DUB Speak

Holi, Starring: The Dancers’ Brood

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Dear Talent Hunt Shows,

This is to bring into focus your spectacular folly of investing millions of Rupees in search of talent in a country like India, where every nook and cranny has many pseudo-Mick Jaggers and Michael Jacksons. Holi, the festival of tubs filled with colours, hair with oil and stomachs with sumptuous delicacies, is the time when such creatures, or as some like to say dancers, step out of their hibernation shells. To find talented people, all you need to do is walk into any random alley on “Holi” Day. People can be found literally dancing their clothes away under the influence of, for the lack of a more sophisticated synonym, Bhaang.

Here is an assortment of peculiar dance forms that one is most likely to behold this Holi:

  • Kite-Flying Dance: On Holi, specimens generally found in blue, green, pink or red colour derive some sort of sadistic pleasure in miming the action of flying a kite, knees bent and teeth bared nastily. No matter why, no matter when, and no matter what the song is, the Kite-Flying dance form fits perfectly.
  • Snake-Dance: “If Holi comes, can Snake-dance be far behind?” never quoted P.B Shelley. Only people with a bold demeanour can perform this dance, or by all those who have bid farewell to their sensibilities. Maybe even those suffering from megalomania can join in, and that is almost everyone during Holi. It requires crawling, flexibility and a lot of space. Our streets have all of this to offer.
  • Traditional-Dance: While the above mentioned dance forms are the “maverick versions”, there are also conventional yet spiced up forms of shaking a leg. For example, fancy doing Dandiya or Bhangra to the beat of “Do me a favour….let’s play Holi….”
  • Bollywood-Dance: Now, this one comes naturally to the movie buffs. No sooner does the DJ play a bollywood song than the steps do a somersault and a back flip. The next thing we know-everyone is doing or trying to do the original step of the song.
  • Gangnam Style: This Holi will be different, all hail Psy! While the Holi celebrations shall begin normally, it is bound to turn uncivilized and super weird because of that “one” friend who just wouldn’t be able to keep his horse-riding prowess to himself/herself. In the end, it will all be the Gangnam Style epidemic.
  • Harlem Shake: This is the latest of all dance forms. Truth to be told, Harlem Shake is the cousin of the Indian Wasp Dance. Both are closely related to a severe level of Parkinson’s disease, characterized by uncontrollable shaking of arms and legs. However, is there a better way to burn off all those extra calories you gained by gorging on those fat Gujiyas?

This Holi, Choose a Step. Get Dancing!

Shreya Bhardwaj
[email protected]

Journalism has been called the “first rough draft of history”. D.U.B may be termed as the first rough draft of DU history. Freedom to Express.

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