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SEX AMMA: In search of more!

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Q. Dear Amma, I have dated many people and I have been intimate with them, but I have never experienced anything ‘mind blowing’. Please give me some advice on how to enjoy myself more!

A.Aaah! Curious appums looking to spicing it up are also the most wicked when it comes to the art of dosa making.
You want to experience something so tantalizing that spreads from your fingers to your stomach, touches your skin from the inside and makes you breathless. The first step in achieving this is to be in love with yourself, to be confident about what you want and when you want it. For that, you should know your weak spots which can make you swoon upon the slightest touch of banana leaves, through the ability of self pleasure. That’s right my idli, get ready to fly solo once in a while and it will do you wonders!
That done, next thing you can do is experiment with your preferences and introduce new chutney mixes to go with your dosa. Most importantly, dirty talk! Do not under estimate the power of trash talking your way into bed; it will work as a catalyst to the best of your experiences.
And a special tip right out ofAmma’s book of experience: don’t be afraid to initiate. Believe Amma, if you feel sexy and confident, then your partner will see you exactly as you express yourself to be.And this wisdom works for all you Dosas and Vadas out there struggling to enjoy your mix of chutneys! So don’t just get down to business; experiment, explore and have some fun!

To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. We respect your confidentiality as much as you do.

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Sex Amma: Does smoking affect sexual drive?

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Q. Amma I have been a regular smoker since my first year in college, smoking almost a pack everyday! Recently (a month or two) I have noticed a reduction in my sex drive and also encountering problems while self pleasuring. Can these two be related? Please help!

A. Dear troubled macchi, in Amma’s experience smoking can cause problems some times as severe as Erectile Dysfunction.

But my macchi, do not panic. It is possible that this is just temporary or simply a hormonal phase. Smoking can sometimes adversely affect the blood circulatory system, which is imperative for sexual pleasure and hence lead to a reduction in sexual activities. What many people do not understand is that having a healthy sex life also means having a healthy heart.

If you think that you are having trouble with yourself and it’s due to smoking then it is advisable to kick the habit and lead a healthier life style. Smoking of course is a personal choice, but Amma would like to caution you about the ill-effects of addiction.commercial obstacle course

Finally, little idli, it is strongly advisable to consult a specialist right away, even though it might not be serious, it is always better to be safe than sorry!

To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. We respect your confidentiality as much as you do.

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Sex Amma: Is it harmful to pleasure myself?

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  1. Dear Amma, I love pleasuring myself frequently, does it hurt my body? Or is it harmful in anyway? Also is it normal?

 

A.Many curious macchis have asked Amma the same question, time and again, about pleasuring oneself, and to answer this for one serves a purpose for many.

My young idlis, masturbation is medically considered to be healthy sexual behaviour and an expression of one’s sexuality for you dosas and vadas, alike. It is also said to increase spice in personal relationships and helps you explore your own body and tastes in the art of dosa making. It is also a normal, fulfilling and safe human activity. And yet some still feel guilty afterwards as our society condemns the act of expressing our desires, as it is supposed to be a ‘hush-hush’ topic, to be practiced behind the veil of secrecy and social bondage.

It greatly pains Amma to say that something as beautiful and pleasant as this is also the most misunderstood by us. So my idlis, there is nothing to be shameful about your own body. But yes respecting our own privacy and that of others is a responsibility each of us share. Hence it is never acceptable to do any such activity compulsively, in public or in any other manner that causes you or people around you any distress. It’s a normal and pleasant thing to do, shunning all stigmas.

Finally, as Amma always says, it is never harmful to have fun and everyone should once in a while experiment with their chutney flavours, just to make your otherwise plain dosa batter a little bit more exciting.

 

To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. We respect your confidentiality as much as you do.

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Sex Amma: Amma, my long distance relationship is losing spice!

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Q. Dear Amma, I am in a long distance relationship with the man of my dreams, both of us really want to work it out but unfortunately, being unable to meet is causing a lot of troubles. We have a very strong emotional bond, but it can’t make up for the physical longing. What do we do?

 

A. Aiyo, my little machhi, what a predicament you’re in! Amma has always practiced the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ method when it comes to making sure her rasam remains stirring with a variety of spices. But I am also well aware that in the matters of true love, distance can only make the heart grow fonder and the dosa more eager to be dipped in delicious chutney.
Perseverance and creativity are the key elements to making an LDR work. Don’t be afraid of letting late night conversations steam your idli batter or giving him a digital taste of you. When Amma was young, exchanging spicy letters would take so long that our batters would go sour, but you young ones have all the technology at your disposal to rumble a royal rasam from miles apart. You can start by exchanging naughty messages and end with a simulating Skype conversation. Time spent apart can work as a wonderful foreplay to when you finally meet.
Be careful, though! Like in real life, online sexy time requires caution and protection too. Even if you completely trust each other, trolls on the interwebs have no respect for the privacy of young macchhis minding their own business. At the end of the day, you are in complete control of your own body and can take legal action against anyone using it without your permission. Remember, you have nothing to be ashamed of, your body and your sexuality are beautifully complementary and completely natural!

 

Ask Amma your queries at [email protected]!

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Sex Amma: I feel horrible about what my boyfriend said

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Dear Amma,

My boyfriend frequently asked me if he could taste me down there. I was apprehensive at first, but few days back things got heated up and I let him. His reaction was horrible and he said it was too soon. I was torn to bits; I feel horrible about what he said. I have a lot of health problems and he knows about all of them and I feel he should have been a little sensitive towards the situation. Should I stop blaming myself? Please help.

My troubled macchi, yes you should STOP blaming yourself.

For any person to open up to another in an intimate situation and to expose themselves for the first time is a sensitive moment. To reveal you inhibition to someone else is a brave task and should be treated with respect and understanding. Amma can empathize with your feeling of being torn after not getting the right response from your partner.

However macchi, Amma has had many encounters with people who do not know the intricacies of dosa making, and she can say from experience that often the “nice guys” can disrespect you in the most unlikely of moments. They are not aware of the fact that they are being insensitive to our feelings and say things out of impulse. Amma can understand that an attempt towards a conversation revolving around the issue at hand can lead to many embarrassing outcomes; but little idli, like Amma takes risks with spices in her chutneys, you need to take a risk here too. You need to communicate with him and soon! Since this matter is troubling your heart greatly and soon will start to affect your relationship, it is imperative that you talk to him and clearly express that you think he is being insensitive.

Dear macchi, if you care about him enough to make this work, then you need to be completely honest with him. Also if, at any time, you feel that it is not worth the effort and you are not getting the respect you deserve, then Amma suggests you walk away before the batter turns bitter. Communication is the key, but it is not worth the effort if you and your partner are not on the same page as each other.

 

To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. We respect your confidentiality as much as you do.

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Sex Amma: Hitting it off with my best friend’s boyfriend.

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Dear Sex Amma!

I met my best friend’s boyfriend at a party and we seemed to hit it off. One thing led to another and we did it that night. It was amazing and both of us agreed that it was the best we ever had. We have this incredible chemistry in bed, what do I do?

Ohh my sweet machhi! Your question has truly upset Amma. The only two things Amma always advises against are breaking someone’s heart and letting go of a dosa that fully satiates your idli.

It is great for you to meet someone you really connect and have a blazing chemistry with. But you have to realise that what you have done is essentially wrong on your part for your best friend. Cheating is one ingredient that turns the whole mixture bad. This also means that the boyfriend has wronged your friend, proving his infidelity. Macchi, always remember, good friends are scarce in life and a ruined friendship is always almost irredeemable. This is why Amma advises you to come clean to your friend and tell her the truth, even if it breaks her heart.

It’s okay to get involved and have fun with someone, but it’s wrong when that someone is already with another person. Please tell your friend the truth and talk to her boyfriend as well. Decide what both of you want, whether it was just a fun night or you both want to continue seeing each other. It will get awkward, but it’s a necessary task to clean up the mess that has been created.

Finally little machhi, it’s a valuable lesson learnt. Don’t ever push away your friends or ruin friendships over boys, because lovers might be fleeting but friends are for life!

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Sex Amma: She wants to take it slow!

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Q. Hi Sex Amma, I’ve been with my girlfriend for 10 months now and we’ve barely hit third base. I understand that she wants to take it slow and I don’t want to pressurize her, but of late, the frequency is decreasing!

Sex Amma: Oh my dear uttapam, Amma knows the plague that infests the minds of men in this country. Hitting the third base in a cricket crazy nation is all that men want, ignoring the weather and pitch conditions, thus getting out on the very first ball or eventually getting forced to play defensive.
Amma appreciates the fact that you understand that your macchhi wants to take it slow. The decreasing frequency suggests that the macchhi is either feeling guilty or has gotten scared due to the misunderstandings and taboo that accompany sex in our beloved nation. In any case, the solution is: communication.
You need to sit her down in an environment where she can speak to you about anything. And, if it’s a biological reason, then be a strong fisherman, be there for your macchhi and support her through the tough time. Build a strong bridge of communication and trust, and Amma guarantees you’ll start scoring again, singles and doubles at first, of course. Don’t lose your patience, else you’ll misjudge the ball and will be ‘caught’ out.

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Sex Amma: My boyfriend loves porn but I can’t stand it

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Q. My boyfriend loves to watch porn and every time we get intimate he tells me to watch it too and learn new things. He remains very unsatisfied with our time, but I dislike porn. I just can’t stand watching it. How can I make him see the other way?

A. Ayyioo!

My naughty idlis caught in a mix of curries!

First things first, it’s completely okay to have different views from your partner on this one. The adult industry is made for entertainment and you have the right to not like it, so it’s perfectly alright to not watch it. Porn films, like any other media these days, are all about putting up a show, so don’t expect the things you see online to happen in a real situation. They are educational for some or can be just entertainment, but unrealistic expectations from porn should not be borne into real life situations.

Real life intimate situations can take on many shapes, believe Amma! Whatever your recipe is for dosa making, the end product should always be a feeling of mutual respect and fun. This can only be the case if you both are comfortable with each other. Your partner’s dissatisfaction can be helped if you both talk about each other’s likes and dislikes and reach a common ground. Do get to know more about each other’s preferences and do not give in to the digital image of sex.

As Amma always says, communication is the key, my idli! Feel comfortable and get naughty; introducing new spices into your dosa batter is never a bad idea. So try what you can and remember to always be safe.

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Sex Amma: I’ve been with my girlfriend for 10 months now and we’ve barely hit third base.

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Q. Hi Sex Amma, I’ve been with my girlfriend for 10 months now and we’ve barely hit third base. I understand that she wants to take it slow and I don’t want to pressurize her, but of late, the frequency is decreasing!

A: Oh my dear uttapam, Amma knows the plague that infests the minds of men in this country. Hitting the third base in a cricket crazy nation is all that men want, ignoring the weather and pitch conditions, thus getting out on the very first ball or eventually getting forced to play defensive.

Amma appreciates the fact that you understand that your macchhi wants to take it slow. The decreasing frequency suggests that the macchhi is either feeling guilty or has gotten scared due to the misunderstandings and taboo that accompany sex in our beloved nation. In any case, the solution is: communication.

You need to sit her down in an environment where she can speak to you about anything. And, if it’s a biological reason, then be a strong fisherman, be there for your macchhi and support her through the tough time. Build a strong bridge of communication and trust, and Amma guarantees you’ll start scoring again, singles and doubles at first, of course. Don’t lose your patience, else you’ll misjudge the ball and will be ‘caught’ out.

Do you have a question you’d like Sex Amma to answer?
Ask her anonymously!

 

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Sex Amma: Breaking up with someone

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Q. Amma, I’ve been in a relationship with this girl for about 7 months now and I want to break up with her. The problem is that whenever I try to tell her that I want to stop seeing her, she gets very sentimental and I end up consoling her with no progress. What should I do? I’m not a shallow human being, it’s just that I feel that we’re not very compatible.

A.Foremost: think 10 times before doing this.
My dear rasam, this problem of yours reminds Amma of the tales of love-stricken boys from the dosa gang of engineering colleges who wouldn’t let go of Amma when she would tell them that it’s over. Amma herself struggled with the issue for quite a while in her times, but eventually stumbled across the recipe to break up with someone who had gotten over-attached to her. The answer to your problem is not as simple as making fried idlis.

The solution in itself is a process. You’ve to be gentle with the little macchi. You’ve to explain to her why you think that you guys shouldn’t be together. Amma knows it’s a cliché but you’ve to tell her that it’s not her but you, as it is truly the case with you. You’ve to appeal to her logical side, which Amma knows gets trapped under the chutney of emotions in such cases, and explain to her that the relationship has run its course and it’s time and that you two part ways before you start hating each other. And as for avoiding making her uncomfortable in public, solitude is the key. Take her on a walk in a big park and explain it all to the sweet little macchi (oh! She’ll cry!Amma’s heart is already bleeding for the poor soul!). Please console her. Think of breaking up as removing a bandage slowly and smoothly instead of ripping it off as most rasams usually do.

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