Ques. Amma, I enjoy sex a lot more when I’m slightly tipsy or drunk but my boyfriend is unable to do it when he is even slightly intoxicated. How do we resolve this?
Ans.Aiyyo, I see an impression of me in you! Well, this is not that big a problem. We just need to find a path that serves the purpose of both you and your dosa, little vada!
The solution is simple, there’s no harm in drinking alone. To let out a little secret, Amma does it all the time! If you feel you’ll be able to feel the steam better with some added water, little idli, go ahead with it. If your boyfriend is not comfortable with the same, he may not join you. This idli and chutney combination can work out brilliantly for you if you’re willing to take the matter in your own hands (pun intended).
Whenever you know it’s going to be your day (or night), you can drink alone if you really need it. Amma also believes that you can find ways to feel good about the act without being drunk. Talk about this to your boyfriend; talking is the key to good relationships (and sex!). If both of you know the other’s needs and desires, it’ll be better than ever before!
Sex Amma says: ‘Have any queries little idlis? Guide them to me guilt-free at [email protected] and Amma shall come save you! Flouting the ethics of privacy is against Amma’s principles.’
Q. He likes to do it on the floor when we are together, but I prefer the bed. How can we resolvethis?
A. Aiyoo! You naughty idlis remind Amma of her maiden days when the floor of the paddy fields used to be her mattress. But that is a story for another time *winks*
There is nothing wrong with having different preferences when it comes to the art of dosa making. Your boyfriend might have dissimilar tastes than yours, but there is no harm in indulging him once in a while. You never know when you start enjoying it on the floor too. It is normal to try to introduce some spice into your otherwise plain dosa batter, it might jazz things up a little and might end up enjoying yourself.
Finally my puttu, don’t be afraid to try out something new. But if you are not comfortable then talk to your boyfriend and let him know. You idlis can try out something else where both of you are comfortable. Lastly, don’t think too much and just have fun my naughty idlis!
The Gender Studies Cell (GSC), St.Stephen’s College, held its second discussion as part of ‘Taboo Diaries’ on ‘Sex, Sexuality and Shame’. The GSC hopes to bring the topics that most of us aren’t too comfortable discussing, out into the open for an informal and engaging discussion.
The panel of eight comprised entirely of students from the college, spread across batches and courses: Aayesha Varma, Prerna Subramanian, Paro Tomar, Suchismita Panda, Shirin Choudhary, Anshul Mukarji, Havisha Khurana and Harsha Sanyukta, presented their views on various taboos and misconceptions surrounding and not limited to, concepts of sexuality, safe sex, masturbation and sex education, after which they engaged in a discussion with the audience.
The event was flagged off by Angha Gopal, with a slam poetry performance, on the issues of body image and coming to terms with it. As she encouraged us to ‘tip the scales over,’ she had the audience snapping their fingers in agreement.
The question of the body being the primary criteria, on which judgment of an individual is based, was raised. Further, the opinion that people who are overweight are not ‘victims’ or objects towards whom sympathy is directed was also expressed. The panelists put forth their own experiences with regard to their parents or schools shunning or in some cases accepting open discussions on sex and sexual practices. Sex sells and titillates as long as it is behind closed doors, but buying condoms to practice safe sex is still considered ’embarrassing’. This glaring public-private divide is essential to any discussion on sexual practices.
The taboos surrounding porn and masturbation were discussed. It is common to be judged negatively for being a woman who masturbates, to the extent that most women are unaware that masturbation is natural and normal. The spaces that less privileged classes have to explore their sexuality and the problem of spaces to articulate same sex desire being inherently unsafe were other questions that were raised. Being scorned for enjoying casual sex, or ‘slut shaming’, is another taboo that exists on the same page. In order to dispel these misconceptions and taboos that surround sex and sexuality, sex education should be of supreme importance.
The most significant aspect of such a discussion is that lived experiences of students themselves are brought to the fore. While scholarly lectures or research papers may limit such discussions to a certain audience, a more informal affair ensures that maximum number of people are involved and interested in topics that they can relate to. Further, pertinent questions and issues are addressed with regard to topics that must be broached, else society considers these taboos too ‘shameful’ to be discussed outside of the privacy of our bedrooms.
Q. My girlfriend is a very strong and independent person. But she changes when we are intimate, she becomes inanimate and non participative. It makes me feel very odd and leaves me to do all the work. I don’t understand what happens to her. Please advice, Amma.
A. My sweet uppam, the thing about us humans is that we are all very complicated beings, we might appear to be hard and strong on the outside, but when faced with intimacy, we might turn out to be tender and sweet.
My little idli, maybe your strong girlfriend has a sweeter, more private side to herself. Most people regard being intimate as a deep emotional journey they undertake and it makes you feel even closer. But that often also means giving them time to come out of their shells and developing a comfort zone with you. The next time you decide to be warm and cozy, sit her down and talk to her heart to heart, about things she is comfortable doing and the things you both would like to do. Build a bond where you know just what works for your partner and what does not through communication.
Finally, just be honest with her and encourage her to do the same. Talk to each other, lay down some mutual rules and just have fun my idlies. Don’t think too much and let your feelings guide you, the mind will follow.
How safe is dry humping? Can I get pregnant because of it?
Shee shee, if this was a usual conversation with Amma over a pint of cononut water Amma would’ve asked ‘How dry is your dry humping?’ but that would be going off topic. On one hand you macchis want to learn how to swim in the Kovalam and on the other can’t handle anything more than beach sand in your toes.
However, Amma is here to help you out. Well, neither in theory nor in practicality is there a chance of you getting pregnant simply by dry humping. It’s a good way to spark a fire but you need to have more wood…. Much much more wood Geddit? Phew! So much innuendo now Amma knows how the writer’s of Savita Bhabhi must feel. Dry humping is a safe and fun way to fool around with your partner, especially if you’re still testing the backwaters. Amma suggests that as soon as you feel comfortable with him you can start baring some skin.
So wear clean clothes while doing the deed and remember, keep it dry but keep it spicy!
I’m in a relationship since 2 years. Everything was going well. But now he says I’m not satisfying his sexual needs. He wants to have Anal Sex with me & I can’t.
Okay listen up, little machi. Amma will give you a word of advice that she’ll like you to follow for the rest of your life – both sexually and otherwise. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying no. Amma knows that you probably love this appam of yours but if there is something you are not comfortable with, nobody should be able to (explicitly or implicitly) force you into it.
Amma’s advice to you will be to tell him that you are not comfortable with it – if he genuinely likes you, he’ll understand. Otherwise, don’t cry over spilt chutney! There are too many dosas in the world that you can dig into, aiyyo! At the end of the day, relationships and sex will come and go, but you will have to live with yourself all your life – so do what you are comfortable doing.
And at the end of the day, pleasure is about enjoying yourself – doing what makes you happy, and even a two year relationship is not worth trading for your own happiness, little machi!
Milan Luthria’s The Dirty Picture, is easily one of the boldest films you have seen recently. But how I wish it could have been ‘one of the best’.
It is very clear after watching the film that the makers’ foremost priority was to shock you. So in the first half you see Silk (Vidya) do all the raunchy moves, which are received by tons of seetis from the audience. The jaw dropping dialogues bring out the laughter and Silk does all that she can to satisfy those who are lured in solely by the promise of skin-show. And obviously they are unlikely to complain.
But the filmmakers could not quiet succeed in making an emotional drama that it could have been, rather, should have been. With the sole focus being on sex, the writers failed to weave a captivating screenplay. Forget this, when Silk (Balan) commits suicide in the end, it doesn’t give you a shock or a tear; it gives you a huge relief as you see the exit gates open.
Reshma, a village girl enters Madras, in order to chase her dreams, and gives it all to become a star. Not afraid to expose and compromise, she impresses all with her guts and later on becomes a siren in the South film industry. Along the way, she gets entangled in three love affairs, all unsuccessful, and receives ample hatred for doing the bold and vulgar films from the society. And as good times bid her farewell, she lays in the bed she made for herself.
With the plot being extremely predictable, what was required was a tight script which besides entertaining helps the viewer to relate with the protagonist. But here, what is served is only ‘entertainment entertainment entertainment’. While the first half is genuinely funny, engaging and shocking, it’s the film’s latter half that gives your back an uncalled-for ache.
The film is made watchable, thanks to its two stars, the ‘dirty’ dialogues and the ‘boombat’ Balan. While the dialogues are wonderfully and astutely penned by Rajat Arora, Vidya Balan is impossible to describe in a word. It’s hard to imagine who else could have gathered the guts to carry such a herculean role with such perfection. She is absolutely spectacular and, in short, is the ‘hero’ of the film.
Of the male actors, Naseeruddin Shah creates a major impact. He is exceptional and entertaining as a middle-aged South superstar and a Casanova. Both Emraan Hashmi and Tusshar are first rate, the former obviously with a better role.
Vishal Shekhar’s music is decent to say the least. ‘Ooh la la’ is a definite chartbuster; other songs though hummable, seem to be unnecessarily forced in the narrative.
Milan Luthria deserves to be appreciated for conceptualizing such a bold film but a little more effort in the writing and the end result could have been much better.
I am going with 2 stars for the film and an additional half for Vidya Balan, making it 2 and a half for The Dirty Picture. Silk certainly tries hard to make up for the flaws, but it isn’t enough to make it a ‘lovely’ picture. If you are looking for just the shock value, this average fair may not disappoint you!
Is it advisable to have sex during periods? Will I get pregnant?
Sex during periods? Rama, rama! But it is so icky, no? And it’s only a few days in a month that you have to restrain those raging hormones of those yours… I remember I had to wait for weeks to unite with my beloved Unnikrishnan in the paddy fields, away from Appa’s prying eyes. Sigh. Those were the days… well, coming back to your question, I personally don’t advocate sex during periods, but to each his (or her) own. As for the second part of your query, there is no time of the month when you are completely free of a pregnancy risk, but it is true indeed that during your periods the risk is comparatively low. You should still use protection in any case. Better safe than pregnant, I always say!
Does masturbation cause erectile dysfunction? I think it’s becoming a habit with me. How do I get out of it?
So many queries about masturbation! I wonder when you young ones get time for your academics! Ah well, just me and my old thinking I suppose. Hmm. Masturbation is actually quite a healthy practice with absolutely no side effects. A little birdie even tells me that sperm is actually good for your skin! Birds and their twitterings aside, masturbation is definitely not the root cause of erectile dysfunction or any other sexual impairments. As to your worries that it’s becoming a habit, the only way to get out of it is to stop doing it. There is no rehab and all that, lovelies! You’ve just got to stop doing it!
Q1: Amma, does kissing or licking a girl’s vagina equal having intercourse with her? Can it cause pregnancy?
ANS: Kids kids. I have to say this. Please send in your queries in a language, little more sophisticated. I mean sometimes I can’t help but picture an image in my mind which chokes my throat. Aiyo. And I am not going to entertain any mails sent to me asking me for my phone number, so please stop trying. I mean I am not used to being “hot property”. All i can tell you is that I just bought a new phone. It’s so expensive and I can’t even operate it properly yet. Tch tch. These technology leaps are just too much!!
Anyway, “kissing or licking a girl’s vagina” comes under something we call “oral sex” and THAT, my friends does not cause pregnancy. However I must warn you against having excessive oral sex because it can sometimes be a tad bit unhygienic, in fact more than a “tad bit” unhygienic. Hope that cleared up your misconceptions. Tchh kids these days ask the most ridiculous questions! Now have to move on to the next query. Namaskaram.
Q2: I have small problem. During intercourse I ejaculate very quickly. Can you suggest how I can stop that from happening? How can I prolong it? Looking forward to your reply
Ans: After the stupidity I’ve shown in answering the previous question, i think it is my duty now to sound intelligent and deal with a question of this “high” degree. Ahem ahem.
Now, Premature ejaculation is the most common of sexual problem in human males. It is, in fact, the default evolutionary norm. Delaying ejaculation has to be learned — it is an acquired skill. Pills like some anxiolytics do help, but dubious topical sprays and applications are a strict no-no. Even the pills ought only to be consumed through a prescription.
So there, another successful attempt of solving a query with utmost sophistication. I need a break now. An aromatic body massage and then I’m off to sleep. Bye bye till next time guys. Oh and “mwah mwah”!
Ans: Firztly, thaankyou HT city for that awezzome article that you wrote about me. I mean I always thought I was something for Page 3, but you people are so nice you put me on that first page without my paying you any money. How nice! I’m toadily touched! I have to tell you the truth, the number of questions I have been getting since then has shot up so much that now I have to buy a blackberry and dedicate all my time to DU Beat. No time for private counseling. I feel like such a celebrity now that employing one or two juniors doesn’t seem like a bad idea.
Anyway, I have to say, the number of doubts you kids have about masturbation is totally mind boggling. People never used to be so curious about the practice before. But it’s very impressive that this generation has an extraordinary eye for detail. *winking to self*.
And yes, masturbation DOES lead to acne. That’s not the sole reason for acne, but the body of the teenager who masturbates is home to excessive hormone production, which is a cause for acne. Very few teenagers who masturbate don’t have acne.
I’ll put little bit of my hindi these DUB people taught me to use. I’d say, KUJH PAANE KE LIE KUJH KONA TOH PADTA HAI!!!
Ques: How can I attract some girl in my campus to have sex with me? Just a one night stand I am sure you understand!
Ans: If the person who has sent in this question is listening, I am utterly disgusted with your thinking. You might think sex amma is “chill”, but this, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND! See kids, I agree that at this age, all we try and look out for is “fun”, but my theories tell me to have fun only when you’re understand what you are doing. I’ll explain. In a situation where both the man and the woman (because I’m assuming all of you are of age enough to be called that), arrive at a consensus and none has a problem, there is nothing wrong with what I hate calling a “one-night stand”. However, fooling someone into one is a BAD BAD thing to do. *nods head*. I mean it might not bother you right away and give you satisfaction and pleasure that matches none, but when you’re lying at your death bed, this one thing will come to your mind and flood you with guilt. Let’s not even bring you to your death bed. Remain in that very “one-night stand” bed of yours and imagine being THE FOOL. Imagine the feeling of being tricked into something. I still declare that I’m broad-minded and all that jazz, but this is something I strongly detest! I don’t want young men floating in the campus thinking about attracting “some girl” to have sex. Besides, no kind of research gives out a strategy to have a “one-night stand”. So sorry, Sex Amma can’t be of any help here! *wicked smile*