Dear Amma, my girlfriend and I have been going out for 7 months now and we recently started going all the way in bed. I do not share that deep a bond with her as I did with my previous girlfriends; therefore, sometimes we aren’t able to communicate about our likes and dislikes. I feel as though she fakes an orgasm at times. This thought is deeply troubling for me. Please tell me how I can find out if she’s faking it or not?

Ah, my little idli is so worried! Amma’s heart goes out to you. When there is lack of communication between the macchis, this sort of worrying and suspicion is bound to happen! After all, one must be open in bed…in more ways than one!

Now, though Amma usually sticks to dosas, a couple of vadas have passed her way too. It is difficult for girls to orgasm at times, so I can see your cause of concern. Your question has no straightforward answer, I am afraid, for each appam is different! One small tip I can give you is to probably notice and observe her in bed. Is she a bit too…theatrical? Perhaps she screams or moans a little too much? Since you have had previous experience, you could compare them. But as Amma said, everyone is different. Also, a lot of women find achieving an orgasm only via vaginal sex difficult! So try to mix it up a little, and see how she reacts. If the reactions are vastly different, she was probably faking it earlier, to spare your feelings. However, if the experimentation does lead to an orgasm for her, well then, mission accomplished, my little idli! Apart from this, I would suggest you work on being comfortable expressing in front of each other; it will help you in the long run, and not just in the dirty deed department!