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July 2013

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Query:
I have no girl friend and I am still a virgin, I don’t want to lose it to a prostitute so please suggest me an idea to get a gal for a good relationship.

regards
Response:
So here we have a hydrophobic macchi boy, who wants to take a dip in the sea. It is nice to hear from you da, especially in today’s times when losing one’s mobile phone is far more disastrous than losing one’s ‘V’. But this audacious otter has thought that Amma is the Grand Kerala Matrimony, who’d suggest a ‘gal’ for him. As much as Amma likes the tingle of stripping down two lonely wires and bringing them close to each other for some electrifying romance, Amma isn’t a matrimony, make some efforts boy!
Fine enough bashing, now listen up, do not feel left out, half of the fishes out there are desperately looking to plug a fishnet, you are not alone. Moreover, many do not like the idea of going to a Prostitute to avail those services. While you may see yourself as a nerdy high school girl afraid to get her nookie nubbed, there are others like you, or at least were- true story, changed my life.
Yennyway, what you need to find yourself is good company of a girl, yes girl NOT ‘gal’ with whom you can physically commit yourself, and vice versa. After that you may yourself be in a position to decide whether you want to be a born again virgin or not, Amma is a fan of that idea!
So don’t go out looking for a chickenhead, wait and keep a lookout for the voluptuous turkey who’s out there for you.
Be sure to tell Amma your Thanksgiving tales!

After the sixth cut-off, the ground around the rocketing cut-offs for admissions into Delhi University has begun to sink in. The initial cut-offs were over-hyped with much media coverage, but here is the other side- you can get into DU even with 33% marks.

Could anyone wonder getting into DU with just 40% marks after the likes of Ram Lal Anand fixing 100% mark for admissions into one of their courses? But, here it is, Kalindi College for Women is offering Sanskrit Honours at 33% for reserved category and 45% for general category students. At the famous Daulat Ram College, Sanskrit Honours is available at 42% for all the reserved category students. Hindi Honours is available at colleges like Deshbandhu and Kalindi at 40% for reserved category students and 50% for general category students.

Besides, courses like Economics honours are available at as low as 45% for students belonging to Scheduled Tribes at Lakshmi Bai College and at 50% for Persons with Disability at Deen Dyal Upadhayaya College and Dyal Singh College(Evening). Mata Sundri College is offering Philosophy Honours at 40% and Political Science Honours at 43% for Persons with disability. Popular courses like Economics and Commerce are also available for general category students at a few colleges with lower cut-offs.

Let’s take a look at last year cut-offs. Geography Honours was available at 50% for OBC category students at Aditi Mahavidyalaya in the seventh cut-off list. Political Science and Philosophy Honours was being offered at 45% for reserved category students at I.P. College for Women in the tenth cut-off. Even, the elite courses like Economic Honours were up for grabs at Kalindi College at 55% for reserved category students in the seventh cut-off.

After the initial rush, colleges usually lower their cut-offs, as they get an idea of the actual number of students seeking admissions. Besides, the colleges do not want their seats to go vacant, so they lower the cut-offs in the succeeding lists, especially for reserved category students. Also, the cut-offs for several off-campus colleges usually go considerably down for most categories after the initial cut-off lists.

With around 47,000 students scoring over 90% in the CBSE 12th examination, there was nothing unexpected about the sky-high cut-offs for DU. But as colleges start enroling students, the high requirements are bound to go down. And for several colleges these ‘lower cut-offs’ are not a part of the ‘media hype’.

Image credit: freedigitalphotos.net

Some archaic manuscripts dating back to the thirteenth century have acquainted us with the name of Razziya al-din, popularly known throughout the history as Razia Sultan, the only female ruler of both the Sultanate and the Mughal period. In defiance of the customary norms, Razia spurned the usage of the title “Sultana”, meaning the wife or mistress of the Sultan, and instead, and quite magnificently if one tries to imagine, answered only to the title of “Sultan”. Nearly eight centuries later, another Razia Sultan has answered to a custom in defiance.

Born in the Nanglakhumba Village of Meerut District, Uttar Pradesh, a coy and dainty Razia Sultan has received the first United Nations Malala Award for educating child labourers. She will also be commended as the United Nations Special Envoy for Global Education’s Youth Courage Award for Education. The silent revolutionary odyssey began when Razia was rescued by a non-governmental organization from the job of stitching footballs in decrepit tenements in her village, a job she had been doing since the age of four like many other girls. Subsequently, in a heralding development, Razia attended school and became the chieftain to the cause of other child labourers, having rescued 48 children till now. Eventually, Razia expanded her frontiers and voiced the need for child education outside her district and even other countries like Nepal, prudently backed by the non-governmental organization all the way.

While on one hand there is a world where people know the counterproductive trivia about Jabulani football except the cryptic information as to how or where it is made, on the other hand there’s a world where people do not know anything but ‘that’ cryptic information. For instance, Razia Sultan’s father not at all wary of the importance of the honour conferred on his daughter by the United Nations, was quoted as saying, “We didn’t even know that this award is of great importance. Now, we are feeling very proud of her. I cannot express my happiness in words.”

Elated as Razia is, she is not keen to be swept by the mesmerising adulation and considers the honour as a step closer towards her real goal to spread child education because for all she knows, stitching footballs was never her calling in life. And for all we know, though we have no means to affirm it, Razziya al-din would have taken pride in the magnitude of justice done to her name.

(Also see: Malala Yousafzai: The Voice of Change)

Canadian actor Cory Monteith, who played the role of Finn Hudson on the hit musical-comedy show Glee, was found dead in a hotel room in Vancouver on Saturday. The cause behind his death is still unclear, though chances of foul play have been ruled out.

The 31 year old star had been battling with substance abuse problems ever since he was a teenager and had voluntarily undergone rehabilitation treatment in April this year.

Though he had appeared briefly on shows like Supernatural and Smallville, he shot to fame as one of the lead characters on Glee. The show, which just finished its fourth season, was one of Fox’s greatest hits in recent times, despite declining show ratings. He played a goofy underdog who, despite being a quarter back, considered singing and performing to be his calling. The character had an off and on romance with Rachel Berry, who was in the same show choir as him. In real life, the actress portraying Rachel, Lea Michele and Cory were in a relationship.

Following the news of his death, his colleagues, co stars and fans worldwide expressed their grief through tweets, Facebook statuses, videos and posts. Fans will always remember him for his funny interviews, his singing and acting talent, his fondness for playing the drums and his awkward but cute dance moves. Some of his most popular performances on the show include the covers of Don’t Stop Believing, It’s my Life/Confessions, Just the Way You Are, Paradise by the Dashboard Light and I’ll Stand by You.

Someone once said ‘those who say money can’t buy happiness are the ones who don’t have any’. That someone apparently had excellent insight into human mind, especially of the ones in the film making business. And so the whole process of spending months writing, shooting, editing and releasing a movie boiled down to filling already overstuffed pockets.

And what better way to create a multi million dollar blockbuster than converting an already oversold book into a motion picture. And since the author ends up with jaw dropping royalties and the producers with more money than they can spend, everyone’s happy. But the one flaw in the plan is that blockbusters don’t fall from the skies or off bestselling pages, they need to be made with the most deep and well-thought perspectives. So here’s a look at all the movies that did not only leave blots of disturbing memories in the minds of the viewers but also spoilt the reputation of the books.

  • Angels and Demons- The movie, which had expectations soaring as high as those from classics, was a disappointment. Not only was the plot changed drastically, the film failed to bring out the sheer excitement and thrill a viewer should experience watching Robert Langdon come to life. The studio made a sad choice between a shorter running time and a better, more authentic plot.

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  • Eragon- If you’ve watched the movie, then I don’t even need to elaborate on what a horror those 2 hours were. One of the most well written fantasy novels was turned into one of the most pathetic movies (genre no bar). Everything from start to finish was completely different. In fact, if the studio named the movie something else, they would have had an original disappointment to their credit. Thankfully, a sequel is unlikely. But please do not trust the movie, read the book. It’ll be worth your time.
  • Lord of The Rings: Before you write me off as delusional, let me clarify, the movies were pretty good! But, they were not even a spec on Tolkien’s classic Trilogy. Even though no movie can capture the depth of a book, this is especially true in this case. The plot was the same and the movies won Oscars, still reading the books is a far better experience.
  • Eat Pray Love- Think Julia Roberts, Think visual excellence. And then think again. Beside Roberts in exquisite locations, Eat Pray Love has little to offer. Roberts brilliance as an actor was eclipsed by a completely deformed plot. The movie seemed to drag on endlessly. It wasn’t even able to approach the depth of the book.

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  • The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen- No list of worst movies can be completed without the mention of this particular one, much less a list of good books turned into bad films. The graphic novel is touted as one of the most hair-raising comics of recent times was turned into one of the most shunned movies of all times. In fact, it’s hard to find even one review recommending the movie.
  • One Night At The Call Centre/Hello- If you believe that only Hollywood makes such mistakes, then let me enlighten you. Although the book itself was no Pulitzer winner but the movie was even worse. The audiences discomfort in sitting through the film was mirrored by the evident discomfort of the actors trying to do something they can’t. Actually, neither watching nor reading it will be the safest option.

A few others, which managed to make it to the hall of shame, are Inkheart, The Bonfire of the Vanities, Stardust and Hobbit (making 3, 3 hour films out of one book- seriously!) to name a few.

Do yourself a favor, and do not watch them, read them! (or at least read them before watching the films)

With the admission hurdle almost past, the next thing that is now on the minds of outstation DU freshers is looking for the right accommodation to spend the coming four years in. Since most colleges don’t provide a hostel facility, students are obligated to look for alternative accommodation like PGs, and so begins the rather difficult task of finding an affordable and comfortable PG.  Following is a compilation of the details of some PGs in North Campus-

  • Aanchal Residential Accommodation for Girls offers facilities such as A.C. rooms, WiFi enabled premise, medical and first aid facilities, housekeeping and laundry facility and other necessary facilities. Address: G-14, Single Storey, Vijay Nagar. Contact: 9899554491, 9911554454, 9213786744, [email protected]
  • Home-2 is a PG accommodation for girls, offering single/ two/ three-seater rooms and A.C. rooms with boarding and lodging. Other facilities include television, refrigerated water, security guard services and a hygienic, homely and secure environment. It is walking distance from the Campus and from the Metro (GTB Nagar and Vishwavidyalaya). Address: E-9, Vijay Nagar, Single Storey, Nr. Community Centre, Polo Road, New Delhi-110009. Contact: 9310365050, 9350685050, 9350615050, 011-20467231.
  • Shakun Sadan is a PG for girls. It is newly built, with a posh set up and a roof garden. Facilities like A.C./non-A.C. rooms, WiFi, T.V., full security are provided. Electricity and water are free and there also a provision for a kitchen. Address: E-134, Kamla Nagar Contact: Prof. M.L. Gupta 9810083501.
  • Garvita Niwas is a girls’ PG offering services like WiFi, four meals a day, A.C. rooms, attached toilets and laundry facilities. Address: F-55/56, Kamla Nagar, near Stellatoes, behind Udipi, New Delhi Contact: 9312838925.
  • She Dreams is a girls’ accommodation with fully furnished rooms, providing all necessary facilities. Address: 5-UB, Jawahar Nagar Contact: 9310013035, 9818805788.
  • Anand Niwas is a PG for boys offering services like WiFi, four meals a day, A.C. rooms, attached toilets and laundry facilities. Address: 30-UB, Jawahar Nagar, near McDonald’s, Kamla Nagar, New Delhi Contact: 9873242883.
  • Sawhney Niwas is a boys’ accommodation with fully furnished rooms, providing all necessary facilities. Address: A-9, Kamla Nagar Contact: 9310013035, 9910907258.
  • Bhagwati Niwas is a girls’ PG providing all necessary facilities. Address: 37, 1st floor, Bunglow Road, Kamla Nagar, opposite Amitabh Banquet Contact: 011-47046104, 9899965598, 9213990212.
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There is an ancient Wimbledonian saying, mostly untranslatable but it goes something like “If chance made you a woman and you want to be a champion of Wimbledon, you gotta have big boobs. And blond hair. And body of some Amazonian jungle goddess from a hormonal teenager’s fantasy. If you are a man, you just gotta play well.” As the time passed, this sacred law has been withheld by generations of long legged Sharapovas and Mladenovics who have marched on and have become famous for their “supermodel looks”, their winning one title after another notwithstanding. Yes, that’s why female tennis players were allowed to play professionally in the first place, to look like supermodels giddying around on the court. Why didn’t they just get Kate Moss to do all that?

In a world where feminism is a dirty word and where cracking sexist jokes are the in thing to do, sports were thought to be the great equalising force, a place where only talent and tenacity were the criterion to achieve greatness. Where not having the male member dangling between your legs was not supposed to be a handicap, a handicap which would underscore the rest of a woman’s life. But the silent sexism in sports all these years long, followed by the recent examples of not-so-silent sexism show how even in the supposed gender non-discriminating arena of athletics, the old ugly face of sexism persists.

The Bartoli vs. Lisicki women’s single match was one of the most famous this season and for all the wrong reasons. It would be expected that after winning the match, Bartoli would either be appreciated for her skills on the court or panned for the same. She was after all an athlete who had just won a major title. But the backlash that followed had nothing to do with the game but something so completely unrelated to the sport that it boggles the mind as to how people could connect the two. While single digit IQ levelled Twitter warriors had a field day branding her “undeserving” of the title because of her looking the way she does, the BBC commentator, John Iverdale jumped into a retelling of an imagined conversation between Bartoli and her father/coach, where the latter supposedly tells his daughter how she was “never going to be a looker” and because of which she had to be extra “gritty” in her game.

Another incident following Andy Murray winning the men’s single reflects on the retaining power of the audience of matters related to women in sports. After the win against Serbia’s Novak Djokovic, the British media went on to celebrate Murray as the redeemer of the British nation. Headlines like “A win after 77 years” crowded the newsstands. What went unnoticed until later was that in between Murray’s win and Fred Perry’s 77 years ago, three Britishers had already won singles titles in the tournament. The fact that those three were female gave the media the right to go into memento mode and forget about the past winners since Perry. Of the three, Virginia Wade was the most celebrated after her win 36 years ago. The other two were Annabel Croft and Laura Robson, who won the Girls’ singles in 1984 and 2008 respectively. The fact that people could just forget such achievements seem especially cruel after knowing what Wade said in an interview after her historic win, “You never forget how it feels to win Wimbledon.”

The incident involving Bartoli drags to the limelight the sexist practices that tournaments like Wimbledon are still preserving. While the male player is supposed to spend his time and resources on bettering his game, any digression being scrutinised and criticised by the media and the commentators alike, the female player is expected to only keep up the Disney Princess appearance.Such trivialization gains from the patronising attitude towards sportswomen in general, which leads to further breeding of such sexist understanding in the succeeding generations. This completes the circle where however much may the sportswoman achieve, at the end of the day her worth is decided by men on how pleasing she is to their eyes.

The Tumblr post by Public Shaming cataloguing the insensitive outcry on Twitter over how Bartoli was undeserving of her title because of how she looked showed just how wide spread sexism is. People who would not usually watch Tennis matches, let alone interested in women’s sports, would air their opinions on just how much they were offended by her winning the match and how much they wanted Sabine Lisicki to win. What goes uncommented upon is how equally insulting this is for Lisicki too, whose right to win the title was appropriated because of her looks and not by the fact that she had reached the finals in the first place.

In the Indian context, Sania Mirza was made popular more for her appearance than her skills, which reflected in the national love and obsession with her remaining constant, irrespective of her form on-court, from the start of her career to her marriage to Shoaib Malik, when she suddenly “betrayed” the nation by marrying a Pakistani. In contrast, no one cares about how Mahesh Bhupathi or Leander Paeslook on or off court. Their game matters, in case of Mirza, only her looks.

While on the topic of Wimbledon, another sexist practise that goes uncommented upon is the way female players are referred to in the tournament. While the names of the male players are used to refer to them respectively, the married female players are referred to by the names of their husbands. You may be Plain Jane off the court, but when you are trying to win a game on the merit of your own skills, independent of the dis/name of your husband, you will still be known as Mrs. John Doe. The fact that as recent as 2010, a female player was referred to not by her own name but by her husband’s should be infuriating enough. Queen Victoria might have had her last breath more than a century ago but the crooked notion of gender politics of her times still continues to survive to this date.

The least we could do is acknowledging the fact that sexism does exist, even in sports, something a lot of people feel uncomfortable accepting.

And until then, we could only yearn for a time and place when people would judge a person’s worth by the thoughts that crowd their mind and the deeds that come to pass by their hands and not the clothes they happen to wear.

On 9th October 2012, terror was prepared to claim it’s next victim- Malala Yousafzai. A young activist fighting for the girl’s right to education in the Swat district of Pakistan, Malala was shot by Taliban on her way home from school. But as fate would have it, the fighter was not going to succumb to a metal cylinder.

The terror attack could not dampen her spirits or her will to live and after a long struggle against death, she is back on her feet, determined to finish what she started. In her first speech at the United Nations on 12th  July 2012, Malala spoke about terrorism, education, peace and the empowered woman of today. The address was a celebration of the teenager’s birthday and what the world organisation labelled as the “Malala Day”.

They thought that the bullets would silence us, but they failed. Weakness, Fear and Hopelessness died. Strength, power and courage was born.

As I watch that 16 year old girl speak, I am both dumbstruck and amazed. With her humble attire yet determined beliefs, the only instant emotion is respect. For one, her confidence and strength is far beyond the number of her age. The forgiveness imbibed is an inspiration for any non-believer.

In her near 18-minute speech, Yousafzai talked about how the dreams of young children are being crushed in the wake of terrorism, child labour, poverty and handicapped prejudices. Drawing inspiration from great leaders like Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, Mohammad Ali Jinnah and Mahatma Gandhi, Malala plans to tread the path of non-violence in her fight against terrorism and discrimination against the girl child. It’s not about anyone’s personal vendetta, it’s about fighting for change and a life of dignity, peace and equal opportunities. Education is the biggest weapon that humanity has against terrorism. Educating children would mean saving them from falling prey to the stunted ideologies of a few who believe in wrecking havoc and claiming lives of innocent people for their personal satisfaction.

A girl who was shot just because she wanted education has much to complain about. But instead of using this as platform to voice her anger against all those who have wronged her, she used this opportunity to lend her voice to those who have been silenced by terrorism, oppression and discrimination. Malala demands education even for the children of the very Talibs that shot her.

The extremists are afraid of books and pens. The power of education frightens them. They are afraid of women. The power of the voice of women frightens them.

The speech and the journey of Yousafzai raises yet another grave concern. Which way is humanity headed? In a world where the children are killed for demanding their rights and thousands of innocent people are executed just because they happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, how can any of us expect a stable future? Even if after progressing to a stage where a computer means a window to the entire world, if the security and well being of millions is questionable, then all this progress has been for nothing. While one child is blowing up money buying expensive phones and another is off to study in a University half way across the world, others are not only being deprived of bare necessities but his very existence is under the scanner in the face of terrorism. And why just children, men-women, rich-poor, Indian-French- is the certainty of returning back home safely, without being caught in a cross fire of degenerated ideologies too much to ask for?

‘We realize the importance of light when we see darkness. We realize the importance of our voice when we are silenced.’

If the voices of freedom are not raised soon enough, they’ll be bound and chained by their own cowardice.

Let there be several voices that are raised. Let there be more Malalas.

Bhaag Milkha Bhaag is a long daunting story of a true “life” of an Olympic world champion for whom life becomes a constant battle for survival. Milkha Singh, after being victimized by the Indo-Pak partition was wounded with scars which failed to heal with time.

The phenomenal director-producer Rakeysh Om Prakash Mehra tries to give his audience a perfect flashback of the Flying Sikh, with the first half seeking to enlist the motivating factors for the protagonist- to run with a happy childhood in a proud family. Soon this life turns into a traumatic one of a refugee boy who wields a knife and becomes a coal thief. But the editing deficient flashback, takes a different turn with a captivating love affair with “Biro” (optimistically played by Sonam Kapoor) inspiring him to choose the right path in life. This leads him to join the army and eventually breaking an athletic world record at the 1960 Rome Olympics, giving him world prestige for the rest of his life. Instances of Milkha running, wounded and punishing himself after defeats are a constant reminder of the gutsy dream chaser aiming to get a national holiday named after him.

With moments of great inspiration, the film manages to pull its way through the second half with rigorous practice sessions on sets of Ladakh giving us a fine reminder of what made Milkha one of India’s most iconic athletes.

The film earns its title from Milkha’s father’s last words, “bhaag milkha bhaag” asking him to literally run for his life, making it the most patronizing memory of his life.

Eventually the well-intended biopic turns into a very detailed, exhausting 187-minute roll which lacks objectivity and turns into an overdose of melodrama. Soon you realize that the early years of the gangster mischief, the Australian affair, and meaningless songs are irrelevant and divert from the traditional pattern of a sporting biopic.

Farhan Akhtar pulls the snail-paced movie, with his convincing Punjabi accent, boorish physical presence, and tremendous commitment to his role as the Flying Sikh.  Supporting roles of Milkha’s guides in his historic journey are portrayed convincingly by Pawan Malhotra and Yograj Singh.

As for the ratings, I will give the mouth-publicized flick 3 out of 5, as it is definitely a one-time watch for Farhan’s irreplaceable performance as an inspiring Milkha Singh- one that will go down in history.

In the run of daily life, take a stop to watch this mis-matched, much in need of editing film as you might end up taking a personal lesson back home.

 

Aries
Tackling your grandmother to win that blue ribbon is definitely a no-no for the self-centered ‘Ram’ this week. Try watching ‘anger management’ instead.

Taurus
Things are looking good for the ‘Bull’ as you’ll finally quit suffering from separation anxiety from detachment of your favourite G.I Joe figurines!

Gemini
The stars aren’t in favour of your love life this week. The bubbly Gemini might just be replaced by a new lover or well, a talking parrot.

Cancer
Being the emotional vampires of the zodiac, you’re suggested to wear eyeliner this week in order to look more Emo. It shall also cure you of the ‘meet and marry’ syndrome you suffer from. Forever.

Leo
For the self-obsessed Leo, embarrassment may ensue after you’re caught kissing… yourself in the mirror yet again.

Virgo
The overly OCD Virgo will be the coolest kids in the hostel as they’ll be the one doing everyone’s laundry! Also, shutting and closing the refrigerator door to trick the light isn’t a good idea.

Libra
For the snazzy dressers, you’re advised to not sink your money into gym memberships, age defying products, and tight v-neck t-shirts.

Scorpio
Your heart will be broken this week as you’ll finally realise that you’re not a Borg leader and that Star Trek is fiction. Hard luck.

Sagittarius
For the adventurous Sadge; trips to the bathroom without the lights out isn’t a good option for you this week. Sleeping with a torch might just save you from dying with your pants down.

Capricorn
You’ll be unable to pat your own back this week as a muscle pull might follow your daily PS3 session.

Aquarius
Aquarians should steer clear of using phrases like ‘Dude…Man’ while describing philosophical concepts.  Your aqua-air persona will definitely ‘blow off’ people otherwise.

Pisces
For the dreamy Piscean; keep cookies and cream by your front door this week. Some of your imaginary friends (and maybe your only) might just pay you a visit. And no, it’s not Jennifer Lopez or Beyonce.