Aries: Your friends will finally find out that you are still addicted to Chota Bheem, we feel for you.
Taurus: Be wary of DTC’s, you will have your pocket picked. And when they finally do find your wallet, some dark and dirty secrets will be revealed, publicly.
Gemini: Because of your wild Holi adventures this year you will look like Rudolph the red nose reindeer till next Holi
Cancer: You will be the butt of jokes when you say the following words to your friends ‘Bhai please meri selfie kheench de.’
Leo: Re watch this season of Koffee wth Karan, it’ll help you in the upcoming internal exam.
Virgo: Your elder brother is about to steal all the coins from your coin collection and give them out to charity.
Libra: Get hit by at least 3 water balloons each day, it’ll bring you good luck. This applies to all festivals including Holi since we know that Librans are not really into bathing.
Scorpio: Voting for the third front this time would benefit you personally, wear red while you go to vote.
Sagittarius: If you’re wondering why you had 32 Gujiyas in one go this Holi, it wasn’t because you were watching Bhaag Milkha Bhaag and you were bored, it was because of Bhaang beta, Bhaang.
Capricorn: You will have some ill luck around public toilets. Do make sure you remain seated during the entire performance.
Aquarius: You’d be sore for about 2 weeks from that college trip you took, the one which was called ‘Tour Groupe Lube Aynard’.
Pisces: Yes, you are looking for options to celebrate your birthday. We don’t recommend Twinkle Kumar Super Famous Chaat Bhandar.
Image source: www.cospick.com
Disclaimer: Bazinga is a piece of fiction, not to mention a funny one. Don’t re post it as BREAKING NEWS. We will use the Avifors spell and turn you into a bat.
Many times we measure the fun quotient of a DU college fest by the amount of noise it generates, by the number of surrounding colleges it disturbed and not the quality of music used to cause such commotion. The sources and decibel range of this noise goes from idle student gossip (about 50 decibels) to ‘star nite’ speakers (about 130 decibels) with streetplay competitions somewhere in the middle, or the higher side depending on how close you are to the dholak.
While it is disturbing for many attendees, research has shown that this form of noise pollution sparks off a diabolical race to the highest decibel among colleges. Each college wants to set itself at the top of the noise pollution/ fun factor chart and this leads to volumes being cranked up to obnoxious levels. This has led the University to take action on all college fests banning the use of more than 2 speakers throughout the fest. What must also be noted is that the speakers can only be ordered from a particular vendor, one which the University controls and regulates. A tender to become a University regulated speaker vendor has been floated.
Students are outraged by this decision and have planned a ‘We will listen to music on our earphones outside the VC’s office!!’- form of protest against it. The earphones for this protest will of course be supplied by the DUTA. In addition to the earphones being red in colour and made in China, they shall also have ‘There is still time to roll back the FYUP… c’mon guys, please?!’ inscribed on them.
imagecourtesy:www.oktatabyebye.com
Disclaimer: Bazinga is a piece of fiction, not to mention a funny one. Don’t re post it as BREAKING NEWS. We will use the Avifors spell and turn you into a bat.
As part of their Women’s Day campaign, Team Sanitation Solutions organised various sessions in 14 slums and villages across Delhi-NCR, Haryana and Rajasthan on 8th March, 2014. A similar camp will be conducted in Rajasthan on the 10th.
In the first session, the focus was on various health issues faced by women, primarily menstrual health and pregnancy. The objective was to dispel all myths and taboos associated with menstruation and to encourage the use of sanitary napkin. The team also shed light on the Right age to get pregnant, the use of contraception, Unsafe sex and sexually transmitted infections, Schemes being run by the Government for free delivery and several other issues.The aim was as the members of Team Sanitation Solutions say “to make women emerge as confident individuals and to take pride in the concept of womanhood.”
The second session laid emphasis on community building activities. Teams of 5-6 women each were made to compete in an fun filled art and craft competition. The basic aim of this activity was to give women firsthand experience of working in a team, to make them accept the challenge of working with completely new faces as a single unit.
The third and the final session featured motivational and inspirational slides to make women recognize their importance in the building of a society.The purpose was to instill a feeling of self-confidence in them. Women were encouraged to step forward, put a hand print with pink paint on white chart paper and sign against their name. Because the session focused on hands and the work they create, four pink bangles were distributed as symbolic possession.
The participants were not just recipients of knowledge. They sang folk songs and encouraged the volunteers and team members to join them, which became a learning experience for them as well.
Aries: One month before mid-semester break you thought to yourself – “I will fully utilize the free time to get my study material organized and cover my syllabus.” Your thoughts now – “Where the hell did I keep my PVR tickets??”
Taurus: Let me go over this again – you actually went over to TGIF, on a Monday, just to correct them that it wasn’t really a Friday? And you said all that before you even ordered your drinks? I am sure they are beginning to rethink their marketing strategy…
Gemini: I have come to a very logical conclusion that Newton’s third Law is a load of bull. Take, for instance, that time when you tried flirting with that cute girl at the club. There was no such thing as “equal” in her opposite reaction.
Cancer: Your parents often encourage you to read biographies of great people like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and Albert Einstein…but when you point out that they were dropouts you don’t really get a pat-on-the-back.
Leo: In the near future you shall discard this paper. – This accurate prediction has been brought to you by Du Beat Humouroscope: ‘beating the living crap out of Chinese fortune cookies since 2007…’
Virgo: You are getting an itch at the back of your skull. An itch you get every time you have the feeling you have forgotten something important. It acts as Peter Parker’s spider sense only twice as useless because it never helps you remember until the very minute when it’s all too late.
Libra: You shall enjoy a great bounty of success and prosperity in the near future. Hold on! Apologise, wrong augury, a moment please…ah yes here it is…the children born under the constellation of Libra shall be given false hopes about a successful future and prosperity.
Scorpio: Ahh…you are in love aren’t you child? I can read it clearly in your giggling eyes, the shy twitch of a smile, the burning colour of your cheeks and the fact that you actually shampooed your hair today.
Sagittarius: They say that the best things in life cannot be bought by money. I say, “Oh, please! Thor was a freaking Norse God of War…and he got trademarked. Period.”
Capricorn: Get ready to experience the delights of being caught in a traffic jam, stuck in an elevator or suffering power blackouts(Events Coming Soon this Summer) as temperatures begin to rise again in Delhi. If that isn’t getting you hot under the collar folks than I don’t know what will!
Aquarius: You are very likely to get robbed by a pickpocket today. Instead of letting rage control you try to remain optimistic and tell yourself, ‘I have not been robbed today. In fact, I have fed a desperate man.” On second thought…optimism sucks! Find that sneaky rat!!
Pisces: You are born under the unluckiest constellation. I suggest venting your anger on the Gods or whoever it is that discovered the constellation.
Image Credits: legomessageboards.wikia.com
Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost-believable fake news!
Priyanka Chopra. Alia Bhatt. Vidya Balan. Now another B’wood diva is entering the league of celebs promoting their movies in DU. After having risen to sudden fame from the moderate success of her movies like ‘Jism 2’ and ‘Jackpot’, the ex Bigg Boss house inmate, Sunny Leone is all set to rock the house for the Delhi University students. The organisers of a major upcoming college fest have successfully roped in Sunny, who will be visiting the campus and interacting with students for promotion of her upcoming horror flick – ‘Ragini MMS 2’ scheduled for release in the third week of March.
Sunny will be seen performing on the star night to the tunes of famous songs like ‘Ye mera deewanapan hai’ and ‘Babydoll’ on the concluding day of the fest as well. “Sunny has expressed a desire for the event to be exclusively for the boys of Delhi University, though amazingly lucrative, however the union hasn’t yet given their consent for this due to administrative constraints.”, said a college insider, on condition of undisclosed identity. Some people see her stunt as an act of vengeance as Sunny has reportedly decided to become a part of DU fest, after the famous singer Arijit Singh had taken a dig on her in his recent performance at Miranda House’s ‘Tempest’14’. Another college known for hosting meets on gender issues had approached Sunny but she has apparently declined the offer due to the college’s environment being testosterone deficit oestrogen surplus.
Meanwhile, the right wing political activists have criticised inviting Sunny Leone to colleges, the temples of knowledge and has described it to be a Congress- BJP coalition to destroy India’s culture and lure the ‘aam aadmi’. They’ve also threatened to stage a dharna if the event isn’t called off or Sunny’s name isn’t struck from the star’s list. Interestingly rumour has it, that Sunny might be accompanied by Honey, who has sung the song ‘Chaar bottle Vodka’ for the same movie! If all of it shapes into reality, that song becomes almost real – ‘ Aaj Din hai sunny.. sunny.. sunny.. sunny.. sunny!
Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost-believable fake news!
imagecourtesy: Bollywood-updates.net
< Aries: You will develop an insatiable itch on your back this week. The only way to ward off said itch is to rub yourself against a neem tree trunk vigorously.
Taurus: Sing ‘Baby Doll Main Sone Di’ on a loop, all day, and every day. If some people still hang out with you by the end of the week, they are your friends for life.
Gemini: Tired of life? Here’s a three step process to end the boredom forever. Watch a suspense movie/ TV show, reveal suspense to everyone who hasn’t watched it yet, die.
Cancer: Laws of gravity will not apply to you this week. Pakka promise. If you don’t believe us, try jumping off a high- rise.
Leo: The stars have aligned diagonally for you. This means absolutely nothing. You should probably wear a few (read 5-6) rings on both hands.
Virgo: A wonderful internship comes knocking, literally. The doodh wala bhaiya is looking for a new ‘chhotu’. Sure makes for an eye- catchy resume entry.
Libra: The elegant looking lady/ gentleman standing next to you in the metro will release a killer methane bomb. Be prepared for the disgusted looks from fellow passengers who will immediately mentally blame you.
Scorpio: Your worn- to- shreds socks have a very important message to convey, one that you have been overlooking for quite some time now, dig deep within your soul to uncover what they have to say. Or, just buy new socks.
Sagittarius: We predict good times up ahead for you. Someone else will take the fall for even the deadliest of your farts.
Capricorn: You will have your cake and eat it too this week. You may be accused of being a gluttonous pig in the process, but hey, you can’t please everybody.
Aquarius: A new addiction is on the cards for you. It could be anything from Snapchat to snorting. Keep bad habits at bay, watch a ‘Yo Momma’ marathon.
Pisces: Your sister will suddenly want to be a make- up artist and you shall be her ill- destined live mannequin for practice. Get ready for a Marilyn Manson-esque look.