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Stories of Love, Acceptance, and Triumph

By DU Beat February 22, 2024

Beyond the heteronormative confines, let’s celebrate love that is real, joyful, innocent, and proud!

A student from Delhi University shares their love story—something that started off as a childhood crush, a relationship ended on unfinished terms, and a friendship that’s mature and understanding.

“So, as a kid, our family moved around a lot, so I was always the new kid that could never really make good friends as I wasn’t a conventional “girl.” I used to cut out pictures of Deepika Padukone from magazines, but obviously I was straight! The first boyfriend I ever had also turned out to be queer, so that was great. When I was in the 8th grade, our family moved to Orissa, and we lived in a corporate township. There was this girl with curly hair who soon became my benchmate. Since we lived pretty close to each other, bicycle rides, study sessions, and long conversations soon became the norm and blossomed into friendship. I started penning poems for her in my diary: “Her hair glistened in the sun,” reminding myself of the fact that “I’m definitely straight.”.

Soon I realised that “kuch toh hai.” I don’t want to be just friends with her. I started justifying my identity too. The pandemic sort of gave me a sense of stability as well. I assured myself that “being a lesbian is valid.” After the lockdown, we started hanging out again. I used to call her up at night, asking her “homework samjhado.” She knew I had done the homework, yet she explained everything. One day I just called her (it was the 14th of July), and a cyclone was about to hit, so I knew I wouldn’t be able to meet up with her for some time. We met up, and I told her, “Oh, I think I’m gay,” and she said, “I think I’m gay too,” and we just cycled back to our homes. We met up again on the day of our SST exam. She said, “I’m not into girls,” and again, we cycled away. A couple of days later, she tells me, “I like you,” and again, we just cycle together. There is just a lot of delusion going on. Time passed by, and she was about to move out to go for JEE coaching. I knew I couldn’t beat around the bush anymore. So I just told her, “I like their pronouns.” We just cycled together again. We were having a 6th standard type of love story in the 11th standard. She finally moved away.”

(Trigger warning: s**cide.)

“We started flirting over Whatsapp. She came back from the hostel, and we held hands and walked around; she was stable. My mom thinks, “She’s a very good friend.” Yes, a friend, with whom I used to spend hours in my room studying (making out). Thanks to my sister for always being there for me. Letting me “hang out” with my “friend” in my bedroom. My sister has always been my biggest support system. She used to always ask the barber to cut my hair just a little more. She bought me binders and fought for me to have even the little bit of freedom I could in my house. When I came out to her, she said, “I knew since the time you were simping over Deepika Padukone.” ! The second standard made me extremely s**cidal. Our parents started to question our sexuality. Her parents thought I was a bad influence on her. We were constantly pitted against each other. Family and academic pressure were extremely high. We broke up without even speaking to each other. I didn’t want to see her anymore. And we left on unfinished terms.”

“During our CUET exams, she came back. I saw her on the day of my first slot. Our eyes just locked together across the exam centre. My mom asked me to go say hi to her. I was extremely shocked, and I just stared at her. And I ran away; it seems like we were just always running away. On the second day of CUET, we met again. This time, we hugged each other and just bawled our eyes out. Then, we left things on unfinished terms again. After our CUET results, we were both getting into the same college, but her parents didn’t want her to go near me. They didn’t allow her to come to DU. We then called each other up. I guess we were much more mature then. We spoke to each other for hours and decided to end our relationship. She said how I should have always known she liked me back in school. “You were giving me gay panic back when we were bench-mates, and you used to run your fingers through my hair’, she said. We are still extremely good friends. I did love her first, and I guess I’ll always love her, but this is not a love story. We left things on unfinished terms so many times that we didn’t realise when our relationship became toxic. I guess I was always the red flag. But I just want to say that I’m much more confident, mature, and just a better human being now. We just grew up. We still sometimes flirt with each other. By the way, she’s in a relationship with someone now, and she constantly reminds me to stop flirting with her, but I guess old habits die young. She sends me origami swans, and I like to bind books, and I always do it for her. I once gifted her a hand-bound copy of “The Blue Umbrella,” her favourite book, and that’s just our love language. I still love her. I always will. We sometimes joke about how, when we’re 50 and neither of us have wives, we will just marry each other. But again, just to reiterate, this is not a love story. I think it’s a story of friendship and support. Her, my sister, my friends in college now, my people—they are all my love.”

A student from Hindu College shares their journey of self-love, self-acceptance, and being loved.

“I went through a lot of internal strife before even considering sharing this. You’ll realise why when I tell you who I am—a gray-romantic bisexual AFAB (she/they) dating a straight cis man.

Throughout my life, when I was aware of things like my romantic and sexual orientation, I’ve always been at odds with my feelings. It took me so much effort to come to terms with who I am—the constant question of, Am I straight? Am I gay? Or am I just seeking attention? coupled with the feeling that something’s wrong because, as much as I find men and women and envy people hot, I did not cry desperately like my friends did for love. I had no clue why I had to be bi when I didn’t feel the need for love only?! I sought validation in queer media and online queer spaces, where again I could relate to the struggles of being bi, the biphobia, etc., but my other half of the struggle was left unseen.

Then I met a friend who suggested the term “aromantic.” She identified me as Aro-ace, and yet again, I was torn—it seemed like I was an anomaly. My two halves would never be reconciled. I dehumanized myself and saw myself as some heartless monster who could never enjoy the beauty within people. I had come to terms with the fact that I would just not be able to relate to love; everybody is hot, and it is okay. I would get myself a cat, and I would be the single crazy cat lady forever.

That was until I met my partner. I am that extroverted person who can talk people’s ears off and yet not open up a single thing about herself. I had trauma growing up, and it created giant walls around myself, and because of my nature, very few people notice it and try to get past the walls.

It is safe to say that the people I let in just created more trauma for me. They saw me, but I never felt seen. And here comes this shy but playful boy, who saw me at one of my worst times, holding my hand and telling me, “It’s okay. You’re not a monster. You’re just another human who was let down by people who should’ve never done that in the first place. I promise that I’ll try my best not to join them.” For the first time in my life, I felt seen. I had not known what it’s like to feel love, but for me, that was it—to be seen. To be understood. To be supported.

Now I smile whenever his text pops up on my screen. I love him with all my heart; he’s been nothing short of wonderful, caring, and supportive. I am happy and content with everything I have in my life. Then what’s the strife? Again, I’m a gray-ro-bi AFAB dating a straight cis man. Every word of that sentence is a plot twist. There aren’t days when I don’t feel like maybe I’ve just been lying to myself and everyone all along—that maybe I’m just a straight woman who might not have “found the right guy yet.” I thought I had defeated my internalised aro-phobia and biphobia long ago, but now I realise it’s never as simple as that. Queerness is never a static thing; it flows and does so in beautiful ways. I might feel like I’m a walking and talking contradiction and that I’m not queer enough to be in queer spaces. But those are just that—just feelings. I’m still gray-romantic, still bi. Still queer, and a loved one at that too.”

Dear reader, let’s not let “love” be restricted to an idea, romance, or mainstream holiday. I believe it’s a celebration, something we experience every day, and there’s love in our joys, our sorrows, our laughter, and our tears. Your love story is valid; it’s real, and it’s yours. Let there be love, and let there be light!

Featured Image Credits: Sukriti for DU Beat

Gauri Garg

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Campus Central

The Illusion of Equality: The Hidden Gender Imbalance in DU’s Equal Paradigm

By DU Beat September 22, 2023

At DU’s centenary celebration, the PM brought up the fact that there are more girls enrolled at DU than boys. However, the classrooms paint a rather different picture.

The University of Delhi recently celebrated its 100th anniversary. Large-scale events were organised, the Prime Minister and Education Minister were invited as chief guests. In his speech, the Prime Minister congratulated DU on its 100th anniversary and highlighted the fact that more girls than boys are enrolled in DU classes. But do our classrooms deliver an identical picture?

According to The Indian Express, DU’s enrolment has dropped to a five-year low, slipping from 73,374 students in 2018-2019 to 64,915 in 2022-2023. Girls’ enrolment in UG courses plunged by 37.75 percent this year, from 54,818 in 2021 to 34,120 in 2022-2023, whereas male enrollment fell by just 1,585, from 32,380 in 2021 to 30,795 this year. Overall, girls made up 52.5 percent of the entire undergraduate student body at DU this year, compared to 62.87 percent in 2021-22.

Even before the significant drop in enrollment, these figures demonstrate that “DU has more girls enrolled than boys”. However, what is crucial to note here is the concentration of female students. The majority of these 52.5% female students are enrolled in SOLs, or women’s colleges. If one focuses on regular courses in co-ed colleges, female students in some colleges account for less than one-third of the overall student population.

According to an All India Survey on Higher Education (AISHE) report, the gender gap in UG programmes worsened following the pandemic. In Kirori Mal College, there are 28 girls* in BSc. (H). Mathematics, 2021-2024, a batch of 104 students. The same is true for the majority of batches. In an interview, former principal of KMC Vibha Singh Chauhan blamed the absence of a girls’ hostel as a major reason for such a wide gap in the sex ratio.

However, the case of Hindu College presents a completely different scenario. Hindu College, which has a girl’s hostel, only has 39% female students. The administration fails to provide a valid explanation behind the skewed gender ratio. A number of DU colleges started to relax female student’s cut-offs by 1%. While Sri Aurobindo College saw a 10% rise in female student enrollment following its implementation, other institutions observed no substantial change.

However, with the introduction of CUET, the implementation of this relaxation is hidden. Not only that, but the puzzling cycle of CUET and admission via CSAS (Common Seat Allocation System) also plays a significant role. Most female students from marginalised backgrounds and smaller towns struggle to get a quality education. With new hurdles planted, many end up giving up on their dreams. In an article by Feminism In India (FII), Sharda Dixit, a retired school principal, said:

The problem was especially observed amongst students coming from financially weaker backgrounds, the ones who were not able to avail the pricey coaching and the preparation guidebooks. This led to the exclusion of these students from the race and crushed their dreams underfoot. The CUET is a device to deprive students of their basic right to education.

Another major issue is women’s safety in the city and on campus. Economist Girija Broker estimated in her paper that, “for a 3% annual decrease in the probability of being raped, women attending Delhi University are willing to go to a college in the bottom 50% rather than one in the top 20%”. Broker conducted a survey of 2,700 DU students and observed that most women prefer travelling by car or the metro, even if it costs more or takes more time. On the other hand, bus is the primary form of transportation for men.

All of these studies, articles, and interviews have one thing in common: the university’s acceptance of the existence of a gender gap for the sake of it. Instead of concentrating on the reasons for such a large gender gap, even after 100 years of existence, DU is preoccupied with crafting its own hazy gender equality image. With the gender gap widening as a result of CUET, the question grows, “Are we progressing forward or backward?”

Featured Image Credits: TOI

Dhruv Bhati
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Mera Jism Meri Marzi: Pakistani Womxn March For Their Rights

By DU Beat March 19, 2020

The Aurat March is an annual political demonstration organised in various cities of Pakistan.

On the occasion of International Women’s Day, Pakistani womxn organised Aurat March across various cities in Pakistan. The Aurat March is organized under the banner of “Hum Auratain” (we women), an umbrella term for a collective of feminist women, transgender individuals, nonbinary persons, and gender and sexual minorities who stand against the patriarchal structures that result in the sexual, economic, and structural exploitation of women.

It all started two years ago when a couple of feminist groups from Karachi decided to hold a march on International Women’s Day, 8^th March. Nighat Dad, the founder of Digital Rights Foundation and one of the organisers of the march in Lahore wrote, “The agenda of the march was to demand resources and dignity for women, for the transgender community, for religious minorities, and those on the economic margins, but more importantly, to acknowledge that women’s emancipation is inherently linked with improvement of all mistreated groups and minorities”.

According to the ‘Hum Auratain’ collective manifesto, there was no NGO or corporate funding and no political party alliance. It demands economic justice including implementation of labour rights, the Sexual Harassment against Women in the Workplace Act 2010, recognition of women’s input to the ‘care economy’ as unpaid labour and provision of maternity leaves and day care centres to ensure women’s inclusion in the labour force. It also demands environmental justice.

Women’s right to climate justice and resilience must be recognised and ensured, it said, access to safe drinking water, safe and clean air, protection of animals and wildlife, including cessation to the culling of stray dogs, and ensuring and protecting women’s food sovereignty, and recognition of women’s participation in the production of food and cash crops.

Other points in the manifesto included accountability and restorative justice against violence, access to a fair justice system, the inclusion of women with disabilities, the inclusion of transgender community, reproductive justice, access to public spaces including transport services and clean public toilets, inclusion in educational institutions, etc.

Then there were the more sedate messages. Five coffins were placed at one end of the park, with chilling signs stuck to them. ‘Honour Killing’, Transgender Killings’, ‘Child Victims’, ‘Domestic Workers/Polio Workers murdered’, and ‘Domestic Violence’ – a reminder of why women are killed every day.

The rally, organised by a collective called ‘Hum Auratain’ was huge and held in different cities – Karachi, Lahore, Islamabad, Peshawar and Hyderabad.

Feature Image Credits: Zuneera Shah for Dawn

Paridhi Puri

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Womenite: Inspiring equality from the grass roots

By Tarushi Varma December 18, 2015

Womenite has been founded by Harshit Gupta, an under graduate student from NSIT, alongside a core team also comprising of undergraduate students, closely working with the consulting experts in the fields of gynaecology and a counselling. The organisation aims at “awakening, encouraging, and asking people to understand a woman’s mind, her deepest reveries; to blaze forth a new wave of feminism where women are at par with men in every context of life.”

Deriving their inspiration directly from the belief that the society does not need heroes to rise and shine from the dust, but needs a change in the mindsets of those who think only one gender can rule. The team at Womenite wants to create a safe world for women where they can live free lives. Achieving gender equality is their salient goal, only to be realised through better awareness in the society. Their approach includes organising public workshops and events targeting issues, considered to be a taboo and building a comfortable haven where victims of abuse, assault, discrimination and violence, along with their family and friends can speak out about their experience without being judged or shamed. They believe their approach is unique, as they implicitly understand the power of young minds. Womenite gives prime importance to bringing a change from a grass root level, i.e. to start the process of change from within our schools.
During a set of workshops organized by the team, with young students, issues like online and offline stalking, harassment at school or home and eve-teasing were tackled, comfortably, with the students in presence of their educators. The workshops kicked off with more and more girls participating in the conversations.
Apart from the objective of covering as many schools in the vicinity and remote areas, ‘Womenites’ take the advantage of Rahgiri days. On every Sunday morning, when most of Delhi completes their sleeping hours, participants from Womenite, all under graduate students, venture out to spread awareness about ‘Unacceptable touch through Free Hugs, Free Hi-fives’ targeting issues such as sexual harassment on the streets or inside institutions, not limiting its scope to a specific gender and also inculcating Gender Equality.
Their growing impact and participations with renowned communities has gotten them the much needed support. The organisation offers participation to any student who wishes to redefine conventions and reduce gender gaps, as well as seek out related issues prevailing in our society today.
To find out more about Womenite and its work, pay them a visit at – www.womenite.com
If you want to be a part of the change, apply to Womenite here.

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