Kriti Talwar



Q. We are friends from two years. I like her very much and now see also gave some sign that see also like me. So how can I propose her. Plz give me some suggessions.

Amma: First, my boy, can Amma tell you to pay a little more attention to your English? Or join one of those Rapidex English crash courses! You are very lucky that the girl already likes you (i.e. with your excellent command over language. You must be such a looker that she’s showing interest!) so half the job is done. As for asking her out, I think you should limit the number of words you should say to her, given your, er, disability. So just take her out someplace nice with candles and flowers and music and take the old school route – you like me, I like you, let’s go out?

Q. Amma my boyfriend wants me to have cyber sex with him, he wants me to strip in front of the web cam!!! I am shy, and he is annoyed with me. What should I do???

Amma: Aiyyo, my sweet-chocolate-covered coconut, I understand your dilemma! I know despite all the MMSs this generation makes, etc., it’s still largely nervous about phone sex and cyber sex and such likes. But there’s nothing wrong in being shy, girlie! Love means having to make compromises for each other, if one is ready for something before the other. Tell him you aren’t ready yet and maybe can do something else in exchange for him. If he’s still got his boxers in a twist, dump him. You are young and there are many more fish in the sea.

Q. Hello Amma, so I’m not sure about how I should deal with this. I’m a bisexual girl and I have been with women. My boyfriend never had a problem with that and all was great until he decided it was cool for him to swing both ways as well. I mean it’s sexy for women, but guys?!

Amma: Tch Tch. Amma wonders why this happens. I mean, it is quite understandable if you do not want your boyfriend to be in any other relationship other than the one he has with you (although Amma pioneered the concept of open relationships) but that does not seem to be the concern here! Kutty, homophobia is conceivable as long as the person in question is someone brazen enough to not understand the joys of being free of heterosexual constraints. And you aren’t that person, are you? If you want him to stop, look within you. Oh and as an aside, Amma thinks gay men are hot.

You can mail her your queries a[email protected].

Aries– Regulate the pace of chewing your food and colour-coordinate the clothes in your closet for some credible karma.

Taurus– Accidentally installing timeline on Facebook will put off the longtime object of your secret amorous attentions who finally found you marginally interesting enough to check out.

Gemini– A good time to purchase the Gulshan Kumar T-series Boxed DVD set with special footage of Mithun Chakravarti.

Cancer– Oddly enough, accidentally eating the food meant for your fish will finally grant you the eyebrow hair growth spurt you’ve been desperately hoping for.

Leo– An excellent week to shimmy into your lucky SpongeBob underwear and not emerge till at least Sunday is past. Hygiene and dubious looks be damned.

Virgo– As you are walking along, you will notice someone leaning back in a chair. You should stop and insist that they bring their seatback to a full upright and locked position until the captain has turned off a sign.

Libra– It’s time to finally accept…that The Big Bang Theory is fiction. And that no matter how much you toot the horn of your awesomeness, you will never be Sheldon Cooper.

Scorpio– The universe wants you out of those tight red pants. Take a hint, would you?

Sagittarius– Use the word ‘Panjandrum’ with repeated frequency. The only person who asks its meaning is the culprit behind your absconding sandwiches.

Capricorn–  You. Yes, YOU. You are the reason why sequinned unitards made a comeback.

Aquarius–  Make hay while the iron is hot. Because every silver lining is made of mice and men.

Pisces– Chance encounter with a Big Boss winner of yesteryears will bring you inner peace.