Top 5 Ways to Cope with DU Loos

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1. Use the loos at Barista/CCD/Whatever Random Coffeehouse Bagged That Prime Real Estate Near Your College. In the event that you start feeling guilty about the fact that you’re using their facilities without buying anything, remember this: they’re charging you 50 bucks for a cup of coffee with cream.

2. In the likely event that the urinals in your college don’t have partitions (or had partitions that were stolen and sold off in the lucrative granite chor bazaar) remember to follow the ancient Code of the Samurai with the Small Bladder: Rule 1: Look straight ahead. Rule 2: Look STRAIGHT ahead. Rule 3: This never happened.

3. Hold it in and distract yourself by fantasizing about Jessica Alba/George Clooney/ Both if you’re into that kind of stuff. Alternatively you can perform certain exercises involving stamping feet and pumping hands if you don’t mind the entire class thinking you have an epileptic fit.

4. You can train yourself using a combination of Zen meditation and Israeli military training to only have to go once between solar eclipses. This may or may not involve a 3 year coma, but it’ll be hard to distinguish from actually sitting through a history class.

5. You can use a number of drugs to trick your body into believing that it has no larger intestine. This may result in a few unpleasant side-effects such as your lungs turning into jelly but that’s just one of the hundreds of the trade offs you have to make in life.

Journalism has been called the “first rough draft of history”. D.U.B may be termed as the first rough draft of DU history. Freedom to Express.

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