The act of making love (or making babies), maybe that’s how we explain the three-letter word that is SEX. Sex, an activity that gives comfort to some and discomfort to some others when talked out loud.
In retrospect, my nimble pre-high school mind was told by a couple of so-called “corrupted” friends that sex is basically, “jab bade log nude hoke pyaar karte hai“. The image of a man and a woman, hugging passionately bare naked and kissing each other. That’s it. Nothing much but still more raunchy than Bollywood songs showing scenes of flower pollination back in the 90s.
Again, I could never think that anyone other than a societal pair of a man and woman would engage in this lovemaking because I of course, didn’t know same-sex couples could exist. It’s a shame that my generation was introduced first to cuss words like “faggot” before terms like LGBTQ.
Anyway, this whole sex thing just sparked a slow-burning fire of curiosity in me, rather than lust or infatuation. Still, that was early childhood, age of being satisfied with whatever my normal happy middle-class life offered me, rather than craving for more. I was happy enough to see a bikini-clad model on a misogynistic page of Delhi Times or a late-night telecast of FTV. I, of course, used to feel guilty about viewing such stuff and being pleased about it.
I used to feel the same guilt after I started masturbating a few years later. Maybe, we all share that guilt at one point or the other. And this is the tale of my normal sexual awakening. I’ve had friends who faced other kinds of guilt. One of my 10th-grade friends felt guilty that he started fantasising about male celebrities just like how the majority of the boys in my class were busy lusting on the female ones. Another of my 10th-grade friends felt guilty on masturbating itself, as she felt masturbation is a taboo for girls.
And such guilts exist mostly when society starts getting prude. It’s this prudeness that we need to remove, in order to normalise sex, sexuality and sex education.
Of course, this does not imply for all the kiddies; they should have their own time and space to explore their body and traditionally, giving sex education might seem like you’re telling them “18+ stuff”. The problem is with this concept itself. Sex education isn’t always “18+ stuff” that’s to be hushed when the kid is young. We are talking about a normal physical activity, not a pornographic fantasy.
Apart from the inner workings of the body, we should all be educated well on how normal an occurrence is sex. In certain societies of this country, we look at sex as something very special and maybe the whole specialness takes away the normalcy. It’s then when sex begins to be seen as something abnormal, a taboo.
These days, the kids are getting smarter and smarter. They won’t be fooled if you tell them that babies fall from the sky or any one of those tales. Before they enter adulthood, they must be educated in bad touch, consent and the very fact that sex is normal.
They’re to be told that it’s normal for any gender to make love with each other. And just like any normal collective decision that we take in our normal life, we need to ask too. You call up someone for a party; you ask him or her. You choose a college course; you ask your parents (although ideally, you should just ask yourself). Similarly, it’s perfectly normal if you want to get productive in this reproductive task but ASK FIRST. And this should be one of the basic tenets of Sex Ed for any layperson.
Consent is something which should be kept in mind even if you are naked with your lover. A friend of mine told me how she knew this man who was having sex with his lady, putting a condom on and then suddenly stopped mid-way, removed the condom and resumed entering her. It shocked me how the chap didn’t even ask his partner before engaging in raw love making. Sex isn’t a one-person act; therefore, just considering the opinions of one person in a sexual union is a real “dick move”.
To put it in a nutshell, educating a youngling on sex focusses less on how to do it but more on what to do before you do it. If sex is something that adults do, then better grow up when you do it. Your bed should be thought of more as a sensual space of consent and being content for making love rather than a set-piece for making hardcore porn.
So, this was my story of how my mind opened up to sex and everything associated with it because you see, it’s not just the reproductive parts that should be involved in this act but also your productive mind!
Featured Image Credits: Salt n Peppa
Shaurya Singh Thapa