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Sex Amma

Sex Amma

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Hello Sex Amma,
Me and my GF have been in a relationship for a year. In the last one year we almost lived like a live-in couple at her place and we used to have sex very often, almost daily and sometimes, twice a day. But now we live apart due to studies, and I miss everything so badly. I cannot control ‘things’. Also we just had sex thrice after we were apart. Please suggest something..

My dear lost little lobster of the Southern seas! You two have been very naughty fishes, frying in coconut oil! You lucky lad and lady! Amma went to the beach when people asked her to get a room. You’ve had one for a year. But, the wind and the waves of joy. Ah! Anyway, high-five for the awesome ex-sex life!

My lovely lobster, nothing is permanent, is it?  Study, and study hard so that you two can end up together! But, Amma understands, so I’d suggest you to throw away your pen every once in a while and use your hand for other activities, eh? The Americans have made sure that nobody goes sex-less when alone. Tune into their ‘artsy’ movies and let things fall in their place (do clean up afterwards!!). Graham Bell might not have thought of it, but his invention can work wonders for your deprived, er, soul. Let her oohs and aahs over the phone send you into a frenzy! And if you can’t talk over the phone, geniuses of the world have created texting, and other geniuses who have gone the extra mile have created sexting. Try it, my boy!

I’ll pray that you somehow get your hands on the Anywhere Door from Doraemon. How easy it’d be! *sigh* Besides, you’re a male macchi, visuals can turn you on. Think about your poor female macchi who needs to get touchy-feely for her dose. So, ride high and solo for a while on crashing waves and breaking thunder! Do let Amma know how it’s working for you. Cheers!

 

Have a query? But don’t know who to ask? Mail  your queries to Sex Amma at [email protected].

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Bazinga

Bazinga

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In a shocking turn of events that has left the people as well as the multitude of Gods that they pray to baffled, Apple Inc., in a move to save face, has decided to give away free iPhone 5s to all Samsung employees. Apple employees had protested against the management for having put them through the embarrassment of walking down the street with people pointing and laughing at them after multiple trolls surfaced on the internet following the patent drama.

“It was getting difficult for us to be out in the open. We were the town’s newest laughing stock”, says Steve (name changed), an Apple employee. In order to allay employee-anxiety, the management decided on this drastic measure in the hope that it’ll keep the trolls at bay.

However, there is inside information that Apple is, in fact, giving away iPhone 4 and not 5. “They’re hoping no one would notice given that it has worked so far”, said the source.

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Campus Central

DUTA takes a dig at Vice Chancellor while meeting the President

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A deputation comprising of all the Delhi University Teachers’ Association (DUTA) office bearers met the President of India, Hon’ble Shri Pranab Mukherjee, on September 21 to inform him of the widespread administrative vacuum and sedition of the varsity’s autonomy affected by the dysfunctional and autocratic Vice Chancellor of the University from the time he took over in November 2010.

In it’s press release for the same, DUTA has stated that the lapses on the VC’s part includes ‘series of violations of the University Act, its Statutes and Ordinances, the brazen misuse of Emergency Powers to bring in courses and start new Centers like the Cluster Innovation Center, the manner in which he has forced the AC to pass plagiarized courses under the B. Tech in Innovation programme, as well as his culpability and lack of accountability in the widely reported ‘Marks Scam’ in the first semester results’. This all, they alleged, have led to the embarrasment and dishonor of the Unversity.

Moreover, the delegation reportedly acquainted the President about the apparent impunity with which the ‘Vice Chancellor has attempted to stonewall any possibility of dialogue with the democratic organs of the University’. They especially drew attention to the fact that despite DUTA constantly raising the issues of four thousand teaching vacancies in the University, the constitutional need to immediately implement the UGC’s Reservation Policy of 2006 and start the process of long-due promotions at the earliest, Dinesh Singh responded with hostility and never made an endeavour to meet the DUTA. They also alleged him of ‘making slanderous remarks against DUTA and threatening teachers against participating in the activities of their Association’.

Apparently, the members also claimed that Singh also tried using ‘cheap and cowardly tactic’ in the sense that he tried putting pressure on the Principals of SRCC and Ramjas College in order to deny their organization a space to conduct its annual general body meeting on September 22. However, according to the them, the tactic was finally withdrawn as he realized that the President had agreed to meet the DUTA.

Urging the President to intervene, the delegation expressed its concern that ‘if the VC is allowed to carry on functioning in the present manner, he will push the University towards a catastrophe’. Reportedly, the President has promised that he will ensure the answerability of the VC, and the restoration of administrative delivery and the University’s prestige to the satisfaction of the teachers.

 

Vatsal Verma
[email protected] 

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Campus Central

Backbenchers, Alert!

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“Score- 85,00,000! Beat that man!”
“S**** you!” (Excuse the profanity)
“Sshhh! Sir’s watching!”

Pay a visit to the underbelly of a typical 2012 class, the back rows, where the goons of the class sit equipped with their iPhones, iPads, iPods (alliteration?), sometimes, EVEN a laptop, and the aforementioned are just a couple of exclamations you will find them bursting into as they try to establish and break Temple Run records and catapult the Angry Birds to victory, which sometimes catapults them into a soup (when the hush baritone voice is replaced by an innocent shriek of excitement which unfortunately floats into the professor’s ears).

“When the teacher is boring, you don’t have any other option. Bless the soul who invented these applications”, says a rather defiant Sonakshi Agarwal, of IP College.

Earlier the games that were close to the heart of a quintessential backbencher used to be the humble Tic Tac Toe, the brain-racking Bollywood/Hollywood, desperate times even saw students coming back to the kindergarten-ish Name Place Animal Thing. Though there has been a fall in their use (finally somewhere statistics come handy), but the technologically-paralysed backbencher with a trashy phone (like that of the writer’s) still relies on their simplicity when the professor’s words evade her comprehension and ambit of interest.

Games are not the only activity bored students have resorted to.  Sakshi Chauhan, who graduated in the not-so-tech-year of 2006 fondly recalls, “Sitting in the last row, I used to prepare shopping lists for the coming month as my college was located in the hub of fancy shopping locations like GK, South-Ex, Delhi Haat etc. The professor used to think I was just being sincere and taking down notes.”

And then there are/have been/will be those, who staunchly believe in the Books-are-a-man’s-best-friend theory, though course books OBVIOUSLY do not feature in this category.  These can be observed, inadvertently drooping their heads, poring over the latest bestseller, in paperbacks or on E-book. But however popular the E-Book reader becomes, as long as likes of these exist, the back benches will forever resonate with the sound of flipping of pages (mind you- STRICTLY non-syllabus).

Passing of message chits may have been replaced by texting and WhatsApp, pen fights by Fruit Ninja, but the backbenches shall forever remain lush with memories and while you’re reading this as the lecture is on, let me inform you that you have just missed your name on the roll call!

 

Vatsala Gaur
[email protected]

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Events

Kuzart Lane’s Street Photography Weekend

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The Kuzart Lane is an art cafe, combining the nuances of an art gallery and a young, vibrant café situated at Hauz Khas. After lending support and getting unparalleled recognition to more than 50 of the most talented artists, photographers and designers through their own art exhibitions, Kuzart Lane gives all you photographers an opportunity to savour! The Kuzart Lane is organising a Street Photography Weekend from 7th September to 9th September, the main objective of which is to give a chance to amateur artists and designers of different fields such as photography, oil painting, canvas painting, and designing to showcase their work. The theme for the same is, “Street Photography – The Faces of Delhi.”

The once-upon-a-time-dingy alley which leads to the cafe has been turned into a gallery to be used for the purpose of displaying these art pieces. The latter four walls shall be given out to different artists to exhibit their work on a fortnightly basis. Says Aashima Khosla Brand Representative at Kuzart Lane, “We reign in all our support to this talented bunch of young artists and their art by making sure that we give a platform to students who do not have the finances to rent an art gallery but do have the talent to do amazing work.” Alongside of course, they promise you the most sumptuous servings of shakes, sandwiches, burgers, cool drinks and healthy snacks.

Here’s more about the event:
# Get to feature your work on the walls of the cafe through the weekend festival.
# Get covered by the most happening magazines, blogs and newspapers from across town.
# Connect with some of the most talented photographers from across the city.
# Get voted by the guests at the cafe, to be announced as the best among all!

Registration Fee: Rs. 480/- (Full cover for food and drinks at Kuzart Lane)

Requirements:
# Two original photographs
# Photos should not be measuring more than 12″ X12″
# Photos should be framed

 

To register, write in your contact details to [email protected]
OR
Get in touch with any of our team members or brand representatives.

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Campus Central

Freshers’ Parties In Town

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[/caption] It’s that time of the year again when freshers’ parties are the topic of discussion amongst every group of students across Delhi University. Many colleges have had their unofficial freshers’, but their official party is still on the waiting list. SRCC, Hansraj, Khalsa, Miranda House, St Stephens, Lady Shri Ram, Laxmi Bai etc are done with their departmental and unofficial freshers’ while Daulat Ram and Kirori Mal are going to have the same in the coming week. Shri Ram College had its unofficial freshers’ party on 29th of this month at Urban Pind, GK-2. The freshers had to pay Rs 300 each and the party continued from 3 to 7pm. Although very few students turned up, the party was quite a fun. “We sang and danced with our friends, and the food was good too!” says Mansi, a fresher. [caption id="attachment_7548" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Unofficial freshers' at SRCC"][/caption]

Miranda house had its departmental fresher with the theme of “ticket to Bollywood” last week in the college campus itself. Girls dressed up as actresses, danced to the tune of Bollywood music. “Food was good, they had it ordered from McDonald’s but the faulty music system spoiled the fun”, says Vanshika, a fresher from Miranda house. Lady Shri Ram and Laxmi Bai College too had its freshers’ last week with the theme of Angels and Demons at LSR. The girls of Laxmi Bai thoroughly enjoyed the “Miss Laxmi Bai” and solo group dance contest. “We also had rain dance which was terrific, I enjoyed a lot!” says Ridhima, a fresher.

Hansraj had its unofficial departmental freshers’ in Saket last week with each fresher contributing Rs 650. “They were serving alcohol and such stuffs, we don’t drink so it was just so-so”, says Vidushi.  Hansraj’s official freshers’ is meant to be held on 6th or 7th of next month with theme of Chronicles of Harry-oween and Shaheed Bhagat Singh’s unofficial freshers’ is at ice lounge next week.

On the other hand, some colleges are yet to have their freshers’ parties and students are looking forward to it with huge expectations. “I have already decided what to wear on the day, and I am very excited about it. I hope it stands up to my expectations, fingers crossed!” says Shiksha, SRCC.    Aishwarya Chaurasia [email protected] ]]>

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Spo(r)tlight

How the Lads in Blue Claimed the Cricketing Top Spot

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The country was wrapped in euphoria and the reason was cricket again! Déjà vu it was in the form of another Cricket World Cup Trophy- the Under 19 World Cup Trophy. The victory was made special as the Indian squad defeated Australia on an Australian pitch, and this is a never before feat for a World Cup Final. It was a hat trick U- 19 World Cup victory in itself and India now holds top spot in both the age categories of the sport.

The Australian side sent out to bat first, set the bar at 225 runs for India. Initially the lads in blue came across strong but stumbled at 97 runs at the loss of 4 wickets, then captain Unmukt Chand stepped up to the job, and replicated what the Indian skipper M S Dhoni did in the previous World Cup. Chand picked up the mantle and with a personal score of 111 not out, helped India bring the cup home. A notable contribution was made by wicketkeeper Smit Patel who chipped in with 62 runs and stood strong alongside skipper Chand.

Equally- if not more- exciting was the lead up to the final match. The quarter- finals saw India up against Pakistan and boy wasn’t that a nail bitter! The semi- finals against New Zealand also proved to be a tough one. Except the trio of Prashant Chopra, Baba Aparajith and Unmukt Chand the rest of the line up faltered and the Indian scoreboard froze at 209 runs. The spinners and seamers worked their magic as New Zealand fell for 200/ 9 only 10 runs short of the target. These two victories paved way to the final clash against Australia and the crescendo was the final victory in Townsville.

The team was congratulated and received a warm welcome back home. PM Manmohan Singh, M S Dhoni and Virat Kohli congratulated the squad. The cricketers not only made us proud on an international stage but helped India forget Coalgate or SMS ban for a moment as India united to celebrate this victory.

Anugrah Gopinath
[email protected] 

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Arts & Culture

Chetan Bhagat’s What Young India Wants

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While my friends were making plans to see Salman Khan’s latest blockbuster, I was all set with my coffee mug to step into Chetan Bhagat’s world. “What Young India Wants”, Bhagat’s first non-fiction novel, caught my attention every time I passed the Vishvidyalaya metro station book shop. The catchy title and the flashy cover suggested that the book was sure to unlock the secrets of our hopes, desires, dreams and ambitions. So I bought it and promptly sat down to read it.

It started with his life journey, detailing his experiences as an engineer and an investment banker. It was all quite boring as I was already well aware of his achievements he keeps boasting about. He then talks about society at large. He also talks about the Bhopal Gas Tragedy, the German bakery blast, the Airline crisis, various scams like CWG, 2G, IPL, terrorism and other national issues. He tries to give solutions. Some are sensible while others are best read and forgotten. He says things like “Our laws need to be amended for corporate disasters” and that “politician-industrialist socialising should not be encouraged”. He is right, of course, but the how is conveniently missing. We all know that these problems exist and Chetan makes next to no effort to challenge or enhance existing social consensus.

I continued reading it in the hope, that he will give a solution to the problems but none came. The writer expresses his views about today’s youth, their outlook, aspirations and their needs. He is of the opinion that the youth dream only about a good job and a good partner.  “Spark” is quite a motivational chapter. He lays emphasis on the importance of English language (though his own English shows little signs of improving). Most of the book consisted of extracts from newspapers.

Though the back cover of the book made a lot of promises about answering questions, the book itself failed to live up to my expectations. However the book can be appreciated for it’s optimism and positivity.

 

Sakshi Gupta
[email protected]

 

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Arts & Culture

Dirty Laundry by The Yellow Brick Project

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Writer’s rating: 3.5/5

Dirty Laundry, the fourth annual production of the Yellow Brick Project opened amid much fanfare at Kamani Auditorium on the 16th of August. After enthralling young audiences in the city with Razzle Dazzle and Dear Delhi, the bar was raised last year with Romeo Must Die, an attempt at synthesizing dance, music and theatre into the format of a musical. This year’s installment follows suit, albeit with a more compact cast, dance troupe, band and choir.

Dirty Laundry is a humorous take on the issue of infidelity, and how it stirs up a storm in the Sharma household when the protagonists’ secrets are revealed. A middle-aged Economics Professor desperate for an adrenaline rush, gives in to temptation, and beds an overtly flirtatious student less than half his age, thereby unwittingly prompting a series of events that test relationships, incite altercations and yield in comedic situations, ultimately concluding in a boisterous, and slightly confused manner.

The plot is effortlessly backed by a commendable original score and repertoire of musicians and singers, and the scenes brought to life by a hybrid and highly talented crew of dancers who not only complement but also add another dimension to them. The choreography is satisfactory, with some out-of-the-box pieces, quite literally. The ‘Pandora’s Box’ inspired routine that serves as a metaphor for the secrets tumbling out, deserves special mention in this regard.

The musical is raw and unabashed in its portrayal of sexuality and desire, and the direction meticulous and thoughtful, with some indispensably hilarious scenes, like the reality television imported face-off between the quarrelling Sharmas. It is also laudable for having age-appropriate actors essaying the roles of the main characters. Yet, the narrative does appear a little staccato and disjointed in parts, lacking cohesion and hence adhesion between the scenes.  The chaotic stage management in terms of blocking and positioning and faulty spotting and lighting are the blatant blemishes, and seem to have been the obvious hiccups of a premiere show.

All in all, a pulsating watch, particularly for a few good laughs and for fans of dance and music.

 

Tanya Dua
[email protected]

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DUB Speak

India at London Olympics 2012

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A few days before the start of London Olympics 2012, a report by Goldman Sachs predicted that India would get 5 medals at the Olympics, three golds, a silver and a bronze. Our athletes did better on the overall tally, but fell short at converting into the shinier metals.

However, a lot has been gained from the Olympics this time around. And though this statement might sound repetitive, something we are told every 4 years, the results and the potential are highly tangible this time around.

Winning 6 medals (2 silvers and 4 bronze) might sound like a bit of a joke, especially since it means that India ranks 55th (at time of writing) in the medal tally! The correct perspective out here would however be to compare India against its own past – 1 medal on 13 occasions, 2 medals in 1900* and 1952, 3 medals in 2008. And now 6 medals is a record high.

First, we run through our shining stars! It all started off with Gagan Narang who won the bronze medal in the 10m Air-Rifle event. A bit disappointing from the qualification world record holder, especially since his qualification score is what cost him dear in the final round. Next, Subedar Vijay Kumar brought home an unexpected silver on the 25m Rapid Fire Pistol. He held no world championships or records as did most of the Indian shooting contingent, but he made light work of the nerves in the space where it mattered the most! Saina Nehwal, India’s blue-eyed wonder-woman became India’s next bronze medallist, ensuring that singles Badminton did not become an all-Chinese affair. She was seeded 5th for the event and did extremely well to beat some higher ranked players too! Mary Kom, the poster girl for the world’s women’s boxing association (literally!) showed a lot of grit. Mother of two, known for 2 world championships after coming out of retirement, punched her way through before she met a formidable, younger, local opponent in the semi-finals! An incredible effort indeed.

The first three medals were followed by a long hiatus, and then suddenly there were two! Less than 24 hours apart. Best buddies Yogeshwar Dutt and Sushil Kumar, wrestling together since childhood picked up a bronze and a silver in the 60kg and 66kg Freestyle events respectively. Sushil was always a medal hope, coming back from an Olympics bronze in 2008 and World Championship Gold in 2010. His apparent dehydration in the final cost him his gold medal, but nerves get to even the best of us. The real surprise however was the underdog Yogeshwar who fought three rounds in less than an hour and pulled off six amazing technical points in the bronze-medal round.

Other than the six, quite a few Indians left their mark in the Olympics, especially in the track and field events. Krishna Poonia (5th) and Vikas Gowda (8th) made the nation proud by qualifying for the finals in the women’s and men’s discus throw. No Indian has ever won a medal in field events and handfuls have even qualified! Tintu Luka, P.T.Usha’s protégé, made it to the semi-final of the 800m sprint where she ran her season’s best effort to finish 6th.

Fans back home were, however, left very disappointed by India’s performance in certain fields; not a single medal in Men’s Boxing (World Champion and Olympics bronze medallist Vijender), Hockey (an abysmal last place finish) or Archery (world no. 1, Deepika Kumari didn’t even qualify for the quarters!).

All in all, a fine performance by the Indian contingent. The increasing number of medals at the highest arena, shows the fruits of the labour put in by our athletes, the government and several private sector initiatives (think Sahara, Mittals). This shall, hopefully, encourage more Indians to take up sports, other than cricket, professionally. That is the only way to bring the best talent out in the open and aim for more medals in the future.

 

Arnav Das
[email protected]

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