How to win a general election in India

In  a world where there are 5 steps for everything, be it flying to the sun, we come up with three, even lesser than 5,  infallible ways to win our elections.

Being the proud denizens of the great republic of India, we have had the unequal privilege of enjoying the unpredictability of the vibrant Indian democracy for almost 70 years. Our pious elections are won by the virtue of a candidate’s flawless track record, unquestionable honesty and  knack for development and public welfare, a manifesto which caters aspirations of the people and numerous other paradigms of dharma; so were you told by the political science textbook of class 10th.

Now these are difficult boxes to tick and hence results generally used to be a surprise.

But not anymore. Here we come with 3 foolproof tricks which are 100% guaranteed to make a party rise above the rest and come up with flying (saffron, preferably) colours in a general election.


  1.   The Time Factor.

You must have heard the saying that early bird catches the worm. So here is the trick- Hijack the social media and you have hijacked the minds. If you are ruling currently, start projecting your achievements, scarce they may be. If you are on the other side of the table, fret not. Start with bashing the ruling party. Next run to a poet and come up with some jumlas or some cool acronyms. The most important part, start selling dreams and other lures. Hesitate to nothing, even sky is not the limit anymore. (Need a hint- How about making petrol completely free? ). Fake data, false stats, or illegit allegations, all is fair.


  1.   The Mr. X. factor

Not having a very good candidate, worry not. Find a superstar campaigner. Or else hire one. Works magic if you have the prime minister campaigning for you.


  1. Vote Management.

Now that you are done with campaigns and false claims, it’s time for the finishing move a.k.a polarisation. But you don’t have to do the dirty work, just make an air of it. Media will instantly go gaga. Your opponents will consequently voice minority, hence irate majority and lo! your mission is accomplished. To hell with social fabrics, only winning counts.


Picture credits-


Nikhil Kumar

Journalism has been called the “first rough draft of history”. D.U.B may be termed as the first rough draft of DU history. Freedom to Express.

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