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When Personal is Political: Dating and Dissent

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This piece aims to highlight how nothing is apolitical anymore; politics with its lasting presence is now even shaping the dating lives of the Indian youth.

In a day and age where the youth has risen up to combat the elements of fascism in the country, and uphold the values of democracy laid down in the Constitution; the personal is political, now more than ever. The integrity of Law and Order as well as the Government is being increasingly questioned; the youth today demands answers from a generation that has led them into the pits of a civilisation. However, one wonders, in these times, how does a 19 year old college student deal with their own partner; supporting something they’re out on the streets against? How does the youth navigate the landscape of relationships, dating, and attraction; in a politically charged climate with barbed opinions and perspectives oft en clashing against their own? The answer to the question rests within the reality we currently are entrapped in.

In today’s time, ideological differences take a backseat over, what is now, your stance on human rights. Triparna Dutta, a student of the University of Calcutta, said, “The stakes are high, blood is being shed. It’s impossible to date someone who doesn’t care about human rights, about dissent and the constitution.” A study by Gregory A. Huber of Yale University and Neil Malhotra of Stanford University showed that political affiliation is fast becoming a factor in how people choose who they date (Having a 3 per cent impact, the same as education), while shared race and religion have far more of an impact. Shared religious beliefs result in a 50 per cent increase in interest, while similar ethnicity is 16.6 per cent more likely to result in a match. Ann Philipose, a Delhi-based therapist, has dealt with a number of couples who increasingly worry that their partner’s values, reflected through political beliefs, don’t align with their own. The digital dating panorama is marked with a young and extremely diverse demographic.

Apps such as Hinge, Bumble, Tinder and OKCupid were only launched in India in the last few years, and given the extreme variations in socio-economic strata, it is hard to collect empirical data. However, Taru Kapoor, India head, Tinder and the Match Group, told The Print that last year, on 6th September, when the Supreme Court read down Section 377 and decriminalised homosexuality, the App saw a huge swipe surge showcasing how impactful political decisions are. In a generation that is gravitating towards the notions of woke culture and political correctness, the political views of their partner becomes a deciding factor in the relationship. Events of the past few months, where dissent and the right to peaceful protests is being challenged across the Country, solidify the notion that a relationship between two people with contrasting politics is hard to get by. One also has to acknowledge the mental toll State-sponsored violence has taken on the people at the forefront of the movement. A student revealed the detrimental effects of brutality by Law and Order harmed their mental health to the extent they had to break up with their partner, because they couldn’t sustain and emotionally invest in a relationship in such troubled times.

Amidst all this, relationships can also be a safe space contributing to a worthwhile aspect of politics and dating, being able to communicate to your partner about the authoritarian elements of the regime, and transform their apolitical stance to one supporting those who are marginalised. And well, if this fairy tale like-incident doesn’t happen, you can break up with them, with Republic Day approaching; break their hearts on 26th January. Let the Constitution seep into your love life, finally.

Image Credits: Jaishree Kumar for DU Beat

Paridhi Puri

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Offbeat

Are the Students of Delhi University Ready to Swipe Right?

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Find out the popular opinion of students on Tinder and if it can help you find love?

While school life is usually lived in a bubble, college opens our avenues and outlooks. One such outlook is on relationships. We realise dating in school was much different and most of us open up to the prospect of finding a special someone. Being in the University of Delhi, with the upcoming fest season and the dreaded Valentine’s week, puts the thought of wanting to be with our sweetheart even more to the forefront.
One way to achieve that goal, is through Tinder. Most of the students we spoke to suggested that ‘curiosity’ was one of the major reasons to join Tinder, with the slightest possibility of finding someone worthwhile, while others named ‘insistence by their friends’ or being ‘bored’ as reasons. The beginners are apprehensive to join it because of the fear of being ‘seen’ by someone they know or the perpetual haunt of their parents finding out.
Diya, a student from Kamala Nehru College says, “Most people do not expect anything and just try it out to see what is so great about it?” This resonates with most of the reasons for joining Tinder- its hype. Online dating, and not just Tinder, does raise the question of safety and trust. Before swiping, individuals have to try and judge the character of the person with just a bio and few images. Sanjula, another student of Kamala Nehru College responds, “There are certain risks, of course, to online dating as a whole, but if you use it judiciously, and cautiously use what is given, then why not?”
While there are a variety of experiences people have had, on talking about bad experiences, there is no denying that some people do make crass and awkward ‘moves’ which can often be very upsetting and unsettling. I feel that is the biggest red flag for your army of cupids to retreat. There are instances when conversations receive insensitivity and entitlement to a response.

Discussions on finding love and not being lonely run on parallels with Tinder. One cannot negate the possibility of the former because there are also people who have discovered partners with a mental and emotional connection. While relationships are not an answer to loneliness, the experience of putting yourself out there and meeting new people can make one feel less lonely. As the student of Delhi University, Yashika says, “It may not be a guarantee but in this millennial age, why not?”
Moving on to the idea of casual flings, something Tinder has frequently been associated with; it has led to a notion
where people are mutually free from commitments or ties, free to explore their sexuality, or simply add some
spice to their lives!

Lastly, casual or serious, strings or no strings, younger people are opening up to the complexities of human relationships and their likes and dislikes, just make sure one does not hurt someone else on this journey and respects boundaries. In today’s time, people have the liberty to mutually and consensually decide the rules of their own relationships. So go on and swipe!

Feature Image Credits: Dating Scout

Shivani Dadhwal
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Uncategorized

Bazinga: Tinderr Adds New Feature of ‘Horoscope Matching and Sharing’

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In the modern world that we live in, there’s always an attempt on the part of app developers to introduce unique features to stand out from the crowd of other apps. In that regard, Tinderr came up with a ‘horoscope sharing and matching’ feature, that allows users to share horoscopes over the platform.

Tinderr now allows users to match their horoscopes with the people they are interested in. Interestingly, the chat box opens up only when at least 16 qualities have matched. One of the developers at Tinderr told DU Beat, “It gives us immense pleasure to announce that Tinderr in India shall work simultaneously with horoscopes. This brings an element of cutting edge innovation to matrimony, yet at the same time, simplify it.”
In the new version of the app, the users are supposed to upload their horoscopes rather than their ‘Bio’. The horoscopes can either be uploaded in the form of a pdf file, or the users can upload their details like place of birth and time of birth, and the app shall get their horoscopes prepared. For this process, Tinderr has tied up with more than 10,000 Pandit jis across the nation. As the user swipes right for a person, the app first checks whether the horoscopes are compatible or not. In case of incompatibilities, the algorithm first checks whether there is any ‘upaay’ to the problem, such as marrying a goat, or even a tree for that matter. Once the ‘kundli doshs’ of both the parties are solved, the chat box opens. Changes have also been made in the ‘expressions’ section. The earlier ‘heart and catapult’ setup has been exchanged with an ‘engagement ring and catapult’ setup. An ‘engagement ring’ from both sides shall lead to the ‘totally comfortable’ conversations across a secluded table in a fancy restaurant with two pairs of parents keeping an eye on the ‘couple’. For its Gold users, Tinderr also provides exquisite deals on fancy banquets.
With this added feature, Tinderr aims to revolutionise the matrimonial horizon altogether. The reception of the users is yet to be accounted for, but there is a wave of extended happiness amongst parents of single youth of the marriageable age.
They see it as a blessing as this saves them from the expense of calling up relatives and saying, “Koi Suitable Ladka/ ladki Ho Toh Dhyaan Rakhna Humara.”

Disclaimer: Bazinga is our weekly column of almost believable fake news. It is only to be appreciated and not accepted.

Feature Image Credits: The Times of India

Aashish Jain
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Uncategorized

Relatable moments if you use Tinder

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The reasons can be many, boredom, curiosity, peer pressure, or loneliness, but if you’ve ever signed up for an online dating service such as Tinder then there are some relatable moments you are bound to go through. Here is a list of a few of them!

1. Getting fixated on your own profile: You can call it narcissism, but we all do it. We stare at our own pictures and re-read our bio countless times to make sure every hot boy, girl, or person swipes right on us. Self-help books tell us to be the judge of our own worth and I guess we are doing just that.

2. Curing loneliness since forever: When none of your friends are free (or perhaps you don’t have friends) or you are bored in the metro, you’ll find yourself desperately scrounging through each profile to make sure you don’t miss a chance at finding the perfect lover, friend, or hook-up. You’ll assess and re-assess every profile before making the paramount decision on which side to swipe.

3. The wrong left swipes: Usually, when you have a tinder-aline rush happening on your fingers, and you’re swiping left and right like your life depends on it, you are bound to swipe left on the ‘perfect’ match for you. What then? Well, life becomes meaningless and you feel like you lost your chance at finding true love.

4. Not matching with your love-at-first-sight: Oh, and when the same person shows up again in your discovery and this time you swipe right, but you realise it’s not a match. I think that’s when you truly lose sight and probably decide on nunnery as your career goal.

5. Swiping right just for fun: Scrolling through the endless fellow desperate humans, you come across some profiles with headless-torsos, celebrities, Instagram models, or other such obvious cat-fishers and you swipe right just to feed yourself on their bait. Suddenly your guilty pleasure changes from chocolates to leading on random people and un-matching them.

6. People who come on too strong or too weak: When you find yourself in a match on Tinder and a person who approaches with a ‘send bobs and vagene’ or an equally creepy variant, your immediate reaction is to un-match the person before you die out of a cringe-attack. Or, when a person says ‘Hi’, ‘Hey’, ‘Hello’, or straight up forgets all the vowels and says ‘Hy’, you know you deserve more or at least all the vowels.

In all honesty, Tinder has made dating easier on one hand and tougher on the other. While we now have an endless pool of people to choose from and an option for queer people to date, but the curiosity of what else is out there prevents you from settling anywhere, if at all.

 

Feature Image Credits: The Verge

Raabiya Tuteja

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Sex Amma

Sex Amma: Of hook-ups and Tinder

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Sex Amma

Dear Amma, my friends have been hooking up with people they met on Tinder. I am a virgin to the hook-up culture, but I want to try it. I am just scared of falling in love with someone who just wants to be “friends with benefits” with me.

People often confuse sex with love and mostly the former is the consequence of the latter – but when love is a consequence of sex, then there might be a problem for the people involved. If two people start with “friends with benefits” or “just a hook-up”, and love gets in between, then it is a rocky road that almost always leads nowhere.

The rules of modern dating

Tinder is complicated and so is modern dating. We all hate it but we are sadly a part of it – we don’t stop swiping until we find someone to be with for a couple of months and feel good about ourselves. It is never easy to find what you are specifically looking for on Tinder and sometimes people tell you that they want “more than just a hook-up but not a relationship” and sometimes people will tell you that they aren’t looking for anything serious. When it is a matter of the latter, ask yourself if you want the same thing and if you’d want the same thing one month (or six months) from now and go with it. If it is a case of the former, think about what it means – it means all the benefits of a relationship without getting or giving any commitment. There are almost equal pros and cons on both sides and make sure you go with what appeals to you more.

To feel or not to feel?

Well, it is never too late for anything! Be honest and the best option always is to tell the other person involved about how you feel to avoid miscommunications, uncertainty and heartbreaks. Even if you do fall in love, never shy away from expressing what you want and if it isn’t reciprocated, it is better to move on instead of waiting for something to happen. Remember, being friends with benefits only works when both of you are on the same page and the trick is to be open and honest about what both of you want from your “arrangement”.

Lastly, make sure you’re doing this because you want to and not just because your friends say it is “cool”. Stay protected and don’t forget to enjoy yourself!

To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. Amma respects your confidentiality as much as you do.

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DUB Speak

Shudh Desi Romance : A spurt of online dating apps in India

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Gone are the days when common friends, weddings, family functions and college fests were the only places to find a ‘banda’ or ‘bandi’. With everything going digital these days, ‘Boy Browsing’ and girls willing to be wooed are vouching for the desi ‘match-making apps’.

While parents might be scrounging and ransacking matrimonial sites, young Indians are liking the idea of dating apps, very cunningly worded as ‘modern-match making apps’ in some cases. Homegrown free apps such as Thrill, Woo, DesiCrush, Truly Madly, Singles Around Me, Aisle and more are available on both Android and iOS.

Most of these apps take cue from the mother of all dating apps- ‘Tinder’, which enjoys an explosive popularity in the US. However, much like our food, we Indians like more choices when it comes finding a suitable date, which sadly Tinder fails to fulfil. Recognising the issues with Tinder, Indian developers have created apps that go beyond just profile pictures and casual dating. Efforts have been increasingly put in order to weed out fake profiles and address the skewed gender ratio.

While Tinder is a location-based social discovery application where the user uses a swiping motion to choose between the photos of other users, shudh desi apps like Woo and Thrill are the more date oriented platforms.

Truly Madly, with its catchy advertisement running all over TV and social media off late, follows the motto- ‘Epic love stories need epic beginnings. Not random introductions.’ We asked a few university students about these apps and whether they would mind getting ‘unsingle’ by the online cupid, which gave us some interesting responses.

 

“Indian dating apps as a concept sounds good to have fun and time pass, but I think it may not be that safe a move. It might have proven to be good for some, but one needs to be cautious while taking decisions regarding their life on the basis of such apps even if it is something as common as dating.” – Aakriti Sharma, Kamala Nehru College

 

A student of  Jesus and Mary College shares her experience, ” I was apprehensive at first as many people use Tinder as a means for casual sex. I met my current boyfriend through Tinder and to my surprise, I found some like-minded individuals on the app who approached relationships and sex in very similar ways and if not, respected my decision. With regard to competition with Indian apps, I think the masses are finally ready to accept what was already being done in hushed tones. ‘Boy Browsing’ seems like a much less daunting prospect than casual sex, so perhaps people will gravitate towards that.”

 

Riya Chhibber

[email protected]

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