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Sex Amma on Emotional (Un)availability

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Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

 

Question: I am physically attracted to someone but he is emotionally attached. What to do?

My dearest Kanna,

Isn’t this the ultimate conundrum of life? You fall for people who aren’t even available to fall for you. And no, it isn’t your fault. As they say, “pyaar soch samajh kar nhi kiya jaata… bas ho jata h.” The silver lining to your misery? That it is only physical attraction. Trust amma, you don’t want to find yourself in the raita that is love.

Well, amma also has her teaching moments. You know how they say “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,” right? Well, that’s true kanna, but if their beauty is the only thing that has you attracted to them, it can’t go further than your regular short-term fling (obviously with a side of emotional baggage that you would be left with).

Imagine this person and take away their sundarta and all that physical beauty that has you attracted to them. What are you left with? Just an emotionally unavailable person, my dearest. Even if you could have them, they can’t give you the love that you deserve. And let me tell you dhono, you deserve so much more love than this world can even hold.

So if you listen to your amma, don’t wait around for them. They are pining over someone else and you deserve to not pine over them. Regardless of what you are looking for—a short winter fling, a one-night stand, or just someone to share a cup of chai with in this dilli ki sardi, this person is probably not going to be that for you anytime soon.

Go on out and download those dating apps, or talk to new people if you want that old romance, but don’t wait around for a story that might not even happen. Put yourself out there, be clear about what you want, communicate, and find someone who wants you in the same way that you want them. And kutty, save yourself from the raita just waiting to be spilled.

 

Love, 

Amma. 

 

Want to ask Amma a query? Mail it to [email protected].

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sex amma

Sex Amma on Starting Conversations

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Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

 

Question: How to start a conversation with a random girl you like?

My dearest,

“Man is by nature a social animal,” said some great man (pardon my memory with names kanna) but I believe they forgot to package us with an instruction manual on how to actually be social. I see you kids tick-ticking on those phones of yours while you sit in the same rooms and at the same tables. I see you not talking and then crying over how you have no one to talk to. But that isn’t it, is it? Back when I was young, then also these people had no idea how to approach someone. Well, what are you to expect from a generation whose movies tabooed even kissing (oh, those poor violated flowers).

But you young kids of the new generation have it so much better. Things are so much more open and talked about now. So frankly, the only thing I can tell you is that the only way to have a conversation is to just have one. Although kutty, don’t be one of those creeps who just won’t take a no for an answer or leave. When you do approach someone, remember the three Rs: Respect, Realize, and Retreat (if required)— respect their space, their time, and most importantly, their response; realize if the conversation is not going in the direction you wanted it to or if you’re making them uncomfortable; and please, please don’t come off as a hyperactive serial killer but just retreat if they don’t seem okay with the conversation. 

I know these Bollywood movies taught you uski na mein bhi haan hai but trust me when I say that’s not the case. Everyone appreciates a compliment. Everyone appreciates respect. Lead with that. Know your limits and theirs. Don’t do anything amma won’t approve of. I know it takes a lot of guts to talk to your one true love (of the moment) but you don’t want to leave them emotionally scarred for life. 

So live, laugh, love, do whatever you want, but just don’t do it at the expense of others. Remember kanna, life is short but you aren’t going to find the love of your life by being chep.

Love, 

Amma. 

 

Want to ask Amma a query? Mail it to [email protected].

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sex amma

Sex Amma on Friendships and Toxic “Love”

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Sex amma

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

 

Question: My best friend is getting into a very toxic relationship and somehow she can’t see it. Do I make peace with it or should I go beyond my way to stop her, because it is affecting our friendship?

My dearest idli,

Maturity comes both with age and experience, but in relationships there is no real expertise and you might make new mistakes every time. For starters, give your bestie, a suitable space to have her own opinions. There is no problem between two friends that cannot be solved without talking, so have a serious chit-chat session over chai or hot chocolate. Be open towards hearing her opinion and also try to understand her stance as to why this relationship is so important to her. Instead of focusing on your perspective of the relationship, try to see how she perceives it.

Your Amma would always tell you to let out the feelings. Keeping things bottled up would only make you feel nauseous and uncomfortable. So, try to confront her about your feelings and understand her point of view. I know, it is often difficult to directly express your feelings, but believe me kanna, it’s the best solution to get out of any mess. There is no mess that can’t be cleared with a heartfelt conversation along with good food and coke. Don’t make the same mistake as me of creating an ego wall and acting all cool with a no-fucks-given attitude. Take my word, it only makes things worse.

If even after this serious conversation, she can’t see the “toxic” side, it is for you to understand, my dear macchi, that you can’t take over the decisions of her life. It is ultimately on her to understand the dynamics of her relationship. You can simply be there for her. But being there is very different from being a “nosy” friend. I know, my kutty, that you are worried about her but we can’t impose our opinions on others. I think this is the best thing I have learnt from Gen Z, the concept of giving space, to realise and to learn. So don’t stress yourself out, you won’t lose your friend with your words. Trust the process and trust your friend (even if that means trusting things you don’t approve of).

Love,

Amma. 

 

Want to ask Amma a query? Mail it to [email protected].

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Features

To Second-Years, Please Listen

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Here’s a note from our Editor-in-Chief for the second-year students as they shed their layers of freshness to enter the second year; with (in) experience.*

With the hump of an adventurous (read: chaotic) first year coupled with the exhilaration and exhaustion that college life brings, congratulations on making it to the second year. Hurray! I know it has been tough for each of you with unlearning age-old habits and stepping into an entirely new realm of customs, traditions, and most importantly, individuals. I’m glad to see you doing the best you can. I’m proud of you.

I would be lying if I said that the second year would be more or less similar to the first year. No. For every student irrespective of the differences that exist, the second year would arrive at your doorstep with an eerie silence followed by a thunderstorm. You’ll find yourself trapped in the cage of stress, all thanks to the curriculum consisting of five subjects along with the rat race to expand your LinkedIn profile. Because, well, college is all about hustling, right? No matter how much I want to disagree but this is the sad reality. Experiencing a burn-out will be inevitable, unfortunately.

This is what I would like to tell you via the medium of this editorial. When you will be swarmed by countless assignments with deadlines that always make an appearance a day before and (sad)istic internships that make you churn out every bit of your skill, take a break. I acknowledge the need for personal growth during college life but at the same time, don’t throw yourself into the maze of productivity only to give birth to mishmashes that literally drain your soul.

Take a break to lie down on the green fields of your college while the warmth of the autumn sun hugs you gently. Take a break to get acquainted with your classmates, know about their roots and grab a bite to eat at different (and affordable) places across Delhi. Take a break to resume the book that you had left unfinished owing to the offline semester exams. Take a break to stream ‘Masakali’ and dance your heart out while you breathe in the smell of (rare) Delhi rains. Take a break to remember and do what makes you happy. Or has hustling made you forget the little things that gave you joy?

In a nutshell, don’t deny yourself of the simple pleasures of life, dear junior. I empathise with the splashes of peer pressure that conversations and experiences tend to leave, however, balance is what is the need of the hour. Divide time between leisure and academics added with career pursuits. You cannot expect yourself to be at your best when you are burned out. Sorry, Bunny but rukna bhi kabhi kabhi zaroori hai oochi udaan ke liye.

*This article first appeared in our physical newsletter Volume 16, Issue 2. Don’t forget to grab your copy of the latest edition of our newspaper every Wednesday!

Read Also: Students of Gargi College Face Water Crisis

Featured Image Credits: alamy.com

Himasweeta Sarma

[email protected]

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DUB Speak

Role of Seniors in College Life

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As exciting it may sound, the transition from school to college can be equally daunting in the absence of proper guidance. Innumerable trajectories open up in college for youngsters, however eventually, many students end up feeling lost. This is where the role of a senior kicks in.

Who is a senior? A person, who is always willing to lend a hand, be it regarding academics or extracurricular activities. Seniors play the dual role of a friend and a mentor. They are the people who have been in your very shoes before you, therefore can empathize with your conundrums. They counsel you on what to study, how to study, projects to take up, internship opportunities, higher studies, and plain old personal problems amongst other things. They are an invaluable inventory of relevant information.

It is a well-known fact that one needs their seniors in college. This is something that we’re all well aware of even before we enter the campus life. In such an alien environment, it is good to have a voice of experience to consult to deal with changes and subjects.

The role of a senior in college is insurmountable. It is a senior who gives us the hacks to deal with that particular grumpy teacher. Seniors, from their inventory of experiences, share the tricks and techniques to deal with that particular tough paper. Besides, providing us with notes, our seniors sometimes go an extra mile to teach us tougher concepts in a subject.

Working with seniors while preparing for an event, can be a basic simulation of a corporate ecosystem. Teaming up with seniors to pull up events or projects helps us to understand the terms of working and instils basic etiquettes needed to be incorporated.

On an emotional level, seniors are better experienced than us in handling stress. They can figure out the sources of stress in most cases. They understand a junior’s position better than any other adult in a way since they are either going through it or recently gotten over it. Experience counts.

Keeping all the points under consideration, a junior must seriously consider building a good rapport with seniors. A fresher should join societies that interest him or her. Societies in colleges provide a platform and space for interaction among juniors and seniors. One should also be very active in department’s work and events. A junior should go an extra mile to initiate a conversation sometime and seek help on academic issues. Trips can be another exquisite way to help to bond with seniors easily.

We won’t live long enough to make mistakes and learn from it but we can be wise to learn from mistakes our seniors committed. Happy bonding with seniors!

 

Image Credits: Youth Ki Awaaz

Sandeep Samal

[email protected]

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DUB Speak

Few Pieces of advice from the seniors

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Freshers are excited as well as nervous when they enter college, oblivious to some extent as to what to expect besides fun, freedom and studies. Entering one of the most prestigious universities in the country is one big milestone to be accomplished. For the first years, it is a journey of learning new things and unlearning the old. College life is different from the easy going life of the school, here are your seniors giving you precious advice on college life and how to spend these wonderful three years of your life.

Shireen Manocha, Miranda House

It’s going to be hard. You’re in a new place with new people and in a new environment. There’s so much to learn, so much to explore and it’s going to be hard. So, give time time. Let things settle on their own. Try to know your own self. Try to do things on your own and eventually everything will fall into place.

Asmita Pandey, Gargi College

Being a fresher, you must prioritize balancing your budget in order to avoid useless expenditure

Vineeta Rana, Daulat Ram College

Make a conscious effort of getting out of your comfort zone. Not just once but repeatedly. Audition for a bunch of societies, experiment with fashion, work at internships, also try different classes.

Lakshya Chawla, Sri Venkateshwara College

Join a society to hone your skills. Besides, one can’t make memories just by attending classes. Also, choosing the right company of friends is very important.

Srivedant Kar, Cluster Innovation Centre

Try to figure out what you want in future and take small steps to achieve them while enjoying college life. Climbing the ladder is important but it’s more important to climb the right stairs.

Mansi Chawla, Indraprastha College for Women

My advice to outstation students would be to give themselves some time because it isn’t easy surviving alone. Learn to share your feelings with friends and don’t bottle them up. Be open to communicate and connect.

Feature Image Credits: aplaceformom.com

Prachi Mehra

[email protected]

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DUB Speak

Your Next Three Years, Defined by Your Next Three Weeks

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The University of Delhi is undoubtedly a breeding ground for personal growth. For 60,000 students each year, the central university becomes a new home, out of which students leave as the best versions of themselves. This is not the work of solely DU itself, though – it requires students to make the best of what the University has to offer.

Delhi University is most popular for its numerous societies. Whether performing or non-performing, these societies usually hold their auditions in the first couple weeks of August. While they may be daunting, auditions are one of the best ways to get out of your comfort zones, especially right out of school. They also work as a quick method of getting to know both your seniors and your peers and finding a group of people who are passionate about the same things as you. College is about exploring and growing – whether that’s excelling in a field you’re already experienced in or going out of your way to developing a new skill. Many a time, your fellow society members will go on to become your friends for life.

These friends are, of course, as diverse as they come. As a DU professor once said, “During our times, classrooms were mostly filled with students who came from Delhi itself, but now every classroom is a picture of Pan-Indian culture.” It is likely that your class has a substantial composition of students who aren’t from the same background or region as you. This diversity gives you a special window into the different parts – and more importantly, the different people – of India. Make an effort to befriend them. You’ll definitely learn about the diversity our country offers, but in addition to that, there’s a good chance you’ll also get to enjoy the cuisines and cultures of other states.

The next three weeks are when you’ll probably pick your college friends and stick with them during your time in DU. As we know, a man’s friends define who he is. The people whom you will choose will play a huge role in influencing your life decisions for the next three years. In both your difficult times and happy moments, they will become your family. They say we can’t choose our family, but college is when lifelong friendships are made. Choose wisely and you’ll have a new, handpicked family in merely a few years.

When it comes to growth, we can’t forget about the sudden shock that college gives you. Prescribed books, reference books, guides, sample question papers, and everything else that previously made your academic journey a set road are now a thing of the past. Xerox readings, partial syllabus coverage, and delayed exam results reflect the sad state of higher education in our country, but on the other side also give you an opportunity to build your skills of self-reliance and forge a personality that seeks success on self-efforts. So when DU gives you a hard time, use it to hone your confidence and spontaneity.

With two weeks of college already completed, make the most out of the coming days to make your mark. Get ready to embrace Delhi University – it’ll be your home before you know it.

ImageDesign by Kartik Kakar for DU Beat

Srivedant Kar

[email protected]

Vineeta Rana

[email protected]

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DUB Speak

The Art of Binge Watching (and how to hold it off)

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As the exam season engulfs us and we find a myriad of ways to escape from studying, we often gravitate towards the ever-inviting TV screen or website. This allows us to deviate from our study schedules and escape reality for a more comforting cocoon of pillows and blankets in which we can sip our hot tea and watch our favourite shows.

The only problem with this fantasy is that it is leads us into a spiral of watching entire seasons in a week, when we should be focusing on our semester exams. It is therefore imperative to hold off watching the latest TV series whilst caught up in the eye of the tornado, or as we know it, DU exams. This is, of course, easier said than done. We give you these handy tips to refer back to whenever you have a moment of weakness this exam season:

  1. Work on an incentive-reward basis

Schedule your episodes in a way that you only watch them after having completed a significant portion of your work. Set yourself a goal – finishing a chapter, or making notes for a reading, etc. Study for a couple of hours, then take a lunch break and watch a couple of YouTube videos or a 20-minute sitcom episode to reward yourself. If you feel you’ve been extraordinarily productive, go ahead and watch a 40-minute drama series, or two back-to-back episodes. This not only positively reinforces your work ethic, but also incentivises you to work towards completing your goal.

  1. Don’t download or make a list of pending TV shows

If you’re planning your summer binge list and note down all the TV shows you’re desperate to watch, it’ll be a constant reminder of everything you can easily access. You’ll fall down a rabbit hole which is almost impossible to get out of. So refrain from downloading all the shows you’re planning to watch and don’t have torrent links ready for these. Instead, work on a moderation basis (see Tip 1) and then go berserk on the final day of exams.

  1. Scare yourself

If all else fails, keep reminding yourself how terrifying it is to fail. Put up post-its around your room, block certain entertainment websites, and hold on to the comforting fact that your TV shows will always be there for you (unlike these exams). This works even better if you tell your friends to remind you constantly of this reality. Make it an exercise to positively reinforce (and scare) each other on a regular basis.

Good luck following these tips. Happy studying!

 

Feature Image Credits: BuzzFeed

Vineeta Rana
[email protected]

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