Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly dose of  almost-believable fake news!

DU on recommendation of a special committee, has declared a complete ban on any cultural events, college festivals, department fests, competitions, quizzes and panel discussions being conducted across the colleges of university w.e.f. February 1st. The decision has been taken in wake of college authorities splurging over the unnecessary extravaganza.

“The fests are against the culture of India, where study place is considered to be as auspicious as a temple, No dancing, singing or Red Bull intake is acceptable here.” said Mr. Pee. Kay. Tunn, a committee member. The University has asked all societies to do away with their preparations and end all dialogues with the logistic providers, caterers and expected guest of honours. Also, a standing referendum is expected to be passed from the next academic year, where in all societies shall stand dissolved and 85% attendance would be made compulsory for all students irrespective of backgrounds, gender or the ‘under the table setting’ with professors.

A special penalty is introduced on colleges holding MUNs which to our bad luck, happen in every college at an alarmingly high frequency. The funds that shall be saved by banning fests shall be utilized by the University for the much needed welfare of the FYUP batch kids and and hiking the salaries of honest and hardworking professors. As the winds of change sway, the decision is being protested against by DU students.  The colleges’ union members are in a state of shock, poor souls; college fests were the only things they ever did!

Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly dose of  almost-believable fake news!

Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost-believable fake news!

After having introduced non core courses such as General Science, Psychology, Philosophy and IMBH, the DU is all set to introduce a new subject called – ‘Soul & Spirituality’ for all students of the various FYUP courses. The step has been taken post numerous discussions among the VC, DU curriculum committee and numerous spiritual preachers of country. The subject will draw its basics from Vedas & Upanishads and shall be both theoretical and practical.

The students shall be tested on performance of Yoga aasans like Kapalbhati and AnulomVilom, recitation of shlokas, mantras and hymns. There would also be internal assessment projects where the students would be required to study religious literature and submit their interpretations. The decision has been taken to reportedly ‘channelize the energy of the growing atheist youth towards GOD and his supremacy’ said Baba Satyanash. The talks are on with numerous other members of ABOI, the Association of Babas of India, to take up jobs as Associate professors at the University and enlighten the students with pristine light of wisdom like other FYUP subjects have been doing.

While Baba Shri Bedagarg has agreed to share his knowledge with students of an esteemed DU college, the search for potential professors is still on in others. Unfortunately, the discipline shall be introduced from academic year 2014-15 and current first year FYUP students shall not get the opportunity to study this revolutionary subject. The students, as always have been, are perplexed and doubtful of their future and University’s further steps. The party karyakartas who’ve been silent for long, have got an issue to be vocal about. Seems like yet again the public buses, seemingly the real cause behind the controversy, and are going to ‘feel the heat.

Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost-believable fake news!

Image courtesy:blogs.uoregon.edu

Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost-believable fake news!

With the Aam Aadmi Party coming into power, certain changes are set to rock Delhi University. After proposing reservations, AAP is all set to introduce winter uniforms in all colleges of Delhi University. Students will be required to wear mufflers around their heads just the way our beloved CM Arvind Kejriwal wears it. However the Gandhi topi will be optional so as to not force political affiliations.

The idea behind it is to get some uniformity in the students of Delhi University. The attire will be compulsory in and around campus. Anybody who is seen wearing the muffler will be recognized as a Delhi University student.

However, the party does not want to kill students’ freedom to dress as they want and thus, the colour choice is left open. Students can choose the colour of the muffler they wear and change it and when they desire to.

This rule will be enforced starting 1^st February and students violating this rule will be subject to punishment. The teachers will be checking the uniform and ensuring that the rule is followed religiously. Those who don’t follow the dress code can be fined up to Rs 200 depending on the frequency at which the rule is flouted.

Image courtesy: sunday-guardian.com

Disclaimer: Bazinga is DU Beat’s weekly column of almost-believable fake news!