long distance


“I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday”- Lemony Snicket.

To all the people in long-distance relationships out there,

I know it hurts. I know it hurts seeing everyone have that special someone to celebrate with, while you, despite having that special someone, are sitting and making plans with your single friends. I know it takes everything in you to not make a “big deal” out of it or to brush things off as a joke because you know that if you don’t, it is going to hit you. It doesn’t really seem fair, does it? When the couples get to go on (physical) dates together and the singles get to swipe and flirt, you are stuck in the middle of these two worlds, belonging to none. You get to have video calls that cut into your sleep schedules and dates that rarely ever happen because of the time difference. You get to wake up when they go to sleep and you get to look at them only through a screen. You get to see your I love you’s turn into I miss you and you get to learn to love them through distance and time and layers of screens in between. You get to not talk about them because they’re so far away and you get to miss talking about them because they’re so far away. You get to end all your conversations with a “come back soon” and you get to get used to missing them (every second of every day).


In a world of hookups and one-night stands, rare relationships and rarer love, it seems too early, too soon to be experiencing this kind of pain. Your friends know you hurt and that this hurts but I don’t think anyone can really know how much. Sometimes it feels physically impossible to hurt this much. It feels as if the hurt will drown you— not letting you come up for air, not giving you the permission to really hurt, not letting you weep your tears. Your days are spent convincing yourself that it’s okay and you’re okay and things are okay and everything’s going to be okay, while that voice inside you keeps holding on to all that sadness and misery that you constantly feel. You don’t allow yourself to feel the pain because it is a pain of your own choosing, a bittersweet one, if you may.  


People around you have expiry dates for their relationships— when school ends, when we graduate from college— as if relationships are nothing but an exercise in convenience. Oh, I wish it was that convenient. I wish it was that easy. “Less than 50% of long-distance relationships actually work out,” they say. They don’t think you already know that? You have searched over and over the same questions, trying to convince yourself more than convincing them. They say it gets easier, that it’s supposed to, and that time makes things better in the end, but it’s been a year and they’re there and you’re here and it still, somehow, makes no sense.


You hold on to the hope that if not this year, then maybe next. You convince yourself that at least you’re under the same sky, and the same moon, and the same sun. You find solace in having someone to love for yourself and you end up finding solace in convincing yourself that “Aur bhi dukh hain zamaane mein mohabbat ke siwa, raahatein aur bhi hain vasl ki raahat ke siwa”.


Feature Image: Bustle


Manasvi Kadian

[email protected]

Q. Dear Amma, my boyfriend and I have been going out for over a year now and things have been great. But being in my final year, I’m planning to leave the city soon and I am not interested in a long distance relationship. Though there is still 6 month’s time before I go, I am faced with the dilemma of leaving him now. What should I do?

My over boiled idli, take a deep relaxing breath and calm yourself. Such matters of heart cannot be mulled over in haste!

Amma always advices young macchis, such as you, caution in matters of the heart. Lovely macchi, the solution to your problem can’t come from anywhere else but your own heart. You need to think with a calm mind about what you want in your life, and no matter the decision you make, you should always be prepared to face the consequences.

If it is in your heart to leave, then you do not have any obligation to stay. But if after reflection, you think that this is not the right time and you don’t want to spend time apart till the time you have to ultimately leave, then you have Amma’s blessing.

Ultimately, it needs to be your decision and you need to think it through. Don’t take a lot of pressure and just follow your heart.


To send in your queries to Sex Amma email us at [email protected]. We respect your confidentiality as much as you do.

Directed by: Imtiaz Ali Starring: Saif Ali Khan, Deepika Padukone, Rishi Kapoor, Rahul Khanna Music by: Pritam I am rather confused as to whether I should recommend Love Aaj Kal to people or not. It’s not as if I don’t know how I feel about the movie, I just feel that this particular film is likely to produce rather different reactions in different people. Imtiaz Ali is an interesting director who has earlier provided us with the well directed Socha Na Tha and more recently the very entertaining and highly acclaimed film Jab We Met. However for me Love Aaj kal fails simply because it tries too hard. Perhaps the film crew too should have taken the leading lady’s advice in the movie where she advocates looking cool precisely by not trying too hard. The movie begins with the lead couple breaking up, which is quite the departure from Bollywood tradition. Jai (Saif Ali Khan) and Meera (Deepika Padukone) throw a break- up party prior to her moving to India for her work dealing with art restoration. All is peachy and light when suddenly an emotional Sardarji insists that Jai is committing the biggest mistake of his life by letting Meera go to India. Enter Veer Singh’s (Rishi Kapoor) own love story which runs parallel to the Saif- Deepika saga giving cues at every love realization junction. The parallel track is a sepia version of Calcutta which is infinitely more fascinating and charming than the done to death locales of London. A Sikh Saif Ali Khan plays the role of young Veer Singh, which is rather interesting as Veer points out that Jai reminded him of himself in his youth. We see an innocent (but not much else) love story where boy paddles behind girl in a rickshaw, travels a thousand miles to see her and stands below her balcony hoping to catch a glimpse. The two stories unfold side by side keeping the movie from turning utterly insipid. What begins as a decidedly different movie soon turns into an age old offering of bottled romance peppered with humour. The most bothersome aspect of the movie is the dialogue delivery which is in such a mish mash of English and Hindi that the viewer finds it difficult to relate. Deepika Padukone is hilarious in the most dramatic moments of the movie- “Galti ho gayi” while her accent is just plain annoying. Saif Ali Khan acts well as the gabru jawan Veer Singh, but his horrendous command over Punjabi makes his character a little comical. The actress portraying the love interest of Veer Singh, Harleen Kaur, seems to be only capable of one wide eyed expression throughout the movie, giving her a perpetually surprised look. Rishi Kapoor is adorable as ever though he seriously needs a change of track in his recent character repertoire. Rahul Khanna has the most unfair cut of all; his character had a lot more potential and he could certainly be given more screen time than the Swiss Joe that is seen hanging off Saif’s arm. The songs are immensely enjoyable but their timing is haphazard. This movie is a long roll of potential good moments. Rating: 2/5]]>