Q. Amma I have been in a serious relationship for a year but I haven’t “done it”. My boyfriend has been very understanding. I always tell him I’m not in the mood, but actually I’m not confident about my body. I have this crazy idea that he’ll laugh the first time he sees me like that. What do I do?
A. Aiyyo, what is happening to girls these days? Sultry Spirit of Silk Smitha, forgive this travesty. Do it. Don’t push it with your boyfriend. Do you really want to hear on the news one day that he died of electrocution while humping a lamp post? Love thyself, girl. Your boyfriend will be too stunned to laugh. Amma guarantees you that.
Q. Hello Amma Ji..Can I know your age?? I want to meet you just as a Friend. Can we meet? Where do you live?
A. Aiyyo, quite the poet you are. Hidden meanings in all your words. But don’t you worry, Amma’s had some Shakespeare in her too (no pun intended…who am I kidding. every possible pun intended ). So here’s my attempt at reading between the lines. Can I know your age=do your big boys sag so much that they touch the ground? I want to meet you just as a friend= I want to get horizontal with you, screw friendship (screw-friendship, get it?) Where do you live=may I have permission to stalk you?
Aaah. Aaj ke naujawaan, they make me proud. And a little bit nostalgic too. What the heck, I might just surprise you one of these days, young man.