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Top 5 things to do in the Metro

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5) Plug in your earphones and nod in time to the song. Pretend you’re listening to dhinchak music even if all you’re hearing is some bhojpuri remix

 

4) Count the number of stops left, then calculate the average time the Metro takes to travel between two stops and based on that, how much longer you’ll have to waste your time like this before you can finally get off

 

3) Strike up a random conversation about clouds or sunflowers or something as intelligent with the nearest person

 

2) Keep a lookout for any signs of people vacating their seat and prepare to pounce

 

1) Hang onto the maroon plastic thing for dear life and hope the heady scent of sweaty armpits overtakes you before the seat-less mob does

 

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