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Bazinga: Winds of change all set to rock Delhi University

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Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost believable fake news!

 

The University of Delhi has been considering a list pf proposals from long, which if passed shall altogether change numerous things about the university from the academic year 2014-2015.  One major such change being introduced is making students pursue their post graduation from the same colleges they complete their under graduation from (wherever the option is available.)

“We’ve taken this step to instill the sense of affection and inculcate the feeling of belongingness in students towards their colleges, which shall of course increase with the time spent by students in the same college.” said a university insider.

So if you are planning to pursue  your M.A. from DU after completing B.A.,this is the  news for you. You may not get the chance of changing your respective colleges  if this new rule gets enforced upon to build strong loyal alumni.  The matter is still under consideration. But start loving your college while there is still time, you never know what happens next. Also, JNU and DU have entered into a collaboration and the students pursuing M.A. from DU may have to go to JNU for their research work and semester exchange programs.

Also,Delhi University is facing problems in providing classrooms to the students for regular classes. If the problem continues till the next semester and the number falls short of the required amount, then Arts Faculty and Law Faculty can be the new venues for the classes to take place. DU has come up with a proposal of building state-of-the-art classrooms in the colleges meanwhile.

Delhi University, keeping in mind the effects of heat and hot, dry wind on the students in summers, has come up with a proposal of providing air conditioners in the classrooms with an increase in the fees. The annual fees is expected to go up to a considerable amount. But, the air conditioners will be there in only some of the rooms so the college authorities will have to put in extra efforts in making the time-tables so as to provide the benefits of the air conditioners to the students of all the courses. Hence, the chances are that the college time  might be extended till 5 P.M. to accommodate all classes in the AC rooms.

Good luck DUites, brave the changes!

 

Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost believable fake news!

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Bazinga: DU declares LSR and St. Stephen’s cafes to be renamed as ‘canteens’

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Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost believable fake news!

Seems like the Delhi University administration has now become accustomed to land in hot waters with their actions, reactions and declarations. In sharp retaliation to the protesting students at Lady Shri Ram College in the wake of a steep rise in food prices, the DU high command yesterday issued a notice to the college authorities.

The notice was in regard to call their cafeteria a canteen like the rest of the university does and not a café.  A similar notice was also issued to St. Stephen’s College, it being the only other Delhi University college with a ‘café’.

While the rise in prices is believed to be an effect of rising gas prices as well as a general inflation in the economy, the notice clearly points at a solution with an ‘as you sow, so you reap’ undertone. “If you want the rates of a college canteen, call it a canteen. Cafes are fancy places, and fancy rates are what you will get”, says Mr. Aaya Ram Gaya Ram, an official from the university.

The students are left with a devil and the deep blue sea situation. While changing their mosaic-walled and cane-chaired cafes to mere canteens would leave them bereft of any and all history of exclusivity, not doing so will leave them bereft of economical meals.

The colleges have been given a short notice of two days to respond to the notice and to do so in the affirmative failing which the University has threatened to withdraw their ‘canteen’ licenses. This move is seen as attempt by to bring about a level of uniformity among the various colleges.

Sources have confirmed that next on the list is to change ‘Hall of Residence’ to the more humble hostel. Great going, DU!

Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost believable fake news!

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Bazinga: DU discontinues practice of ‘home college as center’ for semester exams from May 2014

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Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost believable fake news!

In a bid to control the usage of unfair means in the Delhi University semester exams, the DU high command has come up with quite a unique way. If our University insider sources are to be believed, DU has decided to discontinue the practice of letting students take their semester exams in their own respective colleges from now.

The officials are of the view that, students have their way in own colleges and it is comparatively easier for them to take the advantage of unfair means like writing formulas/key points on desks or walls, or maybe carrying of chits. Moreover, the invigilators are college professors, who might have a soft corner for the students of their own institution and might help them with answers or by provision of extra writing time.

“The seriousness, the prestige of an exam is diluted when the exam is conducted in the surroundings the students are accustomed to. Keeping that in mind, and on the models of CBSE’s conduct of class 10th & 12th exams, we hereby propose a change in DU semester exams effective on immediate basis for Semester Exams, May 2014.” said, Mr. Bil Kul Verma,  the Head of Examinations, DU.

According to the new plan to discipline the conduct of exams, all the students will be allotted exam centers in different college of the University, subject to change for every exam. Reportedly, DU has entered into a venture with Indraprastha University, wherein, their students shall take their exams in DU colleges and DU students might have to  go to the campus of I.P. University for the same. Similar talks with officials of Jawaharlal Nehru University are on, however nothing has materialized yet.

The information regarding exam centers would be available on the University website, on the evening before the exam days and shall be accessible after filling in your University roll number and some other details.

Seems like C.B.S.E. has been influencing DU on more than one grounds, as the next plan in pipeline is, conduct of Delhi University semester exams with question papers designed in three different sets, again to minimize the chances of cheating by eliminating discussion and exchange of sheets or question papers.

Brave the change, good luck for exams, DUites!

Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost believable fake news!

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Bazinga: SRCC and St. Stephen’s to move out of DU

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Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost believable fake news!

Yes, you probably saw it right! St. Stephens College and Shri Ram College of Commerce have finally given in to the much absurd reforms being brought into India’s top ranked varsity, the Delhi University. According to our sources at SRCC, the authorities had sought an expert panel discussion last week and a subsequent move-out from the aegis of the university was finalised.

The problem and the consequent action is not being seen as a move in haste but a planned event. Both the colleges were already wary of the newly yet naïvely introduced Four Year Undergraduate Programme and had aired their possible move-out last year just after the introduction of this much controversial programme.

After the shocking news, which hit headlines yesterday, reactions are still coming in. A teacher from St. Stephens College who talked to us after we promised anonymity, said, “I have been an admirer of this new concept, FYUP, but the way in which it is being implemented has created an amount of havoc among the students as well as the teachers. Hence, I totally support my college’s move.”  When we asked her, if the college’s future would become uncertain on opting out of DU, she said, “St. Stephens is ranked amongst the best in India, not because of the DU tag, but due to the efforts of college authorities, its teachers and its excellent students, and none of them would go after we move out, hence we will retain our position at the top.”

Another teacher Ms. Rotu Hasta of SRCC said, “The admiration we have received till date is partly because of the college’s own efforts and partly due to Delhi University’s legacy and position. I am unsure if we will be able to survive without the university’s tag.”

Students of both the colleges are facing a dilemma on the same. With some supporting the move and others against it, mixed reactions are being seen. Protest marches have been arranged by the unions of both the colleges who are against the decision. “We will not turn down our protests till the decision is revised. They are putting our future in danger”, said a senior member of St. Stephens’ union.
DU authorities who might be a bit worried as of now, have refused to comment. Though sources tell us that constant phone calls are being made to the authorities of both the colleges through back channels to instigate them to revert the decision. Speculations have it, that a possible retraction of the FYUP has also been offered by DU to both the colleges.  Keep tuned to the latest updates on the same.

Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost believable fake news!

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Bazinga: Students to rate teachers, least rated teachers to be dismissed

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Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost believable fake news!

Among the host of changes the University administration is implementing for the year 2013-2014 is a Teacher Review System (TRS), which requires students to compulsorily rate their teachers on an annual basis from 1 to 10. The least rated teacher in every college will be dismissed from their job. The guidelines issued by the office of the Vice-Chancellor direct all colleges to conduct this review right after the year-end exams.

Students across the DU campuses are excited about this initiative of the University, for a change. “It will make college like Bigg Boss’ house! I hope my college can add the provision of someone with a baritone announcing the eviction of the least rated teacher on the PA system,” says an enthusiastic first-year student. Another says, “It will be easy to trade good ratings with attendance. Long live the VC!”

We also came across scores of students who were upset they’ll have to attend college now to know their teachers’ names and faces since the review is compulsory.

There is unrest among teachers following this ruling. “It is merely a bargain the University is trying to strike with the students for the autocratic imposition of FYUP, but why are we being the bali-ka-bakra?” cries a teacher.

Meanwhile, dramatics societies of colleges have started adopting this issue for their upcoming plays. A writer from a well-known college’s dramatics society tells us, “Plays on patriarchy depicting why and how it needs to be eradicated are becoming stale, but this issue acts like a perfect replacement. It’s essentially the same thing but it’s more relevant in today’s times.”

 Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost believable fake news!

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Bazinga: Politicians stay in DU hostels to know student problems

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Disclaimer: Bazinga is a fake news story,manufactured for people with a good sense of humour like ours. Spreading it around as news will only get you warts all over your body.

Politicians, eyeing polls, are trying to feed their student vote bank some fodder by spending nights in their hostels. As Rahul  Gandhi reached a hostel in North Campus, he was greeted by students waiting to welcome him. Addressing the media which was all over the place to catch a glimpse of the young politician, Gandhi said, “These students have continuously been ignored by the policy makers of the nation. These farm- err… students are an integral part of our human resource. Tonight, I will spend the night in this hostel, eat what these students eat, drink what these students drink, and tomorrow I will make a speech in parliament after knowing the problems of these students.” The students put a pair of headphones (a popular replacement of garlands) around Rahul’s neck as a token of respect,and guided him through the freshly cleaned floors of their hostel.

We also received reports of BJP leader Sushma Swaraj staying a night in a girls hostel of University of Delhi. We couldn’t reach Mrs. Swaraj before she went inside the hostel because she was trying to maintain a low profile, but what later started flooding Instagram and Facebook newsfeeds were ‘selfies’ of female students with Sushma in all poses possible with the popular hashtag, #justgirlythings. It was clear from the pictures that the senior BJP leader has indeed learnt how to pout. “It’s a totally different lifestyle these girls follow. We all have a lot to learn from them, Mrs. Swaraj tweeted in the morning. Meanwhile, an AAP leader could not be contacted for any comment on his stay in a college hostel as students were making him clean the tiles and floors of the building, given AAP’s ‘sevak’ nature.

Disclaimer: Bazinga is a fake news story,manufactured for people with a good sense of humour like ours. Spreading it around as news will only get you warts all over your body.

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Bazinga: Rahul Gandhi modifies laptop affidavit for the next batch

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Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost believable fake news!
Rahul Gandhi, addressing a rally in Delhi, said that a senior official entered his office one day and said the current 13-clause long affidavit signed by 1st year students to claim the University laptops is not enough as it does not empower students. He has asked the VC Prof. Dinesh Singh to add these 7 clauses for the 2nd batch under FYUP. Prof. Dinesh Singh has readily approved the same.

The additions to the affidavit are as follows:

“I hereby give assent to the following clauses.

  1. That my internet history will come under the RTI Act and can be accessed by anyone.
  2. That I will never watch Game of Thrones on the laptop as the nudity and incest can have bura prabhav on the hardware.
  3. That if my mom ever asks me to show her recipes by Sanjeev Kapoor, I will stop whatever I’m doing and show her videos because maa bhagwan ka roop hoti hai.
  4. Upon receiving the laptop, I will crack open a huge coconut on it and stuff green chillies in the USB ports for good luck.
  5. Violation of  any clause will result in the defaulter being made to watch 5 hours of Lalu Yadav’s parliament speeches.
  6. If my laptop is found on OLX my degree will be awarded to Rahul Gandhi. (In unrelated news, the Gandhi family discovers a new method of acquiring fake degrees which are completely Subramanian Swami-proof)
  7. Setting sh3hzada_lol or modi_rocks or similar terms as password will result in the laptop going into self destruct mode.”

 

The BJP is claiming that it had been demanding such revolutionary clauses in the affidavit the entire year although it did not make it to the media, and that Rahul Gandhi is only cheating from them to attain limelight. Meanwhile, student bodies are protesting and demanding immediate repeal of this order, saying that the original 13 clauses were outrageous enough already.

Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost believable fake news!

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Bazinga: DU to cap noise pollution during fests.

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Disclaimer: Bazinga is a piece of fiction, not to mention a funny one. Don’t re post it as BREAKING NEWS. We will use the Avifors spell and turn you into a bat.

Many times we measure the fun quotient of a DU college fest by the amount of noise it generates, by the number of surrounding colleges it disturbed and not the quality of music used to cause such commotion. The sources and decibel range of this noise goes from idle student gossip (about 50 decibels) to ‘star nite’ speakers (about 130 decibels)  with streetplay competitions somewhere in the middle, or the higher side depending on how close you are to the dholak.

While it is disturbing for many attendees, research has shown that this form of noise pollution sparks off a diabolical race to the highest decibel among colleges. Each college wants to set itself at the top of the noise pollution/ fun factor chart and this leads to volumes being cranked up to obnoxious levels. This has led the University to take action on all college fests banning the use of more than 2 speakers throughout the fest. What must also be noted is that the speakers can only be ordered from a particular vendor, one which the University controls and regulates. A tender to become a University regulated speaker vendor has been floated.

Students are outraged by this decision and have planned a ‘We will listen to music on our earphones outside the VC’s office!!’- form of protest against it. The earphones for this protest will of course be supplied by the DUTA. In addition to the earphones being red in colour and made in China, they shall also have ‘There is still time to roll back the FYUP… c’mon guys, please?!’ inscribed on them.

imagecourtesy:www.oktatabyebye.com

Disclaimer: Bazinga is a piece of fiction, not to mention a funny one. Don’t re post it as BREAKING NEWS. We will use the Avifors spell and turn you into a bat.

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Bazinga: Sunny Leone to visit Delhi University

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Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost-believable fake news!

Priyanka Chopra. Alia Bhatt. Vidya Balan. Now another B’wood diva is entering the league of celebs promoting their movies in DU. After having risen to sudden fame from the moderate success of her movies like ‘Jism 2’ and ‘Jackpot’, the ex Bigg Boss house inmate, Sunny Leone is all set to rock the house for the Delhi University students. The organisers of a major upcoming college fest have successfully roped in Sunny, who will be visiting the campus and interacting with students for promotion of her upcoming horror flick – ‘Ragini MMS 2’ scheduled for release in the third week of March.

Sunny will be seen performing on the star night to the tunes of famous songs like ‘Ye mera deewanapan hai’ and ‘Babydoll’ on the concluding day of the fest as well. “Sunny has expressed a desire for the event to be exclusively for the boys of Delhi University, though amazingly lucrative, however the union hasn’t yet given their consent for this due to administrative constraints.”, said a college insider, on condition of undisclosed identity. Some people see her stunt as an act of vengeance as Sunny has reportedly decided to become a part of DU fest, after the famous singer Arijit Singh had taken a dig on her in his recent performance at Miranda House’s ‘Tempest’14’. Another college known for hosting meets on gender issues had approached Sunny but she has apparently declined the offer due to the college’s environment being testosterone deficit oestrogen surplus.

Meanwhile, the right wing political activists have criticised inviting Sunny Leone to colleges, the temples of knowledge and has described it to be a Congress- BJP coalition to destroy India’s culture and lure the ‘aam aadmi’. They’ve also threatened to stage a dharna if the event isn’t called off or Sunny’s name isn’t struck from the star’s list. Interestingly rumour has it, that Sunny might be accompanied by Honey, who has sung the song ‘Chaar bottle Vodka’ for the same movie! If all of it shapes into reality, that song becomes almost real – ‘ Aaj Din hai sunny.. sunny.. sunny.. sunny.. sunny!

Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost-believable fake news!

imagecourtesy: Bollywood-updates.net

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Bazinga: Arvind Kejriwal to become the new Vice Chancellor

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Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost-believable fake news!

The real reason for Arvind Kejriwal’s resignation as Delhi’s Chief Minister has finally been unearthed. He is set to become the new Vice Chancellor of Delhi University. Kejriwal wanted to target the youth and wanted to bring about change in the nation. He has now discovered the perfect way to do so by directly associating with the students and grooming them to make India a better nation. Party sources confirmed his appointment as the Vice Chancellor and he will be taking over from the next semester.

Kejriwal is set to revamp the education system of the University by introducing several new diploma courses. Some of them are based on how to do a sting operation and learning to stay hungry for several days for fasting purposes. He is also set to introduce a post graduate course called Master of Dharna Management. It will be a full-fledged two year program. Apart from this he will add Muffler Designing as a mandatory subject for under graduates of all courses as a recreational activity.

He believes that if every individual in the country has the basic training of conducting sting operations, it would help catch many corrupt officials and students are the best place to start. As a believer of peaceful protests he aims to teach students how to respectfully defy authorities to get their own way in life. An Aam Aadmi Party official said that these courses are as important as values and ethics and hence, need to be instilled into students from the very beginning.

This is just the beginning and a lot more is yet to come. It will be interesting to see how many well educated well trained anarchists come out of Delhi University after spending four years under the Kejriwal regime and what they make of the nation.

Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost-believable fake news!

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