Humouroscope: July 14th – 20th, 2013

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Tackling your grandmother to win that blue ribbon is definitely a no-no for the self-centered ‘Ram’ this week. Try watching ‘anger management’ instead.

Things are looking good for the ‘Bull’ as you’ll finally quit suffering from separation anxiety from detachment of your favourite G.I Joe figurines!

The stars aren’t in favour of your love life this week. The bubbly Gemini might just be replaced by a new lover or well, a talking parrot.

Being the emotional vampires of the zodiac, you’re suggested to wear eyeliner this week in order to look more Emo. It shall also cure you of the ‘meet and marry’ syndrome you suffer from. Forever.

For the self-obsessed Leo, embarrassment may ensue after you’re caught kissing… yourself in the mirror yet again.

The overly OCD Virgo will be the coolest kids in the hostel as they’ll be the one doing everyone’s laundry! Also, shutting and closing the refrigerator door to trick the light isn’t a good idea.

For the snazzy dressers, you’re advised to not sink your money into gym memberships, age defying products, and tight v-neck t-shirts.

Your heart will be broken this week as you’ll finally realise that you’re not a Borg leader and that Star Trek is fiction. Hard luck.

For the adventurous Sadge; trips to the bathroom without the lights out isn’t a good option for you this week. Sleeping with a torch might just save you from dying with your pants down.

You’ll be unable to pat your own back this week as a muscle pull might follow your daily PS3 session.

Aquarians should steer clear of using phrases like ‘Dude…Man’ while describing philosophical concepts.  Your aqua-air persona will definitely ‘blow off’ people otherwise.

For the dreamy Piscean; keep cookies and cream by your front door this week. Some of your imaginary friends (and maybe your only) might just pay you a visit. And no, it’s not Jennifer Lopez or Beyonce.

Journalism has been called the “first rough draft of history”. D.U.B may be termed as the first rough draft of DU history. Freedom to Express.

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