Amma, I am a 20 year old girl and for the past 1 year, I have a “friend with benefits”.  While we both enjoy each other’s company and the sex is good enough, I am already bored of doing the same thing over and over again. I recently asked him about trying some new stuff in bed, but he is too reluctant to venture into the unknown. Should I look for a new friend? Help!

Your Amma simply loves when young macchis want to go explore the deeper parts of the backwaters to catch themselves juicer fishes. But Amma would also like to warn against their sharper bones! I remember the time when bored of Unnikrishnan’s same old idli-making, Amma wanted to try the dosas of the gilded youth of the neighbourhood. Aiyyo! But I must keep such remembrances for when I am alone. *winks* Listen macchi. You and your koottukaran got together for the sex only. Now if your vada is telling you that his dosa is no longer doing the trick, then either tell him to buckle up his mundu and get to work or look for some new pasture. There are no two ways of looking at this, poovu.

But my dear, before you run out of your half-sari, remember that more the number of sexual partners, more the risk of contacting one of those STDs. Also, you already seem to be comfortable with your friend, something you might not be with other guys. And from Amma’s wide experience, no two chicken chettinads are the same. So while you may find someone who might be better than him, you might also run into someone who is far worse! So Amma advices you to talk to him, ask him to spice the rasam up, maybe introduce one more dosa or vada into the plate for some added fun. *winks* Macchi, there are a million ways to get creative in bed. Try them all out first. Maybe leave those bananas aside for a while and try some coconuts for a while, just to see if you actually prefer the later over the former. Amma always thought she was missing something until she went on a midnight stroll on the Kumarakom beach with her childhood friend, Lola Kutty! But if my macchi knows that she likes only the banana chips and talking and trying things with her friend are not helping, then write again, my love. Amma can set you up with one of her virile Kochi cousins instead!

Dear Amma, I am a fresher in the new FYUP course.  We have so many hot girls in our college and I want to get with one of those girls. The problem is that I am unable to start a conversation because I am not confident of my looks. Also I don’t know how to start a talk with a new girl.  Please help. And is going to a prostitute bad if you want to have some sex?

What Amma loves about you is that you are such a curious little appam! As far as conversations go, believe Amma when she says that everyone in college (including the hot girls!) are really nervous at this time – you’re fresh out of school, you hardly know anyone, it’s only natural, aiyyo! But it is no reason to lose your self esteem – start a conversation the way you would with anyone – regardless of whether or not you find them attractive. Don’t be so harsh on yourself – Amma is sure you are quite a looker!

And no, there is nothing is wrong with paid sex as long as you respect the person you are being intimate with – even if you are paying them! Have a great time at college, appam! Amma is sure the girls will all love you.

Have a query about the shhhhhh topic? Send Sex Amma your questions at [email protected]!

Query:

Amma I and my gf have a decent sex life I guess. But nowadays I feel that I climax too soon. Way too soon. I can see an unhappy look on my partners face after we do it. How can I build stamina in bed for my gf…

Response:

Now now.. in my town this is what you would call a typical case of an early ripened banana falling to the ground and drying up before anyone can enjoy the fruits of it. We spend all our lives trying to come first in every race but forget that when it comes to in- bed issues, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. I had to consult with Dr. P. E. Periyar (P. E. is Physical Education here, you naughty little nettle!) but as always Amma has got a solution for you dearest macchi!

Premature ejaculation is the most common of all in- bed issues faced by men around the world today. That was just to put it out there. What causes premature ejaculation? There’s not one cause; it’s a combination of factors. Some believe anxiety is the culprit, repetitive learned behaviours, excessive or insufficient arousal, or muscular tension. They’re all associated, and addressing each of them is the key to curing premature ejaculation. For our purposes, let’s focus on curing premature ejaculation.

Wear a condom. It sounds too simple to be true, but it works for a lot of men. Condoms reduce stimulation for most men, which should prolong the time before ejaculation. Steer clear of condoms that are marketed as extra thin. You can always upgrade to a brand that allows more stimulation later. Some condoms are coated with a slight numbing gel on the inside. This can help you put off ejaculation for longer without causing numbness to your partner. Just make sure you know which side is where when you put it on.

Keep in mind that erectile problems come and go, and this issue is most likely not permanent. Additionally, most men gain more control over ejaculating as they get older. If you’re still young, try not to worry too much — you’ll probably grow out of premature ejaculation.

Slow down next time, dear macchi; don’t try to jump your gun while she is still warming up her gun powder.

Query:
I wanted to ask that do masturbating 3-6 times a week causes any harm? I do that sometimes in my free weeks in my college. Also, is masturbating 2-3 time continuously in a day harmful?

Response:
Aiyo, this little machi is getting it all wrong re! Amma can’t understand what in the name of the byootiful backwaters of Kerala would make you think that giving yourself a little happiness will harm you! What harm are you thinking of, da?

Yenniway, to answer your little query, amma only wants you to know that there are several lonely machis out there who love to pleasure themselves but worry about its risks – so little machi – you’re not alone! But to clear all the yair, masturbation is great way to release all your sexual energy and does no harm, no matter how yoften you do it. Regardless of whether you are a byeauttyful girl or handsome boy, the M word is taboo for many people, but it’s a great feeling and you should do it whenever you want to let your little machi gills be free of all the sexual tension!

It is not possible for us all to always have someone to make us happy, and amma thinks helping yourself is absolutely worth it!

“Dear Amma,

I got committed just 7 months back. I’m in a long distance relationship. My GF lives in my hometown and my college is far away from there so we meet only during college holidays.

My GF is quite shy but I still manage to do some ‘sexting’ with her. We haven’t done anything yet other than hugging; I asked her if we could do anything more so she replied that she can’t do anything more than a kiss. I want to something more but on the other hand I’m also quite shy and don’t know how to ask her for a kiss in front of her.

Please give me some advice so that I could try to be more open with her without making her uncomfortable.”

Amma can’t tell you how good it was to read some of your eye popping questions after such a long time. And amidst that, this young macchi, who posed his question in such a nice way, thangkyu da! Yennyway, cracking my knuckles here I am, Amma’s home my chirpy little crickets!

First of all Amma would like to pat  your and your Gurlfriend’s back for overcoming the problem of long distance by adding sum oomph to your texting. Now you know why Amma hates keypads that require 2 hand operation? Tracking back, it is yolso great to see how you have openly talked about how far you want to go physically. Now the problem has arisen because the 2 partners are coming from varying sexual needs. While one wants to rock the boat a little more the other one wants to yennjoi the scenery. THE ANSWER is that give her some time. If the openness in your relationship continues then there will come a time when she will show the same amount of interest in physical commitment as you are showing.

In conclusion, it is nice how you want to be careful where you tread, Amma suggests that you add the spice in limited quantity first, bring her up to the boil and save some spice for when she is steamy and bubbly for it.

LASTLY macchis, you know how much Amma likes to be the trending subject everywhere, that has lead her to create a Twitter handle too, so follow @sex_amma!