Introvert Archives - DU Beat - Delhi University's Independent Student Newspaper

One can cross paths with an introvert and might want to cross paths again and again. However, dating an introvert might get a little ambiguous sometimes, and human psychology only makes matters worse. It is time to put on the thinking hat and unravel the mysteries.

1. Initiate with the ‘Hi’

‘Should I text first?’

‘Won’t I sound too desperate?’

‘But I am not desperate’

‘This is going downhill already!’

This is what goes down in an introvert’s head, loosening the wires of brains. Try to initiate the conversation with a humble ‘hi!’ before the overthinking trigger is pulled, and the neurons undergo a rough patch even before the actual rough patch begins. Here is a thing about introverts- the imagination level reaches the epitome of visualisation, for instance, imagining being called a creep for the next thirty eight years for sending that one ‘hi’. Start the conversation, a two lettered ‘hi’ never did any harm.

2. The ‘hard to get’ card will not work

The ‘mixed signals’ have to take the back seat when it comes to dating an introvert. It is strongly advised to not use millennials’ (in)famous ‘hard to get’ card or one would have to get slammed by the reverse card. If an introvert assumes that the other person is not interested, they might immediately initiate the ‘distancing protocol’.

3. Three Es: Express! Express! Express!

A simple ‘I liked the thukpa we had at that place you recommended’ or ‘I really loved the song you suggested yesterday’ might add a little but significant sparkle to your conversation. Vent out all the feelings because introverts often bottle up their emotions. Compliment them if you like the colour of their shirt or their collection of novels. Introverts are not akin to Sherlock when it comes to analysing nonverbal communication. Hence, the only solution is to dissolve interpretation and literally do the talking.

4. Slow and steady wins the race

It takes time to open up. Put in your time, effort and everything possiblt. Do not feel disappointed if it takes time to know about a person. Introverts are fond of their personal space, so wait till all the layers unfold. Nevertheless, once they start opening up, do not force the necessity of sharing whatever goes down that brain. It will take time, and a fast forward would only have counter-effects. A person might feel like Mr. Darcy, and you might want to shut the novel but once you come across the underlying introvert self, you can’t help but fall for it the way Elizabeth did.

5. All silence isn’t awkward silence

An ideal date option would be an intimate space, preferably a place which is serene and quiet. For instance, a walk in Champa Gali would work much better than any club in the capital. Silence does not necessarily have to be deafening or awkward. Sometimes it works the other way round, and with introverts- it is the road less taken, literally and metaphorically. Walk along the lanes and streets and enjoy the silence that surrounds. A bonus point- if one starts feeling comfortable even when silence surrounds both, let them know!

6. The trust fall

Once an introvert turns the unfiltered mode on, it means the trust fall was successful. They finally find a person who can be their human diary. It is important to understand that this step is a giant leap of faith as the fear of being judged or the negative consequences of letting out of emotions is a pestering thought, once the trust trembles, there is no coming back.

Remember when Lara Jean said- “The more people that you let into your life, the more they can just walk right out,” Introverts felt it! Just like the Wallflowers, there are Perks of Dating an Introvert. They are great listeners and with the right proportion of time and space, are the most fascinating souls, and as the millennials say- definitely keepers. And just as the universal law of dating applies, “you know when you know”. Give them some time, the way Rajat waited for Ishita. It needed some time, but the fall was way more serene than a random park story. The wait will be beautiful and worth it. Till then, be a part of the stories they share, enjoy the seconds spent. It happens, one step at a time.

Feature Image Credits: Study Breaks Magazine

Priyanshi Banerjee

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DUB Speak

The Life Cycle of an Introvert

By Anoushka Sharma November 19, 2018

Approximately one third of the global adult population exhibits introverted traits, yet young adults often have difficulty using this personality trait to their advantage.

A college campus is a kaleidoscopic mix of hundreds of young adults, bustling with activity at any given point of time. There are people to see, clubs to join, and parties to turn up at. Oh, and sometimes there are classes to attend.The chaos of student life can prove to be quite overwhelming for most students. Some exhibit major FOMO, some procrastinate endlessly, some won’t speak up in class even when they know the right answer to a question, while others end up completely isolating themselves. In other words, the fear of losing what are supposed to be ‘the best years of your life’ sets in, and it’s daunting.

Everyone has extroverted and introverted traits, people just lean into different sides of the spectrum. In the first year of college, most of us face a personality overhaul. Generally, this change is a three tier process.

1. The Epiphany

School is a safe and gated community. Most students are extremely comfortable in the familiarity of their local schools, and the first few weeks at college introduces them to the hardships of adjustment, compromise and initiative. Students end up realizing or at least considering the fact that they might not be as social and amiable as they thought.

2. Denial

It is expected of people to want to be social and enthusiastic, most borderline introverts force themselves into uncomfortable situations to fit in better. We live in an over-competitive and capitalist society that particularly values extroverted traits because introversion is often considered to be a weakness. Susan Cain, famous author and Harvard Law School graduate, calls this the ‘Extrovert Ideal’. It is the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha and comfortable in the spotlight which causes introversion to be considered a ‘second class trait.’

In a university where class participation, group assignments with randomly assigned members and ‘networking’ are over emphasized, colleges often neglect to cultivate the introverted side of their students’ personalities.Anushree, a first year student at Lady Shri Ram College for Women says, “I am a very reserved person, it takes me a long time to adjust to change since I don’t connect with people that easily.”

Long story short, several people feel disadvantaged due to their social skills (or lack thereof) or disdain for excessive human interaction. Be it regarding employment prospects, co-curricular activities, class participation or human relationships, they feel like they are missing out.

3. Acceptance

After a couple of miserable months spent in pretense, people realize that at the end of the day, it’s important to remember that different people flourish in different environments. A textbook introvert may feel more comfortable in an intimate setting or in one on one interaction. They add value to any piece of work because of their scrupulous nature and creativity. In friendships, feeling the tranquil pleasure of being near a gathering but not quite in it like resting your head in the backseat of a car listening to your friends chatting up front, bonding with a friend at a party while everyone dances inside. The feeling is blissfully invisible yet still fully included feels pretty great.
Feature Image Credits: Tee Public

Nikita Bhatia

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The journey of an introvert

By DU Beat January 27, 2016

Right from our high school days, we conjure up an image of the perfect college life. We steal some snippets from films and novels, some we borrow from the stories of our parents’ carefree youth. Blending it all up with the colors of our personal ambitions on a palette, we paint a grandiose portrait on our mental canvas. With each brush stroke, we aspire to become a wholly different person. The first day of college becomes a carnival of quirky earrings, unique haircuts and eccentric shoes. After all, who didn’t begin in the hopes of turning over a new leaf…

I was no different. Ready to pursue literature, I came hauling an over sized bag comprising a register, a few pens, all of my heavy dreams and a few apprehensions to college. I was warmly welcomed into Venky’s campus with a red tilak, placed on my forehead, plus a toffee for good luck. College had officially begun.

But the real question was, would I ever fit in? And how? Was my life merely going to be sandwiched between prose and poetry?

Two weeks had passed by and everything was evolving. Everything except me, that is. I struggled with being an introvert. I could see a matrix of friendships growing and expanding, where there had been none before. And it was expanding fast. People who had never even spent a minute in each others’ company before, had begun to greet with hugs in the hallways. It was as if everybody had known everybody for years.

Meanwhile, I waited alone awkwardly in a corner for the fifteen minutes before class began. In my own batch, I had barely talked to two people (that too only to inquire about the timetable). The one girl I’d genuinely bonded with over the span of ten days, left Venky to join a different college altogether. And with her, my only string of familiarity wound to this college’s gates snapped.

I wasn’t just quiet. My silence had, apparently, completely engulfed and shattered everything I had hoped college life would be. The worst part was that I felt trapped-thinking it was all my fault, yet being unable to do anything about it.

This was how I felt up until two months ago. But come second semester, my perspective has taken a three-sixty degree turn. I have managed to make some lasting relationships outside the sphere of my comfort zone. I might be quiet, but my friends are capable of the most boisterous racket. The classroom has expanded my horizons and stretched my limits, like a rubber band which refuses to snap back on itself. There are contradictions everywhere, but there are also the wonderful opportunities to explore one’s self.

How did my perspective change?

Maybe because this is how college works after all, forcing you to look within yourself. You must discover the front that you want to present before the world, all on your own. I realized that some of the happiest people secretly cower under the shadow of gloom. Those who pretend to enjoy popularity, secretly reach out for solitude. In many ways, I haven’t changed much. In the masquerade of pretenses, I’m still the introvert that I used to be. But I wear it like a badge of honor instead.

Acceptance took its time, but it did finally come through, like a rainbow at the end of heavy rainfall. And looking back at the tremendous changes that a mere three months’ journey has brought about, I can’t wait for the next two years. I know that college can accommodate all kinds of personalities-introverts too.

Guest post by Deepannita Misra

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Feature Image credits: introvertspring.com

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