Sex Amma

Sex Amma

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So this week’s article is combletely dedicated to my girls. You know I actually know that feeling when a girl turns to another and cribs about having the relatively disastrous life. Ouch-ing to incessant hair removal sessions, worrying about the opposite sex way too much, obsessing about them after a while, pms-ing and then menopausing later in life. All this and more is characteristic to our lives. I’m leetle beatle different though. I bet all of you don’t drink coconut milk and go to the gym in bright red saris. But we more or less share the same miseries. So a few days I decided that I’ll dedicate every day to us. Everyday can be a “chic day”. We don’t need an excuse to get away with decadent, self-indulgent, pampering little moves. Just wink at each other and go for it. This week I’m going to give you the five favourite ways through which women, attached or single, can do a jig on the ramp, a wild one, and get away without a wardrobe malfunction. Boys, oh boys, don’t even bother reading ahead.

1. Browse stores and bargain.
We’ve all had a day when we’ve haggled our guts out and saved on crisp notes and admired our bargaining skills. That satisfaction when you travel around, walk constantly and at the end have saved money to be able to have a gol-gappa competition (and gulp some coconut milk). Bargaining is by far the most satiating experience women undergo. You’d rather be out asserting yourself (or the right price) and feeling Barney-awesome about all the money you’ve not spent, not blown, not wasted but saved. If savings was a person, it would be our favourite. After you’re done reading this, please hit the market and but yourself some junk and make the cupboards vomit. Please?

2. Have a Sunday Funday.
Step one. Use your genius schemes and call a few friends. Step two. Text the rest. Step three. Tell everyone that the plan is to grab lunch. Step four. Be there on time. Step three point five. Give yourself a red-hot mani/pedi. Step five. Chat like you got your voice only yesterday. Step six. Enjoy the starters and the main course. Step seven. Make dinner plans. Step eight. Bar hop the rest of the evening. Step nine. Feel great and bless the world. Step ten. Go to bed and make sure you called it a perfect Sunday. Good night!

3. Read in the bath.
You get up in the mornings and you’re panting already. I know you’re late but this one day you need to just calm down and learn to not make bathing an awkward experience. Call it a tub solo that you’re going to undertake and veg out for an hour or two. You might sleep and you can comfortably owe this to the yummy-smelling candles and the elevated bubbles. Please carry a guilty-pleasure book to help the senses ascend. You know how to do this. Get to it. Now!

4. Go to a swanky restaurant for dessert.
You need to go to a super fancy restaurant and order the ice cream injected cupcakes or some chocolate lava. Soak up the luxe atmosphere, enjoy awesome service and eat top of the line deserts. Wait, wait till %.

5. Sleep sans pajamas.
Don’t be shy. You know that the blanket is soft. You know you can perfectly utilise the opportunity since you can’t exactly go for brunch or visit the mall in your birthday suit. What you wouldn’t know is that experts say that you can become desensitized to your own skin if you’re clothed all the time. Not so good. Enjoy the feeling. It doesn’t take more than a strip down.

All this is great. The sky is floating. The clothes smell good. I smell brilliant. Life is good…….*thoughts fade away, amma dozes off*

Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice. Want to ask Amma a query? Mail it to [email protected].

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