Disclaimer: The opinions contained in this section are not of the paper’s or the writers’. They simply depict stereotypes and stereotypical understanding of gender differences, the presence of which though regrettable cannot be denied.

I understand that I fail to understand girls

I have been wondering —what principles, laws or theories in this universe govern a woman’s behaviour?
Sometimes it seems so simple. You meet someone, you talk to her, you form an impression and hence you get to like or dislike her. Unfortunately it’s seems not to be so simple for women themselves. In reality the fairer sex in its adolescent age is ‘dynamism at its peak’. Usually in the age group of 16 to 22 one can find highly peculiar and specific traits among females which are peculiar in the fact that they are absolutely erratic. This capricious personality of girls is fickle to such an extent that I am forced to assume they themselves are little in control of their changeability. Their thoughts race down a new track every few minutes and you are left completely flummoxed for explanations. In fact this is the very reason for the unpredictability of this whimsical “mystery race”. Girls usually lack stable thought and have dangerously flexible rather fluid premises and postulates regarding worldly matters which form the foundation of a fragile judgement. (Not to say that boys don’t lack sense, but atleast their insensibilities are uniform and less erratic, and therefore less chaotic).

Girls typically look but do not observe, listen but refuse to understand, read but do not learn! Their moral conscience comprises of preachy forwarded messages advocating positive attitudes, all written in flowery prose which itself must have been composed by fluffy brained women living in pink ivory towers.

While lounging at a quiet dinner table with mild music playing in the background these girls need must loudly discuss their new nail polish brand or the quality of footwear at a new mall. Moreover if an unfortunate male victim comes along, they would scarcely condescend to listen to his ‘useless’ discussions of political problems or economic depression, and despite being perfectly able to comprehend the issues talked about would refuse point blank to display even an iota of interest in such ‘boring’ matters. If a girl does mention some random fact that she may recall regarding the subject under discussion it would only be because, as she would admit herself in aggravating fashion, she had mistakenly taken the editorial part of the newspaper to the loo instead of the lifestyle and entertainment supplement and thus had to bear that ‘crap’ for ten long minutes.

We see so many girls today belonging to this specific age group displaying the pervasive jealousy, insecurity and complexes characterizing their kind. Each girl need must be concerned about what the skirt of an unknown girl in the elevator shows and what it hides. A girl will utilize all her brains to conclude whether the dress of the lady sitting right next to her in the metro is from the shelves of a UCB showroom or from that of Palika Bazaar and achieve a sense of accomplishment about it. A lady would rather notice the way another lady gorges on a burger at Mc Ds and mock her for it than concentrate on her own plate.

The theoretical basis for emotional and behavioural problems in adolescent girls shows systematic links with peer pressure, early partnership transitions, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder etc. Historically, girls have evoked images of sweetness and light, purity and beauty. In this fairytale land of youth, girls are angels and princesses, characterized by positive adjustment and certainly not by behavioral or emotional problems. However, in reality females and especially young women are much more complex, unpredictable, arbitrary and indeed a great deal more maddening.

-Tanmay Dhall

I understand that there’s really nothing to understand when it comes to guys

Mankind, humanity, humans. Trust men to go to such lengths to assure themselves that the world revolves around them. This mistaken conviction evidently rises out of a sense of insecurity since everyone knows that without women, the human race can just as well say “goodbye world!” and start digging its grave. The one petty role men had in creating life that they’re so obsessed with has also been rendered redundant thanks to the advancement of science and women can now spawn little baby girls completely independent of the hairier sex. So, technically speaking, men serve no purpose on this planet, except perhaps to break the monotony and provide a permanent affirmative to the question “Can it get worse than this?”

They have classified us as the weaker sex (another of their self appeasement ploys), a statement which may hold true in the very basic physical sense of the argument, but when it comes to inner fortitude and rationality, we women can kick their sorry rear ends any day. At the age of eighteen we may all have turned adults on paper but only women are trusted to possess the mental faculties required to make crucial decisions like that of marriage while men have to wait another three years. Yes, boys will be boys in every sense of the phrase. They may be ageing physically, but society has resigned itself to the fact that they will never really grow up. Little adult boys cannot survive without their mommies so we leave our own families to join theirs after marriage. Teaching is a job seen as the female forte. Why? Because, duh, men are so clueless about their own lives, it’ll be catastrophic if we set them loose on young children.

Dense as they are, you’d at least expect them to know the difference between a loo and public spaces. Unfortunately, they fail to live up to even this infinitesimal expectation. They’ll unleash their bladders on walls, trees and bushes, apparently unconscious of the fact that there are other inhabitants on the planet who may not find the stench of their bodily fluids very attractive. They paint the town red very literally with disgusting splotches of paan strewn on walls and every other street corner.  When it comes to etiquette, their knowledge remains constricted to its spelling (wait, I’m not even sure of that, actually) and they find it perfectly acceptable social behavior to violently scratch objectionable parts of their anatomy, belch and dig their noses and indulge in other such revolting conduct in public.

Through eons of evolution men have not yet managed to shake off their cave manners. Women may have evolved from apes but men are still just less hairy versions of them (though the likes of Anil Kapoor don’t even have that distinction to their credit). They can continue to live in denial, tell themselves we’re the “weaker sex” and that humanity’s fate rests on their able shoulders. We, on the other hand will continue sniggering behind their backs and running the world like we do. Abhishek will always be Aishwarya’s husband, my dears and so will Rahul be Sonia Gandhi’s son.

– Aina Mathew