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sex-amma1

Q1: Amma, does kissing or licking a girl’s vagina equal having intercourse with her? Can it cause pregnancy?

ANS: Kids kids. I have to say this. Please send in your queries in a language, little more sophisticated. I mean sometimes I can’t help but picture an image in my mind which chokes my throat. Aiyo. And I am not going to entertain any mails sent to me asking me for my phone number, so please stop trying. I mean I am not used to being “hot property”. All i can tell you is that I just bought a new phone. It’s so expensive and I can’t even operate it properly yet. Tch tch. These technology leaps are just too much!!

Anyway, “kissing or licking a girl’s vagina” comes under something we call “oral sex” and THAT, my friends does not cause pregnancy. However I must warn you against having excessive oral sex because it can sometimes be a tad bit unhygienic, in fact more than a “tad bit” unhygienic. Hope that cleared up your misconceptions. Tchh kids these days ask the most ridiculous questions! Now have to move on to the next query. Namaskaram.

Q2: I have small problem. During intercourse I ejaculate very quickly. Can you suggest how I can stop that from happening? How can I prolong it? Looking forward to your reply

Ans: After the stupidity I’ve shown in answering the previous question, i think it is my duty now to sound intelligent and deal with a question of this “high” degree. Ahem ahem.

Now, Premature ejaculation is the most common of sexual problem in human males. It is, in fact, the default evolutionary norm. Delaying ejaculation has to be learned — it is an acquired skill. Pills like some anxiolytics do help, but dubious topical sprays and applications are a strict no-no. Even the pills ought only to be consumed through a prescription.

So there, another successful attempt of solving a query with utmost sophistication. I need a break now. An aromatic body massage and then I’m off to sleep. Bye bye till next time guys. Oh and “mwah mwah”!

sex-amma1

Ques: Does masturbation really lead to acne?

Ans:  Firztly, thaankyou HT city for that awezzome article that you wrote about me. I mean I always thought I was something for Page 3, but you people are so nice you put me on that first page without my paying you any money. How nice! I’m toadily touched! I have to tell you the truth, the number of questions I have been getting since then has shot up so much that now I have to buy a blackberry and dedicate all my time to DU Beat. No time for private counseling. I feel like such a celebrity now that employing one or two juniors doesn’t seem like a bad idea.

Anyway, I have to say, the number of doubts you kids have about masturbation is totally mind boggling. People never used to be so curious about the practice before. But it’s very impressive that this generation has an extraordinary eye for detail. *winking to self*.

And yes, masturbation DOES lead to acne. That’s not the sole reason for acne, but the body of the teenager who masturbates is home to excessive hormone production, which is a cause for acne. Very few teenagers who masturbate don’t have acne.

I’ll put little bit of my hindi these DUB people taught me to use. I’d say, KUJH PAANE KE LIE KUJH KONA TOH PADTA HAI!!!

Ques: How can I attract some girl in my campus to have sex with me? Just a one night stand I am sure you understand!

Ans: If the person who has sent in this question is listening, I am utterly disgusted with your thinking. You might think sex amma is “chill”, but this, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND! See kids, I agree that at this age, all we try and look out for is “fun”, but my theories tell me to have fun only when you’re understand what you are doing. I’ll explain. In a situation where both the man and the woman (because I’m assuming all of you are of age enough to be called that), arrive at a consensus and none has a problem, there is nothing wrong with what I hate calling a “one-night stand”. However, fooling someone into one is a BAD BAD thing to do. *nods head*. I mean it might not bother you right away and give you satisfaction and pleasure that matches none, but when you’re lying at your death bed, this one thing will come to your mind and flood you with guilt. Let’s not even bring you to your death bed. Remain in that very “one-night stand” bed of yours and imagine being THE FOOL. Imagine the feeling of being tricked into something. I still declare that I’m broad-minded and all that jazz, but this is something I strongly detest! I don’t want young men floating in the campus thinking about attracting “some girl” to have sex. Besides, no kind of research gives out a strategy to have a “one-night stand”. So sorry, Sex Amma can’t be of any help here! *wicked smile*