sex advice


Dear Amma,

My partner and I are trying to spice up our relationship and not just with the ‘25 way to spice up your sex life’. We want more than vanilla sex, they want to try BDSM, I am pretty apprehensive about how it works, should I still give it a try? 

My dearest Macchi,

You have come to the right place, your Amma loves to give a try to everything interesting in life, consensually. BDSM or  Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism is an umbrella term for different types of kinks. You might have watched 50 Shades of Grey, even though it portrays BDSM in a different light, yet brings a lot of limelight along. Remember, before any perfect dosa making, the batter has to be rightly made, BDSM is just experimenting with the perfect dosa making recipe keeping in mind that everyone likes it. 

Idli, BDSM runs on a very consensual, non-judgemental and respectful ground. My favourite word is chutney, so diverse and spicy, you should have a favourite word too as a safe word to let your partner know what is not working for you. The entire point of BDSM is seeking-pleasure, words like Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, Masochism might make you feel more apprehensive. Everyone has different kinks, some might like choking, for some spanking, others might be into flagellating, whips, chains and clamps.

However, it is important that you trust your partner whole-heartedly. Idli-Sambhar, it  should be rightfully discussed and flavoured meeting both of your hunger and preferences. After-care is an essential part where both of you talk about it and discuss whether the salt was of the right amount or not. Many might find some of the acts demeaning or disrespectful like Amma’s friends do of Amma’s kinks. Remember idli, all kinks must be respected; some like their sambhar extra spicy, some like it mild. There shouldn’t be any shame in being a Sub (the one who is submissive), Dom (the one who is dominant), or a Switch (one who switches between both receiving and giving). There are rooms for exploring oneself called playrooms (as Grey called) or dungeons, where one can indulge in safe, sane and consensual sex. 

All of this might sound too heavy; inflicting pain as pleasure, varied kinks, dungeons, however, it is important to know what both (or all) of you like. Establishing a safe space is crucial, all the more relevant in a kink which involves humiliation. Macchi, don’t overthink, fret or feel scared; read, research, know what both of your favourite dishes are and dive in!

Remember, everything has a first time and write back to Amma on how you liked it or not. 

(Write to Sex Amma at [email protected] to get all your queries about sex answered.)

Sex Amma
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Dear Amma, my boyfriend and I have been together for the past 3 years. From the past few months there seems to be a tension between us which has affected our sex lives. I had confided in him my desire of having a three-way some months ago and he had reacted very violently to it. I feel bad but even after all these months I haven’t been able to curb that desire. What do I do?

My little idli, you transported Amma back to the days where she herself had been in a similar situation!
Amma had been keen on experimenting in the bedroom and trying out new stuff and the reactions to it had been pretty similar!

Amma is a staunch supporter of having wild desires, and honest to my favourite rava idli, your desire isn’t even that wild! A three-way is the most common desire that people have and confess about. It is after all these desires that get the heat rising. So there is absolutely no need to feel bad or guilty. At the same time, Amma has to say that not everyone has the same kind of desires. Different people get turned on by different things.Inflatable water park

Here’s a tip: Wait a little, bring out the candles and try bringing up the topic again. Not suddenly, get him in the mood and get him talking of his weird fetishes that he may have or some wild desires that he’s always wanted to fulfill. He might agree to consider your idea of he’s in a setting which gets his juices flowing (creative and otherwise 😉 ) It might just be that you two find some common ones too!

To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. Amma respects your confidentiality as much as you do.

Dear Amma, I’m about to graduate, and I’m worried that even after three years of college I’m still a virgin. I attended the Virgin Tree Pooja three years in a row, went to parties to talk to girls, practically did everything to change this but nothing has ever helped. I am now worried if I’ll ever break this “curse” of virginity that has been set upon me. Please tell me what do?

Aiyyo, my dear idli, looks like you have been following the wrong ways of procuring a partner for a while now. It seems like you’re suffering from a curse that my macchis call ‘desperation.’ Amma has seen many men fall prey to this curse, and is glad that you have to ask for advice. This curse affects many men’s perception of females, but don’t worry as Amma has the solution to this.

The solution to your problem is simple, but it will be tough on your part to implement the same. Your curse makes you not want to explore anything beyond having sex with a girl. You must know that Amma loves her macchis because they are gentle, affectionate people who need to be cared for and loved deeply. If you fail to do that, and will only concentrate on having sex, no macchi will ever want to be with you.

Try to approach women with a certain level of respect. Remember that your curry is tastiest only when you invest time in cooking it patiently with the right kind of spices. Go beyond the idea of just having sex and following irrational ideas like attending the Virgin Tree Pooja. Instead, try to find the right girl for you who shares similar interests and can understand you. Amma assures that by following this advice, you’ll find a dosa to go along with your taste in no time.

Q. My girlfriend and I do it regularly but she has not been able to orgasm yet. What can we do to make her orgasm? Is there something wrong either of us?

A. My steamed little pattu, your question is not uncommon. In fact, it is one of the most pressing problems for almost all idlis who like to get down and dirty.

In Amma’s experience a majority of vadas can’t orgasm without some added spice! So no, it does not mean that something is wrong with either of you. Instead, your lady might be a stressed or feeling a bit anxious (or perhaps ticked off?). Even if this is not the case, getting dirtier and spicier with your dosa making might help your cause. Make sure she is aroused, tease her and make her want you more, try to be kinkier, perhaps using a blindfold and hand ties might accentuate her feelings.

Most vadas can’t climax just by simply doing the deed, they need more and they need variety. So little idli, jazz up your dosa making and don’t be afraid to be a little imaginative, put your freak on from time to time.

Be sure to make your lady happy in your bed, and she will reward you with her own secret moves too!


To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. We respect your confidentiality as much as you do.

Q. Amma I have been a regular smoker since my first year in college, smoking almost a pack everyday! Recently (a month or two) I have noticed a reduction in my sex drive and also encountering problems while self pleasuring. Can these two be related? Please help!

A. Dear troubled macchi, in Amma’s experience smoking can cause problems some times as severe as Erectile Dysfunction.

But my macchi, do not panic. It is possible that this is just temporary or simply a hormonal phase. Smoking can sometimes adversely affect the blood circulatory system, which is imperative for sexual pleasure and hence lead to a reduction in sexual activities. What many people do not understand is that having a healthy sex life also means having a healthy heart.

If you think that you are having trouble with yourself and it’s due to smoking then it is advisable to kick the habit and lead a healthier life style. Smoking of course is a personal choice, but Amma would like to caution you about the ill-effects of addiction.commercial obstacle course

Finally, little idli, it is strongly advisable to consult a specialist right away, even though it might not be serious, it is always better to be safe than sorry!

To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. We respect your confidentiality as much as you do.