together. In my day, a failed romance meant your friends treating you to the most heavenly kebabs at Karim’s. Maybe this is what you need, my precious. And aren’t the worst problems easier to swallow with a spoonful of gajar ka halwa?

But while their presence will certainly bring a difference, you also need to be mindful of their boundaries, my love. As frustrating as this period is for you, your friend might also be feeling emotionally spent by the whole ordeal. With you spending so much time on these boxes on your phone, could it be possible that you started neglecting them a little bit? Maybe they miss the time. when you danced to clichéd songs or went eating steaming momos together.

You know, amma has learned that we humans are not as good at intuiting others’ feelings as we boast of, so why not talk to them? Your friendships won’t be reciprocal always, so it is okay to want and give some space my kanna, but keep the ones you love around. They might not be able to make your frustration disappear, but presence does matter, haina baccha? So keep being your perfect pumpkin pie-self and you will find what you are looking for!

Lots of love,

Amma

Keep Reading
By
Sex Amma

Sex Amma on Labelling Your Sexuality

By

Amma, it has been sometime since I began questioning my sexuality. Despite being open to non-heterosexual relationships, I do not feel comfortable attaching a label to myself. What do I do about it?

Oh, my dear Idli! Your Amma understands the dilemma you are in. We are all brought up in such a heteronormative and monogamous society that most of us are conditioned to think about our sexuality in a certain way. When we get out of institutions such as schools (yes, darling, school was not too fond of your Amma’s thoughts and questions either), we tend to feel more free and liberated, and people tend to feel comfortable exploring their sexuality.

Labels may be empowering for some people, but of course they do not work for everybody. We are all humans, naa? We are all different. We cannot always fit into boxes and categories. I know that the labels available to define sexuality are very accommodating and fluid. But the very act of choosing a label for yourself and having to stick to it may be very disconcerting for many. Sexualities are not static. Your understanding of your sexuality can change over time, and claiming a label should not have to be a lifelong commitment.

Your sexual orientation is indeed a part of your identity. But your identity does not need to be defined. University spaces tend to be free, yet they are not entirely devoid of queerphobia. Labelling yourself is a brave act. Choosing not to label yourself is brave as well. None the less, labelling is a choice, my dear. There is no one way to be queer. I once had a child of about your age tell me, “Being queer is just choosing to go beyond the norm”. You may be conscious of it and want to find a label that best describes you in order to associate yourself with a community of people. Or you may want to not call yourself anything and still consciously associate yourself with a community.

Amma needs you to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Think about what you like and are comfortable with. I hope you prioritise yourself. I am happy that my dear idli came to me to express their concern. Asking for help is brave, darling. Amma is always one question away from you!

Sex Amma 

[email protected] 

Keep Reading
By