Humouroscope: 2nd- 9th February

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Aries- It’s cold outside. And you only have few lectures today. It doesn’t matter. You can always make it up by attending all classes from tomorrow. Promise. Current score – Warm, toasty blanket – 27 : Cold, dingy classroom – 0.

Taurus- Just like Archimedes, you will have a eureka moment for the perfect peanut butter and jam ratio on a slice of wheat bread. Just remember to keep your pants on.

Gemini- To all those ladies who are still carrying their shopping bags all by themselves…the transfer markets will be closing shortly. All the eligible bachelors are still available as free agents. Transfer windows will only re-open at the start of the next session.

Cancer- You watch an entire season of ‘Koffee with Karan’. You love the show. The host is smart, funny and pleasant. The guests have amazing personalities. But you can’t help but feel a little ‘something’ clawing the back of your mind during the entire time. How on earth can they spell ‘Coffee’ with a ‘K’ dammit?

Leo- I agree that the crime rate in the city has increased. I also agree that we should do something about it. But please, I can not be seen anywhere near you when you are wearing your red undies on top of those freakishly tight spandex. I have a reputation to maintain.

Virgo- Please refrain from referring to your fart as a ‘featured anterior rectal transmission’ during a date. And she also does not want to know the exact ratio of nitrogen and methane present.

Libra- Painting your hamster yellow and black does not make him a picachu. And throwing that cosco ball at him will most probably maim it.

Scorpio- You have not failed. You have just found 1000 ways that won’t work. Which is like failing really, really miserably…

Sagittarius- There is no ‘wrong’ side of the bed. So will you please stop panicking and get your lazy butt off the mattress?

Capricorn- On the nights you decide to watch a scary movie humming the ‘Ghost busters’ theme song will give you just enough courage to run from underneath the safe sanctuary of your blanket to the toilet and back again.

Aquarius- I completely agree that wrestling isn’t fake at all. I mean even a child could survive a 30 feet vertical drop into hard concrete or a smack to the skull with a steel chair, right?

Pisces- By this point I often run out of jokes as you guys are the last on the list. So I decided to write yours first. After giving it much thought…I still got nothing. And now that’s saying something…

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Journalism has been called the “first rough draft of history”. D.U.B may be termed as the first rough draft of DU history. Freedom to Express.

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