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How Friendships Form Organically in College

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I am sure many of you would question the idea of an ‘organic relationship’ in a world like ours – burdened by the pretences and disbeliefs of our age. Contrary to this thought, it is interesting to witness the becoming of organic relationships in college.

The word organic would immediately paint a healthy, natural, and enriching image. The term ‘organic relationship’ would then simply translate to a fulfiling relationship. It is a bond that creeps in your correspondence gradually, like moss growing against a damp abandoned wall.

But how do we identify an organic relationship? Meghan Ambers in an article on organic relationships writes, “Relationships with the right people will open your eyes to new heights of life, they will make you appreciate the wonders of the universe and you always walk away knowing more than you started with in the beginning.” When you are in the right company you simply, at the risk of sounding idealistic, “vibe” and start a dialogue. During the dialogue, there can be conflict and that ’s when you know what the relationship is. Such a conflict would drive you to a decision – to forsake the budding friendship or to give it some time.

To err is human. Sometimes we develop a sense of insecurity when our relationships are not what we expect or imagine them to be. Behaviours vary, so logically our responses should vary too. An organic connection that you felt goes a long way to determine our reactions. For example, in a moment of test, your heart would want you to give the other person another chance.

It is interesting then, this gamble of emotional connectivity. Is it not? Before getting in any relationship, we make our own ideas about a person. It is then a challenge for the other person too, to change your ideas and his/her own. So allow the exploration. And when it delves into a realm of its own making, something beautiful will come to be. If you are lucky, you’ll develop a sense of familiarity. Something that says that you know all about them and yet would love to know more. Something that will enable you to look beyond their flaws and failures, to look through their perspective, to question as they would, and everything in between!

Actor Richard Gere once said, “When someone has a strong intuitive connection, Buddhism suggests that it’s because of karma, some past connection.” However, even the most profound relationships can falter with time. The hitherto burning passion-fire can be regulated. It can even seem lost on its characteristic warmth. Such a transition would not be termed as a ‘fallout’ – a problematic term, to say the least. Happiness is found in the most unlikely places. And unlikely, unprecedented, and unexpected are the ways of life. There is a deep joy in unexpected wellness. A relationship with no mechanical formality exists.

But as it goes without saying, there can always be a false sense of security too. More often than not, without realising, we find ourselves in toxic friendships. Too many chances, too much guilt, and too many apologies can be highly taxing. As important as it is to hold on to our bonds, it is extremely important to learn to let go too. To indulge someone in your vulnerabilities and fears, and then losing them to doubts can be traumatising. Meghan Ambers goes on to say, “Still, bad relationships can teach you two things as well. It can teach you what you won’t tolerate, what you don’t deserve, and what you don’t need in your life. And whether it is a relationship with a friend or lover, it will apply to all.” It is not my place to propagate distrust; that would mean the end of all our social connections. Neither do I wish to imply the embodying of withdrawal and indifference.

I simply mean that it is helpful to believe in the idea of relationships forming naturally rather than forcing them to be. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a step. It is necessary to interact, and then see where the dialogue takes you. There are a million possibilities and infinite emotions. Good or bad, you will learn. And learning is living, don’t you think?
Feature Image Credits: Wanderway
Kartik Chauhan
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Why you should unfollow ‘Positivity’ Pages and Accounts

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Following too many pages on positivity? DU Beat analyses why it’s time for you to unfollow them.

Here, I quote my good friend, Lilly Singh, “THIS GON BE SOME REAL TALK, HOMIE!”

It is very often that you see Tumblr Quotes and motivational pieces that tell you how everything is positive and you should be grateful for everything. It teaches you to be in that mindset all the time. However life is never only positive. It may sometimes be tough and negative. However, when you begin feeling that everything needs to be positive, you take your hardships negatively. Don’t force yourself to be happy. After a point, we begin to refuse to admit that anything is wrong in reality. It is important to remember that positivity does not rest in refusing to see a problem as a problem. It is in looking at the problem, admitting it, and then being positive enough to find a solution to it so that you can work towards it. Refusing to admit that there is a problem will leave you superficial. It will never give you the opportunity to make your life better by solving the problem. Toxicity increases when the motivational quotes force you to keep up with that superficiality.

Furthermore, every quote of positivity that you see may not be relevant to your situation but you apply it to yourself anyway. If you are in a toxic relationship and see a quote about consistency, it must not be deemed relevant to you, no matter how positive it is. Every situation is unique and requires personalized specific analysis to come to a conclusion. The person behind the screen who posted that quote doesn’t know your situation and may not even intend the quote to have such an impact on you. Every situation does not lead to a positive outcome when tackled with the ‘positive’ advice.

Lastly, the fact that you are following so many pages that intend to bring positivity to you, makes you believe that you are negative and cannot be positive yourself. That, my friend, is not just bad for your self-identity but also is completely false. Everyone’s notion of positivity is not the same. Do not restrict your idea of positivity to what the page believes it is. Different things give positivity to different people and you can create your own positivity. Don’t use cramps when you can independently walk on your own!

If you find yourself being unable to be naturally positive for a long while, maybe try to talk to your friends about it or go for therapy. But first, explore yourself, let go of these pages and try to create your own happiness.

 

Feature Image Credits: success.com

 

Khyati Sanger

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Campus Central

Sophie’s Choice: Freshers’ Edition

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Modern-day college students experience an insane amount of confusion and pressure over the activities they must take up in a new college. But is every choice you make worth the plunge? Read on to find out.

  • Confusion and Stress

There is a great deal of difference between school stardom and college glory. This is why students feel overwhelmed with the numerous groups and messages that invade their cellphones and personal lives as well. In an attempt to get a taste of everything, they find themselves keeping track of too many activities, societies, and commitments at once. The hack is to prioritise desires and necessities at once. If one doesn’t know when to stop chasing, then nothing will ever be reached.

Vishal Ranka, a second-year BMM student at Usha Pravin Gandhi College, Mumbai, has a piece of advice for all those who find themselves frowning and panicking throughout the day. He says, “Don’t get stressed due to the confusion of too many things happening at the college. Things would eventually ease up. You must wisely choose to invest in a skill that would contribute to your personal and/or career growth.”

  • Time Management

Carpe diem is significant to make the most out of life, but no human must push herself to do 86, 400 different things a day. When you are rushing from the drama rehearsal to an NGO in another corner of the city, and then work for five internships at home, then its only natural to reach a breaking point. It is practically impossible to expect yourself to invest quality time in everything that catches your eye.

A third-year student of Bachelor of Design at the National Institute of Fashion Technology in Mumbai, Akansha Motwani, has a take on how poor investment in the things you don’t like can create a negative atmosphere. She is of the following view, “College is all about backlog causing a backlog and there is no escape. It is funny how Sunday evenings have become more frightening than Monday mornings.”

  • Diluted Experiences

This one cannot be emphasised upon enough, because many believe that the greatest fall is to fail. Freshers put a variety of tasks on their plate, but gradually forget the value of all. While preparing a dance performance, if you fret over covering the protest at the college then you will not gain the best of what you signed up for.

Ishani Pant, a second-year student of B.A. (Honours) English at Lady Shri Ram College, believes that there is essentially a quantity versus quality dynamic associated with the choices you make in your first year. She emphasises the fact that over-burdening yourself with mediocre work that you don’t enjoy would lead to a disillusionment about the worth of things. “In reality, everything you do has a great potential to be truly riveting. Unfortunately, as 21st-century freshers, we often fail to discern the difference between worthwhile and tempting WhatsApp messages about some great addition to your CV, and the like,” she asserts.  In all honesty, the approach of experimentation may easily backfire when your superiors see your lack of motivation and quality.

Every person has a drive that guides his/her actions in life. It may not be sudden. It may not even seem to exist inside of you. But your passions are not god-gifted treasures. Studies have revealed that developing and committing to the right kind of interests will eventually create a passion for the work. It is true that exploration and failure are bound to stick with you on this path you have ventured upon. More often than not, taking the time to find what you like doing can change the most arduous decisions of your life.

Feature Image Credits: Girlboss

Anushree Joshi

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Arts & Culture

Lost in Transition, Finding Home Away From Home

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It’s almost unfair that decades of our life must be left behind at once. But transitions don’t announce their gravity. They just pull. If you have ever felt a sinking feeling while stepping into the new building they expect you to call home, then read ahead.

A year ago, at this very time, we weren’t doing the things we are doing right now. A year ago, all of us- the college freshers, were struggling to keep a routine and a life between our school assignments, tests, and extracurricular activities while maintaining a steady relationship with our textbooks. Personally, I remember wanting my last year at school to end quickly. I remember wishing for a miracle to bring the last exam closer. I remember praying for the end so that a new beginning could fall into place.

Yet when it came to walking out the exam hall, wearing the uniform for the last time, it hit me- this is the last time I’m in the same boat as these people who spent six hours a day for a long while with me. It hit me, however glorified, endings are meant to close a part of your life but they seldom close your heart to it. When you enter a new place for the first time, the fear grips- what if you feel new even while leaving the place? The transition is hard on our hearts and minds because we are afraid of never reaching anywhere.

Anura Pareek, a 1st-year student of BA Programme at Lady Shri Ram College, shared the same haunting realisation, “Months leading up to July were spent daydreaming about life at Delhi. Now that I am finally here, there are moments when I want to pack my bags and run back to Ajmer. Leaving family and friends behind is easier said than done. Life at college is so different from school, and not in a good way either. Everyone seems to be so talented, it’s quite intimidating. But I am hoping, soon I’ll find my niche, my safe haven at college.”

This isn’t to say that beginnings are only waving a giant flag of doom or dullness. After being in a system of constant oppression that has taught us to obey unquestionably, a sense of liberation also arrives with a warm cup of tea in college.

Dev Chopra, a 1st-year student at Keshav Mahavidyalaya, opened up with an experience of his own, “I was hanging out with some of my ‘new’ friends in the garden of the college. We were clicking pictures and playing music softly. Whenever somebody passed by- a senior or a teacher, it was an instinct for me to lower the volume significantly. I later realised that this isn’t school. People here don’t seem to be bothered with stuff like this. School has made us so cautious that I still have the fear of ‘getting caught’ doing stuff that doesn’t fit into ‘discipline’.”

Transitions allow us to change, but change is not a really happy process. Everybody wants to be evolved and successful, whatever their parameters of success may be, and yet it is fundamentally difficult to embrace change with open arms. Those who say they didn’t struggle while changing, and it happened in the blink of an eye, they lie.

Shubhit Gaur, a 1st-year student at Symbiosis Law School in Pune, believes that changes hit the hardest in the smallest moments of our day. He says, “You wake up in your bed and there’s nobody to hand you a glass of warm milk. You fetch it for yourself. On some days, I don’t feel like doing it because nobody would know or care that much here. If you’re sick, you’re on your own. After 10 hours at college, you come back to a room which is just the way you left it. You’ve nobody to come home to and then you feel alone. But you also feel stronger when you live through those moments.”

Many others find it hard to connect with people they’ve never known. As kids, it is easy to laugh with somebody, share pencils, fight over tiffin-boxes, and you may get a friend for life. As adults, we all get our guards up and find it hard to trust people. Out of need and loneliness, we may spend time with these new people from our new world. Comparisons between the friends from school and these new ones make things no better. This transition becomes a lesson in acceptance.

We understand the gravity of our privileges when we hear of a Kashmiri girl’s struggles, where she had to fight and resist and thrive harder, just to be walking down the same corridors as us. On some days, it’s important to understand that the thing about things is- they end. This end may hurt or may be the brightest spot in your world. It’s there, nonetheless. On most days, getting out of bed and warming milk for yourself is all the strength you need to believe that this transition would find its home in you, somewhere, somehow.

 

Feature Image Credits: Favim

Anushree Joshi

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Campus Central

What to Fear and What Not to Fear in College

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A college is a place you enter with apprehensions. However, you need not pay heed to all the apprehensions you have in your mind. Filter your fears. Here are a few things that you need to weed out before you throw yourself at the upcoming adventure!

 What not to fear in college

1. Not making friends that are ‘good enough’
You need to stop fearing the possibility of meeting new people and not being able to be good friends with them. Remember that in college, you will meet all kinds of people, with different backgrounds, beliefs, and interests. It may be difficult initially, but you will be able to gel well with at least some of them, eventually. Everyone around you is as apprehensive as you about making friends. You must realise that it is necessary to just be yourself and do your own thing, comfortably.  It is not the time to go looking out for ‘cool’ people to hang out with, though it inevitably happens.

2. To fail, at anything
College is the time when you have the luxury to fail. You are just starting out. You must give yourself the space to fail at things. Failure means, at least, you are trying. At college, you receive new opportunities and you must experience trying them all. Even if you fail, trust us, you’ll have a funny story to laugh at with your friends later.

3. Being “uncool”
When you receive a little freedom in college after school, everyone around you would want to be the “cool” kid. The societal pressure around you will also make you judge yourself based on what you do and what you are. You need to be cool to hang out with that cool gang. It is completely okay to be driven away by the DU fads. However, take time to realise yourself. Do not lose yourself in the middle of those million voices out there. Everything that is cool is not right for you. Remind yourself once in a while how it is completely okay to be different. Be proud of what you do and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

What to fear in college

1. Not taking initiatives
You must fear not taking initiatives at college out of “fear” or laziness. You need to realize that while you are at college, you should focus on contributing to the institution and leaving a little bit of yourself in it. You need to make an impact with the initiatives you take. Don’t be intimidated by the word initiative. It can be as big as beginning a new society in your college and as small as making a revised timetable for your class. The initiatives you take give you a sense of responsibility and can be taken as an opportunity to inspire people. Once out of college, you will not be driven by ‘authorities’ or seniors. You would need to drive yourself to stay in the game. Taking initiatives at the college level will teach you exactly that, even if you start small.

2. Thinking you are here only to study well
If you think you are at a college only to study and score well, fear your thinking. College is very different from school. You can not make your CV look well only with a high-grade point. The CV must entail extracurricular activities in the direction of what you aspire to do in the future. When a company is looking to hire you, they want to see how many initiatives you take, how many positions you can handle at once and what all skills you have learned at different institutions. The recruiters realise that the college in itself cannot give you a wholesome development and that anyone who wants to go beyond the books has practical knowledge and interest needed to do the job well!

3. Letting your apprehensions take over your wishes
This must be your biggest fear! You are going wrong when you let your apprehensions and doubts chain you to inactivity! Everyone has that little voice in their head telling them they can’t do it. But how do you know if you never even try? Take that voice as a challenge rather than a conclusion. This is the time when you can experiment the most. Do what you wish to try. And if you fear to fail then read the above list again!

Feature Image Credits: Daily Mail

Khyati Sanger
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Campus Central

Dealing With Disappointment: University of Delhi Admissions

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Congratulations to those University of Delhi (DU) aspirants who have been admitted to their preferred college and course! However, this article is not directed towards you. This article provides some words of comfort for those aspirants who have been stung by the bee of disappointment.

As the admission season of 2018-19 is starting to wrap up, it seems like an appropriate time to address the admissions’ disappointment for students who weren’t admitted to their desired course and college in DU.

Disappointment Is Natural:

To begin with, you must realize that it is alright to be disappointed: The sting of admissions’ disappointment is never easy to handle. The first step is to sit down and face the rejections you received. Ignoring them or pretending they don’t affect you will most likely catch up with you later. When I realised that the ‘Mother’ is diagnosed with a deadly illness in the TV series ‘How I Met Your Mother’, I had faced such real and stinging disappointment that I had thought it would take me ages to get over the ending. But eventually, I, like everyone else, moved past it and learned to forgive the producers. Likewise, everyone, in due course, gets over the disappointment of not getting into a particular college or course and learn to forgive the Central Board of Secondary Education (CBSE) or any other root cause of the disappointment.

After Heavy Rains, Comes a Rainbow

If you are taking too long to come out of the ‘being disappointed’ phase, think about Brazil getting eliminated at the quarter-final stage for the third time in the football World Cup. After a period of mourning, it is imperative to cheer yourself up with the uplifting thought that you, out of the more than two lac applicants, have made it to DU. While you are sulking for not having been admitted to the desired course and college, 2 lac other students must be disappointed that they didn’t make it to DU itself.

You Carve Your Own Fate In DU

In a phone call conversation with the DU Beat correspondent, Professor at Deshbandhu College Vandana Kaul spoke some wise words, “Whether you are in St. Stephen’s College or Shaheed Bhagat Singh College, what DU has to offer depends on how much you are willing to accept. A person might spend three years in a “good college” and yet not acquire anything from the 3 years of undergraduate study. On the other hand, a person studying in a not-so-prestigious college might have the most stunning takeaway if he/she is dedicated enough. DU as an institution will provide you with a lot of opportunities. How well you utilize this exposure is completely up to you.”

Embrace Your Present College And Course

Arunima Roy, an assistant teacher at Miranda House told DU Beat, “You never know, you might turn out to be miserable at your desired college, but a college which you were not even considering, might actually be the greatest place for you.”

She added, “Students must focus and worry about things over which they currently have control, and not those things over which they don’t. Instead of whining over not getting into your desired college, you should start bracing yourself for life at a different college.”

“Sure, it would be exciting to be admitted to St. Stephen’s or Ramjas or Lady Shri Ram College”, Professor Vandana Kaul remarked matter-of-factly. She went on, “However, you must introspect on the factors that are appealing about those colleges, find those qualities in other colleges, and make the most of where you currently are or what you are currently pursuing.”

Officially Equal

Anshul Rastogi, a DU graduate from Sri Aurobindo College, told DU Beat, “While it would be wishful thinking to say that there are no differences between various colleges of DU, it is true that they are officially equal. The certificate which you secure at the completion of your graduation only mentions that you have graduated from the University of Delhi, and nothing about the college you graduated from.”

Wrong Course: A Disaster?

Realising that you were admitted to a course other than the one you had desired is not enviable, but it is not the disaster that it might have been made out to be. Lucy Buragohain, a student studying in the Department of Sociology in Delhi School of Economics (DSE) told the DU Beat correspondent, “I was pursuing Philosophy (hons) for my under-graduation. While I was dissatisfied with my course, I started preparing for the DSE entrance exam in Sociology. Thus, if you are aiming for higher studies, under-graduation only forms your primary level of study. You can always change your direction in post-graduation.” Since admission to Master’s courses in most universities of the country are based on entrances, changing your course after graduation is even more affable.

 

Feature Image Credits: Veritas Prep

Vaibhavi Sharma Pathak

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Arts & Culture

Book Review: The Happiness Equation

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The Happiness Equation is a Self-Help book published in 2016. It is written by the Canadian author, entrepreneur and public speaker Neil Pasricha who gives science-based secrets to stay happy.

“Want Nothing + Do Anything= Have Everything” reads the slogan of the book titled “The Happiness Equation”. It is a self-help book published by the Canadian author, entrepreneur and public speaker Neil Pasricha who talks about how people fail to stay content with their lives providing science-backed tips and tricks to achieve happiness.

Staying happy is the essential purpose and yet people struggle to do anything but be happy regardless of what they are doing. And this is not just about being financially solvent or well-qualified, people at every level are competing to be better and be happy. This is the basic focus of the book where the author addresses the issue giving reasons as to why people are not happy. Most importantly, the author attempts to answer the question “How to stay Happy?”

There are elements of science and various methods of their applications which can result in finding the solution. Some of them are like the “Ikigai” and the “Saturday Morning Test”. “Ikigai” is a concept followed by Japanese people in a far-off island which translates to “Reason for waking up in the morning”. He wants to convey that having a purpose to wake up every morning can stimulate a person to work and achieving the same at the end of the day can help people stay content. The latter concept is about asking oneself about the things we would like to do if we had no obligation to fulfil. The answer to these simple yet significant questions can help a person understand their needs and interests better.

As to how the book is written, it is unique and catches the eye. Pasricha has mentioned “Nine Secrets to Success” which when discovered can help us answer the question. The mention of different “tests” and concepts intrigue the reader and the content is as helpful. The book is not continuous as in it is not portrayed as a story moving along as the book progresses. The different chapters are more like independent topics that convey a different message with reference to something. It more like a collection of different elements placed together in a single but has been bifurcated on some broad lines.

Personally, apart from the various tips and tricks mentioned in the book, it is the presentation of the book that is particularly helpful to the cause of the book. The book has small chapters that are not bombarded with content; instead, they convey the idea behind the book with simplicity rather than imposing it. Leafing through the pages, one feels very relaxed and enjoys the book rather than being on a mission to unearth some miraculous secret. In fact, because the book is so simply presented, one can connect to the book helping in the assimilation of the lessons given.

Overall, the book can help us understand ourselves better. It provides a different viewpoint of attaining happiness. It is worth the read!

 

Feature Image Credits: Thought Catalogue

Karan Singhania

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Self-help books: How much help do they really offer?

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With catchy taglines and titles, most of the self-help books find it not very hard to attract the attention of a passerby on the book-shelves. The publishing industry has exploited the term self-help and offered a wide variety of advice books from diet and financial happiness to love, relationships and the pursuit of happiness. But do they actually help in achieving this or remain just a ‘feel good’ read which we tend to forget in a week or so remains a question.

Perhaps bestsellers like ‘Who Moved my Cheese’ and “How to Win Friends and Influence Others’ dwell upon the man’s urge for self-improvement by reading out the writings by experts. The authors of these books generally have a high profile platform with a built-in audience and most people buy these books because it’s in vogue. We tend to buy these self help books for dressing our mental wounds but they only serve as a painkiller. They work enough to make you read the next one, but if they really worked, people would fix themselves and the market would disappear.

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It’s often said a good book can change one’s life and self-help books do offer some inspiration and hope. Their ultimate message is clear: If you are dealing with the lock of despair, hope is the key. So, yes, well-thought-out, well-written self-help books can be helpful to just about anyone, but they are absolutely essential to those who are in need of a sudden change. It’s like a revelation that introduces them to a whole new world of possibilities.

Ultimately the key to benefitting from a self-help book evolves from the quest of changing our lives for the better because the stronger our desire to change, the more likely we benefit from any kind of self-help vehicle. But it’s important to remember that merely reading out a self-help book would not garner support for long in true accomplishment of changing selves. It acts like a teaching tool that leads us to the trail of helping yourself by stimulating you to take action.

imagecourtesy:selfimprovementebooks;

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