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Editor’s Note: Sex Amma

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DU Beat’s Sex Amma column started off as an anonymous advice column for students delving into college life and exploring their sexuality and identity. It was a column meant to facilitate a conversation on something normal, but so often frowned upon. It was supposed to be a safe space for students to discuss personal issues and educate readers about topics considered taboo with people their own age, with no fear of judgment or assumption. And for the past 13 years, has continually been so.

Criticism and feedback are what keeps a public forum relevant. DU Beat is where it is today because of a combined effort of the team as well as our viewers and audience that makes us, us. A column that had started with good intentions – in an attempt to tackle serious and important issues in an accessible, easy and humorous manner – ended up derailing from its original goal, and turned into something that goes against some of the main principles of DU Beat – clarity, facts, and most of all, respect.

We firmly believe that talks about sex and sexuality, especially in a society that outlaws them as much as ours does, is extremely important, and thus, should continue. After reading the feedback provided by Amal Mathew’s article for the LiveWire, we took the author’s comments into consideration and realised that it was coming from a valid place. We took a long, hard look at ourselves and, as is our duty, decided to course correct.

The misplaced use of words and analogies to describe something as natural and intrinsic as sex can misinform and confuse readers – an end result that is far from our intention. We never meant to showcase disrespect or disregard for any community, and for the hurt caused, we would like to humbly apologise. Our leadership is committed to making our platform a place where everyone feels respected and valid, and we shall be taking active steps to right our errors.

The main points raised in the article were:

  1. Sex Amma’s content contains misplaced words and descriptors that can confuse readers – the food analogies were specifically called out.
  2. Sex Amma’s content uses culturally insensitive tropes and language to talk about sex.

Here are the redressal steps that our editorial team will be committing to:

  1. We shall work to provide clear and unambiguous language when discussing and educating our readers about sex. We realize that while the food analogies were written with the aim to amuse, they can be misinterpreted and confuse the reader. Therefore, we will be rethinking the manner in which Sex Amma offers advice and do away with the using of food as an indicator for certain body parts.
  2. Food and cuisine are extremely important aspects of our identity; we realize that using these as analogies can come across as distasteful, even though that was not our intent. Moving forward, the editorial team shall do away with using culturally significant descriptors and language, and work harder to make our content more inclusive and accessible.

We hope to ensure that Sex Amma is a column that provides a space for talks about sex and sexuality with no disrespect. Though these steps might be belated, we are fully committed to correcting our mistakes.

Sex Amma, ultimately, is a character created as a progressive, strong woman who is not afraid to talk about sexual health. Female sexuality is often frowned upon, but Amma is unabashed and here to help the students of DU without judgement or condescension. We will ensure that with the help of these steps, Sex Amma, as a column, goes back to what it was originally meant to be – a column to educate our readers about traditionally censored topics and experiences.

Shreya Juyal

Editor-in-Chief

[email protected]

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Features

Editor’s Note: Sex Amma

By

DU Beat’s Sex Amma column started off as an anonymous advice column for students delving into college life and exploring their sexuality and identity. It was a column meant to facilitate a conversation on something normal, but so often frowned upon. It was supposed to be a safe space for students to discuss personal issues and educate readers about topics considered taboo with people their own age, with no fear of judgment or assumption. And for the past 13 years, has continually been so.

Criticism and feedback are what keeps a public forum relevant. DU Beat is where it is today because of a combined effort of the team as well as our viewers and audience that makes us, us. A column that had started with good intentions – in an attempt to tackle serious and important issues in an accessible, easy and humorous manner – ended up derailing from its original goal, and turned into something that goes against some of the main principles of DU Beat – clarity, facts, and most of all, respect.

We firmly believe that talks about sex and sexuality, especially in a society that outlaws them as much as ours does, is extremely important, and thus, should continue. After reading the feedback provided by Amal Mathew’s article for the LiveWire, we took the author’s comments into consideration and realised that it was coming from a valid place. We took a long, hard look at ourselves and, as is our duty, decided to course correct.

The misplaced use of words and analogies to describe something as natural and intrinsic as sex can misinform and confuse readers – an end result that is far from our intention. We never meant to showcase disrespect or disregard for any community, and for the hurt caused, we would like to humbly apologise. Our leadership is committed to making our platform a place where everyone feels respected and valid, and we shall be taking active steps to right our errors.

The main points raised in the article were:

  1. Sex Amma’s content contains misplaced words and descriptors that can confuse readers – the food analogies were specifically called out.
  2. Sex Amma’s content uses culturally insensitive tropes and language to talk about sex.

Here are the redressal steps that our editorial team will be committing to:

  1. We shall work to provide clear and unambiguous language when discussing and educating our readers about sex. We realize that while the food analogies were written with the aim to amuse, they can be misinterpreted and confuse the reader. Therefore, we will be rethinking the manner in which Sex Amma offers advice and do away with the using of food as an indicator for certain body parts.
  2. Food and cuisine are extremely important aspects of our identity; we realize that using these as analogies can come across as distasteful, even though that was not our intent. Moving forward, the editorial team shall do away with using culturally significant descriptors and language, and work harder to make our content more inclusive and accessible.

We hope to ensure that Sex Amma is a column that provides a space for talks about sex and sexuality with no disrespect. Though these steps might be belated, we are fully committed to correcting our mistakes.

Sex Amma, ultimately, is a character created as a progressive, strong woman who is not afraid to talk about sexual health. Female sexuality is often frowned upon, but Amma is unabashed and here to help the students of DU without judgement or condescension. We will ensure that with the help of these steps, Sex Amma, as a column, goes back to what it was originally meant to be – a column to educate our readers about traditionally censored topics and experiences.

Shreya Juyal

Editor-in-Chief

[email protected]

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DUB Speak

Internet, Sex Crimes and How Technology Failed Women: The Nth Room

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The Nth Room, one of South Korea’s biggest sexual abuse scandal, has been exposed to have had sexually exploited over 76 women- 12 of whom were minors- and is trailblazing the need to protect women in this decade of untraceable technology.

In March 2020, one of South Korea’s biggest digital sex scandals got exposed when Cho Ju-Bin (will further be addressed as Cho in the article) – who went by the alias of ‘Baksa’- got arrested for being the suspected founder of the Nth Room.

 What is the Nth Room?

The Nth Room is a mass digital sex scandal happening in South Korea- arguably one of the largest and most extensive one that the country has ever experienced- using the chat messenger Telegram. Telegram is famous for being untraceable, owing to its extensive security and encoding measure. It is with the help of this app that the 25-year-old Cho Ju-Bin- who is currently being investigated- enabled the business of selling sexual videos to an online community. 

With the help of a tier-ranking, Cho created a number of chat rooms: 1st Room, 2nd Room, 3rd Room… Nth Room, owing to the fact that the exact number of rooms created for the circulation of this terrifying crime is unknown. Users would pay a high amount of money to gain entry to these chat rooms, and the amount of money paid determined the number of the room one could gain access to. 

It is reported that the room with the lowest tier ranking had an entry fee of $80 USD while the users that paid $1,200 USD would get access to the rooms with the highest tier ranking. The lowest-ranked rooms had the ‘least’ abusive videos, and the users who paid the most got access to the room with the ‘most’ abusive videos. Over 260,000 men are said to have joined the Nth Room community, with its clientele including the country’s famous entertainers and artists, athletes, CEOS, etc.

76 female victims have been identified in the scandal, with the primary target being teenagers. 12 of them were minors and the youngest victim has been reported to be around 9 years old.

Trigger Warning: Mentions of extremely disturbing sexual assault

To obtain the videos, Cho worked with “operators”, who would find girls and women for him, steal their personal information and then use it to threaten and blackmail the victims into doing what the operators asked them to do, while other victims were women from low-income backgrounds lured in with offers of money. 

The offers began with requesting for videos of the victims undressing and masturbating, which were then distributed to the “lower tier” rooms. These videos would then be used to blackmail the women into doing increasingly worse requests, which would then be distributed into the “higher-tier” rooms. These included carving the word “slave” on their bodies, putting sharp objects in their genitalia, etc. Some operators even paid other men to rape the victims. It has also been revealed that a client plotted the murder of a girl as revenge against her father but was arrested before the attempt was carried out.

The exposing of the Nth Room scandal has led to the investigation of other similar sexual abuse rings online. A 16-year-old student from South Korea who used to work for Cho is said to have been arrested for running a series of similar chat rooms called the Pacific Expedition, and had distributed sexual content of children and teenagers and had from 8,000 to 20,000 clients.

China is also investigating their own version of these chat rooms reported to have had up to 8.6 million users, with the victims being as young as 4 years old. 

As technology experiences a global boom, the crimes against women shift from a primitive to a digital verse, but the crimes remain as real and horrifying as ever. The excruciating details of the Nth Room scandal are major stressors to exactly why cybersecurity and cyber laws to protect victims of sexual abuse are important, and how people- especially women to an extremely large context- need to be protected when these crimes start spilling onto the cyber verse.

How you can help: Sign the petition to make 80% of the investigation team for the Nth Room women

More information about the Nth Room can be found here.

Featured Image Credits: Hackernoon

Shreya Juyal
[email protected]

 

  

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DUB Speak

Combating Sexual Violence with Sex Education

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This Sexual Assault Awareness Month, attention must be directed not only to the rising ghastliness of sexual violence but also on how sex education can play a monumental role in combating it. 

SEX… Got a little uncomfortable? As I type it out, I can even hear an uncle screaming “Sanskar kahan hai tumhare? (Where are your values?)” Belonging to the country with the second largest population in the world, a rising hub of porn viewing, and being one of the most dangerous with respect to cases of sexual violence, isn’t it ironical that we still treat sex as a hush-hush topic in India? 

Sexual violence is a hideous truth persisting in broad daylight since decades. World Health Organization defines sexual violence as “any sexual act, attempt to obtain a sexual act, unwanted sexual comments or advances, or acts to traffic, or otherwise directed, against a person’s sexuality using coercion, by any person regardless of their relationship to the victim, in any setting, including but not limited to home and work.” It includes rape and other forms of assault such as sexual harassment, sexual abuse, forced marriage, denial of the right to use contraception, forced abortion, sexual trafficking, and sexual violence by intimate partners through physical force, psychological intimidation, blackmail or threats. While sexual violence can be directed against both men and women, it is largely the women who constitute the ‘prey’ due to the larger functioning of factors such as poverty, power assertion, patriarchy and gender norms, and so on. Such grim is the case that according to National Sexual Violence Resource Centre, chances are you know someone who has been sexually assaulted as by age 18, 1 in 4 girls will be sexually assaulted and 1 in 6 boys will be assaulted. Moreover, in most cases the assaulter is someone who is known to victim. When it comes to India; as recorded by National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), 415,786 rape cases were reported between 2001 and 2017, which can be averaged to about three women being raped every hour. Taking note of the growing numbers and the hideousness of the crimes, measures like stricter laws, faster trials, and education programmes have been undertaken.  

But sex education is one of the most promising ways to tend to the alarming state of affairs. According to UNESCO (2009), the primary goal of sexuality education is “to equip children and young people with the knowledge, skills and values to make responsible choices about their sexual and social relationships.” In addition to learning about the risks of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, under sex education, children and young people also learn about the risks of sexual exploitation and abuse so that they can recognize when they are wronged, protect themselves and further be aware of different sources of support. It is usually believed that as sex is natural, so should be the discovery of an individual’s sexuality. Similar to this line of thought, a Rajya Sabha committee chaired by the then BJP leader M Venkaiah Naidu (now Vice-President of the nation) had condemned the proposed Adolescent Education Programme (AEP) launched by the Union Education ministry in 2005 “as a cleverly used euphemism whose real objective was to impart sex education in schools and promote promiscuity.” Furthermore, it was stated that sex education prompts instincts pernicious to society; instead their control must be encouraged. The only education related to sexuality that is imparted to youngsters is to maintain a distance from the opposite sex. Additionally, girls are taught that their job is to say ‘no’ by wearing proper clothes, limiting their presence to the private sphere, being sincere and obedient and so on. And, when they ‘fail’, the girls are always blamed. Subsequently, in absence of proper sex education, adolescents grow up ignorant of the changes brought about by puberty and the situation worsens when they learn about them through peers or exposure to explicit content.

Sex education is nothing more than knowing about your body and being prepared for the changes it goes through. It encompasses talks on consent, good/bad touch and helps breaking taboos around genitals, desire and sexuality. Sex education programs that put an emphasis on consent and healthy sexual relationships help reduce the rate of sexual violence amongst young adults. According to a recent study by Columbia University, undergraduate women who took sexual education classes before college were half as likely to be sexually assaulted in college as compared to undergraduate students who received abstinence-only education and saw no reduction in rates of assault. Encouragement is also given to fostering equality in relationships, preventing gender based violence and promoting healthier relationships. 

Sexual violence affects women, men and children, mars their lives, and devastates families and communities. However, sexual education offers an intervention at early stages that leads to building of awakened individuals. Sex and sexuality are sensitive topics but avoiding talking about them increases vulnerability. School and homes provide the suitable environment to open up discussions and countering stigmas. We should not wait to learn about sex and consent until we are sexually active. Sexual education must be treated as any other academic subject and be imparted to children and adults alike by trained personnel who are well versed with the complexities and universality of the subject. So, if ever a child comes to you and asks something related to his/her sexuality, do not brush it off, engage in discussions and you might just save them from the many predators lurking amongst us, disguised as genteel citizens. 

Featured Image Credits: Vox

Ipshika Ghosh

[email protected]

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sex amma

Sex Amma: Busting Top Sex Myths

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Hello readers! Amma has been noticing that you are resorting to unsolicited sex advice from the books you read, shows you watch and your friends sharing their one night stand horror stories. You do know that regardless of your sexual experience, only awareness and knowledge will allow you to take control and feel empowered, right? My dear machhas and machhis, allow Amma to help you sail your boat. 

The first-time 

If you feel that your first time is going to be painful and hurt like hell especially my little idlis, you need to calm down and stop overthinking. The right amount of foreplay can lessen the potential pain. Relax, communicate and use lots of lube for a good time.

Also Amma believes that your first-time can be just a taster and take the awkwardness out, so you know what you’re doing when the right one comes along. After all you need to try the different mirchis to find what suits you best. While there’s nothing wrong with waiting for the right spice, if you want to have sex with someone you’re not head over heels for, it’s perfectly fine. Just always remember that consent is the key to your uttapam’s heart.

Pleasure beyond penetration

Amma feels penetration is overrated, mainly because it doesn’t include the experiences of my gay and queer chutneys. Oral sex, erotic massage, sexting, hand jobs, mutual masturbation, petting and tribbing are a few non-penetrative options for you and your uttapam to consider. Amma advocates that you define your own pleasure.

Oral Sex

While one cannot get pregnant from oral sex, diseases like herpes, HPV, syphilis, HIV and gonorrhea can be commonly acquired via mouth. Because it’s easier to prevent the sambhar from spilling than to clean it later, Amma advises you all to use condoms even while indulging in oral sex. For all the unaware dosas and vadas, condoms are flavored for this very reason. 

Like the movies

Sex in movies is actually opposite of what might happen in real life. Get it straight – no one rolls around the bed with such grace and smoothness. Those scenes are staged and hopefully yours aren’t. Amma loves playing through moaning and foreplay, you should try it too! Don’t be bummed out if you are unable to switch positions that effortlessly. 

At the end of day all that matters to Amma is that her lovelies are safe and having fun. Make sure you’re communicating with your uttapams and educating yourself about sexual health for better consensual experiences! 

Write to me your sex related queries and Amma will sort them for you!

Sex Amma

[email protected]

 

 

 

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Sex Amma

Sex Amma: Spicing Up Sex Life

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Dear Amma, I have been in a committed relationship for years, and want to spice things up in bed. What can I do to improve my boring, vanilla sex life?

Ah, my little dosa,
You have come to the right person searching for the right answers. If you want to spice things up and improve your vanilla sex life, why not put some tadka and vanilla in it, literally?

A hungry mind seeks pleasure in everything. Why not combine hungerwith pleasure? A tinge bit of Nutella, a drop of honey, a lick of whipped cream, or a scoop of ice-cream. Macchi, it is essential to understand that experimenting and eating involves a lot of conversations, deliberations, and consent.

A flavoured popsicle, and a flavoured condom should go hand in hand. Amma remembers her teenage movies which used cherries, strawberries, and grapes to heat things up. As the act of coitus involves a lot of fluids, don’t bring in much of fluidity into bed. However, a dripping and melting ice cube surely soothes the raging body temperature.

For Amma, the way to her heart is through her tummy, thus, combining both the intrinsic survival instincts is a heaven’s paradise.

However, to each its own, it is essential to keep some edibles out of your private parts. Look idli, vaginas maintain their own pH balance and certain foods mess them up. Sticky pubic hair, irritation, rashes might kill the mood, and it is best to keep the edibles above your waist.

The thought of dripping chocolate, sensuous eyes, and goosebumps with sliding ice cubes is 50 Shades of Grey in one frame. However, don’t be disappointed the first time, no sambhar is perfect the first time. Some people don’t like sambhar at all, you might just be into chutney or rasam.

(For more sex related queries, write to Sex Amma at [email protected].)

Sex Amma

[email protected]

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Sex Amma: Decoding Monogamy and Polyamory

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Dear Amma,

I believe I am not made for monogamy as I have a tendency to always look for companionship outside of my relationship. Is there something wrong with me? What do I do? 

Oh, dear Idli, 

Relationships, loyalty and boundaries are always better when well-established. Exactly how there is no perfect recipe to the exotic Sambhar, there is no one perfect recipe to relationships. My Uttapam, who said monogamy is the sole gold standard of relationships? 

Amma doesn’t approve of breaking someone’s heart or infidelity. If monogamy is not who you are, why not talk to your partner? Like the idli batter has to be of the right proportion, you too must establish the appropriate base. Communicate with them and express your dilemma, if polyamory or open relationship seems like an ideal dish to them, why not try it out? Historically, like masala dosa being a total favourite, monogamy has never been one. 

Macchi, like every well-made dosa-sambhar, every relationship should establish their boundaries. If your partner approves of your new dish of open relationship, devour it together. If not, re-think your choices, either learn to control the urge or establish a consensual common ground. Amma believes that all acts of love should be consensual. Ensure that your partner doesn’t lose trust and belongingness towards you. 

Unlike science, no one law fits all love. It takes years of understanding, compatibility and love to bring a new change, to make a new start. Amma would be disappointed if my little idli broke someone’s heart.

However, do not self-question yourself, you might feel that you are wrong, insufficient or morally incorrect. Believe when Amma says, you are not. Monogamy or Polyamory, it should always be consensual and pre-established.

(Write to Sex Amma at [email protected] to get all your queries about sex answered.)

Sex Amma
[email protected]

 

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Arts & Culture

Decoding Hickeys and Love Bites

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Amma, yesterday my boyfriend and I had a cosy time together, all was good, but today when I woke up I saw a big blue coloured bruise on the side of my neck. I don’t know what to do about it. Help me out!

My dearest idli,

Calm down, it is nothing to worry about, you have just got your first love bite! Yes, you read it right. Love bites, commonly know as, hickeys are very common in spicy sexual activities and arise due to the continuous tugging of epidermal skin, lasting more than 20 to 30 seconds, such as from a violent kiss or a bite. These passionate and prolonged manoeuvres appear as something unbearable to the tender and tiny blood vessels present just below our skin, known as capillaries, making them burst and causing the small blueish bruise.

The kind of a reaction one has to them is variable, some vadas and idlis really admire the reddish blue mark and consider it as a symbol of memory, recalling the steamy moments they spent with their partners. However, there are others who owing to the difficulties of hiding it or the uncomfort they feel while or after getting it make them detest love bites, hence the consent of your partner before planting him or her with one is very important. Amma, also in her days of youth often covered her neck with a blue scarf, which she bought specifically for this purpose.

However, it’s not always the sides of the neck which can be chosen, a hickey can be given anywhere on the collar bone, chest or for that matter any part of the skin which has exposed blood capillaries, close to the surface. Coming back to your question, Amma recalls of your vada not informing or asking you about his plan of embedding your neck with a mark, this action makes Amma doubt his crispness. So, make sure you talk about this the next time you meet him. Also, since till now Amma is aware of your innocence sweetness like Rawa Kesari, I feel its important to tell you that the reddish blue spot is not permanent and will vanish max in a week. So, if you have traditional Indian parents or irritating high school friends, rock this week with high necks or scarfs.

With love 

From,
Amma

 

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Sex Amma: Sexting 101

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Dear Amma,

I have just started sexting my partner and we have been enjoying it a lot together. However, I can’t help but feel a little clueless at times. What are some basic things I should keep in mind?

Macchi,

Firstly, Amma is very happy you all are getting the opportunity to explore attraction and sex online; You can enjoy the person even when they are not near you. In amma’s days, she had to wait for her lovers to return from wherever they had gone to do some chutney-making.

Secondly, over the years, with the help of some young idlis like you, Amma also learnt technology and perfected the art of sexting. Amma has eagerly learnt the secret tips and needless to say, enjoys sexting a lot. Here are some of the things that you should not be doing.

Never show your face in the explicit images you send your partner to get in a steamy mood. No matter how trustworthy you think they are, it might go on to cause problems in the future. It’s easier to prevent the sambhar from spilling than it is to clean it later. Don’t send your messages on a platform which leaves imprints or where your data isn’t safe. While naughty texts are fun, you wouldn’t want to be caught in an uncomfortable situation where someone else accidentally reads them. You wouldn’t want to spill your idli– making recipe to the public, right? Don’t be afraid to get creative. Sexting is a space where you can explore kinks and fantasies without actually doing them, so you get a taste of what it would feel in real life without actually doing it. Through sexting, you get a taste of what you would like and not. Don’t give without receiving. It goes without saying, no one likes a partner (be it sexting or in real life) who only takes but never gives the same.

While keeping in mind the things you shouldn’t be doing, here are the things that you should be doing in their place. Do take your time to discover what angles and lighting work best and makes you look your best erotic self. Do check twice before sending to ensure you are sending it to the right person.

Here are some basic guidelines and what Amma has learnt from her experience. Keep these and your general safety and happiness in mind and you’ll be good to go! Happy sexting, my child!

(Write to Sex Amma at [email protected] to get all your queries about sex answered.)

Sex Amma

[email protected]

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Sex Amma : Pros and Cons of Ipill

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Sex Amma

Dear Amma, 

I’ve heard about how sex is much better without using condoms, and how pregnancy can be prevented using Ipill? Could you help me out regarding whether I should be on Ipill or not? 

Dear Idli,

Before describing the pros and cons, Amma would like to make you aware about the basic method by which an Ipill works.

Ipill commonly known as ‘the pill’ prevents ovulation in the Idli’s body leaving the spermatozoa of the vada with nothing to interact with. It falls in the category of hormonal birth control as it regulates the release of the hormones governing the release of an egg.
My special Rava Idli, if you haven’t tried it ever before, then let your Amma tell you that the pill has to be taken within 72 hours that is 3 days of unprotected coitus with your partner.

Taking it after that increases the risk of failure so, make sure you keep this in mind. Another thing which one should be aware of is the different types of pills available.

There are basically 2 types of pills available in the market. One of them contains synthetically prepared estrogen, and the other contains synthetically prepared progesterone while the other type contains a combination of both, called as combination pills. The commonly sold, under a title of Ipill belongs to the first category. Now, since you are clear with the bascities its time for you to dive in the details of the pros and cons.

Pros:
• One can experience dosa making without any cover and hindrance along with a mind deprived of any stress of having a little Idli or vada in return.
• It is one of the most easily available and conveniently usable methods of contraception.
• There are combination pills which can be used as a contraceptive as well as a method to regulate or skip your period flow.
• Since, the combination pills result in skipping your periods the menstrual cramps and pre menstrual easiness can be avoided.
• As there is no ovulation, when you consume an Ipill your endometrial lining remains flat and deprived of any swelling, thus avoiding the risk of endometrial cancer.

Cons:
• There is a high possibility of the Idli feeling a strong feeling of nausea and headache after its consumption
• Often there is a possibility of a disturbance in one’s menstrual cycle.
• Acne and pimples are common when you consume an Ipill
• Since, there is an alteration in the release of the hormones governing your menstrual cycle the idli might go through mood swings, making her feel cranky at one moment and extremely excited and happy on the other.
• There is possibility of breakthrough vaginal bleeding between expected periods, if that happens one should immediately contact a gynaecologist.
Having listed all the necessary pros and cons its completely on you Idli that whether you want to try it or not because after all it’s your body, which makes your approval a must. Another significant point that the Amma would like to make is that the above mentioned pros and cons are not a necessity, just like the taste of the sambhar varies with a variation in the chef similarly, the effect an I-pill will have on the health varies with the variation a in idlis. So, take care, think and then decide.

Sex Amma 

[email protected] 

 

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