Humouroscope: 9th-16th March

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Aries: One month before mid-semester break you thought to yourself – “I will fully utilize the free time to get my study material organized and cover my syllabus.” Your thoughts now – “Where the hell did I keep my PVR tickets??”

Taurus: Let me go over this again – you actually went over to TGIF, on a Monday, just to correct them that it wasn’t really a Friday? And you said all that before you even ordered your drinks? I am sure they are beginning to rethink their marketing strategy…

Gemini: I have come to a very logical conclusion that Newton’s third Law is a load of bull. Take, for instance, that time when you tried flirting with that cute girl at the club. There was no such thing as “equal” in her opposite reaction.

Cancer: Your parents often encourage you to read biographies of great people like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and Albert Einstein…but when you point out that they were dropouts you don’t really get a pat-on-the-back.

Leo: In the near future you shall discard this paper. – This accurate prediction has been brought to you by Du Beat Humouroscope: ‘beating the living crap out of Chinese fortune cookies since 2007…’

Virgo: You are getting an itch at the back of your skull. An itch you get every time you have the feeling you have forgotten something important. It acts as Peter Parker’s spider sense only twice as useless because it never helps you remember until the very minute when it’s all too late.

Libra: You shall enjoy a great bounty of success and prosperity in the near future. Hold on! Apologise, wrong augury, a moment please…ah yes here it is…the children born under the constellation of Libra shall be given false hopes about a successful future and prosperity.

Scorpio: Ahh…you are in love aren’t you child? I can read it clearly in your giggling eyes, the shy twitch of a smile, the burning colour of your cheeks and the fact that you actually shampooed your hair today.

Sagittarius: They say that the best things in life cannot be bought by money. I say, “Oh, please! Thor was a freaking Norse God of War…and he got trademarked. Period.”

Capricorn: Get ready to experience the delights of being caught in a traffic jam, stuck in an elevator or suffering power blackouts(Events Coming Soon this Summer) as temperatures begin to rise again in Delhi. If that isn’t getting you hot under the collar folks than I don’t know what will!

Aquarius: You are very likely to get robbed by a pickpocket today. Instead of letting rage control you try to remain optimistic and tell yourself, ‘I have not been robbed today. In fact, I have fed a desperate man.” On second thought…optimism sucks! Find that sneaky rat!!

Pisces: You are born under the unluckiest constellation. I suggest venting your anger on the Gods or whoever it is that discovered the constellation.

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Journalism has been called the “first rough draft of history”. D.U.B may be termed as the first rough draft of DU history. Freedom to Express.

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