UPBEAT
DUSU PREPARES TO KICK BUTT
Screams the HT. We had expected this article to be wholly brutal report on the terrible arse-kicking some poor sod, stupid enough to cross swords with the DUSU, was about to receive. However, we were greatly relieved to learn this article was actually a dreadful pun on DUSU’s noble Smoke Free Campus Campaign, which is discussed, at length, on page 5.
DEAF MUTE GETS NEW HEARING IN KILLING
We unearthed this wonderful headline on the net.
INDIA, PAK YOUTH THROW IDEAS TO STRENGTHEN TIES
Reports the TOI. We’re glad to learn that the subcontinents youth are so carefree with their ideas. Fantastic way to strengthen ties in the subcontinent isn’t it? Just hurl an idea at any unsuspecting person silly enough to come you way.
AUSTRALIAN PM CALLS NATIONAL SUMMIT OF ORDINARY PEOPLE
The TOI brings to our attention this rather ‘extraordinary’ piece of information. Well, we always suspected Australia was a nation of extremely ordinary people.
DOWNBEAT
FURORE OVER CHRIST’S CRUCIFIXION
The article reads – ‘A noted literary theorist has sparked fury among Christians by uttering that the Crucifixion of Christ was not as bad as it has been painted…It is learnt that he said that Jesus’s scourging was a “blessing in disguise” because it hastened his death. “The Crucifixion of Jesus wasn’t as bad as its been painted. All things considered, he got off pretty lightly,”… “If the New Testament account is to be believed it took him only three hours to die whereas a lot of those killed by this hideous mode of execution thrashed around on their crosses for days,” he added…. Eagleton concluded his talk with an attack on contemporary Christianity, claiming that it had abandoned the poor and dispossessed in favour of the “rich and aggressive”. “It’s horrified by the sight of a female breast but nothing like as horrified by the obscene inequalities between rich and poor,” the paper quoted him as saying. “By and large, it worships a god fashioned blasphemously in its own image and likeness,” he added…. Reacting to Eagletons remarks, Bishop Wright said: “It is all a bit tired, this rhetoric. It is all a bit sad. Of course, caricatures of Christianity are all over the place, but they do not reflect reality. He should get out more.” The bishop added: “Perhaps the professor might also like to get his facts straight. Jesus took six hours to die on the cross, not three.”’ Well, we are not amused either, Bishop.
MENTALLY IMPAIRED BOMBERS KILL 64 IN BAGHDAD
Don’t chuckle, it’s actually quite tragic.
DELHI BOY TO FIGHT OXFORD LIFETIME BAN ‘TILL VERY END’
Well, it is, after all, a lifetime ban. We wish the boy luck.
VIRAJ NAIR
IF YOU SPOT SOMETHING UNUSUAL, OUT OF THE ORDINARY OR JUST PLAIN DAFT, MAIL US AT [email protected]
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