Capricorn
Long lines will be unavoidable, and when you reach the counter window the babu will go for lunch. Using profanity will not aid your cause either.
Aquarius
Beware of sweaty people, you may catch something uncurable! If crossing them becomes unavoidable, cross with utmost caution and out of smelling range.
Pisces
This week the sun shines on you: you shall be blessed with thirst, heat and body odor. Calling the DU helpline will not solve any of these problems.
Aries
Cats are auspicious; keep one handy, especially in case you need to scratch out the eyes of those bitches who jump the queue.
Taurus
A word of advice: ADMISSION COUNTERS DO NOT REMAIN OPEN AFTER DARK, in case you were planning on being smart about it!
Gemini
A good place to bump into the love of your life is in the Stephen’s Cafe. Dropping their tray implies a happy future and 3 kids, bumping heads as well means no problematic mother in laws. Stepping on their toe in the process also means a huge Divorce settlement.
Cancer
If you have not heard of Thracian Horses now is not a good time to research it. If you have not heard about DU Beat, now is a good time to learn more!
Leo
A bird will poop into your saambar with you knowing it. Red blotches will develop on your face towards the end of the week. The charts also reveal that your positive energy will be on an all time high.
Virgo
Dancing in the line to the beat of Push by Enrique might get you felt up or cause a domino effect around you. The latter would be cooler to do if bored!
Libra
Boredom is on the charts. Recommendations include doodling on the person in front’s shirt and then saying out loud, “Cool Tee!!!�
Scorpio
You will find a really hot person in the queue in front of you. But be ware his/her strictly religious mom is near and may exorcise your ear incase you plan any moves on him/her.
Sagittarius
A small corner of shade will appear miraculously unoccupied when you need it, but you will do well to avoid it unless you have lost the power of smell.
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