Dear Amma, what to do if I tumble into a frenzy when my ex and my current partner meet face-to-face?
Oh, my lovely medu vada! Amma realizes navigating the complexities of dating and intimacy can be challenging, particularly when it comes to the topic of exes. It could be an utterly discomforting and baffling situation when both your ex and your current lover meet each other. In such a scenario, it is important that you don’t lose your cool and stay composed. Dear dosa, it can be exactly the same situation even for your current partner and can happen with anyone. Thus, it is necessary that you clear things about your previous relationships when you commit to your current lover. It strengthens the trust between the two of you and also provides you with much-need clarity about moving on from your ex-partner. Acknowledge how you felt for your ex-partner to your present lover and prioritize the latter. Remember, healthy communication is the key!
Amma recalls her own college days and assures you that this plausibility is natural. In such a situation, make sure to set your boundaries with your ex and clarify that you’re not interested in rekindling your old relationship and that you’re committed to moving forward with your current lover. Remember that this isn’t about who “wins” or who is the better partner. Instead, it’s about dealing with a complex situation with empathy and understanding. Appreciate who you are happy with and take your stand.
Falling back into an emotional trajectory is just as natural as the flavours of Amma’s idli. But Amma is assured that you will act maturely not bring up any nostalgic memory with your ex in the moment. Greet them like an old acquaintance. Don’t infuse a conversation that can make your current partner insecure or uncomfortable. Be open and honest with both your ex and your current partner about your feelings and your intentions. If you feel upset, talk to your partner about it. Likewise, if you notice that your ex is behaving inappropriately, let them know how you feel and do not permit them to cross the boundaries you have set. If there happens to be a conversation, keep it short and try that any of your past or present partners do not pick up any subject of comparison between themselves.
It would be imperative to avoid a space of personal conversations with your ex. Make your current partner feel valued and for that brief moment of time, try your best to avoid the game of pride and prejudices, just treating each other with human dignity. Maintain a healthy physical distance from your ex and focus on your present.
Lastly, Amma wants you to take care of yourself during this situation. Remember that your mental and emotional well-being is just as important as your physical health, and that taking care of yourself will help you traverse this situation with greater ease. Balance the plausible conundrum of intimate tendencies and acknowledge that you are happy with whom you are and stabilize your mind with the closure you had with your ex. With time, the discomfort will subside, and you’ll be able to move forward with greater confidence and happiness.
Amma wishes you all the luck and life!
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