DUB Speak

Relationships and Stress: Combat the Bad

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Being in a relationship has its own complications–there are a hundred things that stress us. But, with sheer will and understanding, things can be sorted.

What a beautiful moment it is to reminiscence of the time when the person you liked said “yes”, and you certainly thought “this is the one”. To be together with someone we have always wished, is a blessing. However, it is only with time that we realise that the initial stages of forming a relationship and being in one for a while are two very different scenarios, where the latter is the more difficult one.

Relationship stress is a gradually increasing process. The initial phase is marked by the stress we experience due to being possessive and worrying about not doing anything stupid. It is the most amateur phase when the two people involved start integrating each other into their lives. We fume at the sight of our partner texting another person. We try hard to avoid acting or saying anything silly.

After entering the second stage, our compatibility is put to the test. All of us say that one of the factors for coming into a relationship is that we are compatible with the other person. This is the time we start having arguments. We quarrel over petty things. We have these so called “fights” every day and sit in a corner of the room trying to make ourselves fine. A major reason for the occurrence of such fights is that we start disagreeing with our partners. All this while the relationship seems to be a roller coaster ride. After a point, we start putting our opinions above theirs and start feeling a bit dominated. And, not to mention, neither of the two are ready to accept other’s opinion.

The third stage is when we have been into the relationship for quite a while. But with the aging relationship, the issues amplify as well. This stage puts the mettle of the relationship to the test. Issues such as time, truth, and commitment start cropping up. Not being able to talk every day or giving the other person adequate time puts both the people in a huge state of bother. This is followed by doubt over whether our partner is entirely true or has started keeping secrets. And the most ground-shaking issue is when our commitment is questioned. We start questioning if the relationship is even worth it or if the person we chose is really the right one?

The stress is natural and there are a few ways to combat the issue. They are:
1. Act as if it’s the first day – Counting the number of years we have been in a relationship doesn’t really help during fights. We should take a deep breath and start as if we are in the first day of our relationship. How precise and full of promises we are. Doing so will put our ego beside and make it easier for us to convince our partners.

2. Know that we are in it for a reason – Whenever things aren’t going fine and our relationship woes just don’t seem to end, we need to always remember that we came into the relationship for a reason. We knew that tough times would come. But we chose our very partners to go through all the ups and downs. So why back out?

3. It is okay to accept we are wrong – When there is a conflict of interests, we fight to prove that we are the right ones when there is no need to. It’s okay to tell your partner that you are wrong and that you’re sorry for it. Now we have things like self-respect coming up in our heads, but it absolutely okay to be the wiser one and be more understanding. Maybe we can respect ourselves for that.

4. Listen – This is probably the basic rule to end quarreling and resolve issues. The other person might be fuming upon us for a small reason or even no reason at all. We have questions like “Why should we hear so much from someone?” But we need to understand that there is no harm in remaining quiet. They do that in the first place because we are the only person they can talk that way. And we should responsibly ensure that we make our partners feel better, shouldn’t we?


Feature Image Credits: iStock

Karan Singhania
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