A fresh bowl of a ruined semester is one of the most historical dishes of University of Delhi, passing from one batch to another as a legacy. Here is an easy to learn instant recipe to acheive your own ruined semester.
Cooking Time: 6 months
Cal: An average CGPA
Ingredients:
- Previous Semester’s Grade
- Procrastination- 8 Cups
- Scrolling on Social Media- 3 Cups
- Bunking Sessions
- Proxies (optional)
- Failed Mass Bunks
- Feelings for Crush
- YouTube Videos
- Netflix (according to spice tolerance)
- Societies’ sessions
- Fest season
- Kasol trip (skip this step if impossible)
- Guilt Trip
- Tears
- Previous Years’ Papers
- Coffee
- False Promises (suggested garnish)
Method:
- Take a pan and sauté the previous Semester’s Grade with undivided focus, add 2 tbsp of free periods spent in the library. Let it burn. Empty the residue at the back of your head.
- Take another pan to add 8 generous cups of procrastination, mix it with 3 cups of frequent scrolling on Instagram, Facebook and WhatsApp. Let the mixture cook for 5 ½ months. (Caution: it may lead to allergic reactions like insomnia and lack of concentration during lectures. This may even compel you to miss your lectures scheduled at 8:45 am.)
- Grind a few innocent bunking sessions, adding a few drops of pleasant proxies might make the substance addictive in nature. Dry roast failed mass bunks and add it to render slight bitterness. Grind it till a paste is formed having a thick consistency. Add this paste to the pan. Let it cook on medium heat.
- At this point empty the newly developed feelings for your crush into a bowl. Marinate it with 2 cups of casual feed checks, several drops of attempts to start a conversation and a pinch of heart-burning. Take a smaller bowl and add romantic hypothetical situations along with 100 grams of cheesy pick up lines for a peculiar texture. Whisk as hard as you can till the emulsion starts bubbling. Now slowly drizzle 2 cups of realization that your crush is in a 3 years old relationship. Transfer the emulsion into the marinade and let it rest.
- Add earphones in a large skillet or pot (select a suitable size according to the time taken for you to reach home) over medium-high heat. When sizzling, add YouTube videos to taste. Stir occasionally. One may add mid-week Netflix binge-watching sessions according to their spice tolerance.
- Check the pan and stir it with a ladle to avoid the mixture from sticking to the bottom like your professors’ expectations from your assignments. Generously add society meetings, double the number of society meetings if you are in the dramatics society, further add deadlines and workload. Cut your soul into two halves, chop one of the two halves finely and sprinkle it for aesthetic beauty. Add the other half if you are organizing any fest.
- Transfer the contents of the pan into the pot. Let the sauce heat and flow over.
- Turn on the “mid-semester break” exhaust when a pungent smell is observed. Take a break from the kitchen and go for a Kasol trip with friends. Now, remember about the fourth step and let your heart sink. Alcohol consumption may reduce heartburn.
- As soon as you start feeling alive, turn off the exhaust. At this point, you will realize that the kitchen is burnt. It is time to start all over again.
- Repeat step 1-7 and fail miserably.
- Take the last skillet available, place it on high heat and add 3 tbsp of semester date sheet, this may cause choking and loss of senses.
- Frantically add 100 slices of guilt trip, a generous number of tears and finely chopped previous years’ papers. Stir vigorously and add infinite cups of coffee for better results.
- Garnish with false promises of hard work for the next semester. Serve when hot and burns self-confidence.
Feature Image Credits: Aditi Gutgut
Priyanshi Banerjee
