Dear Amma,

I believe I am not made for monogamy as I have a tendency to always look for companionship outside of my relationship. Is there something wrong with me? What do I do? 

Oh, dear Idli

Relationships, loyalty and boundaries are always better when well-established. Exactly how there is no perfect recipe to the exotic Sambhar, there is no one perfect recipe to relationships. My Uttapam, who said monogamy is the sole gold standard of relationships? 

Amma doesn’t approve of breaking someone’s heart or infidelity. If monogamy is not who you are, why not talk to your partner? Like the idli batter has to be of the right proportion, you too must establish the appropriate base. Communicate with them and express your dilemma, if polyamory or open relationship seems like an ideal dish to them, why not try it out? Historically, like masala dosa being a total favourite, monogamy has never been one. 

Macchi, like every well-made dosa-sambhar, every relationship should establish their boundaries. If your partner approves of your new dish of open relationship, devour it together. If not, re-think your choices, either learn to control the urge or establish a consensual common ground. Amma believes that all acts of love should be consensual. Ensure that your partner doesn’t lose trust and belongingness towards you. 

Unlike science, no one law fits all love. It takes years of understanding, compatibility and love to bring a new change, to make a new start. Amma would be disappointed if my little idli broke someone’s heart.

However, do not self-question yourself, you might feel that you are wrong, insufficient or morally incorrect. Believe when Amma says, you are not. Monogamy or Polyamory, it should always be consensual and pre-established.

(Write to Sex Amma at [email protected] to get all your queries about sex answered.)

Sex Amma
[email protected]