As I said, there is no escape from this cycle, but there is relief for sure. Relief you will find in trying, be it these matters of national importance or your personal calling. There is calm for sure in giving it another go. College tests you in all ways possible, it is after all our first step into the real world.
Passing and leaping over many deadlines, I have come to this, my last article for DU Beat. In the past few months, the horrors of the blank page have devoured me, the blinking cursor, and the lying pencil have become devils waiting for me. It’s hard to write but it’s a lot harder to write daily. As I prepare myself to leave college and the excellent organisation of DUB (the source of my entire identity in college), the fear of blank pages is still on my back, chasing me every now and then.
Though, I entered college with a different set of fears altogether, this blank page didn’t even exist then. There were lists of things to be done and places to be visited, all huddled in a diary that has preserved tears from my school days. So in my college of just about one year or maybe some months more than that, I am happy to say, I never got the time to even visit back that diary. Lists were made daily and were lost in scours of pages in my wallet or got mixed up with bank receipts or pink tickets from DTC.
I still remember my first article written about DU titled “Entering DU via Whatsapp”. The 2021 student in me wrote, actually posed the question- “So will we, the first batch to join DU virtually, be able to foster friendships that will go beyond similar watch and playlists?” Hardly knowing that I was about to lose almost every friend, I had at that moment. The problem then was to meet those friends in person, the problem today is we haven’t even talked since last year. The best thing about DU or in fact any college is the dynamic and the huge spectrum of problems that it throws at you. From not giving physical degrees to students, suspending them for screening a documentary, and not allowing elections of student unions for more than three years, to heartbreaks, broken friendships, loneliness, and inferiority complex, it gives us all.
There is actually no escape from this hellish cycle, I could have painted this article with beautiful nostalgia for red-bricked walls, mustered up some beautiful imagery about the campus, a short anecdote from Khan market and a quick motivational line at the end asking you all to strive towards change. (Would have made a cute article though.) But that’s the sad part, change here has been going backwards and there seems to be no anchor strong enough to stop this ship from sailing towards the wrong side. So the challenge for you, all upcoming ones, is not to drive towards change but rather to try and stop it from happening. Be it censorship of our syllabuses (please read Bama, Sukirtharani and Mahasweta Devi’s work) or rather a complete refurbishing of them, turning our colleges into the sanctum of their ideological frameworks, using our hostel lands as gaushalas, organising dubious and extremely biased literature festivals, not paying our karamcharis and teachers their salaries or allowing men who call for genocide as guests of honor in our fests. The tide of ideological supremacy is gulping the entire nation into it, and so are going down our universities deep into it. More than anything the change and push towards privatisation of education needs to be stopped. More than change and more than an urge to become something else, what is of urgent importance is for us to be students – learners and practitioners.
As I said, there is no escape from this cycle, but there is relief for sure. Relief you will find in trying, be it these matters of national importance or your personal calling. There is calm for sure in giving it another go. College tests you in all ways possible, it is after all our first step into the real world.
But there is more that our time and circumstances demand, to be students aware of the changes being induced towards them, those who know the power of asking questions and use it correctly. It’s not a call to fight or to resist on streets, this is a call to be conscious of things going around, to question while you sit in your class and the teacher sushes down an argument by other student on the pretext of fear, to join in and understand the problems of karlamcharis and teachers, to point out language imposition and discrimination of any sort when you see it. This is a call to ask for your college to be a part of DUSU, for if this university still remains a democratic space, every college student must get the right to vote for their union representatives. There is no escape but the relief will be in democracy only, both at the national, college and personal level.
Luckily, I found my relief in DU Beat and the people who work here, for which I will remain grateful forever. Be it my personal woes or the university ones, I got the platform to address them all. But yes, the fear of blank pages and the fear of not being a student anymore devours me, but I will try to keep refreshing my set of fears and to keep the student in me alive, always.
In hope of relief.
Kashish Shivani
