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Beyond the ‘Interaction Embargo’: Dating an Introvert

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One can cross paths with an introvert and might want to cross paths again and again. However, dating an introvert might get a little ambiguous sometimes, and human psychology only makes matters worse. It is time to put on the thinking hat and unravel the mysteries.

1. Initiate with the ‘Hi’

‘Should I text first?’

‘Won’t I sound too desperate?’

‘But I am not desperate’

‘This is going downhill already!’

This is what goes down in an introvert’s head, loosening the wires of brains. Try to initiate the conversation with a humble ‘hi!’ before the overthinking trigger is pulled, and the neurons undergo a rough patch even before the actual rough patch begins. Here is a thing about introverts- the imagination level reaches the epitome of visualisation, for instance, imagining being called a creep for the next thirty eight years for sending that one ‘hi’. Start the conversation, a two lettered ‘hi’ never did any harm.

2. The ‘hard to get’ card will not work

The ‘mixed signals’ have to take the back seat when it comes to dating an introvert. It is strongly advised to not use millennials’ (in)famous ‘hard to get’ card or one would have to get slammed by the reverse card. If an introvert assumes that the other person is not interested, they might immediately initiate the ‘distancing protocol’.

3. Three Es: Express! Express! Express!

A simple ‘I liked the thukpa we had at that place you recommended’ or ‘I really loved the song you suggested yesterday’ might add a little but significant sparkle to your conversation. Vent out all the feelings because introverts often bottle up their emotions. Compliment them if you like the colour of their shirt or their collection of novels. Introverts are not akin to Sherlock when it comes to analysing nonverbal communication. Hence, the only solution is to dissolve interpretation and literally do the talking.

4. Slow and steady wins the race

It takes time to open up. Put in your time, effort and everything possiblt. Do not feel disappointed if it takes time to know about a person. Introverts are fond of their personal space, so wait till all the layers unfold. Nevertheless, once they start opening up, do not force the necessity of sharing whatever goes down that brain. It will take time, and a fast forward would only have counter-effects. A person might feel like Mr. Darcy, and you might want to shut the novel but once you come across the underlying introvert self, you can’t help but fall for it the way Elizabeth did.

5. All silence isn’t awkward silence

An ideal date option would be an intimate space, preferably a place which is serene and quiet. For instance, a walk in Champa Gali would work much better than any club in the capital. Silence does not necessarily have to be deafening or awkward. Sometimes it works the other way round, and with introverts- it is the road less taken, literally and metaphorically. Walk along the lanes and streets and enjoy the silence that surrounds. A bonus point- if one starts feeling comfortable even when silence surrounds both, let them know!

6. The trust fall

Once an introvert turns the unfiltered mode on, it means the trust fall was successful. They finally find a person who can be their human diary. It is important to understand that this step is a giant leap of faith as the fear of being judged or the negative consequences of letting out of emotions is a pestering thought, once the trust trembles, there is no coming back.

Remember when Lara Jean said- “The more people that you let into your life, the more they can just walk right out,” Introverts felt it! Just like the Wallflowers, there are Perks of Dating an Introvert. They are great listeners and with the right proportion of time and space, are the most fascinating souls, and as the millennials say- definitely keepers. And just as the universal law of dating applies, “you know when you know”. Give them some time, the way Rajat waited for Ishita. It needed some time, but the fall was way more serene than a random park story. The wait will be beautiful and worth it. Till then, be a part of the stories they share, enjoy the seconds spent. It happens, one step at a time.

Feature Image Credits: Study Breaks Magazine

Priyanshi Banerjee

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The Auburn Umbrella

Auburn Umbrella: How to Dress to Meet Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend’s Parents

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Meeting your better half’s parents for the first time is a big step in a relationship. By doing so, you’re saying that you’re ready to solidify your relationship. 

Like in a job interview, the stakes here are high. The last thing you want when you are in the middle of such a situation is to worry about your clothes. Your style is something that should offer confidence, not be a hassle.

Here are a few tips that will make your partner’s parents remember you for all the right reasons.
Consider the Context

Dressing appropriately for the occasion and location is important. For women, if you’re going to a midday brunch and you are not sure how ‘dressy’ the crowd will be, avoid the backless dress and gold hoop earrings. And men should not whip out a three piece suit and tie if they are meeting their partner’s parents at Big Chill Café. But if they are going to a slightly fancier place, then they need to do better than jeans and a t-shirt.
Go Classic

If you’re meeting your boyfriend’s parents, don’t let your outfit be dictated by the trends. Turn to your ethnic wear essentials for the big day. Whether you like it or not, in India, timeless pieces such as a kurti and a pair of leggings would say you’re in for the long haul whereas giving in to trends might make you seem flighty. For men, jeans and a plain, perfectly clean, white buttoned t-shirt or an elegant white kurta is a look that is classic.
Familiar Footwear

Fancy or new shoes can be uncomfortable and make you wobble. Therefore, it is a wise move to have footwear which feels familiar. For men, a simple pair of loafers will look good. Above all, make sure to have matching socks underneath. And women may leave their 5-inch heels which can make them twist their ankles at home and should instead settle for ballet flats or kolhapuris. That should finish their look nicely.

A Cautionary Note on Accessorizing

For women, it can be tempting to opt for all their best jewellery when meeting the parents. But wearing too many accessories or jewellery that is gaudy or flashy can be a distraction. Simple earrings or a necklace will make a good impression.
You can also complement the outfit with a simple metallic or leather strapped watch.
While clothes definitely play a role in the impression that your beau’s parents form about you, what’s more important is how you behave. Nothing will knock their socks off like a confident, polite, self-assured, and well-mannered person.

 

Feature Image Credits: That Boho Girl.

Vaibhavi Sharma Pathak

[email protected]

 

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DUB Speak

Commitment Phobia in Young Adults

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Our generation is accused of being fickle minded and afraid to commit. Is there any truth to these stereotypes, and if yes, why is that a problem? Read on to find out more.

Our generation gets a fair amount of backlash for having a dicey stance on commitment. Making generalisations regarding a number of people would be problematic but most of us experience some kind of commitment issues, especially in school and college. We are accused of hopping from one partner to another, while not making the effort to stick to one. However, we are not the most commitment phobic generation to date; we are just the ones who have the luxury to be most vocal about our commitment issues. Greater social acceptance of casual dating and exploring our options has given us a sense of liberation that our predecessors did not have. With greater permeability of the media, we can see how even the most seemingly perfect relationships can fall apart.

A greater understanding of the world and its mechanisms gives us the privilege of speaking out loud about our issues. The idea of love and its universality are not thrust on as vigorously as they were on our parents and grandparents. We are free to fall in love with someone, but equally free to fall out of it; we are free to be drawn to someone but equally free to not be chained to them. The kind of liberation that comes with this knowledge, allows us to question narratives that have been forced on people through religious doctrine and social norms.  The idea of “forever”, “soul mate”, and “sacrifice” are actively questioned and challenged today.

Therefore, what some have tried to describe as commitment phobia is actually a greater understanding of human behaviour and the emotional needs that come with it. The hesitation towards being tied down to one person is aggressively portrayed as undesirable. It adds to the narrative that projects this generation as fickle minded. It makes us shy of getting attached to one person.

All in all, millennials are not people who are more commitment phobic per se; they are simply more self-aware. We have seen things like public breakdowns of the most seemingly stable celebrity marriages, and with access to resources like the internet, makes us question anything and everything; the idea of “forever” is another notion that is effectively challenged.

The fear of commitment comes from the knowledge of understanding what commitment takes. This generation does not tend to make life decisions based on glorified ideas written in scriptures, but, by using rationality and logic; we try to find what suits us best and work along with it.

 

Feature Image Credits: Optimum Performance Institute

Kinjal Pandey

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Humouroscope

Life When You are in an On-Campus Relationship

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A great man once coined the term ‘on-campus relationship’ to describe sleazy couples, which reside within the capacious four walls of North Campus, University of Delhi, occasionally seen coquettishly enveloping hands at Sudama Tea Point or attending a certain act of worship of a certain tree on that certain occasion mostly dreaded by single people. From having Parathas at Patel Chest to being evasive when you run into each other post a painful breakup, here is a piece of research that people in on-campus relationships would relate to:

1. You have to be careful who you look at: In North Campus, if you think you’d get away with casually flirting with a guy you met while buying Surf Excel at the neighborhood general store, you’re wrong. Because North campus is like a well-knit community of people, chances are that friends of friends of friends of friends would also know that you’re dating a certain someone. For all you know, the boy you were casually philandering with, might be the same person your boyfriend’s roommate’s classmate practices dance with. Conversely, people would be more cautious of making romantic advances on you because they’d know you are dating so-and-so.

2. Frequenting the VC lawns: The Viceregal Lodge, now called ‘VC’s office’, came into existence in 1902 was handed over to the University in 1933. 0.67 seconds post that, the first couple entered the VC lawns that surround the office. These exaggerations apart, the VC lawns, which are known for its ambrosial greenery and prepossessing foliage, are a hit amongst nature-“lovers” and poets alike.

3. Cups of Chai at Sudama: In a parallel universe, if tea stall owners were to be Pop Singers, Sudama Ji would be Lady Gaga. If Sudama Tea Joint earns ‘x’ amount of money from regular ‘single’ students, it earns ‘x²’ from couples who spend lazy evenings sipping cups of chai at the joint. Because on practical terms, on a student budget, spending INR 10 under the beauteous foliage at Sudama’s seems more appealing than spending INR 1000 at Mc. Donald’s.

4. Going to fests together: In a hypothetical situation, if the first college fest of University of Delhi was inaugurated at 10:30 hours on the fated date of 23rd February 1701, we can assume that the first couple held hands in that fest at 10:31 hours on 23rd February in the same century.

5. Avoiding running into each other post break-up: Whether you go out to buy toothpaste in Vijaynagar or to buy Maggi in Kamla Nagar, there would be a constant nagging at the back of your head that screams, “Get out of those sweats! Dress well! You don’t want him to know that you’re not dealing well with the breakup!”. Moreover, things get weird when you see the ex-beau with a new boy/girl. And then things get weirder when you stalk that new person on Instagram and before you realise it, you’re scrolling through her/his aunt’s best friend’s baby-sitter’s graduation pictures.

6. Overlapping friends’ circles: Taylor Swift in her song “We’re never getting back together” had sung, “..you go talk to your friends, talk to my friends.. but we are never ever ever getting back together”. She isn’t called the Queen for nothing, for she could accurately sum up what happens when an ‘on-campus’ couple breaks up. When you’re in such a relationship, you tend to spend so much time with the significant other’s friends that you end up becoming friends, your respective friends end-up dating, and your friend’s circles end up becoming a confusing web of common acquaintances. As a result, when you break-up, the equations in the friend’s circle gets disrupted and WhatsApp groups are formed titled “Sheetal broke up with Sanjay, ab kya kare” (What to do now that Sheetal and Sanjay broke up?).

 

Feature Image Credits: Gewusstwie Lerntherapie

Vaibhavi Sharma Pathak
[email protected]

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DUB Speak

Relationships and Stress: Combat the Bad

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Being in a relationship has its own complications–there are a hundred things that stress us. But, with sheer will and understanding, things can be sorted.

What a beautiful moment it is to reminiscence of the time when the person you liked said “yes”, and you certainly thought “this is the one”. To be together with someone we have always wished, is a blessing. However, it is only with time that we realise that the initial stages of forming a relationship and being in one for a while are two very different scenarios, where the latter is the more difficult one.

Relationship stress is a gradually increasing process. The initial phase is marked by the stress we experience due to being possessive and worrying about not doing anything stupid. It is the most amateur phase when the two people involved start integrating each other into their lives. We fume at the sight of our partner texting another person. We try hard to avoid acting or saying anything silly.

After entering the second stage, our compatibility is put to the test. All of us say that one of the factors for coming into a relationship is that we are compatible with the other person. This is the time we start having arguments. We quarrel over petty things. We have these so called “fights” every day and sit in a corner of the room trying to make ourselves fine. A major reason for the occurrence of such fights is that we start disagreeing with our partners. All this while the relationship seems to be a roller coaster ride. After a point, we start putting our opinions above theirs and start feeling a bit dominated. And, not to mention, neither of the two are ready to accept other’s opinion.

The third stage is when we have been into the relationship for quite a while. But with the aging relationship, the issues amplify as well. This stage puts the mettle of the relationship to the test. Issues such as time, truth, and commitment start cropping up. Not being able to talk every day or giving the other person adequate time puts both the people in a huge state of bother. This is followed by doubt over whether our partner is entirely true or has started keeping secrets. And the most ground-shaking issue is when our commitment is questioned. We start questioning if the relationship is even worth it or if the person we chose is really the right one?

The stress is natural and there are a few ways to combat the issue. They are:
1. Act as if it’s the first day – Counting the number of years we have been in a relationship doesn’t really help during fights. We should take a deep breath and start as if we are in the first day of our relationship. How precise and full of promises we are. Doing so will put our ego beside and make it easier for us to convince our partners.

2. Know that we are in it for a reason – Whenever things aren’t going fine and our relationship woes just don’t seem to end, we need to always remember that we came into the relationship for a reason. We knew that tough times would come. But we chose our very partners to go through all the ups and downs. So why back out?

3. It is okay to accept we are wrong – When there is a conflict of interests, we fight to prove that we are the right ones when there is no need to. It’s okay to tell your partner that you are wrong and that you’re sorry for it. Now we have things like self-respect coming up in our heads, but it absolutely okay to be the wiser one and be more understanding. Maybe we can respect ourselves for that.

4. Listen – This is probably the basic rule to end quarreling and resolve issues. The other person might be fuming upon us for a small reason or even no reason at all. We have questions like “Why should we hear so much from someone?” But we need to understand that there is no harm in remaining quiet. They do that in the first place because we are the only person they can talk that way. And we should responsibly ensure that we make our partners feel better, shouldn’t we?

 

Feature Image Credits: iStock

Karan Singhania
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Sex Amma

Sex Amma: Does end of college mean end of relationship?

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Q. Dear Amma, my boyfriend and I have been going out for over a year now and things have been great. But being in my final year, I’m planning to leave the city soon and I am not interested in a long distance relationship. Though there is still 6 month’s time before I go, I am faced with the dilemma of leaving him now. What should I do?

My over boiled idli, take a deep relaxing breath and calm yourself. Such matters of heart cannot be mulled over in haste!

Amma always advices young macchis, such as you, caution in matters of the heart. Lovely macchi, the solution to your problem can’t come from anywhere else but your own heart. You need to think with a calm mind about what you want in your life, and no matter the decision you make, you should always be prepared to face the consequences.

If it is in your heart to leave, then you do not have any obligation to stay. But if after reflection, you think that this is not the right time and you don’t want to spend time apart till the time you have to ultimately leave, then you have Amma’s blessing.

Ultimately, it needs to be your decision and you need to think it through. Don’t take a lot of pressure and just follow your heart.

 

To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. We respect your confidentiality as much as you do.

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Sex Amma

Sex Amma: She wants to take it slow!

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Q. Hi Sex Amma, I’ve been with my girlfriend for 10 months now and we’ve barely hit third base. I understand that she wants to take it slow and I don’t want to pressurize her, but of late, the frequency is decreasing!

Sex Amma: Oh my dear uttapam, Amma knows the plague that infests the minds of men in this country. Hitting the third base in a cricket crazy nation is all that men want, ignoring the weather and pitch conditions, thus getting out on the very first ball or eventually getting forced to play defensive.
Amma appreciates the fact that you understand that your macchhi wants to take it slow. The decreasing frequency suggests that the macchhi is either feeling guilty or has gotten scared due to the misunderstandings and taboo that accompany sex in our beloved nation. In any case, the solution is: communication.
You need to sit her down in an environment where she can speak to you about anything. And, if it’s a biological reason, then be a strong fisherman, be there for your macchhi and support her through the tough time. Build a strong bridge of communication and trust, and Amma guarantees you’ll start scoring again, singles and doubles at first, of course. Don’t lose your patience, else you’ll misjudge the ball and will be ‘caught’ out.

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QWERTY

Dating Apps: Find Love Using your Smartphone!

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A long-term relation, dozens of dates, making new friends or just a chat with like minded singles – mobile dating apps can help you succeed! With a myriad of like-minded users available,  it shouldn’t be hard to get what you want!  Here are some apps available on Android and iOS devices for free, to help you in your endeavors!

Krush – The dating app (Android)


Krush is a unique dating app that uses your Facebook account to provide you with lists of viable partners, which are generally your ‘friends of friends’ on Facebook!

By matching your interests, hobbies and preference You will receive a list of 10 suitable users everyday. You  may “Like’ or ‘Skip’ them. If you ‘like’ a user and get a positive response from the other side as well, both of you would be informed about the match. And if you don’t get matched, the other user would never know your identity and will remain a crush! The app gives you complete privacy and your contact details aren’t shared, unless you want them to. Go, find your krush(es)!

Tinder (iOS & Android)

Tinder is a simple app that connects to your Facebook account to access your basic information.
It finds you suitable partners near your locality, from which you can select users by going through their profile pics, choosing the one that meets you eye! If you get a positive response you can then start a private chat and take it further and if not, you atleast showed your interest!. It has a game-like interface which makes it fun to use and can be addictive!

Twine (iOS & Android)

Twine enables users to interact with one another in a safe and non threatening manner. Your user identity is kept completely anonymous. It connects with Facebook and accesses the basic information along with your  interests. Based on your location, you will be suggested users according to the ‘Twine juice’ that you have. You can interact with them on a personal chat  straight away with the profile pics blurred. You may reveal your name and pic later using the ‘Reveal Now’ button. It also showcases some unique features such as ICE – Intelligent Conversation Enhancer that allows one to initiate the chat using by generating questions!

So if you are having trouble finding a date in a traditional manner why not use your smartphone?

Go ahead and use these apps to enhance your love life!

Happy Dating!  <3<3

Sidhant Malhotra
[email protected]

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