Dear Amma, I have been in a relationship with my man roughly for two years now and I really want to try erotic spanking with him but, I just do not know how to convey it to him. I have a fear of making him feel grossed out or getting judged as a masochist. What shall I do Amma?

Oh my dear idli,

Amma also in her days of youth with her hormones raging like boiling sambhar felt an urge to try everything. Coming out from the chachh of nostalgia, my little macchhi, first of all, calm down.I want to assure you that there is nothing to feel grossed out regarding your desire. My spicy idli, spanking can range from being something fun and flirty to being severe and painful. Your choice completely depends on what fits best for you and your Vada.

Now, coming to your issue of conveying it to your vada, see idli just like in every other sexual activity, consent of both the partners is the most important. Do not be afraid to open up to your lover, remind yourself it’s just him, be honest and open about everything you have in your mind. Try creatinga spicy mood and then proceed by asking about his wildest fantasies, and then slowly and gradually reveal yours. Who knows, he might replace the common coconut chutney with the same tangy tamarind. But keep one thing in mind, if he snorts his nose or wrinkles his forehead or you smell any kind of judgmental vibe after revealing your true self, then let me tell you idli, your Vada is not as crisp as you think it is.

Another thing you should keep in mind is machhi, that if anywhere in between you think the pain, instead of giving you pleasure is inflicting tension and depriving you of your comfort, don’t shy away from stopping your partner then and there. So, enough of information, now go ahead and let the spanks add spices to your sambhar making it taste the Heaven and don’t forget to tell the entire tale to your Amma.

(Write to Sex Amma at sexamma@ dubeat.com to get all your queries about sex answered.)

Sex Amma

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Dear Amma,

In my 19 years of life, I haven’t really had sexual feelings for anyone. I don’t even feel like being particularly romantic with anyone. Does this make me incapable of love?


Dear Macchi

First of all, what you’re feeling right now is perfectly normal and it definitely does not make you incapable of love. It isn’t necessary for you to be sexually or even romantically attracted towards anyone. I hope you’re acquainted with the concept of “Asexuality”. It is a sexual orientation which basically signifies a lack of sexual attraction towards others. Within this asexuality spectrum fall the “aromantics” or “aros”. An aro refers to any individual who experiences little or no romantic attraction.

Now that I have familiarised you to these sexual identities, let us come back to your problem. Not being able to feel sexually or romantically for another individual doesn’t mean you cannot love them at all. We all feel platonic and familial love for those who really matter to us, be it our friends or our family.

I understand, my little idli, that when you look around at people falling in love, it might appear all beautiful and delightful. You may feel afraid or worried that you may never experience that happiness and might just feel a little left out. But I want you to understand that romantic love isn’t everything. It is often considered that romantic love is a level following platonic love. But, I believe they’re just two different kinds of love that are equally powerful in their respective spectrums.

So instead of viewing romance as something better than platonic love, try perceiving the two as equal. Try channeling your energy, that one would put into a romantic relationship, towards your platonic relationships. Embrace your friendships, dear chutney, and love your friends with the power they deserve. Because at the end of the day, love is love, be it someone you have sex with or someone who had sex and came to you first to talk about it.

I will leave you with my final suggestion. Try to not box yourself under any one identity. Feel free to explore and do not shy away from new experiences. After all, life is short and love is for everyone!

Sex Amma

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Dear Amma, I’m a college student and I live with my parents. It’s very difficult for me and my girlfriend (who also lives with her folks) to find places to get it going. Please suggest some places where we can go to make out or take it a bit further, if you know what I mean.

Uff my desperate little machhi! If you lived in the greenery of my sweet Kerala, you would have no worries for you could go boating in the backwaters! And my naive idli, I always know what you mean!

But, talking about Delhi, Amma has stolen kisses in the stairs of abandoned buildings. The third floor of Rugby Sevens in the North Campus is a great place, if ever you get a chance to go in. It’s normally deserted, but you might find a dog or occasional person there, so you might have to make a run for it, but it’s mostly safe. If your parents have endowed you with a car, make use of it, or just borrow a friend’s car. Got some friends living in PGs? Ask them for a favour. Make use of the terrace at your place, or hers. Elevators are a world-renowned making-out spot. Then there’s always that deserted movie hall you could go to! Go have fun, you little honey-buns!