Tackling your grandmother to win that blue ribbon is definitely a no-no for the self-centered ‘Ram’ this week. Try watching ‘anger management’ instead.

Things are looking good for the ‘Bull’ as you’ll finally quit suffering from separation anxiety from detachment of your favourite G.I Joe figurines!

The stars aren’t in favour of your love life this week. The bubbly Gemini might just be replaced by a new lover or well, a talking parrot.

Being the emotional vampires of the zodiac, you’re suggested to wear eyeliner this week in order to look more Emo. It shall also cure you of the ‘meet and marry’ syndrome you suffer from. Forever.

For the self-obsessed Leo, embarrassment may ensue after you’re caught kissing… yourself in the mirror yet again.

The overly OCD Virgo will be the coolest kids in the hostel as they’ll be the one doing everyone’s laundry! Also, shutting and closing the refrigerator door to trick the light isn’t a good idea.

For the snazzy dressers, you’re advised to not sink your money into gym memberships, age defying products, and tight v-neck t-shirts.

Your heart will be broken this week as you’ll finally realise that you’re not a Borg leader and that Star Trek is fiction. Hard luck.

For the adventurous Sadge; trips to the bathroom without the lights out isn’t a good option for you this week. Sleeping with a torch might just save you from dying with your pants down.

You’ll be unable to pat your own back this week as a muscle pull might follow your daily PS3 session.

Aquarians should steer clear of using phrases like ‘Dude…Man’ while describing philosophical concepts.  Your aqua-air persona will definitely ‘blow off’ people otherwise.

For the dreamy Piscean; keep cookies and cream by your front door this week. Some of your imaginary friends (and maybe your only) might just pay you a visit. And no, it’s not Jennifer Lopez or Beyonce.


You will drop your phone. Again. And while the world will be WhatsApp-ing away to glory, you, well, will not be doing the same. Wear mauve with orange polka dots to hasten your phone’s recovery.


Finances look good. The pair of jeans you’ve been eyeing for ages is finally going on sale. But bad news on the health front, your acne is going to make a comeback. Stock up on some Vicco Turmeric.


Extremely high chances of getting caught in the rain this week so keep an umbrella at all times. NOT a raincoat – the cards advise caution, not dorkiness.


Quit being your usual emo self and flooding your texts with so many emoticons! Your girl/boyfriend is getting really annoyed and might just dump you.


Not winning the lottery this week either, so stop wasting money on frivolous pursuits. There were higher chances of you topping the university, and, well, that didn’t happen.


The stars aren’t happy with you this week. You will get caught by the anti-ragging squad prowling the campus. Even if you’re just indulging in some ‘friendly introductions’.



Last year’s result proves you can’t balance work and play. Time for Jack to become very dull if he wants a future. Sad, but true.


Not getting a seat in the metro this entire week. But you will find an autowala who will ‘go by meter’ around Monday.


This week’s tough on love. Your cute crush has found their cute crush, so you’ll have to look elsewhere. Pray to the ‘Virgin tree’ for direction.


Rejoice. You will finally get your hands on the TV remote this Saturday. But the fact remains that you are watching TV on a Saturday night and don’t have a life.


Visitors expected at the end of this week. Probably distant aunts who still pull your cheeks and tell you, “Arrey, how ‘big’ you’ve become!” And your mother will insist you stay at home.


You will feel like a fish out of water in these first few weeks of college, but what else can you expect when you’re wearing those yellow Crocs of yours?

Aries– Regulate the pace of chewing your food and colour-coordinate the clothes in your closet for some credible karma.

Taurus– Accidentally installing timeline on Facebook will put off the longtime object of your secret amorous attentions who finally found you marginally interesting enough to check out.

Gemini– A good time to purchase the Gulshan Kumar T-series Boxed DVD set with special footage of Mithun Chakravarti.

Cancer– Oddly enough, accidentally eating the food meant for your fish will finally grant you the eyebrow hair growth spurt you’ve been desperately hoping for.

Leo– An excellent week to shimmy into your lucky SpongeBob underwear and not emerge till at least Sunday is past. Hygiene and dubious looks be damned.

Virgo– As you are walking along, you will notice someone leaning back in a chair. You should stop and insist that they bring their seatback to a full upright and locked position until the captain has turned off a sign.

Libra– It’s time to finally accept…that The Big Bang Theory is fiction. And that no matter how much you toot the horn of your awesomeness, you will never be Sheldon Cooper.

Scorpio– The universe wants you out of those tight red pants. Take a hint, would you?

Sagittarius– Use the word ‘Panjandrum’ with repeated frequency. The only person who asks its meaning is the culprit behind your absconding sandwiches.

Capricorn–  You. Yes, YOU. You are the reason why sequinned unitards made a comeback.

Aquarius–  Make hay while the iron is hot. Because every silver lining is made of mice and men.

Pisces– Chance encounter with a Big Boss winner of yesteryears will bring you inner peace.

Tarot for this week

By Jessica Sadana

Aries: you have the privilege of being carefree and indulging in youthful activities. Also you tend to surround yourself with goodness and appreciate simple joys. Innocence is what describes this state the best. It’s a time when you could receive unexpected gifts and news.

Taurus: it’s a week to celebrate friendship and establish new partnerships. You finally recognize a bond that is developing. Forgive and forget. Sharing and helping are the key words for making new connections.

you are bursting with energy and feeling on top of this world. Work on developing a team spirit and forming a group bond. Learn to place your trust in others. Exuberance and happiness are the key words this week.

Cancer: you are appealing and popular; also create a powerful first impression. This month you are loaded with enthusiasm but need dedication and focus to achieve what you want. Keep a check on your health.

you need to be frank and get straight to the point. Let others know what you feel and show little discretion. You might lack sensitivity in personal relationships and don’t undervalue your intuition. You need to work on your tolerance levels.

Virgo: you are gifted with natural artistic ability. Also you tend to become the focus of attention very soon. There is an atmosphere of excitement around you and you carry authority naturally. You are charismatic, bold and inspire a lot of people.

Libra: it’s a time to seek out uncharted areas and going in quest for a new adventure. Plan for the times to come and learn to anticipate obstacles. You might serve as a representative and set an example for others to follow. Foresight and leadership are the key words this week.

you achieve what you desire and see your dreams coming true. It’s a time where you indulge in a little smugness and enjoy the situation just as it is. Appreciate efforts made by others. It’s a time when you feel attracted to someone and cannot seem to overcome the feeling.

withdrawing from involvement and allowing events to proceed without intervention is what this week brings with it. Seek guidance from within and be receptive. Learn to look beyond the obvious and acknowledge the shadow.

you show moderation as far is work is concerned. It’s a time to experience harmony and achieving equilibrium. Gather together what is needed for future projects. Enjoy your well-being and good health.

Aquarius: its time to put plans into action and making your move. Also this week marks the closing of an activity and conclusion. All you need is a bit of information and finding the missing puzzle piece. You have a meaningful conversation with someone close to you.

Pisces: you know what you need for growth and see right to the heart of the matter. Maintain your composure in an emotional situation. Also respond to the emotional needs of others and learn to accept limitations of others.