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Humouroscope

Humouroscope: 23rd February – 1st March, 2014

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Aries: The DU fest season. A time for joy, a time for celebration, a time to cut loose, a time to have fun and a time when the chances of being stampeded to death shoots up by a whopping 70%.

Taurus: The amount of time it will take for your friends to unanimously agree on which fest to go first is the exact amount of time you can utilise to do any of the following: read a magazine cover to cover, cook a meal for two, ditch those guys and actually attend a fest.

Gemini: You are very likely to get the most intolerable itch in the most unreachable spot of your back. Asking a friend to scratch it off will send a very traumatic message to any third person.

Cancer: I have been staring at the bleak and empty skies for omens…but that just about sums up your future huh?

Leo: The common symptoms of the ‘Breaking Bad’ syndrome are: 1. You find yourself correctly pronouncing words like ‘methamphetamine’ without a hitch. 2. You vaguely begin to comprehend bits and scraps of what is being taught during chemistry lessons.

Virgo: Does your boyfriend spend less time with you these days? Does he talk with his friends, almost breathless with excitement, about ‘making a pass’ or ‘scoring’ but quickly hush up when you approach? Don’t fret my dear…its only Fifa 14, what else did you think?

Libra: Buying yourself an adorable little gift will have a positive effect on your mood today as no one else in the right mind will ever gift you one.

Scorpio: Believe it or not you are actually going to have a good day for a change. So go out there and have fun. Just remember to double check your life insurance premiums before you head out.

Sagittarius: Wear a purple shirt before you try your luck with that hot girl over there. Purple is your lucky colour. Coincidently, purple is also the colour of the painful bruises you are gonna get when her boyfriend is done with you.

Capricorn: I know that they say that the best things in life come for free but come on! Do you really believe someone is going to throw an ‘S’ class Mercedes your way?

Aquarius: My editors are totally against ‘toilet’ jokes because they believe it ‘stinks’. They told me to ‘flush’ any such ideas down the ‘drain’ or else they are going to pull the ‘plug’ on me. Didn’t get it? Give it some time. I am sure it will all ‘sink’ in.

Pisces: I have no doubt that you have been trying really hard my friend. But I don’t think an echo even qualifies as ventriloquism.

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Humouroscope

Humouroscope: 2nd- 9th February

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Aries- It’s cold outside. And you only have few lectures today. It doesn’t matter. You can always make it up by attending all classes from tomorrow. Promise. Current score – Warm, toasty blanket – 27 : Cold, dingy classroom – 0.

Taurus- Just like Archimedes, you will have a eureka moment for the perfect peanut butter and jam ratio on a slice of wheat bread. Just remember to keep your pants on.

Gemini- To all those ladies who are still carrying their shopping bags all by themselves…the transfer markets will be closing shortly. All the eligible bachelors are still available as free agents. Transfer windows will only re-open at the start of the next session.

Cancer- You watch an entire season of ‘Koffee with Karan’. You love the show. The host is smart, funny and pleasant. The guests have amazing personalities. But you can’t help but feel a little ‘something’ clawing the back of your mind during the entire time. How on earth can they spell ‘Coffee’ with a ‘K’ dammit?

Leo- I agree that the crime rate in the city has increased. I also agree that we should do something about it. But please, I can not be seen anywhere near you when you are wearing your red undies on top of those freakishly tight spandex. I have a reputation to maintain.

Virgo- Please refrain from referring to your fart as a ‘featured anterior rectal transmission’ during a date. And she also does not want to know the exact ratio of nitrogen and methane present.

Libra- Painting your hamster yellow and black does not make him a picachu. And throwing that cosco ball at him will most probably maim it.

Scorpio- You have not failed. You have just found 1000 ways that won’t work. Which is like failing really, really miserably…

Sagittarius- There is no ‘wrong’ side of the bed. So will you please stop panicking and get your lazy butt off the mattress?

Capricorn- On the nights you decide to watch a scary movie humming the ‘Ghost busters’ theme song will give you just enough courage to run from underneath the safe sanctuary of your blanket to the toilet and back again.

Aquarius- I completely agree that wrestling isn’t fake at all. I mean even a child could survive a 30 feet vertical drop into hard concrete or a smack to the skull with a steel chair, right?

Pisces- By this point I often run out of jokes as you guys are the last on the list. So I decided to write yours first. After giving it much thought…I still got nothing. And now that’s saying something…

 Image Credits: www.lunaticphotos.com

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Humouroscope

Humouroscope: 26th January- 2nd February

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Aries- Try cross dressing this week. It will help you in gaining the attention of the person you are trying to impress desperately.

Taurus- Get over the fact that Sherlock’s season three has ended. Stop repeating the same statement regarding how much you miss it, everyday. Keep calm and wait for almost a year..There, I said it!

Gemini- Control your anger. Everyone around you cannot stop laughing after seeing those knitted eyebrows and weird curling of lips. It has the same effect as laughing gas!

Cancer- Checking your ex’s last seen on WhatsApp after every fifteen minutes will bring the much needed comfort.

Leo- If gymming is not helping in obtaining those six pack abs, try lying on steel wires having rectangular shape, for a week. Then, show off the marks you get on your body.

Virgo- This is not the right time to start flaunting your summer collection. Winters are not over yet.

Libra- Singing aloud after plugging in those earphones would not make you an Indian Idol contestant. Stop torturing your neighbours.

Scorpio- Nobody wants you to hum ‘sun raha hai na tu’ anymore. Yes, we heard you. We have been hearing you for the last two thousand times.

Sagittarius- It is so cool that you attended the Jaipur Literature Fest. Repeating every word spoken by Amartya Sen won’t make you him.

Capricorn- It is good that you love pumpkins but getting a shape like that, just to prove your love for it, wouldn’t go down well with your friends.

Aquarius- There’s more to winters than just eating sarso da saag. Try other dishes too. They are not that bad.

Pisces- Everyone has seen your new blue and black coloured jacket. You can now put an end to making it your dress code by wearing it everyday!

Image Credits:  www.lunaticphotos.com

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Bazinga

Bazinga: Foundation Course Papers to be rechecked!

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Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost-believable fake news!

Almost a month after the declaration of FYUP results, the University of Delhi has decided to revaluate the FC papers. This decision has come amidst numerous protests against the inflation of scores and the shocking disparity in marks from college to college.

Under the new system, a foundation course is for 75 marks, out of which 55 are marked through projects, presentations, class discussions etc and the remaining 20 are allocated to a centrally prepared exam. This test was also evaluated within each college, making the entire process of assessment of Foundation Courses an internal one. Some students have scored from mid 80s to 90s, a feat which seemed impossible for an average college student till just last year, making it clear that DU was now going the CBSE route and inflating scores. The University also cited the obvious inequality in the marks distribution in different colleges as one of the reasons behind this decision.

It’s not just the students who were appalled by the discrepancies, even teachers are empathizing with their students, “Since history is a theoretical paper, I gave my students a maximum of 45 in their projects and presentations and 15 out of 20 in their exam, I was shocked to see that other colleges had given their students as many as 53 in the internals and a full 20 in the exam!” said a teacher from CVS.

As per the notice issued in this regard, the FC answer sheets will now be rechecked like those of the Discipline Courses to ensure an impartial marking. The new results will be out by the end of the month. The University can be seen buckling under the pressure from DUTA, DUSU, and other organizations protesting against the FYUP and demanding a rollback.

Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost-believable fake news!

 

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Humouroscope

Humouroscope: 19th – 25th January

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Aries-Driving is a bad idea. Metro is the way to travel for this week. However, for places the metro doesn’t suit you, carry rose scented almonds in your pocket.

Taurus-A long standing crush has started showing interest. The unrequited love may not remain so unrequited after all. Wearing electric blue socks will boost your luck.

Gemini-The week doesn’t carry much good news for you. In fact, you’ll find yourself at logger heads with most of your friends. Not taking bath for the entire week will prevent direct confrontations.

Cancer-A long standing project will take an interesting turn of events. Do not let any friend interfere with it. He’s bound to make you his second fiddle.

Leo-Oddly, your unlucky omen for the week is the sun. Carrying a floral print umbrella whenever you step out into the sun will salvage some good luck.

Virgo-Greed and lust are to be stayed away from this week. So do not go near a shopping mall or your girl/boy friend’s place. The library will prove to be a safe haven.

Libra-A ‘medusa omen’ is floating over your head this week. Do not look into the mirror and avoid eye contact with green eyed strangers.

Scorpio-Some money is coming your way this week. Save it and it’s likely to multiply.

Sagittarius-The rare violet rose will boost your luck immensely. Carrying one in your pocket and the other in your sock will prevent any evil from falling upon you for a long time.

Capricorn-Your keen interest in the supernatural may prove detrimental to your mental well-being. Leave this pursuit right here or you’ll have a personal story to add to your list of discoveries.

Aquarius-Your cards for the week do not reveal much about your future. But your lucky fruit is the dragon fruit. Eat it for an entire day and luck will favor you.

Pisces-Physical and mental peace awaits you after a long and turbulent week. Retire to the hills or the beach or Lodhi Garden to regain your emotional equilibrium.

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Humouroscope

Humouroscope: 12th – 18th January, 2014

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Aries –Lots of strangers are catching your eye but for them to notice you, you seriously need to lose those extra kilos. Trust us on this one.

Taurus – Your uptight behaviour is going to cause some tensions with a friend. The good part is you never really liked them anyway.

Gemini – Love? Love not? Your double face is being troublesome to all so make up your mind and for once stick by it.

Cancer – “Super annoying” and “Emotional dweeb” are your new nicknames. You are definitely sounding more fun than last week.

Leo – People are questioning your intentions. Not that we care, but you should probably work on that.

Virgo – Stop your matchmaking services and go talk to that new foreign exchange cutie. Spare your single friends.

Libra– It’s time to make it happen. With all your energy focused and stars aligned, this is the perfect week to get out of bed.

Scorpio – You are simply amazing! Or at least that is what you think about yourself. Cut down on the narcissism.

Sagittarius – This is not your week. The pimple is not going anywhere. We suggest the new Himalaya face wash.

Capricorn – Birthday month is going to get you a lot of alcohol. Make sure you spill out all your secrets. Alcohol is always the best excuse.

Aquarius – Stop paying for your friends. You know they are never going to pay you back.

Pisces – You are burdened with all the work. Team mates are useless. Pretending to be sick is the best option.

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Humouroscope

Humouroscope: 5th – 12th January

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Aries-The ultimate dilemma of friendship versus love has been troubling you for some time now. Its best to ask out that friend you’ve been fantasizing about. You anyway can’t simply be her friend anymore.

Taurus-The muscular pain that has been bothering you for so long have finally pushed you to an orthopedics’ doorstep. After a round of expensive consultation, you’ll realize that the pain is due to the lack of physical activity. So stop sulking and put on your running shoes.

Gemini- There are chocolates and flowers in your future. The only two possibilities are the arrival of a loved one on the blog or you killing your boredom by spending money on yourself.

Cancer- You will find solace in bargaining. Also, it’s your lucky activity this week. So put everything else aside and make that long due trip to GK or Sarojini.

Leo- Your patience is soon going to be tested with a noisy house guest arriving. Beware; he plans to overstay his welcome. Eating onions and staying over at a friend’s PG are the two best options. Take your pick!

Virgo- You’ll be revisiting childhood. All that alcohol has landed you into more troubles than ever. It’s better you switch over to milk for a while. Lucky color- ditch water green.

Libra- Last minute project submissions and a long list of pending work has made you volatile. It’s best if you don’t share your metro rides with anyone. That time should be utilized for listening to music and sleeping.

Scorpio- You are likely to develop a new hobby that you’ll be embarrassed to disclose to everyone. Keeping a dog biscuit in your bag at all times will make sure it stays a secret.

Sagittarius- Your cash stream seems to be thinning. It’s time to call upon the sworn life long friends to pay for the canteen bills. Lucky attire- kurta and jeans.

Capricorn-Praise is about to come from the most unexpected source. Making sure you stay in the public eye all the time will ensure it reaches you.

Aquarius- A friendship has turned sour. You are not able to rekindle the long gone excitement and joy. Take your friend to the nearest maggi stall and treat him to their poorly cooked maggi. Luck might just change.

Pisces-These are distressing times for your phone. Your new girlfriend, your app addiction fad and the sudden spike in the number of boring lectures leave the poor thing drained out. Charging it away from the bed at night will save you a couple grand.

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Humouroscope

Humouroscope: 22nd- 29th December

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Aries: Hitting the gym can work wonders for any medical student this week. Can’t say it will help you become a chick magnet but you will get to study the effects of hemorrhoids firsthand! So pump iron for SCIENCE!!!

Taurus: It’s not that everyone is trying to avoid you it’s just that…well would you look at the time? I have got to go; your horoscope will have to wait until next time ok pumpkin?  

Gemini: Ah! Children of Gemini! The tarot cards show really good omen. Unfortunately, your report cards do not. Brace yourself for the most violent of tongue lashings.

Cancer: I understand that raging hormones make this the most difficult period of your life, with your will succumbing to the basest of desires. But for God’s sakes get off Santa’s lap you are not 7 anymore! No, you may not have a Mercedes for Christmas! And yes, the beard is fake!

Leo: If you are depending upon that mistletoe that you meticulously planted above her front door…it’s a bad idea. You never know who might just walk underneath to greet you when you ring the door bell. Consider yourself warned.

Virgo: A new year approaches! This is a chance for a brand new start, a fresh new beginning, an opportunity to turn a new leaf. Although 10 bucks says that your resolutions will not last for more than three weeks.

Libra: Your romantic life will take a new turn these holidays. Your girlfriend will finally appear to be demure and speak to you in her sweetest manner. Don’t be fooled. Aldo has announced a 30% off on those heels she always blabbered on about.

Scorpio: I know that you wish to join the Mafia but I don’t think that earning a couple of parking tickets puts you anywhere in the ‘Gangsta’ list. Sorry kiddo.

Sagittarius: Do you know what Jeffery Archer and your chances of getting into Harvard law have in common? They both make good fiction.

Capricorn: Ever since the polls, a great change has come upon your ‘politically inclined’ friends. There will now be endless discussions of “Dekhna, BJP iss desh ko hila kay raakh dega.” Yet another reason to not want to return to college.

Aquarius: You will have great luck in poker against your Pisces friend today. At the very first hand put all your chips in and win it all. For this friendly advice I will be deducting 20% from your winnings.

Pisces:  You will have great luck in poker against your Aquarius friend today. At the very first hand put all your chips in and win it all. For this friendly advice I will be deducting 20% from your winnings.

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Features

TroubleSeekerTeam: Pranking away to glory

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With a tradition that started with endeavours such as Just For Laugh Gags, Chupa Rustam and MTV Bakra, the culture of pranks is something we all love! However, have you met the serial pranksters of Delhi? TroubleSeekerTeam, a group of five popularly known as TST, make hidden camera prank videos in the city and upload them on their YouTube channel.

Wondering what we are talking about? Here is an example!

We caught up with Rahul Sharma, the founder of TST to know more about the ordeal of putting common people in possible awkward situations and capturing their reactions.

When and how was TroubleSeekerTeam formed?

I loved watching funny prank videos on YouTube. What started from Just for Laugh Gags, went on to pranksters like JackValeFilms and Edbassmaster. I was almost certain that when I would type “Pranks in India” there would be a long list of videos. To my utter surprise, the only videos I found were the videos by American pranksters in which they used to prank people at WalMart or McDonalds while talking in a funny Indian Accent. I was really shocked that no one ever tried this kind of stuff in India. It didn’t look that difficult and it was entertaining as hell.

Then and there I thought I could be the one to do this. After doing some research online and I decided that the first one would be the Farting Prank because I thought it was funny and Indian people would definitely give some weird reactions to it (laughs). So I ordered “The Pooter” online, a rubber device that can make farting sounds when you squeeze it. Meanwhile when I told my friends about my intentions they agreed to company me too.

We were waiting for the pooter to arrive and when it did, we went to shoot the very next day and came up with our first 2 videos on 24th of May 2012.

How many people are there in the TroubleSeekerTeam?

After the idea was conceptualised, I was joined by my friends Deepak Chaudhary, Rishabh Sharma, Prince Thareja and my brother Ankit Sharma. So majorly, we are a team of five. We also keep trying to make different videos, for which we often invite our other friends or fans to be a part of. For example for the “Awkward Beat Box Dance Prank and Taking Pictures of Strangers” we invited two of our top fans – Ekansh Pilani and Meher Talwar.

What was the mission behind such an initiative?

What started out as a way to have some fun is now a Brand. We always loved making people smile and we want to do it for the rest of our lives. We want to make TroubleSeekerTeam the No.1 Indian YouTube Channel. The idea was to prank Indian people and see how they react. We always were the “funny guys” of our school. The ones who could make even the strictest teachers laugh. We never knew that we would be making people laugh for a living one day.

What was the reason behind keeping this name?

I was sure that the name must be unique. I am a fan of Harry Potter and he was the seeker in Quidditch, I got seeker from there and what we seek isn’t a magic flying golden snitch but ‘Trouble’. We seek trouble – that’s how we came up with TroubleSeekerTeam.

Have you ever been caught by someone while playing pranks ?

Yeah! Sometimes, people who have already seen us playing prank somewhere earlier make it out. And then they tell us “bhaiya mujhe pata hai aap bakra bana rahe ho”. And we laugh it off.

Have you ever pranked Delhi University students? How was your experience?

A: Yes, the ‘Document drop and go’ was done at Vishwavidyalaya metro station. They are easy going and every person involved in the making was a good sport. Further, we have plans to shoot pranks specific to students.

Which of your pranks you find the funniest and unforgettable?

It was definitely ‘the twins teleport’ prank. It is one of the best pranks where we used twins, the reactions were priceless. It is indeed the most viewed video on our channel. It was my dream to recreate this prank, as it was originally done by ‘Just For Laugh Gags’.

Any future plans to cover cities other than Delhi?

Yes definitely, we don’t just want to end up being the Delhi Pranksters on YouTube. We want to take pranks to every state in India! Perhaps, in the future we might just be able to do so.

How can interested people join TST?

Anyone interested can drop us a message on Facebook or Google+.

Editor adds: Thanks to our reader Firdosh Khan for the heads up! Had a great time laughing? We leave you with one of our favourites.

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Bazinga

Bazinga: Rahul baba to appear on Comedy Nights with Kapil

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Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost-believable fake news!

Sighting that all the news channels are more interested in broadcasting God man Asaram Bapu and his son’s “raasleela” rather than Congress’s “bharat nirman” jingles, Congress decided to consult Shah Rukh Khan (after the formidable success of Chennai Express) for their electoral campaign strategies. He advised them that these days “More people watch entertainment channels than news channels.” So it will be advantageous if someone goes to Comedy Nights with Kapil and does the party’s promotion. After much pondering and a heated discussion, the young blood and their star campaigner Rahul Gandhi was chosen who managed to fetch extra marks for his “escape velocity” speech and outscored Digvijay Singh in this campaign race.

Well the episode has been shot and will be aired next week. The details of the show have been kept secret to avoid any interference from opposition. But we have managed to know that hearing about Rahul’s arrival Navjot Singh Siddhu (member of BJP)  left the show and convinced Sunil Grover aka “Guthi” to walk out of the show. Shocked by this news, Congress turned to Digvijay Singh (their “dark knight”) who was happy to play the character of “Guthi” in the show.

We messaged Kapil to know his experience of shooting with the shooting stars of Congress but he refused to comment. So we have to wait and tune in to C.N.W.K. t watch out our (not so) favorite Pappu, performing for us!

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