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A Step Forward but What Next: Same-Sex Marriages in India?

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The possibility of a Gay Judge being appointed to the Delhi High Court is definitely a step forward but what does this mean in the larger context of legalization of civil union of same-sex marriages?

Saurabh Kirpal is still slated to be the first openly gay judge of the Delhi High Court. In a more perfect world, only his qualifications to be a judge would matter and be of any consequence to the nomination board making the decision and the larger body of jurisprudence Kirpal would be serving upon his nomination. His identity as a cis-gendered gay man should be incidental, something to be neither extraneously celebrated nor held against him. Yet it’s hard to deny the suspicion that his nomination, pending 2017, fell victim to his sexuality. It was deferred every year. The government denied the red flags had anything to do with his sexual orientation, and argued that the nomination was denied purely on grounds of security concerns which rose out of the Swiss nationality of Kirpa’s partner Nicolas Germain Bachmann. The concern, which is deeply ironic, also points out two major fallacies in the stance taken by the government.

The concern of a foreign national spouse has never been a cause of concern in the case of Dr. S. Jaishankar whose wife Kyoto Jaishankar is of Japanese nationality. Furthermore the acknowledgement of a national threat being posed by Kirpal’s partner is an inadvertent admission of the existence of a same-sex couples in the higher political echelons of the Indian bureaucracy – something that the government has otherwise been blind to in general as far as the larger public is concerned. It points out the hypocrisy of the stance which acknowledgement same-sex partnership only on grounds of security concerns but denied the possibility of the same when citizens use its existence as a legitimate ground to demand recognition of civil unions between same-sex partners.

In the month of October the Union has told the Court its stance on same-sex marriages by saying that it went against the foundational objective of marital unions – reproduction, which could only be possible if there was a marriage between a biological man and a woman. In the end of November, the same-sex marriage hearings came up before the Delhi High Court yet again and was dimsissed by the court. The petition seeking to legalise the civil union of same-sex partners had sought the same under the Hindu Marriage act, Special Marriage Act and the Foreign Marriage Act. The court argued saying that the same could not be granted under the Hindu marriage Act since same-sex partnership went against the precincts of Hinduism and a secualr state intervention in the issue of religion in a Hindu-majority population state would only be detrimental.

Some observers say India is lucky that it already has a Special Marriages Act that can be used to bypass issues of religion and could be a way to allow same-sex civil marriage. But the government has already made clear that just because homosexual sex was decriminalised it did not mean homosexuality and its anciliiary institutions were being legitimised, thereby keeping recognition of same-sex marraige off the table as far as the Centre was concerned. This brings to light a larger debate concerning the existence of freedoms for citizens without the right to act upon it. Currently owing to the historic decriminalisation of Section 377, homosexuality can no longer be punished by law. However the carrying out of any form of love, if desirous to be resultant in marriage, will not be recognised by the State on grounds of it harming the social fabric of the community at large. Furthermore, the non-existence of acknowledgement of civil unions denies same-sex partners rights to tools of public assistance such as insurance and property rights as well.

But as the case of Kirpal proves, these lines are trickier to navigate than we ever imagine. It was inevitable that the ball would not stop rolling at decriminalisation just because the government drew a line in the sand. Gay people cannot come out of the shadows yet leave their relationships in the closet. One could debate about whether marriage should be the top priority for the movement and whether the whole idea of trying benefits to marriage is outdated but it’s only natural that LGBTQ popeople would want the same rights as everyone else. In fact various trans-rights have criticised the decision to legalise marriage in an atmosphere where the discriminatory Trans Bill still holds sway over the populace as emblematic of the mainstream ueer movements repeated erasure of gender minorities and trans bodies in favour of cis-gendered, upper-class queer folks. Their primary critique being directed at the lawyer duo Arundhati Katju and her partner who have in many ways become the face of the liberation movement at large. While their advocacy intentions are never questioned their prominence as the face of the movement is repeatedly brought to question as they embody the centralisation of cis-gender upper class domination of queer discourses.

Currently the debate around marriage in India is wrapped around symbols and rituals. Does Dabur get to give a lesbian twist to Karva Chauth in an advertisement for skin bleaching products which have been at the receiving end of criticism for more than a year now following moves by brands like Fair and Lovely in changing well established marketing strategies? Can fashion designer Sabyasachi pair a mangalsutra, an ornament that is situated in a historicity of patriarchy and misogyny, with low necklines and suggestive intimacy following being heavily criticised for selling Indian artisanship to western corporate setups? What truly are the politics of a brand like Tanishq showing a Muslim family organising a traditional Hindu baby shower for their Hindu daughter-in-law in a country where the marketing head of the same company, which stands as one of the most reputed in its field, gets death threats on grounds of promoting love-jihaad?

The debate around such questions and scenarios can only be contemplated if one realises that the construction of marriage as a social document is not reductive to mere symbols – objective and metaphorical. Marriage is not only about bindis, mangalsutras and Karva Chauth but more about social acceptance and respectability and accessibility to public resources. Although gay weddings are the rage of the hour as clearly proven by the Telengana marriage reception, basic rights are still denied to same-sex partners. An event of heartbreaking magnitude can be traced back to the pandemic when an NRI married to an American same-sex partner was denied entry into India, although the same rule was relaxed for heterosexual couples of the same order.

As Sandip Ray puts succinctly in a Times Of India editorial with regard to the same,

In the end progress is about these boring things. The first openly gay judge on the Delhi High Court makes for a good news story and will be a point of inspiration for many. It is something to be welcomed but what LGBTQ Indians ultimately need are those joint bank accounts, the health insurance plans, joint custody of children and hospital visitation rights. Just like every other couple.”

 

Read Also
Section 377 – Has anything changed?
A Post-377 World: Is this really Freedom?

 

Anwesh Banerjee

[email protected]

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The 3 P’s of DU Life: Pyaar, Padhai, and Politics

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The three P’s of Student Life of DU- Pyaar, Padhai, and Politics are quite diverse topics on their
own. DU isn’t solely about studies, romance, or political life. It is a synthesis of all of them based on personal preferences.

I was reminded by one of my professors that student life is about the three Ps: Pyaar, Padhai, and Politics, with each student finding their own specific niche. The relationship between DU and its students has even more P’s – Parampara, Pratishtha alongside the former three, but what blends the students’ relationship with the varsity is Pain. Pyaar, Padhai, and Politics are three unique aspects of the life of a DU student. These are three chariots leading the students into their own but different pathways.

The academic life of a DU student is two-fold. Thousands and thousands migrate from their cities and states for receiving their degrees from the most prestigious colleges in the country, but only after coming here do they realize that the external perception of the varsity being only about studies is perturbed by the dawn that majority of the students here lose their academic concerns after the 1 st semester. Students come all dressed up, tidy and neat with books equivalent to the weight of a schoolbag, making it into libraries after regular classes in the freshman year. Then there are also the students who’ve enrolled themselves into a bunch of societies exude all strengths of their bodies and minds, but still turn up to class. Another section straightaway starts going places, exploring the newfound freedom barely showing up to their professors. Slowly as the years pass, classrooms get more empty, and similar to how folks shed their tidy clothes to fit into comfy Pajamas, the Society kids lose their balls of energy to attend classes after hectic running around, practicing, etc tasks. Even the studious UPSC aspirants start skipping college to attend coaching and self-study. Honestly, their stance makes sense as well. Once I eavesdropped on a conversation between two guys in my PG. One was saying, “You know, the real experience of college life comes from having new experiences, not from the routine existence of waking up at 8 in the morning to coming back at 4ish.”

As for examinations, ( most) DU Students don’t study every day but only before the exams. And the outcomes are not that bad, some even went on to be Gold Medalists in the past. It doesn’t mean people don’t study at all. Academics is what generally isn’t preferred much here. People strive to finish analyzing what topic they’re interested in.

“Pyaar” is another aspect that often lingers in discussions about college life. Especially at DU having places like “Lovers Spot” nurtures the cocooned new romantics inside students. The cycle of breaking free from strict authority at home, fuelled by unrealistic expectations from movies, especially Bollywood, creates musings for the new romantics. Also, college is the closest equivalent to the perfect American high school dream for Indian students. Many do find love here, many break up, and some even make it beyond the boundaries of graduation. Most importantly, it is more of a realization that the perfect fairytale love story is next to uncommon in real life and that relationships do require effort, work, space, and understanding (The Katy Perry Way).

When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales, you meet Prince Charming and he’s everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales, the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he’s not easy to spot; he’s really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.

Taylor Swift

 

During my first month in Delhi, an acquaintance of mine said, “Being in a relationship helps fill the void of loneliness and mechanical busyness of life here.” Everyone has a different perspective on love. Clearly, if it’s positive for you, then go for it. But immature relationships often culminate into a lot of hurts when combated.

College politics of DU is a topic of interest, fear, hesitation, and passion for many. The first place
where students get the opportunity to explore their political self to those who come solely for political purposes, assuming positions of power and battling ideologies. Staging protests and raising concerns, is regarded as a vital stage of vigilance by them. There are again people who have ideologies and views on national concerns but do not like to muddle in violent politics for the same. Protesting against unjust and unfair steps taken by the administration, and violence faced by students, this is an essential cry for justice, but not everyone is motivated by the love of justice. Some use these topics as matters of splattering mud over others and clout chasing.

The politics of DU is messy, complicated with unknown motivations and often takes over the education and academics of DU. The threat to being neutral is a lingering question that is quite
debatable. Often, peaceful protests turn into rigorous ones. Even a small infiltration leads to a huge mess—the involvement of cops, media, etc. But for a good cause, it exposes the faulty administration oftentimes. And then there is election politics wherein candidates go to unmeasured lengths to appear as a whitewashed version of the perfect one. The unfiltered side is often motivated by the lust for power, a really positive element turned negative.

The three aspects of student life at DU aren’t completely negative or positive and one isn’t superior to the other. There is a fourth P that lingers around all the former P’s. That is – Pain. The pain of attending classes and juggling societies, the pain of cramming before exams, of assignment
heartbreak pain, the pain of political failure, etc. Student life is about extracting the best lessons out of these.

 

Read Also :Romanticising Short Term Romance and Friendships

Featured Image Credits: Medium

 

Hritwik Pratim Kalyan

[email protected]

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Of Loneliness and Heartbreak

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This June, remember to hold onto your anger and pain as you set out to celebrate your pride. Pride was, never a celebration alone to begin with. It was and will always, remain a fierce riot.

When I joined DU Beat, I was a lost correspondent with too many opinions on Netflix and zero knowledge about graphics ideation. But one thing I knew for sure was that I wished to write stories rooted in my immediate cultural experiences. Stories about people. Stories about students. Stories about queerness.

I never viewed queerness as something that was associated with a sexual identity but rather as something that served as a deviation from a set norm. Queering of narratives, discourses, readings and even something like non-linear documentation of time always interested me. As a marginal figure in my most immediate circles while growing up, I felt the need to understand and by extension empathise with anything that occupied a position of marginality around us.

Ever since I stepped foot into DU, I realised that there are hardly any places more queer than those afforded by educational spaces – where marginal social identities offset hundreds of students from the larger crowd of normal adherence. And such varsity spaces become intersectional convergence points for glorious bonhomie – and sometimes sites of extreme cruelty. Taking pride in visiblising intersectional identities in university spaces like ours are more often than not the share of a privileged few – their economic and social position allowing them affordances most are denied. The same identity that becomes the pride of a select few – comes at a cost for others. For most people of such social minority identities, making common knowledge of your lower caste identity comes at the cost of having your narrative being baited by upper caste saviours, your gender identity becomes a double edged sword in your path of progress and your sexuality a constant site of speculation and amusement for those around you.

But amidst the pride colours, pride watchlists and other glittery extravaganza is the overlooked loneliness of growing up queer. To survive a childhood of conflict with your truest point of self-identification, knowing that perhaps the biggest truth about you will always be held as a questioned truth by those around you and eventually coming to a city this big and finding yourself lost amidst a sea of unknown faces – each presenting to you hierarchies of power previously unknown to you. You are immediately swept into a whirlwind of heterosexual college romances, and your heart yearns for that singular same-sex romance that you only see in your annual token queer Netflix romantic comedy and before you know it you have set sail on the flood-prone waves of the hookup culture. Eventually your life is a string of making your way from one bed to another, from looking for ‘spots’ and asking for ‘places’.

But every year in June, corporations and allies around you urge you to forget this language of heartbreak and make you drown in their definition of a glitzy celebration of queerness. To all those queer souls lost this Pride month – to you I say, remember Pride began as a protest, a riot to be precise. Take the anger in your heart and hold onto it – for being queer comes at great pain of surviving a staunchly heterosexual society. To all the allies planning your next pride march, make sure to administer a consensual hug to the next queer you meet this month – queerness is a struggle with loneliness and for all your good intent some loneliness of the self that will take this community an entire life to overcome.

Anwesh Banerjee

[email protected]

 

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Valentine’s Day and the Gay Bestfriend

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The trope of the gay bestfriend is a painful reminder of the constant alienation of the queer community, especially on days like Valentine’s Day when queer baiting temporarily peaks. Read on for a personal piece on the same.

Valentine’s Day sucks. Not because I am single and perpetually heartbroken. But because I am gay. But then as per normative standards of viewing gayness I am not visibly queer enough for most folks. I don’t colour my hair or sport multiple piercings and there are no rainbow motifs around my social media handles (although not going to deny the presence of veiled hints for those wishing to look really hard). My wrist isn’t limp (you have childhood trauma to thank for that) and my clothes are more indie than unicorn dazzle. And hence the presence of women around me becomes a point of deep intrigue for those viewing me from afar.

Valentine’s Day sucks because being the gay best friend is tiring. We live in a world where the comfort of intimacy is only supposed to be sought in engaging in intercourse with a stranger you met on an app you downloaded two hours ago because you were drunk on your fifth shot at a friend’s housewarming party. Any sort of intimacy, specially of a physical nature, must be relegated to the realm of sexual because people in today’s world have simply forgotten the peace that is to be had in the romance of friendship.

Valentine’s Day sucks because a girl hanging out with a girl in a park is a sight for people to turn around and stare and engage in conjecture. See how they are leaning in pretending to talk? Whispers that follow you to the corner of cafes where over cups of hazelnut latte one can hear admonishing comments on grazing fingers and hands that seek to touch and put the arms as an expression of joy and happiness. There is no respite to be found in the conclusion that friendships are a romance of their own kind. To love someone so deeply and completely so as to forsake the expectations of any physical or carnal fulfilment of that love is to truly be in the presence of a love that is supreme and essentially fulfilling.

Valentine’s Day sucks because cafes across the city offer discounts on love that can be capitalised. It isn’t enough anymore for Yash Raj to earn millions when Rahul promises to love Nisha for the rest of his life while a thousand people cry in the darkness of the cinema theatre. Love must be sold tangible – through discounts and offers inscribed on menu cards and shopping banners. But these aren’t all that comes our way. Extra offers are deliciously reserved if you are queer and can bring with yourself a same-sex lover because your love is just a means to fuel the system that encashes the most fundamental and necessary of all human emotions.

Valentine’s Day sucks because it is painfully lonely to be the one man in your nearby vicinity who is proud enough to be out there – only to become a transit point for the rite of passage sexual awakening of all the queer closeted men around you. Men who use you precisely like a transit point, to never turn back and look upon once the transition is undisturbed and over with.

Valentine’s Day sucks because to be the gay best friend is to beg people to realise that you are more than just a Gucci handbag for people to sling onto their arms and strut around – claiming your space for their wish-fulfiment fantasies. You are more than an accessory to adorn the sorry lives of people, you are more than just the reductive heternormative gaze that breaks and splits you down to your tiniest atoms and you are more than your community which makes you guilty of always just not being enough.

Valentine’s Day sucks because people around you fail to realise that beneath all your pointed laughter and printed linens, very few people understand – looking at the million dazzling Valentine Day adverts – that the difference between alone and lonely shall perhaps always remain lost in translation.

 Anwesh Banerjee

[email protected]

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Where is Love in India?

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Isn’t it ironic to see the romantic confessions made within those four walls fall silent in public when all you want to do is scream about how much that person means to you? Seems quite perplexing. Read to find out more.

Since time immemorial, India has existed in a constant state of “Log Kya Kahenge?”. From when we were students in a school to now when we are students in a college, Indian teenagers and young adults have washed their hands off the freedom of individualistic romance in a very paradoxical sense. When we talk about romantic relationships— specifically relationships that exist outside the rigidly set arranged marriage norms— we attract uninvited wrath, not just from our immediate family (who could be believed to be just showing their concern for us), but also from our extended family, the neighbours, and society in general. Ironically enough, in India, the number of people concerned about your life and choices is almost always more than the people you know.

Our generation has constantly been trying to address concerns like sexuality or sex-positivity in our homes and our families when most of them aren’t even able to accept the concept of emotional attachment beyond the platonic. How do we even get ourselves to talk about PDA’s problem (or lack) in India when affection in a very private setting is also shunned?

Society acts as if we live inside a typical Bollywood cinematic experience where we can only subscribe to a single stereotypical character trope. This complexity leads to most young adults in India leading a double life (and no, it isn’t as glamorous as it sounds). One personality is donned when in familial circles, around people who might gossip. Then that same gossip gets delivered right to your home, another which is the true manifestation of your realities and desires and freedom, the one that rarely gets to show itself.

In Indian households you just condition yourself to be okay with dealing with relationship problems or heartbreaks alone because you CAN NOT talk to your parents about it. It’s not only about society’s judgement, but a major part is just the judgement and shame you get from your own family. It just ends up making things so suffocating.” –a first-year student, anonymous (case in point).

This emotional and mental stress an individual has to go through, not because of the relationship itself, but the ensuing lack of acceptance and the shame attached to it, becomes the seed of more significant issues— self-doubt, anxiety, depression (Dr Nair to The Swaddle); but the problem is not limited to this. This rigidity and retrogression trigger an even bigger issue— the direct involvement of society. 

 

Valentine’s Day is seemingly the best opportunity to let your partner hold your hand and walk by your side. Yet, for some, the agenda of that day is far away from the thoughts of adoration. While it is believed that love has no religion and is free of any biases, some states in the country have certainly overruled this belief. For starters, the infamous “Love Jihad” law or the UP (Uttar Pradesh) Vidhi Virudh Dharma Samparivartan Pratishedh Adyadesh 2020 (prohibition of unlawful religious conversion) states that a marriage will be considered null and void if the sheer purpose of that marriage was to change the girl’s religion. Rather than being guided by the thought of protection, this law sows the seeds of injustice. There is no concrete evidence to support this heinous act, but it is merely an act perpetrated by the “Hinduistic” feelings. Under this law, the Lucknow police got the authority not to let Raina Gupta and Mohammad Asif cherish their togetherness even when the families agreed. The Muslim community of the country is already under religious persecution. Yet, not only are they getting harassed under the law, but the interfaith couples who were married long before its enactment are subjected to a questionable amount of harassment. Apart from UP, this law is present in Madhya Pradesh, and Uttarakhand, Haryana, and Karnataka have expressed their intentions to follow the same path.

If this law seems too much to digest, then what would be your thoughts on Hindu far right-wing groups who target couples, especially on Valentine’s day, and resort to violence to teach them a lesson for their “unacceptable” act of love in the public eye? These anti-valentines day groups believe in the “saintly” power that marriage holds, and it is an “offence” to indulge in “love” or “physical relation” before it. If these groups find someone who opposes this mindset, they resort to violence to make it “right.” It has become a tradition for the groups like Bajrang Dal, Sri Ram Sena, Shakti Sena, or Bharat Sena to punish people indulging in acts of love that, according to them, belong behind closed doors. The Hindu Sena had previously issued a notice in Delhi stating that if they caught any couple indulging in obscenity, they would be handed to the police. Meanwhile, the Hyderabad unit of Bajrang Dal, the youth wing of Vishwa Hindu Parishad (VHP) (group formed by Rashtriya Swayamsevak Samiti (RSS), the parent group of Bharatiya Janata Party) gave out the statement that if they found any couple wandering, they will be given a lecture on patriotism.

 

The irony is that people are said to be free yet are expected to act “cowardly.” People become embodiments of coward demons, and when we say the word “demon,” we imagine longhorns, red skin, a trident in their hand; so why have we resorted to such a distorted version of emotions? Why have we chosen to demonise love?

 

Ankita Baidya & Manasvi Kadian

 

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[email protected]

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With Love, Your (Annoying) Daughter

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An open letter to the most important woman in my life. 

Hi Mom, 

I write this letter to you as you sit on the couch watching this really shitty Bollywood rom-com with me and dad, complaining why neither of us is paying attention to the movie. There’s light summer breeze blowing from the balcony right into the room right on your face- you look so beautiful- and my heart is swelling from the quiet happiness of these harmless familial jabs. But as you chide us for not being attentive enough, I laugh at the sheer thought of emotions this letter is going to make you feel.

I remember being 7 and telling you about the boy I used to fight with all day at school. I, then, remember being 10 and finding my afternoon cartoons more interesting than our conversations. I also remember being 13 and absolutely hating talking about myself because you just didn’t seem to understand what I was saying and then I remember being 16 and taking baby steps towards understanding you- and understanding us. 

If you ask anyone about what defined our relationship, they’d say our arguments. And honestly, they’d be right. If there has been one constant throughout the years as I’ve grown up, it is the way I’ve never stopped arguing with you. As an 8-year-old, it used to be about dal and playtimes. As a 19-year-old, it’s about my lazy routines and your constant nagging. despite how much they exasperate me at times, it is these arguments that have made me what I am today; they remind me I shouldn’t settle for less and speak my mind. There’s no way I would be able to do that without them. You know (you really do know) I suffer from a lack of ability to verbalize my emotions properly- I’d rather shut them down and never talk about it. An ability I’ve inherited from dad, it is these arguments with you that have gently made it easier for me to speak freely. 

I know it has been very hard to understand me when I was younger, and I am so sorry about that. I remember being 14 and so angry at you for not getting me- In hindsight, I realize I was growing and changing too fast to understand these changes myself, there’s absolutely no way you could’ve understood me. I also remember being so jealous- your conversations with my elder cousins were full of comfort and understanding- something I yearned to be a part of. But as I wasted my early adolescence being angry at you, I forgot somewhere I needed to understand you too. 

Funnily enough, for as much as you scold me and I defy you, you’ve never scolded me about the important things- you’ve always let me arrive at my own conclusion (after passing some disappointed looks, which, to be honest, are fair enough) and been there for me as I correct those. And it is always these moments that make my heart ache with the desire to make you and dad proud of me. Since I could never thank you verbally for raising me the way you do, it is only by my actions I can assure you that I really am grateful for how you’ve raised me. 

I see your glimpses in me more as I grow up- in the way I go all out for people I love like you, the way I deeply prioritize my emotions over everything else, the way I like everything organized a certain way (even if it is not the way you want) and the way my cheekbones sit on my face. I see your glimpses in me in all these little moments of my life and I can never truly think what to make of them. These days though, I’ve been feeling so much happier and prouder about them. 

Now, as I sit in front of you at 19 at this very moment, it seems you’ve moved on from the rom-com and are now describing your and dad’s marriage story. There’s nothing more adorable than listening to you talk about it and there’s nothing warmer than the knowledge that I finally get to be on the receiving end. Despite all my complaints, and our argument today morning, I know we understand each other so much better by now, and it feels great. 

Mom, thank you for being the person you are. Thank you for letting me be the person I am. And of course, all of that amazing food.

Love, 

Your (very annoying) daughter

Featured Image Credits: Dhaka Tribune

Satviki Sanjay

[email protected] 

 

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Transition of Love: Then vs Now

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Nineteenth century called and they want their classics back because contemporary culture has no room for them, or wait, do they?

After ample endeavours by countless people who desired to comprehend love let’s just add a marginal attempt to give that pursuit a whirl. With time the construct of our perception of love has changed. A chronocentric argument which is often contrived is that love of the older days was more meaningful than what it is today.

A connoisseur of classics would perhaps by all means list the nineteenth century Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, which bewitched us body and soul, on the top. What sets this novel apart is its rebellious narrative axised around love to counter class hierarchy and associated pride. It was not just love but the struggle of love in those times. The fallacy of the aforementioned argument lies in the reduction of it to battle great art set in times to counter Orthodox but with the layer to suit the likes of generational battle where older times of classical culture has to be viewed in superlative forms. If you make it boomer versus millennial, you my friend have digressed. Great contents on love have emerged in those times and still continue to surface up. Of Course deterioration also happens but absoluteness of disgrace for expression of love in today’s time comparatively is not acceptable.

From Mir Taqi Mir’s composition, “Dil laga ho jo jee jahaan se uthha maut ka naam pyaar ka hai ishq” to the twenty first century extracted quatrain from Vikram Seth’s poem, ‘Through Love’s Greatest Power,’

“To sneer at love, and wrench apart

The bonds of body, mind and heart

With specious reason and no rhyme:

This is the true unnatural crime” we have come a long way. These two expressions of love are so dynamic yet so beautiful and far from ordinary.

But ordinary love also has a charm of its own.” After all, I am also just a girl, pretending to not like clichéd flicks, secretly hoping to have one for my own.” It’s already an achievement that chick flicks are somewhat considered guilty pleasures and not normalised to be constructed into a reality.

Clinking teacups in London or gulping Bordeaux in France, the backdrop of the falling sunset, beverage and in love in the bourgeois public sphere has been romanticised enough.

So where did we fall short between Faiz’s notion of mohabbat (love) and answering if, ‘is it better to speak or die?” (Dialogue:Call me by your name) on celluloids?

The answer lies in popular culture. Mass reproduction of ideas of say Shakespeare or resorting to making of remixes rather than original compositions or making raps which demean some socially deprived groups have been sold and deemed successful which is problematic. A movie director spews that if you don’t have the liberty to slap each other and be violent with each other then he sees no LOVE there. On the contrary another movie surfaced which debunked f the myth that in the name of love you are not given the license to domestically abuse your own wife.

Love for God is used to justify honor killings and ignite riots to cause social unrest. Such normalisation of violence and other social evils in the name of love is problematic.

Expressions of love over the years through art has widened the horizon for how far reaching it actually is. This expression defines the transition which love faces over a period of time surviving Orthodox, archaic elements, tokenism, false glorification and plurality.

Feature Image Credits: New Indian Express

Umaima Khanam

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Are Relationships Really That Important?

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Popular culture and social media can’t get enough of love and significant-others, but are relationships really that important? 

Love and relationships have been celebrated everywhere in the world, mostly to an unhealthy extent. The entertainment industry and the media have been the biggest players in glorification of messages like “love will find a way” or “love is all you need.” They paint a pretty picture as they go on to associate a happy life with romantic relationships. But, there is a need to investigate the pressure that amounts on individuals, when it comes to finding love or “the one”.

Nobody ever talks about how important it is to be comfortable with your own self. We are made to believe that we are unlovable up until we find a significant other. Nobody ever talks about the toxicity, insecurities, jealousy, fights that come with relationships. Bhavya, a student of Daulat Ram College opines, “A healthy relationship, no doubt, supplements one’s growth and plays a monumental role towards keeping oneself happy. But this does not mean that one forget their individuality and sense of self.”

We often strive to find “the one” romantically, but nobody tells us that it is absolutely okay to love single-hood. Nobody tells us that it is completely okay if you do not have a partner. In addition to this, the entertainment industry thrives on heteronormativity. Ayushi, a student of SGTB Khalsa College states, “Every love story somehow has a happy ending, and every love story is heteronormative, indulging us to believe in the fact if we are single, there is something wrong with us.”

The society has instilled this fear of being alone within us and it is so deep-rooted that we fail to identify the indirect effects it has on us as individuals. Being single is so much better than being in a relationship in a plethora of ways. Relationships tend to take a toll on you if they are not going your way. You will have plenty of time at your disposal if you are single. Most of all, there is no relationship drama and you can focus your undivided attention on yourself. 

Feature image credits- Thir.st

Suhani Malhotra

[email protected]

 

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Arts & Culture

Defining Love in Different Forms

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Attachment, fondness, or desire? Let us try looking at love from different perspectives. Let’s attempt to define love. 

Defining Love Graphic Aishwaryaa

 

Graphic Image Credits: Aishwaryaa Kunwar for DU Beat

Graphic Image Caption:  Definition of Love according to dictionaries.

In school years, love was a feeling when nothing else mattered. With no real experience to this point, it was often just an attraction. That one glance from someone you loved, had the capacity to make your day. Looking back at it as an adult, now, you may find it amusing. But you know how it felt back then. Growing up you realize that it can be more than just a feeling. You discover desires and expectations through one or many ‘real’ relationships. You might have mistaken the feeling of falling in love with the action of losing yourself to someone. As we grow old, we start defining the feeling according to our own convenience. We decide when it’s love and when it’s not.

Celebrated as the day of love and expression, Valentine’s Day, for the longest time was only about the cis-gender. It would ostracize different identities, pushing unnecessary gender norms. Of course, not anymore. Couples are now celebrated with more diversity across the spectrum. Female friendships and relationship independence are popularly celebrated as Galantine’s Day. Love is a choice, but alongside all the social emphasis on romantic and sexual relationships, we alienate the space for aromantic and asexual people – who don’t experience any such attraction. While we de-centre heteronormativity from our idea of what love should look like, we consider romance and sex as obligatory.

When it comes to ways that human beings can experience love, we forget the incredible amount of diversity that exists. Individuals who identify themselves as aromantic or asexual do not experience romantic or sexual affinity respectively. This is widely misunderstood, given the lack of media representation, ignorance of people, and invisibility from forums like sex education.

A Delhi University student on the assurance of anonymity, says, “My sister is apparently ‘woke’. She would often talk about being ‘out and proud’. But when I came out to her, I was told that I haven’t found the right person yet and that eventually, I would come around to the idea of sex and romance, of course, irrespective of gender.”

“So, what if I’m aromantic, I still get attracted to people if they look good or we share something in common – music or movies. It is rather platonic, she says.

Talking about platonic love, Priyanshi, a second-year media student, says, “As a third-grader, I remember wishing my teacher a Happy Valentine’s Day and she had scolded me. I thought about what was wrong with that; I just wished someone I loved. Instead, she asked me to not engage in any such nonsense.”

Love can be redefined as admiration towards someone may be because of common interests or emotional connection. People who get along have an understanding between themselves opening ways to the many facets of human experience. Why limit it to just attraction? All relationships and experience are worth celebrating.

Open your minds to accepting and creating new definitions of love. Do not let outdated tropes constrain your understanding of what love looks like.

 

Aishwaryaa Kunwar [email protected]

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Mastering the Art of Third-Wheeling

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Third-wheeling is considered an art whereby one learns to be comfortable with oneself in some cases. They call it third-wheeling because you stabilise their terrible relationship.

Third-wheeling is a skill that only a few can expertise in. It comes from the analogy of a tricycle, wherein two wheels are happy at the back; meanwhile, the third wheel is a lone rider just casually hanging out with the couple as an awkward plus one. Moreover, Valentine’s Day is a considerably harder time for all the third wheelers out there. The duo seems to be more involved in each other all of a sudden, and the third-wheels have no choice but to put on a happy face and click pictures for the couple. Being the third wheel teaches you a lot about life as a whole, and you have your couple friends to thank for that.

First, they give you instructions as to how to be in a relationship like a normal, sane human being. They give you real-life demonstrations about the dos and don’ts of a relationship. Second, if you end up doing something insane, you have your two idiots to console you with their own stories. In addition to this, you get to use your diplomatic skills to solve their fights and act as a tie-breaker. Third wheelers offer stability to their pals’ relationships. Also, you get to be a part of their inside jokes, that are hilariously comforting. Essentially, third-wheeling involves walking behind the couple on a sidewalk, and not having to share your food with anyone. People often think that you can’t find a date or you awkwardly cling to the couple because you do not have a choice, but that is not always the case. Worst case scenario, if your friends in relationships make you feel unwanted, confront them and make them feel horrible about it. Make the best out of this situation and make them pay for your food. This is the least they could do for you.

Being the third-wheel, also gives you many golden opportunities to brush up your photography skills. Clicking pictures for the duo is fun and you could always jokingly tell them to pay you for their photos. Being the occasional photobomber does not sound too bad either. Many people claim that third-wheeling is like being the couple’s child, and, they love every minute of it because for them, their so-called mom and dad are their best pals and spending time with them is a privilege. Take advantage of the couple and ask them to set you up with one of their friends. The least they could do for you is be a supportive wing-person. To be honest, the stigma surrounding singularity and the constant need to find a significant other, is a result of society’s excessive focus on marriage as an institution. Being in a relationship sounds wonderful, but it has its downsides too, which seem to go unnoticed. If your friend and their partner invite you to hang out with them, try not to get your awkwardness in the way while getting to know them.

Third-wheeling is an art because you get to offer advice, clean up their mess, learn from them, provide stability to them, and lastly, third-wheels get to become the children and, hijack the romance of couples. Third-wheeling is extremely fun because of the invasion of privacy you get to indulge in. However, if you ever get the feeling that you are not welcomed in a setting that your friend and their partner invited you to, and they are not paying any attention to you, the best option is to escape and grab a cup of coffee. Third-wheeling is a bizarre experience altogether, and especially when you have to be the third-wheel on Valentine’s Day, or otherwise known as the most romantic day of the year. Your friend and their significant other may be considerate about inviting you on their date, but nobody would be happy to be in that position honestly. Tejasvi Mohan, a student of Lady Shri Ram College stated,“Valentine’s Day is overrated and third-wheeling with a couple makes it much more worse, and I hope nobody ends up in that position ever.”

Feature Image Credits: Reddit

Suhani Malhotra

[email protected]

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