Tag

Sex Amma

Browsing

Dear Amma, I’m a 19 year old girl and I’ve never gotten intimate. I’ve often heard people say that the bigger a man’s foot size, the bigger is his you-know-what. Recently, I have begun to get really aroused every time I see a guy with big shoes. It gets pretty embarrassing, especially in crowded public places, as I can’t stop staring and fantasizing. Please help!

Aiyyo, you poor misled machhi! A man’s feet and his crisp paper dosa are about as related as an idli and uthappam- The basic make up is similar, but the size, shape and thickness may vary greatly.
Although some studies have shown a correlation between the size of a man’s fingers and toes and the wonder down under, Amma knows better than to judge chutney by its colour. Once you have dipped your idlis in as many sambhars as I have, you will realise that sometimes a guppy fish is better endowed than a manly salmon. Even if your partner isn’t as hefty as you’d hoped, don’t spoil your batter. After all, it’s not the size of the dosa, but the quality if the masala that matters!

Once you realise how petty it is to worry about a dosa’s length, you will automatically stop gawking at Mr. Big Shoes. As for fantasizing in public places, who doesn’t? 😉

Hello, Amma! I am a guy and I am in a relationship with another guy for the last one year. Things were well till he recently told me he hooked up with a girl when he went to Goa with his friends a month back. He said he liked it a lot and now he thinks he might be bisexual instead. Is this his way of suddenly realizing he is straight actually? Or am I over thinking? Help!

Aiyyo! Macchi, I know this must be really confusing for you. Our world is such a cruel place anyway for lovebirds like you and your cherukkan.  The only men who ever rejected Amma’s offers were those of the ‘happy’ types and Amma still lusts over them. But you did not write to know about that (or did you? *winks*).

See my vaazha koombu, sexuality is a spectrum and not something that is necessarily static. In my expert opinion, most people never realise their true potential and so remain inside the boxes they have discovered for themselves. But a lot of people do play around the court. Amma did and still yearns for some vadas at times. Your boy did the same too. People cannot ‘change’ their sexuality and your cherukkan maybe just realized something which was the reality all along!

Even if your boy is into both dosas and vadas, it still does not mean that he does not love you! If he did not then he would not have been with you. His heart and his dosa are different from each other. He just realised that his tastes are more varied than what he thought before. Actually, going by your less-than-outraged reaction to his hookup, Amma suggests popping in a vada from time to time in your play times to make things a little spicier. Because having idlis with sambhar everytime is okay but with rasam even better.  😉

Hello Amma. My sex life is actually very good. The only problem is that my girlfriend watches a lot of porn and expects us to perform as well as they do in the videos. She doesn’t understand that I am not a professional as they are and she ends up being disappointed. How do I make her understand?

 

Aiyyo! Amma doesn’t understand how you little ones are so unable to differentiate between fact and fiction. The Kathakali that those painted (and may I add dented?) men do on stage is different from the thumkas people do on the streets. Tell her that those virile men with their extra-long-butter-paper-dosas getting it on with those macchis with their perfectly shaped idlis are paid to be good at what they do. And even they take breaks in between. Back in the old days when your Amma’s jackfruit-shaped hips were as flexible as her taste in idlis and dosas, she was invited to work in those videos which were such rages back in her old village, and so she knows. What she learnt was that not everyone is a Silk Smitha and even she was in awe of Amma’s moves.

Watch porn to get ideas or to get as fluffy as a well made vada and to get in the mood. But to compare to those gods and goddesses is to be forever disappointed. Unless your paramour is ready to take super-speciality classes with you from Amma (those can get interesting), she will always be one step less perfect from those in the videos. Get inspired by what they do, learn a few tricks from them. But as my mentor Rambha Kutty used to say, never compare the rasam you are sipping on right now with anything else! And Amma says that applies to what you see in porn too!

Dear Amma, my girlfriend and I have been going out for 7 months now and we recently started going all the way in bed. I do not share that deep a bond with her as I did with my previous girlfriends; therefore, sometimes we aren’t able to communicate about our likes and dislikes. I feel as though she fakes an orgasm at times. This thought is deeply troubling for me. Please tell me how I can find out if she’s faking it or not?

Ah, my little idli is so worried! Amma’s heart goes out to you. When there is lack of communication between the macchis, this sort of worrying and suspicion is bound to happen! After all, one must be open in bed…in more ways than one!

Now, though Amma usually sticks to dosas, a couple of vadas have passed her way too. It is difficult for girls to orgasm at times, so I can see your cause of concern. Your question has no straightforward answer, I am afraid, for each appam is different! One small tip I can give you is to probably notice and observe her in bed. Is she a bit too…theatrical? Perhaps she screams or moans a little too much? Since you have had previous experience, you could compare them. But as Amma said, everyone is different. Also, a lot of women find achieving an orgasm only via vaginal sex difficult! So try to mix it up a little, and see how she reacts. If the reactions are vastly different, she was probably faking it earlier, to spare your feelings. However, if the experimentation does lead to an orgasm for her, well then, mission accomplished, my little idli! Apart from this, I would suggest you work on being comfortable expressing in front of each other; it will help you in the long run, and not just in the dirty deed department!

Amma, I am a 20 year old girl and for the past 1 year, I have a “friend with benefits”.  While we both enjoy each other’s company and the sex is good enough, I am already bored of doing the same thing over and over again. I recently asked him about trying some new stuff in bed, but he is too reluctant to venture into the unknown. Should I look for a new friend? Help!

Your Amma simply loves when young macchis want to go explore the deeper parts of the backwaters to catch themselves juicer fishes. But Amma would also like to warn against their sharper bones! I remember the time when bored of Unnikrishnan’s same old idli-making, Amma wanted to try the dosas of the gilded youth of the neighbourhood. Aiyyo! But I must keep such remembrances for when I am alone. *winks* Listen macchi. You and your koottukaran got together for the sex only. Now if your vada is telling you that his dosa is no longer doing the trick, then either tell him to buckle up his mundu and get to work or look for some new pasture. There are no two ways of looking at this, poovu.

But my dear, before you run out of your half-sari, remember that more the number of sexual partners, more the risk of contacting one of those STDs. Also, you already seem to be comfortable with your friend, something you might not be with other guys. And from Amma’s wide experience, no two chicken chettinads are the same. So while you may find someone who might be better than him, you might also run into someone who is far worse! So Amma advices you to talk to him, ask him to spice the rasam up, maybe introduce one more dosa or vada into the plate for some added fun. *winks* Macchi, there are a million ways to get creative in bed. Try them all out first. Maybe leave those bananas aside for a while and try some coconuts for a while, just to see if you actually prefer the later over the former. Amma always thought she was missing something until she went on a midnight stroll on the Kumarakom beach with her childhood friend, Lola Kutty! But if my macchi knows that she likes only the banana chips and talking and trying things with her friend are not helping, then write again, my love. Amma can set you up with one of her virile Kochi cousins instead!

Dear Amma, I am a fresher in the new FYUP course.  We have so many hot girls in our college and I want to get with one of those girls. The problem is that I am unable to start a conversation because I am not confident of my looks. Also I don’t know how to start a talk with a new girl.  Please help. And is going to a prostitute bad if you want to have some sex?

What Amma loves about you is that you are such a curious little appam! As far as conversations go, believe Amma when she says that everyone in college (including the hot girls!) are really nervous at this time – you’re fresh out of school, you hardly know anyone, it’s only natural, aiyyo! But it is no reason to lose your self esteem – start a conversation the way you would with anyone – regardless of whether or not you find them attractive. Don’t be so harsh on yourself – Amma is sure you are quite a looker!

And no, there is nothing is wrong with paid sex as long as you respect the person you are being intimate with – even if you are paying them! Have a great time at college, appam! Amma is sure the girls will all love you.

Have a query about the shhhhhh topic? Send Sex Amma your questions at [email protected]!

Query:

How safe is dry humping? Can I get pregnant because of it?

Response:

Shee shee, if this was a usual conversation with Amma over a pint of cononut water Amma would’ve asked ‘How dry is your dry humping?’ but that would be going off topic. On one hand you macchis want to learn how to swim in the Kovalam and on the other can’t handle anything more than beach sand in your toes.

However, Amma is here to help you out. Well, neither in theory nor in practicality is there a chance of you getting pregnant simply by dry humping. It’s a good way to spark a fire but you need to have more wood…. Much much more wood Geddit? Phew! So much innuendo now Amma knows how the writer’s of Savita Bhabhi must feel. Dry humping is a safe and fun way to fool around with your partner, especially if you’re still testing the backwaters. Amma suggests that as soon as you feel comfortable with him you can start baring some skin.

So wear clean clothes while doing the deed and remember, keep it dry but keep it spicy!

Query

I’m in a relationship since 2 years. Everything was going well. But now he says I’m not satisfying his sexual needs. He wants to have Anal Sex with me & I can’t.

Answer

Okay listen up, little machi. Amma will give you a word of advice that she’ll like you to follow for the rest of your life – both sexually and otherwise. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying no. Amma knows that you probably love this appam of yours but if there is something you are not comfortable with, nobody should be able to (explicitly or implicitly) force you into it.

Amma’s advice to you will be to tell him that you are not comfortable with it – if he genuinely likes you, he’ll understand. Otherwise, don’t cry over spilt chutney!  There are too many dosas in the world that you can dig into, aiyyo! At the end of the day, relationships and sex will come and go, but you will have to live with yourself all your life – so do what you are comfortable doing.

And at the end of the day, pleasure is about enjoying yourself – doing what makes you happy, and even a two year relationship is not worth trading for your own happiness, little machi!

Query:

Amma I and my gf have a decent sex life I guess. But nowadays I feel that I climax too soon. Way too soon. I can see an unhappy look on my partners face after we do it. How can I build stamina in bed for my gf…

 amma-copy

Response:

Now now.. in my town this is what you would call a typical case of an early ripened banana falling to the ground and drying up before anyone can enjoy the fruits of it. We spend all our lives trying to come first in every race but forget that when it comes to in- bed issues, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. I had to consult with Dr. P. E. Periyar (P. E. is Physical Education here, you naughty little nettle!) but as always Amma has got a solution for you dearest macchi!

Premature ejaculation is the most common of all in- bed issues faced by men around the world today. That was just to put it out there. What causes premature ejaculation? There’s not one cause; it’s a combination of factors. Some believe anxiety is the culprit, repetitive learned behaviours, excessive or insufficient arousal, or muscular tension. They’re all associated, and addressing each of them is the key to curing premature ejaculation. For our purposes, let’s focus on curing premature ejaculation.

Wear a condom. It sounds too simple to be true, but it works for a lot of men. Condoms reduce stimulation for most men, which should prolong the time before ejaculation. Steer clear of condoms that are marketed as extra thin. You can always upgrade to a brand that allows more stimulation later. Some condoms are coated with a slight numbing gel on the inside. This can help you put off ejaculation for longer without causing numbness to your partner. Just make sure you know which side is where when you put it on.

Keep in mind that erectile problems come and go, and this issue is most likely not permanent. Additionally, most men gain more control over ejaculating as they get older. If you’re still young, try not to worry too much — you’ll probably grow out of premature ejaculation.

Slow down next time, dear macchi; don’t try to jump your gun while she is still warming up her gun powder.

Query:
I wanted to ask that do masturbating 3-6 times a week causes any harm? I do that sometimes in my free weeks in my college. Also, is masturbating 2-3 time continuously in a day harmful?

amma copyResponse:
Aiyo, this little machi is getting it all wrong re! Amma can’t understand what in the name of the byootiful backwaters of Kerala would make you think that giving yourself a little happiness will harm you! What harm are you thinking of, da?

Yenniway, to answer your little query, amma only wants you to know that there are several lonely machis out there who love to pleasure themselves but worry about its risks – so little machi – you’re not alone! But to clear all the yair, masturbation is great way to release all your sexual energy and does no harm, no matter how yoften you do it. Regardless of whether you are a byeauttyful girl or handsome boy, the M word is taboo for many people, but it’s a great feeling and you should do it whenever you want to let your little machi gills be free of all the sexual tension!

It is not possible for us all to always have someone to make us happy, and amma thinks helping yourself is absolutely worth it!