Aries-Driving is a bad idea. Metro is the way to travel for this week. However, for places the metro doesn’t suit you, carry rose scented almonds in your pocket.

Taurus-A long standing crush has started showing interest. The unrequited love may not remain so unrequited after all. Wearing electric blue socks will boost your luck.

Gemini-The week doesn’t carry much good news for you. In fact, you’ll find yourself at logger heads with most of your friends. Not taking bath for the entire week will prevent direct confrontations.

Cancer-A long standing project will take an interesting turn of events. Do not let any friend interfere with it. He’s bound to make you his second fiddle.

Leo-Oddly, your unlucky omen for the week is the sun. Carrying a floral print umbrella whenever you step out into the sun will salvage some good luck.

Virgo-Greed and lust are to be stayed away from this week. So do not go near a shopping mall or your girl/boy friend’s place. The library will prove to be a safe haven.

Libra-A ‘medusa omen’ is floating over your head this week. Do not look into the mirror and avoid eye contact with green eyed strangers.

Scorpio-Some money is coming your way this week. Save it and it’s likely to multiply.

Sagittarius-The rare violet rose will boost your luck immensely. Carrying one in your pocket and the other in your sock will prevent any evil from falling upon you for a long time.

Capricorn-Your keen interest in the supernatural may prove detrimental to your mental well-being. Leave this pursuit right here or you’ll have a personal story to add to your list of discoveries.

Aquarius-Your cards for the week do not reveal much about your future. But your lucky fruit is the dragon fruit. Eat it for an entire day and luck will favor you.

Pisces-Physical and mental peace awaits you after a long and turbulent week. Retire to the hills or the beach or Lodhi Garden to regain your emotional equilibrium.

Aries Your partner might not approve of your love of smelling petrol.

Taurus If you’re gay, the Supreme Court of India is not compatible with you. It will tend to go yes and no.

Gemini It’s imperative that you attend all the weddings this season.

Cancer If you keep your eyes open, you might just land a job as the tandoor-wala at a wedding.

Leo To win back your girlfriend, you need to out-do Howard Wolowitz’s song for Bernadette in BBT Season 7.

Virgo Wearing a sweatshirt with shorts and bathroom chappals does not make you look like a shareef ghar ka bachcha. Please follow your Mum’s advice and refrain.

Libra Yo Yo Honey Singh was inspired to write Blue Eyez after seeing your drunken eyes at a bar. Congratulations!

Scorpio Having two equally talkative girls sitting on your left and right is not a good idea.

Sagittarius It isn’t socially acceptable to go to Dilli Haat and buy posters from the stall at the gate, and nothing from the inside.

Capricorn If you’re a girl, it’s possible you’ve helped your Mum wear sarees a hundred times already in the last month 

Aquarius Now would be a good time to pour whiskey in your glass and pass it off as Appy if questioned by your parents, quite a reversal from your childhood days when Appy was the coolest thing to drink in a glass.

Pisces  Now that Koffee with  Karan is back, you might just be the new guest.


Long lines will be unavoidable, and when you reach the counter window the babu will go for lunch. Using profanity will not aid your cause either.


Beware of sweaty people, you may catch something uncurable! If crossing them becomes unavoidable, cross with utmost caution and out of smelling range.


This week the sun shines on you: you shall be blessed with thirst, heat and body odor. Calling the DU helpline will not solve any of these problems.


Cats are auspicious; keep one handy, especially in case you need to scratch out the eyes of those bitches who jump the queue.


A word of advice: ADMISSION COUNTERS DO NOT REMAIN OPEN AFTER DARK, in case you were planning on being smart about it!


A good place to bump into the love of your life is in the Stephen’s Cafe. Dropping their tray implies a happy future and 3 kids, bumping heads as well means no problematic mother in laws. Stepping on their toe in the process also means a huge Divorce settlement.


If you have not heard of Thracian Horses now is not a good time to research it. If you have not heard about DU Beat, now is a good time to learn more!


A bird will poop into your saambar with you knowing it. Red blotches will develop on your face towards the end of the week. The charts also reveal that your positive energy will be on an all time high.


Dancing in the line to the beat of Push by Enrique might get you felt up or cause a domino effect around you. The latter would be cooler to do if bored!


Boredom is on the charts. Recommendations include doodling on the person in front’s shirt and then saying out loud, “Cool Tee!!!�


You will find a really hot person in the queue in front of you. But be ware his/her strictly religious mom is near and may exorcise your ear incase you plan any moves on him/her.


A small corner of shade will appear miraculously unoccupied when you need it, but you will do well to avoid it unless you have lost the power of smell.