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Providing guidance to the students of DU since 2008 on matters of sex, dating and intimacy, Amma is back again this week with her dose of advice.

 

Question: I am physically attracted to someone but he is emotionally attached. What to do?

My dearest Kanna,

Isn’t this the ultimate conundrum of life? You fall for people who aren’t even available to fall for you. And no, it isn’t your fault. As they say, “pyaar soch samajh kar nhi kiya jaata… bas ho jata h.” The silver lining to your misery? That it is only physical attraction. Trust amma, you don’t want to find yourself in the raita that is love.

Well, amma also has her teaching moments. You know how they say “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,” right? Well, that’s true kanna, but if their beauty is the only thing that has you attracted to them, it can’t go further than your regular short-term fling (obviously with a side of emotional baggage that you would be left with).

Imagine this person and take away their sundarta and all that physical beauty that has you attracted to them. What are you left with? Just an emotionally unavailable person, my dearest. Even if you could have them, they can’t give you the love that you deserve. And let me tell you dhono, you deserve so much more love than this world can even hold.

So if you listen to your amma, don’t wait around for them. They are pining over someone else and you deserve to not pine over them. Regardless of what you are looking for—a short winter fling, a one-night stand, or just someone to share a cup of chai with in this dilli ki sardi, this person is probably not going to be that for you anytime soon.

Go on out and download those dating apps, or talk to new people if you want that old romance, but don’t wait around for a story that might not even happen. Put yourself out there, be clear about what you want, communicate, and find someone who wants you in the same way that you want them. And kutty, save yourself from the raita just waiting to be spilled.

 

Love, 

Amma. 

 

Want to ask Amma a query? Mail it to [email protected].

With graduation right around the corner, third-years sit by as they lose all hope of getting a physical farewell, or any of the college experiences for that matter. DU Beat spoke to some of them in order to get an insight into their psyche and know the popular opinion that has been going around.

The pandemic has taken away a lot of things from us, but most of all, it has stolen away some of the most beautiful days of one’s life — a real chance at a college experience. With having completed a year, confined to the four walls of our room, we sit and wonder as our dreams, hopes, ambitions fade away into the lone. 

Anushree Joshi, a third-year student at LSR says, “The greatest loss of finishing college online is the ability to sit and look my peers in the eyes as they tell me about their days and I tell them about mine. The anxiety of things ending, in any normal year, would be wrapped up in the hullabaloo of celebration — multiple farewells, graduation dinners, and the lasts of meals and outings.”

But there’s a pang of ineffable sadness now, in knowing that some of the teachers who have changed the way I look at life have never even seen my face in real life, or might not remember it. It’s a loss much less significant than what this world is experiencing right now in different ways, but it’s a loss incredibly personal and irreparable,” she added.

Another, 3rd-year History major Aanya Wig elaborated on her wishlist for the New Year’s this year, “I wished to go back to campus, I wish I could sit in class and attend a lecture, I wished I could sit in the sun in the front lawns, I wished to get another vada pao, I wished I could hear the chirpy voices in the corridor, I wished to walk on campus again, and I wished to spend a little more time with the wonderful women at college.”

How does one then even begin to grapple with such questions, then? During the past year, people have lost people, their incomes, and even their interest in anything and everything around. The thought of bidding goodbye to such spaces of liberalism and inclusivity to be out there in the ‘real world’ is frightening enough that now, we even have to deal with not being able to go back to college for that one last time: sit in those lush green lawns, or juggle between classes as you order that cup of ice tea or chilly cheese Maggi from the Nescafé and sit at your favourite spot which makes you feel home with people who have stayed with you during the past three years, even when everyone else left. How does one even begin to get closure?

I don’t think the idea of online classes was bad in itself because yes, it was the need of the hour, but like million other things, this idea was also not executed well. Not only the students, but the teachers also faced a lot of issues to get adjusted to this new normal. Not to mention how it has adversely affected the process of learning in itself,” expressed Somya Jain, an Economics major at LSR.

Shivani Dadhwal, a KNC student elaborated on the losses we have all faced as a collective,

Having spent 50% of the time at online college is sad, there are so many unfinished Nescafé ice teas, college gang trips, classes, fests, outfits to wear to college, impromptu plans, whacky canteen food combinations, conversations and jokes. Abruptly, one was made to pack it all up and just walk away.”

It’s okay to mourn, it’s okay to get disheartened or even feel at loss here, but it’s not okay to not gift yourself the right to celebrate your own graduation. You deserve this farewell (even if it’s online) more than anyone else and hold on to your memories, learnings, and celebrations for your tomorrow will find you much farther than where you are today.

 

Featured Image Credits: DU Updates

 

Annanya Chaturvedi

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Haruki Murakami, an infamous Japanese novelist, always does justice to the expectations of his readers through his distinct storytelling style. The way his words transcend his readers into another world offers many worldly lessons we can learn from.

Murakami exclusively uses his talent to knit together a web of words that seem to make perfect sense and the analogies he incorporates into his work produce captivating narratives. His work encourages his readers to think about life and also, teaches them numerous valuable lessons.

Firstly, his ability to minutely grasp every detail and putting it on paper encourages you to experience your encounters meticulously. His work stands testimony to the fact that he is not afraid to try new writing styles. In addition to this, he teaches his readers to be keen about experimenting with life and keeping oneself above all others.

While many consider his writing style twisted and complex, some claim that the way he gives an explanation about relationships and paints a dreamy, yet completely real picture about them ought to teach his readers a lot. Gehna Kapoor, a student of SGTB Khalsa College commented: “Norwegian Wood, in particular, taught us how a person can love two people simultaneously.”

Secondly, his books shed light upon the depth of emotions that are felt by everyone alike. He often talked about loneliness and love that ran alongside each other in his stories. Murakami provides such surreal insight about life that turns everyone to think. In one of his books, he said: “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” His observance of emotions, particularly suffering, brings out narratives that teach everyone to be sensitive towards the feelings of others as well. Bhavya, a student of Daulat Ram College, says, “Murakami’s treatment of emotions is truly eye-opening and stark in nature. It compels you to introspect and look at them, in a new light.”

Besides his work, Murakami, in reality, follows an extremely rigid schedule that brings him discipline and he follows that schedule religiously. Murakami is also known for barely making any appearances in media and chooses to lead a simple life while calling himself a simple man.

Feature image credits- Paperback Paris

Suhani Malhotra

[email protected]

Haruki Murakami, an infamous Japanese novelist, always does justice to the expectations of his readers through his distinct storytelling style. The way his words transcend his readers into another world offers many worldly lessons we can learn from. Murakami exclusively uses his talent to knit together a web of words that seem to make perfect sense and the analogies he incorporates into his work produce captivating narratives. His work encourages his readers to think about life and also, teaches them numerous valuable lessons. Firstly, his ability to minutely grasp every detail and putting it on paper encourages you to experience your encounters meticulously. His work stands testimony to the fact that he is not afraid to try new writing styles. In addition to this, he teaches his readers to be keen about experimenting with life and keeping oneself above all others. While many consider his writing style twisted and complex, some claim that the way he gives an explanation about relationships and paints a dreamy, yet completely real picture about them ought to teach his readers a lot. Gehna Kapoor, a student of SGTB Khalsa College commented: “Norwegian Wood, in particular, taught us how a person can love two people simultaneously.” Secondly, his books shed light upon the depth of emotions that are felt by everyone alike. He often talked about loneliness and love that ran alongside each other in his stories. Murakami provides such surreal insight about life that turns everyone to think. In one of his books, he said: “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” His observance of emotions, particularly suffering, brings out narratives that teach everyone to be sensitive towards the feelings of others as well. Bhavya, a student of Daulat Ram College, says, “Murakami’s treatment of emotions is truly eye-opening and stark in nature. It compels you to introspect and look at them, in a new light.” Besides his work, Murakami, in reality, follows an extremely rigid schedule that brings him discipline and he follows that schedule religiously. Murakami is also known for barely making any appearances in media and chooses to lead a simple life while calling himself a simple man. Feature image credits- Paperback Paris Suhani Malhotra [email protected]]]>

Social media provides an explosive and elevating platform to rant. Most of us will agree that ranting becomes a cathartic exercise over time. But could it ever become “toxic”?

Colleges are defined by the activities and opportunities that they organise for the students. As we increasingly become more involved with these activities, we become increasingly complex with our emotions. Or to put it in simpler terms, the cause-effect relationship between overwork and frustration becomes more apparent. How do you vent out a complex multitude of emotions that seems to smother you, and also sadden you? Although everyone has different coping mechanisms, many of you would agree that the most famously accepted and satisfying way to do so, is to rant.

Most of our rants are really in the moments of great crises. To use a foul alliterative play, a rant provides us with a catharsis in crisis. It really is a purge. Most of the rants that you become a listener to, or even those that you are declaring, are moments of deep emotional outbreak. “I cannot do this anymore,” or “I have had enough of this,” or “how difficult is it for me to say ‘NO’ for once?” Reflective questions like these throw us off into a heated rant. But overwork is not the only factor to push us off this emotional cliff. An elucidation of an emotional blueprint that is a rant, we become the truest versions of ourselves. We realise and connect with our reality during the course of a rant.

Sanchi Mehta, a Literature student from Hindu College, says, “My rants are therefore seminal to an understanding of my inner being because the process makes me introspect. More often than not, in narrativising the assault of emotions churning within me, the pent up anger dissipates. Laying it all bare unveils the gaps that generally an emotion like anger or tiredness – while synthesising a surmounting pile of undealt with events – obstructs, thus helping me to look at things with a more objective acceptance and self-critical gaze. It is like self-induced therapy. It keeps me from hysterically dealing with situations and dispensing the tendency for adopting over-the-top responses.”

Annoyance, frustration, or sadness held in for too long internally becomes toxic. An ideal lifestyle wherein you keep your “unpopular opinions” to yourself will ultimately become a baggage slowing you down. Thankfully for us, social media has efficiently given us an amazing pedestal to rant. However, despite the platform and improved means, the listening / hearing end of the rant has often interpreted these rants negatively.

And how does it work? You watch a movie, for example; the movie shows some character in a bad light, normalises issues like harassment, ridicules the idea of consent, or shows anything else. You feel strongly about something which you express online and there it is, your “rant”. It is not uncommon for people to call an emotional journaling or expression a rant these days. We are naturally bound to feel strongly about certain things. The expression of such strong emotions is translated into being an unnecessary “rant”. It is this classification that seems to question the act of expressing, by associating it with entitlement. Having an opinion makes you entitled to rant, period. It is with the opposing opinions that a balance is maintained in this life.

Rants guide you out of deep crises. Anoushka Sharma, a second-year student of Journalism, says, “I believe it’s very important to rant once in a while. It relieves the stress and baggage in one’s head (at least in my case). But I think it is also important to know who you are ranting to. The person should be understanding and should have the mental capacity to listen, and in that, interpret what you have to say. One simple reason for this is that the other person may not be emotionally available to understand your situation or your need to rant.” The only cautionary advice as you rant is that you must try to access the emotional faculty of your listener. Your understanding of your listener’s unavailability improves the mutual connect. “Ranting is a healthy way to vent. If done properly, it’s a good way to express yourself,” says Anoushka.

 An important idea that demands attention at this point is that of acceptance. People will say that if you rant about things, you are being too uptight or even mean with your opinions. A rant is about non-acceptance, after all. But then, an argument builds up against this. That if you do not rant about or do not express your non-acceptance, that simply is equivalent to giving in to something that you do not approve of. Certainly you cannot go around and question everything, and that is precisely where you have to practise your discretion. As important as it is to rant, the surfeit of it also loses its seriousness and / or impact. If we are to measure opinions in this narrow fashion, we block the possibilities of change; both in our personal and general spaces.

Find your balance in rants. Rants have been able to achieve so much in the face of resistance, simply because rants become the resistance, the peace and the way of life. If you rant, you have a voice and a mind; now that is not a bad combination to boast of.

Feature Image Credits: Paul Garland via Smithsonian Magazine

Kartik Chauhan

[email protected]

In the age of optimism and positivity, happiness is an obligatory emotion to be experienced. The feeling is undermined as the feeling is overstated.

Happiness excites a certain rush in us. The feeling of pure joy is a mix of celebration, and satisfaction. More often than not, happiness comes to us as returns to an investment. There is the cost of effort involved that yields benefits, the reaping of these benefits is most certain, even if the duration sometimes hints otherwise. However it is this attainability of benefits that becomes increasingly expected and in the event of losses, it builds up to a mounting sense of grief.

It is important to acknowledge the fact that happiness cannot be a permanent emotion. And by that logic, it is only reasonable to say that neither is sadness. It is often felt that the phases of sadness last longer than those of happiness, and that it is because of this disequilibrium that we as students, and more broadly as people, feel sadness to be stronger emotion than happiness. In fact, it is really a matter of perception. I feel that sadness makes us think more deeply. It makes us question more objectively everything that is seemingly “wrong” around us – or more personally, within ourselves – a questioning that shakes our respective opinions and often remodels them.

In the aforementioned dilemma, it is natural to feel miserable. The disillusionment that comes from experiencing a moral conflict is in itself educational. You cannot expect to overcome such conflicts rashly. An important task is to extract the best lessons out of every challenge. Not feeling happy about something is such a challenge. Sadness felt due to a relationship, or due to academic inefficiencies can sometimes mean a change of heart or behavior. It is never advisable to stick to a challenge so as to let it feed on you eternally. In such a situation, letting go is a valid solution. Feeling sad is not so much a problem as feeling incapable of happiness is.

Many people define their goal in life as: to be happy. As different as this ideal setup is from reality, it is also an interesting perspective. That you could feel happy even in conflict, and keep up the resistance. The emotive thinking then, becomes an initially instinctive feeling. A feeling which later becomes a choice in that the emotion becomes a choice for you to act on. Dwelling on a positive emotion exhausts us in due course, whereas for a negative choice, it is otherwise. Why do we feel trapped in sadness? It is because we let go of the truth that happiness is inevitable and more importantly, that it always within. Darkness is a comfort, because it gives us an excuse to explain the absence of light; an excuse to evade responsibility. It is not wrong to feel misery, because that feeling is itself important to revel in the subsequent joy. But it is just that stepping out of it is really the important action to allow the balance of sadness-happiness to restore.

Remember that neither happiness nor sadness is a permanent emotion. And that neither is an obligation. Live in them, with the belief of a balance, because the balance always strikes.

 

Feature Image Credits: Unsplash

 

Kartik Chauhan

[email protected]

 

 

 

 

 

Devika Dutt

One morning, as soon as I opened my newspaper, I was overwhelmed by the barrage of various, seemingly unrelated advertisements of diamond jewellery, mobile phones, ipods, cards, chocolates etc. A closer examination revealed a common link; all of them suggested “special gifts” for sisters on Raksha Bandhan. I immediately sprung into action. One look at the “special gifts” served as the impetus I needed to expedite the Rakhee mailing process, which I had otherwise completely forgotten. God bless the Festival industry!

As is evident nowadays, most festivals have been completely commercialized. Love or hate the fact, you certainly cannot ignore it. It makes perfect business sense as well. We Indians like to celebrate almost everything, from birthdays of a few hundred gods to familial ties, from homecoming   from exile to the evil hag dying in the fire instead of the innocent hero. All these celebrations generally entail huge amounts of expenditure on gifts and other rituals. So it was only a matter of time before entrepreneurs saw a promising new market in Indian celebrations. And they have capitalized, in every sense of the word, on our tendency to celebrate. Take raksha bandhan for example. Apart from the gifts mentioned above, other bizarre things like gold rakhis also take over the market before raksha bandhan.

Firms have also capitalized on the fact that convenience sells. So there are also several quick ways of sending gifts all over the world. So, while about a decade ago, brothers had to go visit sisters on rakhi to celebrate raksha bandhan, now a click of the mouse or the dialing of a number can do it. Various services give consumers the choice of sending gifts, both conventional and off- beat, anywhere in the world. Gifts include traditional puja thalis, candles on diwali, traditional mithai, flowers, electronic gadgets and packages like spa treatments. This has obviously worked as people find it difficult to visit other cities on every festival.

Certain capitalist enterprises have also single handedly introduced non- religious, international observances like Mothers’ Day and have completely established those times of the year as good times for business. This way, they have capitalized on the globalized Indian, who wouldn’t mind adopting a more western holiday.  As most of these holidays are dedicated to a person, it gives us an extra opportunity of telling how much that person means to us. Who would mind telling their father that he is special and loved on Fathers’ Day. Of course it isn’t just restricted to telling him that. They can be accompanied by all kind of presents- wacky, thoughtful, self made, expensive, useful- but all of them are likely to fill the coffers of the people who in a way brought these holidays to India. And the most amazing part is that internationally, Mothers’ Day, Fathers’ Day, Friendship Day, Daughters’ Day etc have no particular date associated with it. So it is, in a way, decided by gift shops as to when these days are. Like Mothers’ Day is celebrated in India on the second Sunday of May, it is celebrated in Norway in February, in April in Nepal and so on.

So gift shop chains have completely established themselves, spread their tentacles all over the country and gripped India tightly so as to earn maximum revenue by capitalizing on human emotions. After all, it’s just good business!